The Usual-ish Story **Updated and Merged**

[NewLeaf512]

There's nothing fishy or odd about this, assuming lawyers' escrow accounts operate in the same way as the lawyers' trust accounts that we have here in Australia. Lawyer's can make disbursements on behalf of clients, provided the money is held on behalf of the client in the account.

 

I would guess the divorce lawyer refunded whatever was left over either back to the MM or to his second lawyer's escrow account. The MM would have made up the difference as well as the costs for the 2nd lawyer, and then as part of the process the lawyer has conveyed the funds to NewLeaf's lawyer.

 

If the MM was using the same lawyer as he engaged originally for the supposed divorce, then it would be an even simpler process.

 

Hi Susmay if that had been a usual wording ( obviously I redacted it a bit) it would have been ok.

 

Not the same lawyer. The original lawyer only was a family lawyer who did mediation and collaborative. He was not Qualified as a litigator and told ExMM that if it went to litigation he'd need other representation.

 

The lawyer that was hitting me with letters is a civil / criminal litigator.

 

In the ExMM home state its customary for any type of "divorce" lawyer to have a retainer that's non-refundable because parties often don't go through with it. (As I am sure you know)

 

Therefore there was nothing "left over" I lent ExMM more than the retainer as well because I advised him to get 3 consultations to choose the right representation for him.

 

What the letter said was preceeded by a call from ExMM lawyer to my lawyers saying in an "otr " that ExMM was having some problems getting the money to pay me, did my lawyer think I'd be happy to wait until bonuses came out first week of September? My lawyer said no.

 

So something unusual happened. Who cares. I've got money which I'll earmark some for charity.

 

What I don't love is the "open" ending. My lawyer tells me in spite of all theses shenanigans ExMM will come back at some point. I don't believe it. Wager is in place.

 

 

What do you think? (Of the legal bit)

 

Thanks

[Susmay]

Hi Susmay if that had been a usual wording ( obviously I redacted it a bit) it would have been ok.

 

Not the same lawyer. The original lawyer only was a family lawyer who did mediation and collaborative. He was not Qualified as a litigator and told ExMM that if it went to litigation he'd need other representation.

 

The lawyer that was hitting me with letters is a civil / criminal litigator.

 

In the ExMM home state its customary for any type of "divorce" lawyer to have a retainer that's non-refundable because parties often don't go through with it. (As I am sure you know)

 

Therefore there was nothing "left over" I lent ExMM more than the retainer as well because I advised him to get 3 consultations to choose the right representation for him.

 

What the letter said was preceeded by a call from ExMM lawyer to my lawyers saying in an "otr " that ExMM was having some problems getting the money to pay me, did my lawyer think I'd be happy to wait until bonuses came out first week of September? My lawyer said no.

 

So something unusual happened. Who cares. I've got money which I'll earmark some for charity.

 

What I don't love is the "open" ending. My lawyer tells me in spite of all theses shenanigans ExMM will come back at some point. I don't believe it. Wager is in place.

 

 

What do you think? (Of the legal bit)

 

Thanks

 

I expect they (MM and his lawyer) have just given up on getting any sort of binding agreement from you, but nevertheless have chosen to state their "hope" that it will go no further. If you do try to contact the employer then they'll try to say that the money was repaid on that understanding. If you wanted, you could get your lawyer to acknowledge the repayment made on the basis that it was properly due and payable to you and to restate that you have no binding gag agreement.

 

When your lawyer says he thinks the MM will come back at some point, does this mean in the legal sense, or just in the personal sense? If he means legal, then I can't see why, but if he means personal then it seems typical that MMs put out feelers again with the OW when things have settled at home. If he does you could tell him to p**s off and if he ever tries again you'll tell his wife and send the lot to his employer, or you could just say well you broke the agreement you tried so hard to make, so I'm telling your wife and sending everything to the employer, right now. I suppose it depends how much you want to play hard-ball.

[anika99]

What's odd about it is that the MM started this whole ordeal by trying to go after you with his lawyer and all he got out of this is that he had to pay you back your money. If this is really the end of it then this outcome is pretty funny and you should have a good laugh at him, but I suspect the MM isn't done trying to antagonize you yet.

[NewLeaf512]

I expect they (MM and his lawyer) have just given up on getting any sort of binding agreement from you, but nevertheless have chosen to state their "hope" that it will go no further. If you do try to contact the employer then they'll try to say that the money was repaid on that understanding. If you wanted, you could get your lawyer to acknowledge the repayment made on the basis that it was properly due and payable to you and to restate that you have no binding gag agreement.

 

When your lawyer says he thinks the MM will come back at some point, does this mean in the legal sense, or just in the personal sense? If he means legal, then I can't see why, but if he means personal then it seems typical that MMs put out feelers again with the OW when things have settled at home. If he does you could tell him to p**s off and if he ever tries again you'll tell his wife and send the lot to his employer, or you could just say well you broke the agreement you tried so hard to make, so I'm telling your wife and sending everything to the employer, right now. I suppose it depends how much you want to play hard-ball.

 

I think you are right. So I will have one of my lawyers write a thanks for your repayment of this particular loan. (Here is the legal language from one of the states where I am barred). My client does not accept this as full accord and satisfaction of any of the other 5 outstanding loans although she will forgo pursuit of same at this time. We accept your and your clients acknowledgment that no agreements, contracts, promises of any nature binding or otherwise exists between Ms X and Mr Y at this time, nor will my client enter into same at any point in the future, and that Ms X has not waived any right.

Lawyer,

 

That's how I would write it but this state is a bit less sophisticated than others.

 

I don't think he will try anything else legally. The money isn't there to launch a claim, there are no damages to be awarded if they are together with no break, they can't get jurisdiction either. So pretty much a non starter.

 

My lawyer thinks he will try to crawl back at sometime (unbelievable to me it would be sheer unmitigated gall) but he won't be able to find me.

 

This thought crossed my mind last night: change Surname by deed poll. Could mess career up some, but, if there is a small chance he will try to find me maybe a good idea.

 

If he does do ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING to me in the future: his employer, church, parents, in laws and wife get the lot. This situation has cost me a ton of angst, time, and money. I've decided to give the loan repayment to charity. It will be the only good to come out of this poop storm.

[NewLeaf512]

What's odd about it is that the MM started this whole ordeal by trying to go after you with his lawyer and all he got out of this is that he had to pay you back your money. If this is really the end of it then this outcome is pretty funny and you should have a good laugh at him, but I suspect the MM isn't done trying to antagonize you yet.

 

Thanks for your post. This for me is the issue that I can't get my head around: WHY!

 

It is funny because he didn't scare me, it cost him money too which he could ill afford and ended up having to pay me a loan I hadn't even mentioned, and has no gag order.

 

From a distance it's funny and also proves he is a crap lawyer to even start this nonsense.

 

Plus time spent dwelling on someone who isn't even BOTHERING YOU is flat out idiotic and exMM should be spending time and energy fixing things with BW.

 

It sounds like a possibility that he may try to aggrieve me in the future but again WHY? If he does and it is after 6 months from around now which will take the statue to file on me, I will go flat out after him for harassment and whatever else I can heap on.

 

I came here with a broken heart and a shell shocked affect. Now I feel hollow and empty, but with possibility of a new life going forward. I can only hope her does the same. It's quite an experience to go from feeling in love to what I am now.

[NewLeaf512]

I am going to bed early, big interviews tomorrow.

[Morbius]

I am going to bed early, big interviews tomorrow.

 

Good luck, not that you will need it. I admire your courage for all you have been through.

 

I think your chosen name is very appropriate. Now all you need is an avatar to match yourself.

[NewLeaf512]

Good luck, not that you will need it. I admire your courage for all you have been through.

 

I think your chosen name is very appropriate. Now all you need is an avatar to match yourself.

 

 

 

Thank you. I am really trying, I do have low moments but, I know I should keep going forward.

 

 

Luck wishes never go amiss. Thank you

[NewLeaf512]

so I need to go to sleep but I am very anxious about tomorrow. I would have usually talked to exMM about these things but not now, not ever again.

[Morbius]

so I need to go to sleep but I am very anxious about tomorrow. I would have usually talked to exMM about these things but not now, not ever again.

 

I like your avatar, fitting indeed.

 

Yes it is true you don't have exMM to confide in, and after your legalities are over you won't have exMM to deal with either, ever again. That is a good thought.

Your anxiousness is normal, you know this. But it also is a new chapter too. You are moving forward, and the outlook is bright. No it's not going to be easy but you will be better for it.

Try to rest and not dwell on what was, but think how challenging, exciting, and how fresh the future is for you.

 

Now good luck tomorrow!!!!

[rackcity]

Good luck. You're going to do great!

 

I know that NC is terrible and difficult. It doesn't make sense to want to talk to him but you're so used to the habit of texting/emailing about everything and anything that it is really hard to not have that anymore. I have been without texts or email for about two months now and while I definitely have moments of panic, it has gotten SO MUCH easier. I remember the first few weeks and how anxious/panicky/terrified I was and I wish I could go back and tell myself it gets better.

 

Do you have friends/family you can rely on until you're back on your feet? I am lucky enough to have amazingly supportive friends and family who have talked me off the ledge many times over the past few weeks.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I am going to bed early, big interviews tomorrow.

 

Kill it!!! You'll do great!

[NewLeaf512]

Good luck. You're going to do great!

 

I know that NC is terrible and difficult. It doesn't make sense to want to talk to him but you're so used to the habit of texting/emailing about everything and anything that it is really hard to not have that anymore. I have been without texts or email for about two months now and while I definitely have moments of panic, it has gotten SO MUCH easier. I remember the first few weeks and how anxious/panicky/terrified I was and I wish I could go back and tell myself it gets better.

 

Do you have friends/family you can rely on until you're back on your feet? I am lucky enough to have amazingly supportive friends and family who have talked me off the ledge many times over the past few weeks.

 

I have some friends but I only am in contact with a few. It's like being an alcoholic. I had to change everything. Friends in common are now a no go area.

 

My hairdresser is due in 5 min and I'm all dressed and made up too early !

[Morbius]

I have some friends but I only am in contact with a few. It's like being an alcoholic. I had to change everything. Friends in common are now a no go area.

 

My hairdresser is due in 5 min and I'm all dressed and made up too early !

 

How did it go today, and you have friends here. New ones who care about your well being.

[NewLeaf512]

How did it go today, and you have friends here. New ones who care about your well being.

 

 

So it was a weird one. I went for a 4 hour panel interview (which turned into 5) for a position. It was all going very well until it was the most senior person came in. He asked me loads of questions testing me, and set up imaginary situations for me to strategize out of. He then turned to me and said you are too senior for this role.

 

 

(maybe so but I know I was the final candidate and they had already pretty much chosen me, it was going to offers in 48 hours, I really need a job and there are no women in that chambers which they need)

 

 

He wants to change direction and have me interview to be the Head of Practice X, a brand new role which has not been fully designed yet. He then goes off on a tangent about his vision for it.

 

 

I try to politely steer him back to the initial role, he isn't having it and I understand now that he will never put me in that role. He tells me he needs to speak to the American parts of the firm and ends the 5 hours.

 

 

By the time I get home I have this email (obviously redacted) I want to cry. I don't want a heavy top job, emotionally I am not in that head space, and I feel that this scenario may repeat itself (too senior for the role) I feel like I should maybe start acting dumber.

 

 

Hi NewLeaf

 

I understand that you have been speaking to M and A at Company, and they mentioned a Head of Practice position. I am keen to speak to you, but am on holiday until 21st August. I understand that you have another role in the pipeline, but I have asked A to speak to my boss in the US to organise some interviews with the team.

I hope you can be patient on making the final decision until we have a chance to speak. The opportunity at our firm, and specifically this practice, is amazing, and we are really going to be defining and creating the whole team over the next 12 months.

 

 

Thanks,

Sr Partner and Founder

[NewLeaf512]

So the people I interviewed with called me to tell me that I did not get the role I applied for.

 

 

Did I want to go forward with applying for the more senior role? I said Ok but basically at this point I just want a job without a huge case load and press for hours.

 

 

2 interviews tomorrow. in completely opposite ends of my city.

 

 

Interviewing is kind of soul destroying just after an A ends and you didn't get "chosen"

 

 

It basically lets you hold yourself and your accomplishment up for other people to scrutinise and deem if you are "worthy"

 

 

Feels a lot like the A

[NewLeaf512]

I'm heading to my third interview of the day. As I was leaving the house just now, the Senior from the firm I just departed rang and asked me to come back, he really wanted me back and was willing to give me more share/ compensation!!

 

OMG

 

I truthfully told him I was on my way out and he said he'd ring back tonight!!

 

There is no way I'm going back there, I need to think of a classy and dignified way of saying why not by the time he rings.

 

I'm gobsmacked! Help

[whatatangledweb]

Is the only reason you left was because of MM? If it was then go back. If not then tell your ex boss why you won't come back. Tell him it was for personal reasons.

[NewLeaf512]

Is the only reason you left was because of MM? If it was then go back. If not then tell your ex boss why you won't come back. Tell him it was for personal reasons.

 

Yes that's the reason. If I go back MM is still there

[whatatangledweb]

Would you have to work with him? See him? I hate to see you giving up a damn good job because of his sorry ass.

[NewLeaf512]

Would you have to work with him? See him? I hate to see you giving up a damn good job because of his sorry ass.

 

 

 

I would never have to work with him directly, but there might be an occasionally time where our paths might cross. ( maybe 2 or 3 times a year) as we live on different continents.

 

 

PS Job hunting after age 45 stinks

[usernametaken]

Go back. Don't sacrifice your professional advancement for exMM.

 

Can you explain what happened to the partner who called you? You may need for there to be an understanding in place that would allow you to avoid exMM those few times you might run into him. Law firms are notoriously predictable - literally half of most attorneys have slept with someone at their firm, I would wager. It's not likely to raise eyebrows, but a warning to the partner might be warranted, especially since exMM's W is a loose cannon.

 

Or, you could always just expose him for texting you dick pics on the company blackberry and have him fired...

[whatatangledweb]

Then go back New Leaf. That company really values you and wants you back. You can finds ways to avoid him. Most likey HE will avoid you at all costs since he knows you will not play games with him. You don't need a new start. You can have your life back without the garbage (MM) in it.

I know it is very hard to job hunt especially as we get older. You have had enough turmoil. Don't put yourself through that any more.

[NewLeaf512]

Go back. Don't sacrifice your professional advancement for exMM.

 

Can you explain what happened to the partner who called you? You may need for there to be an understanding in place that would allow you to avoid exMM those few times you might run into him. Law firms are notoriously predictable - literally half of most attorneys have slept with someone at their firm, I would wager. It's not likely to raise eyebrows, but a warning to the partner might be warranted, especially since exMM's W is a loose cannon.

 

Or, you could always just expose him for texting you dick pics on the company blackberry and have him fired...

 

 

First smile of the day. (dick Pics) Thank you.

 

 

But we are British and therefore that protocol would be inappropriate here I am sure.

 

 

I was a Senior Tenant in the Chamber (one of 4 but not Head of Chamber) previously and untangling it was a mess. I know this is wrong but when he rang back I diverted to VM because I didn't know what to say yet. I am considered a "Foreign Desk Specialist" meaning I am crossed barred in more than 1 country, and some other criterion, as well as an "Eminent Practitioner" which drove exMM nuts. This is why I am getting the "you are too senior" issue.

 

 

I think putting myself in a situation with contact in any way with exMM would be bad because as you mention his BW is a loose cannon. I'm currently looking at roles at 60% of my former earnings because as an "employed" Barrister, who still had professional clients, it was extremely lucrative. Now, I am in a totally different spot. (sad really)

[whatatangledweb]

His wife is a loose cannon but she isn't stupid. That is why they wanted a gag order not to tell his employer. She won't do somethng that will cost him his job and career.