The Usual-ish Story **Updated and Merged**

[NewLeaf512]

or as I like to say "what a tit!"

[NewLeaf512]

So I made it through a month. 22:30 I received an email from my lawyer with an attachment, which says in brief (highlights and low lights)

 

Ex MM is keen to put all this behind him. He disagrees with ascertains made by me through my attorney. ( I can prove every single thing I say) and to the extent I want to "keep this up, I am probably going to get sued by BW"

Keep what up? I've not contacted Anyone, nor did I chuck a legal spear at anyone. Additionally the statue of limitations runs out in 5 months, none of it took place in their state, it didn't impinge on her time, I have several defences not least of which is they are together, I am in another country [The Defendant lacked knowledge of the spouse’s marital status

He said he was separated and I have people willing to say so

The Defendant was not the aggressor in the relationship with the spouse.

I have that in writing from him multiple times in emails, chats and texts

The Plaintiff’s spouse was so unhappy in the marital relationship that it negated the love between the married spouses.

They had been to marriage counselling 3x in the preceding 5 years before he kissed me. I also have emails from him where he says he hasn’t loved her in years.[\B] and more like abuse of process, frivolity,jurisdiction etc. also if I get sued all evidence and court transcripts become public record which is counterintuitive to the last request in this stupid letter.

 

 

xMM has been assured that his retainer is being refunded imminently and when ExMM gets it he will repay me.

 

Not my problem he has 5 business days. And if they can't pay me the paltry sum they owe me they can't sue me so borrow the money and pay me.

 

ExMM wants to enter into a settlement agreement with me (contract) which will state what the parties are doing and otherwise releases them from any responsibility or obligation they have towards each other. Part of that settlement agreement needs to contain a provision that the parties will not contact each other or the other's families or otherwise disseminate any information about New Leaf's and ExMM relationship on social media, to anyone in the public or to ExMM employer. NewLeaf has contacted ExMM family (not true) and it is of critical importance that this cease.We want NewLeaf to stop contacting ExMM on this work email. ( i did write him there on Dday but never since) It willalso have a proviso NewLeAf not contact ExMM employer. They are not trying to stop me from having conversations with personal friends, but xMM does not want this aired out more than it already had been.[/b|

 

Uh no way in he** I'll be entering int a contract with exM ever !!!!

Closing: he'd like to get my lawyers thoughts on this soonest so he can move expeditiously in moving forward to end this unhappy saga for both our clients.

 

 

I have witnesses to whom he told he was separated

Joke!

Now I am furious. I need to be calm but this is the bloody limit. I need to sleep on this before I go Biblical and instruct my lawyers to dismantle him . A settlement agreement. The bloody cheeck !

Edited August 4, 2015 by NewLeaf512

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Sounds like he has a little trouble with reality! I'd be livid. You're right to keep your head and discuss with your counsel tomorrow or.... Stall as long as possible, that always wears people down! Sorry, what a jerk. He's knee deep in his theatrics. Trying to create an enemy for his wife to hate so he gets sympathy and flies under the radar and they become a united front! Classic MM.

[NewLeaf512]

Sounds like he has a little trouble with reality! I'd be livid. You're right to keep your head and discuss with your counsel tomorrow or.... Stall as long as possible, that always wears people down! Sorry, what a jerk. He's knee deep in his theatrics. Trying to create an enemy for his wife to hate so he gets sympathy and flies under the radar and they become a united front! Classic MM.

 

 

Thanks for your post, I will wait to speak to counsel but I'm still pissed beyond belief, lies about not owing me monies, I proved proof. Says he can't pay yet which proves he's either broke (likely) or stupid (likely too)

God knows I've been an A"se but I've not broken NC so what they mean by "keep it up" I've no idea, that BW is probably going to "end up suing me" and not to forget "I've got skin in this game too" what skin? I lost everything, and this is no game. BW needs to remember I slinked away into NC, resigned my role changed my numbers now and took a hit to my reputation. ExMM started it and I was ready to forgive the loan (not the only one) and move on.

 

To threaten me with "probable suit" in the first paragraph which would mean exposure of ExMM as a serial adulterer a liar and most of all. A fake Christian in the opener and then to close with wanting me to enter a settlement agreement to keep the A, details about the A quiet forever is a complete contradiction to BW bringing suit against me. At the very least if they can't pay me they can't afford to sue me, there's no way they will win, and I didn't use the law to back my defence (which I would) I could outspend them by having my lawyers bomb their representation with letters and calls and counter sue for abuse of process and the frivolous lawsuit act. He has 0 evidence except his word because he had to wipe all his devices before giving them to BW every day while I have everything and further, I was single. Plus I have witnesses to his emancipation proclamation. If he's smart he will pay me and withdraw this crazy letter so I don't have to waste time and money and angst and get on. With my life.

 

Thanks for the post.

[NewLeaf512]

Thanks for your post, I will wait to speak to counsel but I'm still pissed beyond belief, lies about not owing me monies, I proved proof. Says he can't pay yet which proves he's either broke (likely) or stupid (likely too)

God knows I've been an A"se but I've not broken NC so what they mean by "keep it up" I've no idea, that BW is probably going to "end up suing me" and not to forget "I've got skin in this game too" what skin? I lost everything, and this is no game. BW needs to remember I slinked away into NC, resigned my role changed my numbers now and took a hit to my reputation. ExMM started it and I was ready to forgive the loan (not the only one) and move on.

 

To threaten me with "probable suit" in the first paragraph which would mean exposure of ExMM as a serial adulterer a liar and most of all. A fake Christian in the opener and then to close with wanting me to enter a settlement agreement to keep the A, details about the A quiet forever is a complete contradiction to BW bringing suit against me. At the very least if they can't pay me they can't afford to sue me, there's no way they will win, and I didn't use the law to back my defence (which I would) I could outspend them by having my lawyers bomb their representation with letters and calls and counter sue for abuse of process and the frivolous lawsuit act. He has 0 evidence except his word because he had to wipe all his devices before giving them to BW every day while I have everything and further, I was single. Plus I have witnesses to his emancipation proclamation. If he's smart he will pay me and withdraw this crazy letter so I don't have to waste time and money and angst and get on. With my life.

 

Thanks for the post.

 

Now that I'm calm.. Ish ... In the first paragraph she is threatening to sue me.that would bring the whole thing into public domain. They don't want that. He'd be humiliated publicly and the marriage would not survive.

 

What they really want is a settlement agreement and gag order which is completely contrary to paragraph 1.

 

It also proves what I claim is true and they both know it. If I was some crazy liar with no proof, they wouldn't want a gag contract.

 

Now I'm torn. Before I was willing to forgo the loan and walk away. With this latest development it seems they aren't going away, and I don't like being threatened. Do I wait or now bring the legal hammers of hell down? I am looking for work with global firms and don't need this crap.

[velvette]

Now that I'm calm.. Ish ... In the first paragraph she is threatening to sue me.that would bring the whole thing into public domain. They don't want that. He'd be humiliated publicly and the marriage would not survive.

 

What they really want is a settlement agreement and gag order which is completely contrary to paragraph 1.

 

It also proves what I claim is true and they both know it. If I was some crazy liar with no proof, they wouldn't want a gag contract.

 

Now I'm torn. Before I was willing to forgo the loan and walk away. With this latest development it seems they aren't going away, and I don't like being threatened. Do I wait or now bring the legal hammers of hell down? I am looking for work with global firms and don't need this crap.

 

A good negotiation happens when everyone feels like they have won something and lost something. Make that happen and put an end to this crazy train.

 

 

Winning at all costs is not worth the emotional cost to you of staying connected with MM even if it is only through lawyers.

 

 

Have your lawyer give them your last final best offer and call their bluff.

 

 

If you think he doesn't have the money offer a payment plan. Consider a limited gag offer involving only the employer.......what do you lose by that?

 

 

Stop playing and the game will likely end.

[NewLeaf512]

A good negotiation happens when everyone feels like they have won something and lost something. Make that happen and put an end to this crazy train.

 

 

Winning at all costs is not worth the emotional cost to you of staying connected with MM even if it is only through lawyers.

 

 

Have your lawyer give them your last final best offer and call their bluff.

 

 

If you think he doesn't have the money offer a payment plan. Consider a limited gag offer involving only the employer.......what do you lose by that?

 

 

Stop playing and the game will likely end.

 

I can offer a payment plan. As a citizen of more than one country I am covered and entitled to the benefit of protection from the laws of that country. I have already said through my lawyer to their lawyer that I have no intention of contacting the employer currently but I will NOT waive my rights to do so in the future. Entering into any contract with them does not end it but keeps us tied together.

 

In your scenario what would he be losing and winning?

[NewLeaf512]

I can offer a payment plan. As a citizen of more than one country I am covered and entitled to the benefit of protection from the laws of that country. I have already said through my lawyer to their lawyer that I have no intention of contacting the employer currently but I will NOT waive my rights to do so in the future. Entering into any contract with them does not end it but keeps us tied together.

 

In your scenario what would he be losing and winning?

 

Thanks for your post. This isn't a game it's the law and my life.

[velvette]

I can offer a payment plan. As a citizen of more than one country I am covered and entitled to the benefit of protection from the laws of that country. I have already said through my lawyer to their lawyer that I have no intention of contacting the employer currently but I will NOT waive my rights to do so in the future. Entering into any contract with them does not end it but keeps us tied together.

 

In your scenario what would he be losing and winning?

 

 

What do you feel you lose by agreeing not to talk to the employer about him?

 

 

He loses.....paying back the money he doesn't want to pay back.

 

 

He wins....getting a doable mean to pay it back if your assumption is correct that he doesn't have it to pay back.

 

 

He wins...getting you to agree not to talk to the employer.

 

 

Add.....them foregoing alientation of affection......you win even if its unlikely they will go there.

 

 

You win...get your money back.

 

 

According to you, you lose if you agree not to talk to lawyer, but I'm not really sure how that is a loss to you other than on principle.

 

 

You win...make it over.

 

 

Include provisions for no contact for everyone....you all win.

[velvette]

Alternatively, let me ask you this.

 

 

What would happen if you told the employer you had an A with MM after being misled that he was M.

 

 

That you've ended it, are in NC and leaving the firm as they know.

 

 

That he is now harassing you threatening legal action etc. and ask them to make him stop.

 

 

Without telling them all the details or any of his actions regarding misuse of company stuff.

 

 

In my experience, unless you make them get involved further all they are going to want is for it to stop with no fallout on them.

[anika99]

What do you feel you lose by agreeing not to talk to the employer about him?

 

 

He loses.....paying back the money he doesn't want to pay back.

 

 

He wins....getting a doable mean to pay it back if your assumption is correct that he doesn't have it to pay back.

 

 

He wins...getting you to agree not to talk to the employer.

 

 

Add.....them foregoing alientation of affection......you win even if its unlikely they will go there.

 

 

You win...get your money back.

 

 

According to you, you lose if you agree not to talk to lawyer, but I'm not really sure how that is a loss to you other than on principle.

 

 

You win...make it over.

 

 

Include provisions for no contact for everyone....you all win.

 

 

I think agreeing to the gag order could possibly backfire on NewLeaf down the line. What if the MM or his wife decide at some point to attack NewLeaf in a way that affects her professionally? If they attack her character she won't be able to defend herself if she is under a gag order.

 

 

Newleaf has said she doesn't need the money so if I were her I would compromise on the loan repayment before I would compromise on the gag order.

[NewLeaf512]

Alternatively, let me ask you this.

 

 

What would happen if you told the employer you had an A with MM after being misled that he was M.

 

 

That you've ended it, are in NC and leaving the firm as they know.

 

 

That he is now harassing you threatening legal action etc. and ask them to make him stop.

 

 

Without telling them all the details or any of his actions regarding misuse of company stuff.

 

 

In my experience, unless you make them get involved further all they are going to want is for it to stop with no fallout on them.

 

Thanks for your post. Can I surmise you are not a lawyer, solicitor or Silk?

 

If I disclosed to the firm the current activity he would be dismissed for gross misconduct immediately. This is about a few things not least of which is bringing dishonour on the reputation of one of the top 20 finest and well respected global practices in the world. I dishonoured the firm and I resigned. I'm not running around checking any claims or ascertains that have no merit around.

 

It's also about me and my rights which I handed over willingly for so long, including my dignity and allowed myself to be a doormat. During the course of this disaster exMM would end it to refocus on BW, I would go away and exMM would come back, the longest time being shy of 8 weeks. Having exMM understand that unless he naffs off with harassing me (and make no mistake that is what this is on many levels including incurring legal costs) I can use may power to stop it. I am graciously giving HIM the option to stop the BS at any time. He won't.

 

It also seems unlikely that you are in the legal profession because I have had my in country lawyers and am speaking to my local lawyers in ExMM country in 28 minutes that an AoA while costly to defend, could NOT be successful against me. If one is brought against me forcing me to defend myself and I can prove it false and that one or both of them knew it was false (I can) I can sue in his home country for frivolous lawsuit and abuse of process, which if successful will result in his disbarment.

 

This is a ridiculous risk to take with someone who is not bothering you. If I was harassing him, have at it.

 

The enforcement of such a settlement agreement is impossible because reports to the ethics board are anonymous. I would have to keep a lawyer on retainer in his country to police it. That doesn't fit it with my clean break and let us forget each other existed strategy.

 

The most valuable thing in this now is my reputation which I almost destroyed by myself by conducting myself the way I did. I'm not going to compromise my reputation on some ridiculous madness.

[NewLeaf512]

What do you feel you lose by agreeing not to talk to the employer about him?

 

 

He loses.....paying back the money he doesn't want to pay back.

 

 

He wins....getting a doable mean to pay it back if your assumption is correct that he doesn't have it to pay back.

 

 

He wins...getting you to agree not to talk to the employer.

 

 

Add.....them foregoing alientation of affection......you win even if its unlikely they will go there.

 

 

You win...get your money back.

 

 

According to you, you lose if you agree not to talk to lawyer, but I'm not really sure how that is a loss to you other than on principle.

 

 

You win...make it over.

 

 

Include provisions for no contact for everyone....you all win.

 

The money is not a win. I've spent more defending myself than what he owes me. If you read back you will see I was happy to forgo the money for peace

[NewLeaf512]

I think agreeing to the gag order could possibly backfire on NewLeaf down the line. What if the MM or his wife decide at some point to attack NewLeaf in a way that affects her professionally? If they attack her character she won't be able to defend herself if she is under a gag order.

 

 

Newleaf has said she doesn't need the money so if I were her I would compromise on the loan repayment before I would compromise on the gag order.

 

That is completely correct. I would have to imagine all the potentially horrible things they could do to me and have provisions in the agreement to cover it all and I cant even imagine everything. This equals lose for NewLeaf. Thanks for your post

[velvette]

Nope not a lawyer. Honestly, there seem to be too many lawyers involved already.

 

 

What would be the impact of a mutual gag/non-disclosure/no contact re all employers, present/future, family, friends. So what if its non-enforceable, its a save face device.

 

 

Do what you want about the money.

 

 

They agree to no alienation of affection suit. If necessary point out it is unwinnable, and could result in his disbarment.(He may not be telling his Attorney all the facts)

 

 

Any violation by either makes it all null and void.

 

 

Otherwise, what is your last final best offer and why not make it and let them do what they will.

[jwi71]

Newleaf,

 

What are the possible outcomes here?

What is the worst that can happen?

Does AoA land you in jail? Pay some huge fine? What is the maximum punishment?

What is the blowback if you "go public"?

A certain female Silican Valley partner went public with her affair (and lawsuit) and still landed another CEO job. Point is, going public for banging a coworker isnt a career killer.

Can you afford, monetarily, to kill your career?

Can you leverage this opportunity to re-invent yourself?

Is there a correlated job to your specialty you could take? Better still, what are you passionate about? Can you pursue that?

 

I think you know where I am going. To me, unless you end up as a homeless prostitute outside some navy base, maybe getting the space to heal and move forward is worht MORE than trying to salvage...well, what? What exactly are you fighting for?

 

Is it worth it?

 

I know you say you are NC...but you aren't. Still on FB(?). Still communicating (via lawyers but its still communicating).

 

Maybe a different life is the better path.

[NewLeaf512]

Newleaf,

 

What are the possible outcomes here?

What is the worst that can happen?

Does AoA land you in jail? Pay some huge fine? What is the maximum punishment?

What is the blowback if you "go public"?

A certain female Silican Valley partner went public with her affair (and lawsuit) and still landed another CEO job. Point is, going public for banging a coworker isnt a career killer.

Can you afford, monetarily, to kill your career?

Can you leverage this opportunity to re-invent yourself?

Is there a correlated job to your specialty you could take? Better still, what are you passionate about? Can you pursue that?

 

I think you know where I am going. To me, unless you end up as a homeless prostitute outside some navy base, maybe getting the space to heal and move forward is worht MORE than trying to salvage...well, what? What exactly are you fighting for?

 

Is it worth it?

 

I know you say you are NC...but you aren't. Still on FB(?). Still communicating (via lawyers but its still communicating).

 

Maybe a different life is the better path.

 

Thanks for your post. So let me answer these hopefully to clarify:

Not on FB anymore.

 

 

I'm not going public. I also don't care about blowback on me. Yes I "banged" exMM when I thought because HE TOLD me and loads of other people he was separated, which was a lie. When I found out, I never saw him in person again, but kept being involved in the crazy fantasy EA which I am ashamed of.

 

 

I've been a lawyer and Barrister for almost 24 years so no I cant change careers at this point in my life, and why should I? I am very good at what I do and I enjoy it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

LinkedIn Yes but I'm not connected. I need this for my job search.

 

 

I did not instigate the lawyer contact. I had not choice to respond. I am trying to get out of it as fast as possible as evidenced by the fact I was and still am willing to walk away from the money.

 

 

Possible outcomes: I let them know that I am willing to walk away from the loan if they stop. My lawyer has done this. This repeated BS is about exMM at his own instigation or with BW pushing (it doesn't matter) trying to "prove" his recommitment to the M.

 

 

You don't need to spend money you don't have to hire a lawyer to do that. Leave me alone and focus on BW.

 

 

An AoA doesn't land you in jail. It's a PITA to defend, costs about £400,000 and keeps me tied to this disaster. I do not want any ties to any of them, I also don't want to spend £400,000 on a frivolous action. I would not walk away from £400,00 I will sue for lawyers fees. Damages for successful AoA cases have run up to $15M and as low as $100,000. However, as they are TOGETHER they have no case. Jurisdiction means they Have NO case. I could go into all the legal reasons why they have no case but it would be long and boring.

 

 

 

 

What I want is quite simple: pay me the loan, don't pay me the loan, just go away, live your life, I will live mine. Don't you or any of your family contact me and I will (as I have been do the same) Stop whatever you are doing with these nuisance lawyer letters and threats of actions when you have no case.

 

 

The worst that can happen is that exMM and /or BW tie me up in stupid crap in their home country which makes my life have them in it. This is currently happening

The second worst outcome is that either one of them hurts my professional reputation. I have worked on some very high profile cases on behalf of the Crown and am sure to be presented for an award for that work. That award is a pretty significant accomplishment for someone in my country and, if it is on the cards, having this mess swirling around me will be pretty much dash it.

 

 

If he do not go away and live his life (which exMM was your choice) and he keeps causing me to waste money and be tangled up in a bunch of crap, (as a lawyer by the way you have to follow personal and professional rules of conduct) he will put me in a position where I have to leverage what I need to in order to make him stop.

 

 

So let me pose a question back to you Jwil: ExMM made his choice as is his right as a person of free will. I am respecting that and moving on with my life. If that was his decision, what do you surmise HE is getting out of all this? Further, if anyone involved in your A situation kept turning up with LEGAL threats and costing you money, time, and headache, how would you handle it ?

 

 

The fact that I could have retaliated for lots of reasons, this most of all and have not, should inform your opinion that I would like a peaceable outcome.

[NewLeaf512]

what I am finding concerning is that in my scenario, I am not antagonising, contacting, or bothering exMM or BW. I have already taken great pains, as well as made sacrifices to ensure a swift and speedy end to contact and to dissolve this ASAP.

 

 

exMM jumps out of no where 17 days into NC and hits me with a legal letter.

 

 

The OW is usually wrong about a lot of things but I feel in this particular case I have made better than good faith efforts on my part. Why should I continue to allow myself to be attacked?

 

 

Posters seem to be advising that I take more slaps in the face .. and for what reason?

 

 

When I did wrong I copped to it and am dealing with the fallout from my crappy decisions and actions and not boohooing too much about it and doing my best to carry on.

 

 

It's not wrong to protect myself and I won't be made to feel badly for doing so.

[whatatangledweb]

You are right to defend and protect yourself. I believe all of this coming from exMM is being driven by his wife.

I don't consider you an OW since you thought he was seperated. I bet she doesn't know he was telling people that.

I wouldn't worry about AOA. It is hard to prove and very costly. Normally when someone does sue for it, the husband has left his wife for the OW. I don't see where she has a case.

I am a BS and we many times when finally out about an affair, want revenge. That is why she wanted him to get a lawyer and the threats of AOA. She wants you to pay. The reality is you have already paid dearly for it when you were lied to from the beginning.

I am so very sorry that you and your life has been torn apart. You seem to be a very good person who is being punished for no reason.

You are also a much kinder person than me. With all this legal crap being thrown at you, I would have contacted the company and reported him. He can't keep messing with you if he doesn't have the money to pay his lawyer.

[jwi71]

Not on FB anymore.

 

Good. its just plain worthless.

 

I'm not going public. I also don't care about blowback on me.

 

Why not?

It seems to me the truth literally sets you free here.

Why not take it?

 

I've been a lawyer and Barrister for almost 24 years so no I cant change careers at this point in my life, and why should I? I am very good at what I do and I enjoy it.

 

Then keep at it.

Had you not been happy this may have been a point at which you consider a change.

 

LinkedIn Yes but I'm not connected. I need this for my job search.

 

I don't think I know anyone who found a job via linkedin.

I ignore those requests when I get them! I have like 20 people and then I quit. Its stupid.

 

I did not instigate the lawyer contact. I had not choice to respond. I am trying to get out of it as fast as possible as evidenced by the fact I was and still am willing to walk away from the money.

 

Well, if you ignore whats the worst that happens?

Suit? Ok. Just envision the look on his face as you enter all that he wants hidden into the public record.

 

Possible outcomes: I let them know that I am willing to walk away from the loan if they stop. My lawyer has done this. This repeated BS is about exMM at his own instigation or with BW pushing (it doesn't matter) trying to "prove" his recommitment to the M.

 

So he wants his cake and to eat it too. Nothing wrong with that.

If you are willing to walk from the money and dont care about "anything else" - why not agree?

 

An AoA doesn't land you in jail. It's a PITA to defend, costs about £400,000 and keeps me tied to this disaster. I do not want any ties to any of them, I also don't want to spend £400,000 on a frivolous action. I would not walk away from £400,00 I will sue for lawyers fees. Damages for successful AoA cases have run up to $15M and as low as $100,000. However, as they are TOGETHER they have no case. Jurisdiction means they Have NO case. I could go into all the legal reasons why they have no case but it would be long and boring.

 

So you could safely ignore this based on jurisdiction and something I like to call "the truth". You know, you and others thought he was at least getting a D.

 

What I want is quite simple: pay me the loan, don't pay me the loan, just go away, live your life, I will live mine. Don't you or any of your family contact me and I will (as I have been do the same) Stop whatever you are doing with these nuisance lawyer letters and threats of actions when you have no case.

 

And thus ignoring it all makes sense.

It seems the worst case is he/she files suit.

Then you hire lawyers and defend - part of which is a data dump of everything. And by the sounds of it, that data dump kills their case. Over-simplified but it appears accurate - yes? So the jeopardy in all of this is what again? Legal fees and time is the jeopardy - ahem, aren't you CURRENTLY mired in the same with the added bonus of the suit and data dump still a possibility?

 

The worst that can happen is that exMM and /or BW tie me up in stupid crap in their home country which makes my life have them in it. This is currently happening

 

Letter to his lawyers:

"The only way to refute this bullsh_t (that's a complicated legal term) is to simply release all the information we have to all parties involved pertinent to the issues that the as_hole (aka your client and yet another legal term) has brought forth. Copies sent to his office, wife, et al. Thank you and have a nice day."

 

Whats wrong with that? I get you don't want it - too bad he has other ideas (and is likely preying on that to boot).

 

The second worst outcome is that either one of them hurts my professional reputation. I have worked on some very high profile cases on behalf of the Crown and am sure to be presented for an award for that work. That award is a pretty significant accomplishment for someone in my country and, if it is on the cards, having this mess swirling around me will be pretty much dash it.

 

So you do care about blowback.

Fair enough.

And maybe some bumps are your price to pay. Fair? No but who said anything about fair?

Maybe by letting go we 1) find we don't really need it anyway and 2) get to a better faster.

 

If he do not go away and live his life (which exMM was your choice) and he keeps causing me to waste money and be tangled up in a bunch of crap, (as a lawyer by the way you have to follow personal and professional rules of conduct) he will put me in a position where I have to leverage what I need to in order to make him stop.

 

So?

He brought it on himself.

Something I like to call consequences.

 

So let me pose a question back to you Jwil: ExMM made his choice as is his right as a person of free will. I am respecting that and moving on with my life. If that was his decision, what do you surmise HE is getting out of all this?

 

1) Doesn't matter. Red herring. Thinking of his "why" is thinking about him. Something we want to stop yes?

2) What if his goal is to simply keep you entangled to him?

3) My personal opinion is he is a lawyer and if anyone could take something simple and easy and f_ck it up its a lawyer. Joke aside, but with some truth, I think he wants to cover his azz and is trying to get all he can. I also think he knows you are willing to give some and all you give is gravy to him - so he goes forward. I don't think his W knows much anything.

 

Further, if anyone involved in your A situation kept turning up with LEGAL threats and costing you money, time, and headache, how would you handle it ?

 

I would have ignored it since there is little teeth to his threats. Worst case appears to be a suit. And the response is a data dump - which kills it (yes?). Given that, I would ignore him, tell him to kiss my hairy white azz and if he doesn't like he can sue.

 

I would ignore everything from him that wasn't a notice of a suit.

Then I burn his world down. No suit, well then he can live with the sword of Damacles over his head.

 

The fact that I could have retaliated for lots of reasons, this most of all and have not, should inform your opinion that I would like a peaceable outcome.

 

I get it. I believe you.

Too bad he doesn't feel the same.

 

I think your goal should be putting as much distance between you and this episode as you can. If that means no award then that means no award.

 

Peace of mind and healthy living trump EVERYTHING.

[NewLeaf512]

Good. its just plain worthless.

 

 

 

Why not?

It seems to me the truth literally sets you free here.

Why not take it?

 

 

 

Then keep at it.

Had you not been happy this may have been a point at which you consider a change.

 

 

 

I don't think I know anyone who found a job via linkedin.

I ignore those requests when I get them! I have like 20 people and then I quit. Its stupid.

 

 

 

Well, if you ignore whats the worst that happens?

Suit? Ok. Just envision the look on his face as you enter all that he wants hidden into the public record.

 

 

 

So he wants his cake and to eat it too. Nothing wrong with that.

If you are willing to walk from the money and dont care about "anything else" - why not agree?

 

 

 

So you could safely ignore this based on jurisdiction and something I like to call "the truth". You know, you and others thought he was at least getting a D.

 

 

 

And thus ignoring it all makes sense.

It seems the worst case is he/she files suit.

Then you hire lawyers and defend - part of which is a data dump of everything. And by the sounds of it, that data dump kills their case. Over-simplified but it appears accurate - yes? So the jeopardy in all of this is what again? Legal fees and time is the jeopardy - ahem, aren't you CURRENTLY mired in the same with the added bonus of the suit and data dump still a possibility?

 

 

 

Letter to his lawyers:

"The only way to refute this bullsh_t (that's a complicated legal term) is to simply release all the information we have to all parties involved pertinent to the issues that the as_hole (aka your client and yet another legal term) has brought forth. Copies sent to his office, wife, et al. Thank you and have a nice day."

 

Whats wrong with that? I get you don't want it - too bad he has other ideas (and is likely preying on that to boot).

 

 

 

So you do care about blowback.

Fair enough.

And maybe some bumps are your price to pay. Fair? No but who said anything about fair?

Maybe by letting go we 1) find we don't really need it anyway and 2) get to a better faster.

 

 

 

So?

He brought it on himself.

Something I like to call consequences.

 

 

 

1) Doesn't matter. Red herring. Thinking of his "why" is thinking about him. Something we want to stop yes?

2) What if his goal is to simply keep you entangled to him?

3) My personal opinion is he is a lawyer and if anyone could take something simple and easy and f_ck it up its a lawyer. Joke aside, but with some truth, I think he wants to cover his azz and is trying to get all he can. I also think he knows you are willing to give some and all you give is gravy to him - so he goes forward. I don't think his W knows much anything.

 

 

 

I would have ignored it since there is little teeth to his threats. Worst case appears to be a suit. And the response is a data dump - which kills it (yes?). Given that, I would ignore him, tell him to kiss my hairy white azz and if he doesn't like he can sue.

 

I would ignore everything from him that wasn't a notice of a suit.

Then I burn his world down. No suit, well then he can live with the sword of Damacles over his head.

 

 

 

I get it. I believe you.

Too bad he doesn't feel the same.

 

I think your goal should be putting as much distance between you and this episode as you can. If that means no award then that means no award.

 

Peace of mind and healthy living trump EVERYTHING.

 

 

Thanks for your post.

 

 

If I let all 10G of "truth" out there it would destroy BW and their marriage is unlikely to survive.

[Susmay]

Frankly I'd just contact his employer now and dump the lot on them.

 

Alternatively you could give MM a heads up (via your lawyer) and say you plan to contact the employer in 7 days, but invite MM's input in the meantime.

 

Don't make any threats by saying "unless MM does such and such".

 

Then if no resolution to your satisfaction, just do it!

 

Get proactive rather than just reactive. Right now you're just responding to him and waiting for him to determine the next step.

Edited August 5, 2015 by Susmay

[NewLeaf512]

Frankly I'd just contact his employer now and dump the lot on them.

 

Alternatively you could give MM a heads up (via your lawyer) and say you plan to contact the employer in 7 days, but invite MM's input in the meantime.

 

Don't make any threats by saying "unless MM does such and such".

 

Then if no resolution to your satisfaction, just do it!

 

Get proactive rather than just reactive. Right now you're just responding to him and waiting for him to determine the next step.

 

That's what we just did.

Pay her the money.

She agrees never to contact you or your family again. You do the same (both of them)

I'm not ever going to enter into a settlement agreement or contract with wxMM ever.

Pay her within the next 4 business days and we can close this file.

If a suit is brought which you know will be unsuccessful my client is prepared with counsel who will defend her vigouously and aggressively to relentlessly secure a successful outcome for my client. If you have no intention of bringing action, do not threaten her again.

Lawyer for NewLeaf

[NewLeaf512]

Frankly I'd just contact his employer now and dump the lot on them.

 

Alternatively you could give MM a heads up (via your lawyer) and say you plan to contact the employer in 7 days, but invite MM's input in the meantime.

 

Don't make any threats by saying "unless MM does such and such".

 

Then if no resolution to your satisfaction, just do it!

 

Get proactive rather than just reactive. Right now you're just responding to him and waiting for him to determine the next step.

 

My friends are now so outraged about this it's highly possible that he will have been reported already or not will be shortly.

 

Dismay you'd never enter a settlement ever would you?

[Susmay]

My friends are now so outraged about this it's highly possible that he will have been reported already or not will be shortly.

 

Dismay you'd never enter a settlement ever would you?

 

Dismay??

 

I'd never agree to a gag, just on the basis of repaying a loan that's properly due to me.

 

I'd be interested to see just how much (additional) money I was offered to keep quiet, but it would have to be a lot ($millions? and up front) and I'd go through the agreement with a fine tooth comb. I might advise a client to accept if it was "good enough" and didn't expose her to inadvertent breaches (such as by outraged friends and family) or enforceable penalties.

 

Besides being admitted to the bar of the Supreme Court as a legal practitioner in the place where I live, I've also been a CPA (accountant) for a very long time. Money counts too for many people.

Edited August 5, 2015 by Susmay