Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 I thought I had packaged all feelings for exMM into a cardboard box and put them in a dustbin. I'd told my friends (except my cousin and best friend) that it had ended for "personal reasons" . People were pretty sensitive to that and didn't pry. This is not a joke, but I have received 11 texts so far some saying "have you seen exMM FB!?!" to "exMM got back with BW!!! Are you kidding me?!?!" Incidentally not one asked.. "are you ok?" So I am bawling like a baby Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I thought I had packaged all feelings for exMM into a cardboard box and put them in a dustbin. I'd told my friends (except my cousin and best friend) that it had ended for "personal reasons" . People were pretty sensitive to that and didn't pry. This is not a joke, but I have received 11 texts so far some saying "have you seen exMM FB!?!" to "exMM got back with BW!!! Are you kidding me?!?!" Incidentally not one asked.. "are you ok?" So I am bawling like a baby I'm sorry. People are so insensitive. I would just reply by saying "I don't want to talk about him anymore". Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 I'm sorry. People are so insensitive. I would just reply by saying "I don't want to talk about him anymore". I didn't bother replying. It's only a text, not a Royal summons. I usually respond to people asking me questions that are not their business with a question back ... "why do you want to know?" It's hard for anyone to respond.. "because I am a nosey Gossip" Once in awhile someone may respond "because I care about you" and my response is "people that care about each other respect each other's privacy" That pretty much kills it. Thanks for your post 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 I'm starting to fall back into the "why's" I need to stop or I will make myself nuts. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I'm sorry. People are so insensitive. I would just reply by saying "I don't want to talk about him anymore". If nobody knows the truth of why she left then I fail to see how they are being insensitive. Its just office-news and talk - and the xMM getting back with his W is news. It would be, I would imagine, happy news - at least for those unaware of how such is received by newleaf. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 If nobody knows the truth of why she left then I fail to see how they are being insensitive. Its just office-news and talk - and the xMM getting back with his W is news. It would be, I would imagine, happy news - at least for those unaware of how such is received by newleaf. Well, she told them she ended it. To bring it up they way they are doing, is just them being nosey. Or, them being insensitive.... Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I'm starting to fall back into the "why's" I need to stop or I will make myself nuts. Any suggestions? Detach. When I asked what jeopardy there was in answering the first letter (or even the second or third or fortieth) I was thinking these false legal proceedings are simply designed to keep contact going, however small or impersonal or "legal". From what I gather I cannot find any REAL threat to you. Jail? Nope. Loss of job? You are already on the way out. Loss of the money? You make 7 figures and the loan was 15k - not even 2% of gross - in other words it is immaterial. What was precisely in legal jeopardy here? Impending action? What could that have been? Take you to court for what? The more you write the more this is simply a hollow ploy to keep you engaged. And its working. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I'm starting to fall back into the "why's" I need to stop or I will make myself nuts. Any suggestions? If you just want to leave it in the past and forget, then you have to distract yourself, so you don't think about this. I was a little different though. I didn't fight the "why" stage and lingered in it. I found it very therapeutic because I answered questions and came to grips with things which brought a sense of closure and more calmness. It helped me to move on and be ready for someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Well, she told them she ended it. To bring it up they way they are doing, is just them being nosey. Or, them being insensitive.... So she told them she left because of her A with the guy? Did I miss something? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 So she told them she left because of her A with the guy? Did I miss something? Yes, yes you did... Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Yes, yes you did... ^@!$&^! I'll blame it on the merge. Back to page 1, dont pass go or collect 200.00 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 ^@!$&^! I'll blame it on the merge. Back to page 1, dont pass go or collect 200.00 No worries. I miss things all the time too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 (edited) Well, she told them she ended it. To bring it up they way they are doing, is just them being nosey. Or, them being insensitive.... exactly. They aren't happy. They are stunned and nosey Edited August 1, 2015 by NewLeaf512 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 exactly. They aren't happy. They are stunned and nosey I guess they'll just never know what happened and they'll have to accept that. They don't sound like close friends anyway, so screw 'em. Poor girl ((Hugs)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 I guess they'll just never know what happened and they'll have to accept that. They don't sound like close friends anyway, so screw 'em. Poor girl ((Hugs)) Thanks Popsicle, needed that hug 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 (edited) Detach. When I asked what jeopardy there was in answering the first letter (or even the second or third or fortieth) I was thinking these false legal proceedings are simply designed to keep contact going, however small or impersonal or "legal". From what I gather I cannot find any REAL threat to you. Jail? Nope. Loss of job? You are already on the way out. Loss of the money? You make 7 figures and the loan was 15k - not even 2% of gross - in other words it is immaterial. What was precisely in legal jeopardy here? Impending action? What could that have been? Take you to court for what? The more you write the more this is simply a hollow ploy to keep you engaged. And its working. Actually it is the law that if someone asks you if you are represented you are obliged to respond. Civil charge : Alienation of Affection (real purpose 1. for exMM to prove to BW that he was "serious" about never seeing me again 2. Try to scare me with harm (to reputation/ fine. fines for alienation of affection can run into the £M ) 3. this is the real reason: to open a dialogue with my lawyer to ask me not to report his gross misconduct to the firm by inappropriately using company owned/paid devices to send explicit photos of himself which would result in exMM being immediately fired, and as exMM has worked there more than 2 decades, having a gross misconduct dismissal from pretty much your only employer since the 1980's means one thing = no more job for you ever in a firm. Edited August 1, 2015 by NewLeaf512 spelling Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Try to ignore people...either they don't realize how invested you were or they do and they want you to be hurt. Just act like you don't care, fake it until you make it. Believe mei know it's hard. My xmm lives five blocks away and their is always a fear of seeing him or hearing things. I'm learning how to tune things out or to just look away.... You can do it!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 Try to ignore people...either they don't realize how invested you were or they do and they want you to be hurt. Just act like you don't care, fake it until you make it. Believe mei know it's hard. My xmm lives five blocks away and their is always a fear of seeing him or hearing things. I'm learning how to tune things out or to just look away.... You can do it!! Im doing some better and you are right, I don't live anywhere near this exMM Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 I was thinking in some way, the catastrophic way my A ended, is so bombastic there is no chance of anybody breaking NC. The certainty and finality is so absolute it's completely solid. Pinterest has some interesting quotations about change and I found this and it really hit me. This captures what I hope is going to be my "to be" me of the future She was unstoppable. Not because she did not have failures or doubts, bit because she continued on despite them. Beau Taplin 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Susmay Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Actually it is the law that if someone asks you if you are represented you are obliged to respond. Civil charge : Alienation of Affection ... Is it really so that you must answer if asked whether you are represented. Even if it is, a simple "no" (I'm not represented) should suffice. Surely there is no obligation to engage a legal representative. Any alienation of affection suit would be brought by the BW, not the cheating MM. In any case alienation of affection has been abolished in most jurisdictions of common law countries. There are a handful of US states where it still applies. Even if MM and BW are in such a State there are jurisdictional issues in enforcing any judgment against a defendant/respondent who is not in the USA. In all your legal correspondence has the BW got a legal representative and has she actually agreed not to bring an AoA suit against you,. NewLeaf? If not, the MM's agreements are irrelevant and it really sounds like the BW has not been directly involved in it anyway. If she hasn't personally agreed then she's not prevented from taking legal action against you. However I have doubts she could anyway, but if she's in a US state where AoA applies then maybe she could, especially if she hasn't agreed not to. He cannot agree on her behalf! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Is it really so that you must answer if asked whether you are represented. Even if it is, a simple "no" (I'm not represented) should suffice. Surely there is no obligation to engage a legal representative. Any alienation of affection suit would be brought by the BW, not the cheating MM. In any case alienation of affection has been abolished in most jurisdictions of common law countries. There are a handful of US states where it still applies. Even if MM and BW are in such a State there are jurisdictional issues in enforcing any judgment against a defendant/respondent who is not in the USA. In all your legal correspondence has the BW got a legal representative and has she actually agreed not to bring an AoA suit against you,. NewLeaf? If not, the MM's agreements are irrelevant and it really sounds like the BW has not been directly involved in it anyway. If she hasn't personally agreed then she's not prevented from taking legal action against you. However I have doubts she could anyway, but if she's in a US state where AoA applies then maybe she could, especially if she hasn't agreed not to. He cannot agree on her behalf! Hi Susmay thanks for your post. The state IS one where AoA applies BW and MM both represented by the same attorney. I had hired counsel on retainer who were just sitting there not doing anything at all just waiting it out to see if that was going to be a one shot and done, saying you aren't represented when you are is a no--no. After my lawyers fired a letter back their lawyer rang and said "they agreed to everything your client said and concede, however exMM wants to agree your client wont contact the powers that be at the firm to get him fired on misconduct " exMM and BW lawyer then followed up with a letter revived by my people tonight confirming same. our clients and they are the terms used. My lawyers pointed out to exMM and BW's attorney that AoA would not hold water as she takes exMM's mobile from him upon arrival at the house and returns it on the way out the door in the morning and on the weekend so as not to interrupt 'couples time' and if anyone's affection was violated it was the firm. The only way he could agree on her behalf id if he held durable power of attorney which is usually linked to not being compos mentis. Their letter by return via email tonight concurs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Well I am going to try to go to sleep early tonight. Tomorrow I will wake up to 1 month of no contact. I've booked a day of support work pro bono. I have some interviews lined up for this week, I don't know if I can fake it through an interview. I'm going to have to try. Put the suit on and do it. From interview to offer is about 3 months in my field, and during an already fraught time, it is just a lot to take on all at once. I'm certain that exMM won't even recognise that it's been a month. I can't wait when I'm at a place in my life when I don't remember anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Tomorrow I will wake up to 1 month of no contact. Wow, time flies! I remember the 1 month mark was brutal for me. Not sure why, I don't remember, just that I was suffering a lot. I've booked a day of support work pro bono. I have some interviews lined up for this week, I don't know if I can fake it through an interview. I'm going to have to try. Put the suit on and do it. From interview to offer is about 3 months in my field, and during an already fraught time, it is just a lot to take on all at once. I'm certain that exMM won't even recognise that it's been a month. I can't wait when I'm at a place in my life when I don't remember anymore.You can do it. You have to keep going (and he's not worth it anyway) and things will get better for you in time. I promise. (PS- he does know it's been a month) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Wow, time flies! I remember the 1 month mark was brutal for me. Not sure why, I don't remember, just that I was suffering a lot. You can do it. You have to keep going (and he's not worth it anyway) and things will get better for you in time. I promise. (PS- he does know it's been a month) Thanks for your post. I think the one month thing will gut me, but it's all been pretty gutting so you're so right. move ahead. When I saw that quote on pinterest, it hit me how I overcomplicate things. If he wanted to be with you, he would. It's just that simple. and really that's the truth. I know it sounds harsh but the OW (including me) need to get a grip, feel the loss and not have too many pity parties . We are all more than s consolation prize. If he wanted to be with you, he would. It's just that simple. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 (edited) Hi Everyone.. In the middle of my one month NC-versay I got a status email from my lawyers. (redacted for your information). I cut the first email off because he was checking my account info so pointless. You must read it from the bottom up. To show his wife that he was seriousabout ending the relationship and to "scare" you into not contactinghim since he cannot resist you. I write similar letters all the time Lawyer for NewLeaf On Mon, Aug 3, 2015 at 11:16 AM, NewLeaf wrote: Lawyer for NewLeaf, I will defer to your hunch. What was the purpose of exMM having counsel send a letter all about then!?! Regards, NewLeaf From: Lawyer for NL Date: 03/08/2015 16:02 To: NewLeafSubject: Re: NewLeaf File ]NewLeaf, I do not usually send the lettervia email and US Mail but I can. I have heard nothing from his attorneyand I am beginning to wonder if I will hear anything. I still think hedoes not have your money, cannot get your money, and is not real sure what todo about it. Just a hunch On Mon, Aug 3, 2015 at 10:57 AM, NewLeaf wrote: Hi Lawyer for NewLeaf, Yes please. I misunderstood. I thought you did that usually.Have you received a letter from exMM's lawyer or can we close this file? Regards, NewLeaf ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Really? Lawyers in that country send stupid letters for no reason all the time? (PS for clarity re: time-stamping, one is my time and the other is the in-country time) That would never be allowed. It's a frivolous waste of time and makes a mockery of the legal profession and justice in general. Way forward: Forget money and close file. I am 1 month NC and I'm not letting stupid stuff ruin it (exMM may be handsome but obviously stupid as a box of rocks!) Edited August 3, 2015 by NewLeaf512 formatting Link to post Share on other sites
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