Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Wow! Talk about controlling . Asking for the work photo to be removed is crazy. I'd be so embarrassed if I were him. Then shouting out to get her drink refilled... The touch zone It's pure and utter madness , but why in heavens name would anyone tolerate that nonsense. I tell you if my husband reached out to my employers over the picture, I really would file for divorce. I know it might seem trivial, but what utter insanity. They must have thought she definitely wore the pants in that relationship. I wonder if her behaviour is because he's had an affair in the past. But I still wouldn't do what she did. I know you can see clearly now, but I find him and so many of the other MM described on here to be very weak and submissive, which is not an attractive feature at all. Unless of course you (not you personally ) want to control the man like his wife does. If my brothers had a wife like this, I'd advise him to get the hell out of the marriage. Newleaf, You sound like a very smart woman who wouldn't have any problem finding a good man, and the usual fear of men thinking women are out to fleece them wouldn't apply as you're financially sound. Hi Sandy thanks for your post. Those were just my observations, but as I said, I understand an believe she is a wonderful mother and those behaviours may have been acceptable in their marriage, and I'm not here to speak out about BS, because whatever else I may have been told is hearsay at best coming from a man we know is a lying cheater so at worst completely suspect. It's not behaviour that would work for me, but it isn't my M. As for other men, my husband committed suicide and my next romance years on was this. I think I will continue to live life as I did before this. I was quite happy and drama free. We could all write a book with no end about the hurts caused to us and by us due to the A but I certainly can say that I have lost my trust in men. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 As for other men, my husband committed suicide and my next romance years on was this. I think I will continue to live life as I did before this. I was quite happy and drama free. We could all write a book with no end about the hurts caused to us and by us due to the A but I certainly can say that I have lost my trust in men. Oh dear. I'm so sorry about your H. That must have been devastating to say the least. I has a close friend that comitted suicide, so I understand it must have been awful for you. Don't let the A make you loose faith in all men. Their are some good ones out there, but I understand you want some time on your own right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 (edited) Oh dear. I'm so sorry about your H. That must have been devastating to say the least. I has a close friend that comitted suicide, so I understand it must have been awful for you. Don't let the A make you loose faith in all men. Their are some good ones out there, but I understand you want some time on your own right now. Sandy Thanks for your post. What is such a bizarre synergy is with both my H and exMM is right up to the last time we communicated it ended with an I love you and some other phrases and both my M and A had plans in place and paid for events (like vacation and something else) and then nothing. Just an empty space obviously H was totally traumatic and overwhelming, but in my mind, it proves you never really know someone at all. Edited July 27, 2015 by NewLeaf512 removed frown Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Still no word from my solicitors in America. Please just let this end. Link to post Share on other sites
Dela Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Still no word from my solicitors in America. Please just let this end. how ru feeling tonight? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 how ru feeling tonight? Thank you for asking. I'm wobbly today . Not even thinking about breaking NC more like "what else is about to fall out of the sky and land on my head.. Scared and alone.. Link to post Share on other sites
Dela Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Thank you for asking. I'm wobbly today . Not even thinking about breaking NC more like "what else is about to fall out of the sky and land on my head.. Scared and alone.. stay strong. it s afternoon there yet Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 stay strong. it s afternoon there yet It's just gone after hours Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Share Posted July 29, 2015 Update: It's still with the lawyers. Lady Justice takes her time Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 (edited) Update on Legals: after exMM attorney phoned mine last Thursday (1 week) agreeing to everything (like paying me the loan back ) EXCEPT exMM wants me to not communicate with (my soon to be ex) and his employer to get him fired, or to talk to anyone about our A and destroy all media exMM sent me. My Lawyers have been waiting a week to get this confirmed by letter. It is usual and customary to send a letter after a proposal is put forward after a phone call from 2 opposing Lawyers. No letter has come. Last night my Lawyer said we needed to poke them. So, I have taken this out of legal jargon to make it anonymous and its redacted and switched up for privacy, but there elements are there: [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] Toyour point that you will bring civil or criminal actions against my client ifshe contacts Mr X, on what grounds? She has not contacted Mr X or any of hisfamily. If you have evidence to the contrary, please bring it forward. Thereare no actions to be brought. Unless you can define and action do not threaten my client again. [/sIZE][/FONT]MrX was My Client’s Mentor in her secondary area of X and to that end grossly abused his position and duty of care. Your client represented his was single inthe initial romantic contact which was false and speaks to conduct unbecoming. Mr.X bombarded her with explict emails, texts, photos and videos, which were sent through his company paid computer and cell phone. My client has saved all items from your client from the last 8 years, and as such, not trademarked,copy written, or holding disclaimer belong to her and are to be considered her property under Federal law. If you have any explict data of any kind sent to your client please bring it forward. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]My Client expressly rejects Your Client request to not discuss their relationship, his treatment ofher, to keep private photos, videos, sound clips or any other part of her lifewith whomever she chooses as is her lawful right. It is not only my client whois aware of the conduct of Mr X. My Client's friends and mutual friends of Mr X are also aware (some of whom are current ABC FIRM employees)Although My Client has no plans ACUTELY to contact Mr X's employer regarding the gross misconduct and behaviour unbecoming,she reserves her right to do so at any time. Additionally, my client is unableto warrant that no person in possession of the information, or many instances of gross misconduct to Mr X employer.[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] Edited July 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed personal info ~T Link to post Share on other sites
Dela Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 This is good, is it? U re not playing by his rules. So what happens next? Link to post Share on other sites
usernametaken Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Is your exMM in the US? If so, it would seem that legally he doesn't have a pot to piss in w/r/t his claims. I say burn him down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 exMM is in America Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 This is good, is it? U re not playing by his rules. So what happens next? so now we wait. his lawyer gets it, calls him and emails him a scanned copy. the lawyer will probably advise him to pay me on the double, ExMM might get told to write me an apology to try to save himself Link to post Share on other sites
unluckycharms Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 If you're not also married or in a serious relationship, you have the power. He can puff out his chest and act angry and sned letters but it's all a cover for the fact that he f*cked up and his wife knows. He's like a sad little animal. You have the evidence and the ability to f*ck his life up - not vice versa. He's doing the legal mumbo jumbo in an attempt to look aggressive but it's pathetic because you hold the cards. Think about human behavior and incentives. I don't advise vengeance normally but if some sad little manchild who couldn't keep it in his pants in the first place wants to pretend he has control of the situation I'm all for reminding him he doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I say let this be a lesson to married men. He lied from day one and it will serve him good to remember that and quake in his boots until he retires. The hypocrisy of being a churchgoer and giving out communion, then lying like this is madness. I watched a case on TV where this man lied about being married and got engaged to his girlfriend. She discovered the truth and said she'd tell his wife, then he killed her and nearly got away with it. Except something alerted their suspicions and they went digging. Affairs are so destructive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 If you're not also married or in a serious relationship, you have the power. He can puff out his chest and act angry and sned letters but it's all a cover for the fact that he f*cked up and his wife knows. He's like a sad little animal. You have the evidence and the ability to f*ck his life up - not vice versa. He's doing the legal mumbo jumbo in an attempt to look aggressive but it's pathetic because you hold the cards. Think about human behavior and incentives. I don't advise vengeance normally but if some sad little manchild who couldn't keep it in his pants in the first place wants to pretend he has control of the situation I'm all for reminding him he doesn't. I am completely single and have been since I was widowed. I don't believe in revenge, so I wont do anything, it's just great for him to know it all exists which will make him stay away from me. In reality I should sue him for my legal costs but there has been no action filed. Why? There is no action to file. And if exMM and BW go civil, in the state they live in not only is it a public record, all testimony, evidence scans etc., the action and court dates appear in their local paper . Doing that would be completely moronic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Well It's Friday after business hours here so another weekend to wait to see what else will be dropped in my lap Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Well It's Friday after business hours here so another weekend to wait to see what else will be dropped in my lap What jeopardy was there in ignoring the letter again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 I've started to not fear leaving the house and facing the world. As you may remember I resigned my role at my firm so that I could cut all ties with exMM although I knew it would lessen my salary at my age starting at a new firm. My sanity and dignity (the little I had left of both) was more important than the money. Well I am happy to say that I had 2 interviews today and both asked me back for seconds next week. I'm quite happy about that as I haven't looked for a new role for over a decade and was scared to death. At least I'm not completely past it! I'm keeping up with my therapy sessions however my therapist is away for the whole month of August. This is causing me some angst but I will get through it. To be truthful coming here helps. I have friends but am humiliated to tell them that he got to the finish line and didn't cross it. There would be a mix of pity and "I told you so's" I have tried to change everything in my life that could connect me to exMM but today I had to log on to a case law data base and my password was a reference to something to do with exMM and me. It made me sad because the reference was to a location we had been that I thought of as a happy place. I now know I will never go there again. Having him try to throw a legal spear at me has helped too. Instead of moping about, I was gobsmacked. Incredulous, and then angry. During my education (when dinosaurs roamed the earth) I studied human behaviour. exMM would have expected me to strike back immediately as I would do for a client. When he got no response, and I waited exMM then had to have his lawyer write me again to ask who was representing me, and it was only then that I was forced to act. The MM who was too much of a coward to ring me like a man to say it was over had to hide behind a lawyer. Pitiful. In the first few days I just kept thinking why? why? why? what am I missing? what haven't I got? (all that was still self centred and gross). The fact is, it doesn't matter why. It never should have happened in the first place. Every day makes me stronger, I'm still wobbly but doing better a bit every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Generally you can ignore the first letter as long as it isn't advising you of intent to file (which I ignored) It was letter 2 asking to name my representation that forced me to act. Typically that is a sign of an impending action or the opposing lawyer wants to have a "without prejudice" conversation with your lawyer. In this case it would have been foolish to represent myself. I am not familiar with that states laws nor am I barred there which means I could have only represented myself in a civil matter. However when emotions are high it is easy to make a mistake and even harder to maintain objectivity. Thanks for the question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 So in an unbelievable move, exMM just reactivated his fb account after 6 months (we were fb friends before) and up he popped on my list. Obviously being the masochist I am, I clicked on it and even his cover photo is him holding his BW from a 2 year old photo. Whatever. So I then wanted to hit myself in the head with a brick for even looking and blocked him. I hate the universe right now Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 If you're not also married or in a serious relationship, you have the power. He can puff out his chest and act angry and sned letters but it's all a cover for the fact that he f*cked up and his wife knows. He's like a sad little animal. You have the evidence and the ability to f*ck his life up - not vice versa. He's doing the legal mumbo jumbo in an attempt to look aggressive but it's pathetic because you hold the cards. Think about human behavior and incentives. I don't advise vengeance normally but if some sad little manchild who couldn't keep it in his pants in the first place wants to pretend he has control of the situation I'm all for reminding him he doesn't. Right now I am feeling a lot of rage. I don't want him to keep being in my head or healing Link to post Share on other sites
unluckycharms Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Right now I am feeling a lot of rage. I don't want him to keep being in my head or healing I understand that completely (as shows through in my original post lol). I think the thing to remember is that a little bit of rage is healthy and normal as it comes from you recognizing that your boundaries were violated - in a sense, it's a good sign that you're angry because you're realizing that you should have been treated better. The problem, or at least for me, has been when the rage becomes all consuming and you're so preoccupied with wanting to make them hurt that you end up re-initiating contact or acting out self destructively. I try to distract myself with the gym or bad TV when that type of anger comes on because it's been my experience that it usually goes away within 20-30 minutes if not acted on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 I understand that completely (as shows through in my original post lol). I think the thing to remember is that a little bit of rage is healthy and normal as it comes from you recognizing that your boundaries were violated - in a sense, it's a good sign that you're angry because you're realizing that you should have been treated better. The problem, or at least for me, has been when the rage becomes all consuming and you're so preoccupied with wanting to make them hurt that you end up re-initiating contact or acting out self destructively. I try to distract myself with the gym or bad TV when that type of anger comes on because it's been my experience that it usually goes away within 20-30 minutes if not acted on. Thanks unlucky. I am going for a walk with a neighbour. Of course my phone is blowing up with texts from everyone saying WTF!! Link to post Share on other sites
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