Boyfriends in jail and I cheated

[sandylee1]

No he's eighteen, he just has come from a very rich family, so he's had help buying it but he pays the rent and everything now

 

He pays the rent or the monthly mortgage payments?

 

How's he making those payments now? With no income.

 

BTW People don't get sent to prison for 'something silly '

 

If this offence happened when he was 16 and it was his first offence , it's highly unlikely he would get 2 years inside, unless it was a very serious matter.

 

The court systems in most countries would not want to send such a young person to prison, knowing how damaging it can be unless there was a very good reason. You need to make sure you know the facts here and are not being fed a pack of lies.

[Perignon]

Yes, please share with us some more information about what happened.

 

There are indeed some good people who get mixed up in the wrong thing, and criminality is not in their basic character. Maybe it's a one time thing when they're young, and they learn their lesson.

 

But what you wrote is ALSO what unrepentant criminals say - "wrong place, wrong time," "judge was a dick who didn't take my side into consideration," "I've changed..."

 

Regardless of any of that, I don't think you should chain yourself to someone who's in prison for the next two years.

 

Id feel bad on him if I did share the information of why he's in there, but trust me, it's a petty thing that happened when he was 16 and in a relationship with someone a year younger, her mum found out and she went to the police because they had sex and obviously because she's under the age of consent then he got in trouble

[loveweary11]

Id feel bad on him if I did share the information of why he's in there, but trust me, it's a petty thing that happened when he was 16 and in a relationship with someone a year younger, her mum found out and she went to the police because they had sex and obviously because she's under the age of consent then he got in trouble

 

Oh, that's it??

 

I thought you said he was "at the wrong place at the wrong time?"

 

In any case, he's already violating parole (if any) be seeing you.

 

I'm a guy that sees younger chicks. A lot younger. Some have bern just a few years older than you, so I get it.

 

However, you should possibly do *him* a favor here and let it all go until you turn 18, because he'll end up in jail forever if the courts catch on that he's got another underage girlfriend. repeat offenders are dealt harsh sentences normally.

 

So as a lot of posters said, take a break from it a couple years and see where you are both at when he gets out.

 

You know he's not going anywhere.

 

And i take my more negative posts back if that's his charge. He's non violent and in for somewhat of a technicality at 18 for seeing an underage girl.

[loveweary11]

One of my employees is a sex offender, actually. Same kind of thing. Great guy. I was the only one that would give him a chance.

 

His step dad had the FBI come down on him for child porn. Apparently, the step dad has some on my employee's computer as well, so they both went to jail.

 

Step dad is still in, my employee is out on parole.

[Perignon]

Oh, that's it??

 

I thought you said he was "at the wrong place at the wrong time?"

 

In any case, he's already violating parole (if any) be seeing you.

 

I'm a guy that sees younger chicks. A lot younger. Some have bern just a few years older than you, so I get it.

 

However, you should possibly do *him* a favor here and let it all go until you turn 18, because he'll end up in jail forever if the courts catch on that he's got another underage girlfriend. repeat offenders are dealt harsh sentences normally.

 

So as a lot of posters said, take a break from it a couple years and see where you are both at when he gets out.

 

You know he's not going anywhere.

 

And i take my more negative posts back if that's his charge. He's non violent and in for somewhat of a technicality at 18 for seeing an underage girl.

 

It's legal now for him as I am at the age of consent! So they could know as much about me as they want and they couldn't get him into more trouble! But I totally understand why you thought that when I hadn't explained it. I'm just going to have to take things as it goes! Thank you for understanding it though as makes me feel better! But it's still majorly off topic from if I should tell him about last night though! Hahaha but I guess as someone said that I shouldn't tell him any negative stuff at the moment

This has made me feel better though

[loveweary11]

It's legal now for him as I am at the age of consent! So they could know as much about me as they want and they couldn't get him into more trouble! But I totally understand why you thought that when I hadn't explained it. I'm just going to have to take things as it goes! Thank you for understanding it though as makes me feel better! But it's still majorly off topic from if I should tell him about last night though! Hahaha but I guess as someone said that I shouldn't tell him any negative stuff at the moment

This has made me feel better though

 

Yeah, don't tell him. n

 

It's not serious, actual cheating. I'm sure he's having a hard enough time already there. It'll be better for his well being to think of you as perfect while he's in there.

[Perignon]

One of my employees is a sex offender, actually. Same kind of thing. Great guy. I was the only one that would give him a chance.

 

His step dad had the FBI come down on him for child porn. Apparently, the step dad has some on my employee's computer as well, so they both went to jail.

 

Step dad is still in, my employee is out on parole.[/quote

feel bad for your friend! It just takes one mistake doesn't it or someone to have a grudge and then yuur done for really!

[Perignon]

Yeah, don't tell him. n

 

It's not serious, actual cheating. I'm sure he's having a hard enough time already there. It'll be better for his well being to think of you as perfect while he's in there.

 

Yeah, it's not like I went and slept with someone, it was just a kiss which is still wrong but any more than that and I would of told him

[lollipopspot]

I wouldn't tell him, because there's no point.

 

But I think at your age you ought to be free rather than tied to someone in prison.

 

If he thought about it, I don't even know that he would feel that it was fair to ask you to wait, given that you can have no contact, and that you're 16.

 

I think you should break up, and if you still feel the same about him when he gets out, then proceed.

 

I kind of predict you'll have another indiscretion in the next two years and be in this predicament again, if you don't break up with him...and I can't really fault a 16 year old in your position for that.

[Perignon]

I wouldn't tell him, because there's no point.

 

But I think at your age you ought to be free rather than tied to someone in prison.

 

If he thought about it, I don't even know that he would feel that it was fair to ask you to wait, given that you can have no contact, and that you're 16.

 

I think you should break up, and if you still feel the same about him when he gets out, then proceed.

 

I kind of predict you'll have another indiscretion in the next two years and be in this predicament again, if you don't break up with him...and I can't really fault a 16 year old in your position for that.

 

 

Hmm, it's tough! But thank you, just got some decision making now really

[Auspecial]

But it's still majorly off topic from if I should tell him about last night though! Hahaha but I guess as someone said that I shouldn't tell him any negative stuff at the moment

This has made me feel better though

 

 

I don't mean to lie or to tell him you are rock-solid while you keep making out with other guys. I just meant the break up (at least for the 2 years) should be obvious to anyone, and in that case, telling about a kiss at this moment is not necessary, imo.

 

I was on life support for several months when I was 18, and my mother decided to let my sister drive my (that I paid for with my money from me working) stick-shift without asking me. Then after the fact, she chose to divulge to me that she had let her drive my car, and also she had stripped out the gears. I remember lying there thinking, why is she telling me this??! What am I supposed to do with that information, except feel like even worse ****??

[preraph]

You should write your bf and let him know you're not waiting for him. Look at it this way, he wasn't really thinking about your wellbeing when he did something to get himself put in prison. But it's better you let him know now or else it will be very awkward when he gets out. Easier to give him time to get used to the idea.

 

If you are very confused, you might ask your parents to let you see a counselor to talk through things with. Good luck.

[Perignon]

I don't mean to lie or to tell him you are rock-solid while you keep making out with other guys. I just meant the break up (at least for the 2 years) should be obvious to anyone, and in that case, telling about a kiss at this moment is not necessary, imo.

 

I was on life support for several months when I was 18, and my mother decided to let my sister drive my (that I paid for with my money from me working) stick-shift without asking me. Then after the fact, she chose to divulge to me that she had let her drive my car, and also she had stripped out the gears. I remember lying there thinking, why is she telling me this??! What am I supposed to do with that information, except feel like even worse ****??

 

No but after what happened last night I felt physically sick! I wouldn't be able to do it again. And especially if I keep getting letters that he sent to his mum for me then I'll still keep going! So last night was the only and last time

Oh I'm sorry to hear that, but I understand where your coming from

[Perignon]

You should write your bf and let him know you're not waiting for him. Look at it this way, he wasn't really thinking about your wellbeing when he did something to get himself put in prison. But it's better you let him know now or else it will be very awkward when he gets out. Easier to give him time to get used to the idea.

 

If you are very confused, you might ask your parents to let you see a counselor to talk through things with. Good luck.

 

I can't have any communication with him! And I wasn't with him when he did it, I knew what I was getting myself into when I started my relationship with him, I just didn't think he was actually going to go in, nobody did not even his solicitor

[sandylee1]

He got in trouble for this 2 years ago before I met him, it's been going on for a while, he didn't actually do anything wrong but he just fell in the wrong path of the wrong people. He used to have a temper on him but he has calmed down completely since he met me

 

How does underage sex equate to him falling in the wrong path of wrong people?

 

Something isn't adding up here.

[kendahke]

I can't have any communication with him!

 

write to his mother and ask her to convey that.

 

And I wasn't with him when he did it, I knew what I was getting myself into when I started my relationship with him, I just didn't think he was actually going to go in, nobody did not even his solicitor

 

Then clearly, the judge/jury felt that what he did was no petty matter and it warranted him having the book thrown at him. Statutory rape is quite serious if a parent decides to burn the town down behind it. All it takes is one parent who does give a damb about their minor having sex.

[Redhead14]

Anything surrounding the fact that she is 16 years old is moot. She shouldn't be invested in a man who is in jail no matter what got him there. Just because she is at the age of consent, doesn't mean she knows what she is doing.

 

She should be focused on her schooling and HER future and working toward becoming a strong, independent, secure young woman and accummulating life skills in order to be able to be a partner for anyone if she wants that at some point. And dating boys, enjoying her life and her friends. Not lie in waiting for someone who will have been in jail for 13 months to 2 years, who may in fact during that time, have lost interest in her and decides to re-focus himself on rebuilding his life. This would be my hope for him.

[d0nnivain]

My boyfriend went into prison three weeks ago, he's in there for 2 years but he could be out in 13 months. I've never ever been disloyal to him in our relationship of over a year now. He's my first proper boyfriend and I love him to pieces, but I'm only 16. He can't speak to anyone under 18 outside of the prison so that means I can't have any contact with him at all. But last night I went to a party and I was so emotional, someone there was just comforting me and we kissed...

 

. And especially if I keep getting letters that he sent to his mum for me then I'll still keep going!

 

 

You are only 16 years old. You shouldn't have to worry about this stuff. If you already kissed another guy 3 weeks after your BF went to prison, how do you think you are going to make it 13 - 24 months without him? You can't very well take him to prom next year. He'll still be incarcerated. What kind of life is that for you?

 

 

I am more troubled by the fact that he is write to you through his mother. Whether you think he was railroaded or not, he went to PRISON on sex offender charges. In that context the law says he can't have any contact with you because you are underage yet his own mother is facilitating him continuing to break the law. Do any of you understand that the minute somebody finds out he's writing to you that he will get a longer sentence and his mother will get criminal charges for aiding and abetting, possibly endangering the welfare of a minor (you)? Clearly nobody in this situation has any respect for the law. It doesn't matter if you think it's a stupid law. It's the law & this is not how you go about changing it.

 

 

Do your parents know he's writing to you and his mother is helping him smuggle these letters to you?

 

 

When he comes out his will forever be labeled a sex offender. He will have to register. There will be places he can't live.

[Perignon]

You are only 16 years old. You shouldn't have to worry about this stuff. If you already kissed another guy 3 weeks after your BF went to prison, how do you think you are going to make it 13 - 24 months without him? You can't very well take him to prom next year. He'll still be incarcerated. What kind of life is that for you?

 

 

I am more troubled by the fact that he is write to you through his mother. Whether you think he was railroaded or not, he went to PRISON on sex offender charges. In that context the law says he can't have any contact with you because you are underage yet his own mother is facilitating him continuing to break the law. Do any of you understand that the minute somebody finds out he's writing to you that he will get a longer sentence and his mother will get criminal charges for aiding and abetting, possibly endangering the welfare of a minor (you)? Clearly nobody in this situation has any respect for the law. It doesn't matter if you think it's a stupid law. It's the law & this is not how you go about changing it.

 

 

Do your parents know he's writing to you and his mother is helping him smuggle these letters to you?

 

 

When he comes out his will forever be labeled a sex offender. He will have to register. There will be places he can't live.

 

Your being incredibly out of order, you know nothing about the situation he's in yet that what the small bit I've explained, his mum isn't smuggling letters to me, she's reading out the letters to me that were about me, I'm not underage they can know about me as I'm sixteen so that's not breaking the law either, I don't have any letters with me as only parts of them are about me. I didn't ask advice for you to be rude and accuse people of doing things, I asked simply if I should tell him.

[Perignon]

Anything surrounding the fact that she is 16 years old is moot. She shouldn't be invested in a man who is in jail no matter what got him there. Just because she is at the age of consent, doesn't mean she knows what she is doing.

 

She should be focused on her schooling and HER future and working toward becoming a strong, independent, secure young woman and accummulating life skills in order to be able to be a partner for anyone if she wants that at some point. And dating boys, enjoying her life and her friends. Not lie in waiting for someone who will have been in jail for 13 months to 2 years, who may in fact during that time, have lost interest in her and decides to re-focus himself on rebuilding his life. This would be my hope for him.

 

I am, I get straight a's at school, I'm a national archer who's recently came first in the UK for my age group, I'm set on colleges to go to, I have a Saturday job that I attend every week then 4 days a week in summer. This doesn't distract me in anyway as my work motive doesn't decrease just because of this. I was in an incredibly bad place before I met him, I used to be heavily into drugs, I'd be getting drunk every week and I disappointed my parents a lot, he stopped me from all that and I now have the best relationship with my parents who help me and I focus on what's important now. I know your only trying to give me advice and thank you for that honestly! But I do know what I'm doing, for my age I've experienced a lot and had to mature a lot since I was little as I looked up to my brothers and sisters who are older but it's not fair to be judging him, he was young and made a mistake and he comes from a brilliant family

[smackie9]

Don't tell him and put it behind you.

[d0nnivain]

Your being incredibly out of order, you know nothing about the situation he's in yet that what the small bit I've explained, his mum isn't smuggling letters to me, she's reading out the letters to me that were about me, I'm not underage they can know about me as I'm sixteen so that's not breaking the law either, I don't have any letters with me as only parts of them are about me. I didn't ask advice for you to be rude and accuse people of doing things, I asked simply if I should tell him.

 

I wasn't rude. However you are mad because you didn't like my advice. You are being a typical petulant teenager. He's no good for you but at 16 you are blinded by love because this all feels like Romeo & Juliet to you.

 

You already mentioned he's a big guy & he's had anger problems in the past. Prison will exacerbate those problems, not turn him into a sweet loving companion. Odds are he is protecting himself with his life. Even other criminals don't like pedophiles. I am not saying he is one but that is what he was convicted of & most criminals aren't going to take the time to probe the nuances of his conviction. If you do tell him he most likely will explode with rage. While he's behind bars, that is one thing but what will happen when he comes out?

 

You have no idea how much prison changes a person. You may be hellbent on finding out & I only hope you survive the ordeal.

 

Finally while 16 may be the age of consent for sex where you are, it's not the age of majority. His sentence prohibits him from having contact with minors. You are still a minor. Therefore him contact you even through his mother is a violation of the law which will eventually get everybody in trouble.

[Perignon]

I wasn't rude. However you are mad because you didn't like my advice. You are being a typical petulant teenager. He's no good for you but at 16 you are blinded by love because this all feels like Romeo & Juliet to you.

 

You already mentioned he's a big guy & he's had anger problems in the past. Prison will exacerbate those problems, not turn him into a sweet loving companion. Odds are he is protecting himself with his life. Even other criminals don't like pedophiles. I am not saying he is one but that is what he was convicted of & most criminals aren't going to take the time to probe the nuances of his conviction. If you do tell him he most likely will explode with rage. While he's behind bars, that is one thing but what will happen when he comes out?

 

You have no idea how much prison changes a person. You may be hellbent on finding out & I only hope you survive the ordeal.

 

Finally while 16 may be the age of consent for sex where you are, it's not the age of majority. His sentence prohibits him from having contact with minors. You are still a minor. Therefore him contact you even through his mother is a violation of the law which will eventually get everybody in trouble.[/QUOT

 

I know but it's still gone off topic from my question

[d0nnivain]

I know but it's still gone off topic from my question

 

Fine I'll shorten it. You should not tell him. You should break up with him, not try to be faithful while he's in prison.

 

You kissed this other guy because some part of you knows this "relationship" is not in your long term best interests.

[Spectre]

I'd also say tell him, unless you feel you will be in PHYSICAL danger, he has a right to know. Especially if you've been spinning him these fairy tales about how much you love him.