The Usual-ish Story **Updated and Merged**

[NewLeaf512]

His wife is a loose cannon but she isn't stupid. That is why they wanted a gag order not to tell his employer. She won't do somethng that will cost him his job and career.

 

But they already did though. They started with the lawyer crap. I could have got him fired but I didn't

[AngeliqueC]

The point is, dearie, go on back to your job. You didn't send the dick pics, he did. Just tell the partners, sweetly, that when you return it will be on e condition that you do not work any case with Tricky Dicky, for personal reasons you'd prefer to leave undisclosed. Keep that British stiff upper lip. They will figure it out without any further discussion.

[NewLeaf512]

The point is, dearie, go on back to your job. You didn't send the dick pics, he did. Just tell the partners, sweetly, that when you return it will be on e condition that you do not work any case with Tricky Dicky, for personal reasons you'd prefer to leave undisclosed. Keep that British stiff upper lip. They will figure it out without any further discussion.

 

 

 

I'm not sure it's wise

[NewLeaf512]

40 nights with no GLBL

41 times of waking up to silence u

[rackcity]

You're doing great! Any news on the job?

[underpants]

What would be the drawbacks of returning to your previous position while still considering other options? You don't have to answer, just consider.

 

Honestly, given the situation, you might consider having him fired, return to you job and let his choices as well as his wife's choices lay there.

 

You were lied to and deceived. That is not your fault.

[NewLeaf512]

Thanks it's 4:15 and I can't sleep so could be better

 

Jobs: progressed by 2 cut by 2. 2 more tomorrow thanks for following me

[jwi71]

Thanks it's 4:15 and I can't sleep so could be better

 

Jobs: progressed by 2 cut by 2. 2 more tomorrow thanks for following me

 

What price is your happiness?

 

Can you reasonably expect to continue to detach, forgive, move forward, etc with xMM in your midst?

 

What is the fallout should events come to light?

 

Is staying going to negatively or positively impact you? And yes I know "you" is almost infinite in its complexity.

 

First answer that comes to your head: stay or go? That's prolly the right choice for you.

[NewLeaf512]

What price is your happiness?

 

Can you reasonably expect to continue to detach, forgive, move forward, etc with xMM in your midst?

 

What is the fallout should events come to light?

 

Is staying going to negatively or positively impact you? And yes I know "you" is almost infinite in its complexity.

 

First answer that comes to your head: stay or go? That's prolly the right choice for you.

 

 

 

My first instinct is "HAVE A JOB!!" That rings in my head from morning through the night. I think I will be a true lawyer and keep all options open.

 

 

I will ring Head of Chambers today and tell him I need some head space and will let him know by 22 September.

 

 

In the meanwhile I am going like gangbusters to find something new. I pretty much never even maybe possibly want to see his face again ever.

[Whisper Quiet]

Please keep options open with your old firm! Consider the possibility that going back to your old firm will allow you to immerse yourself in work. This will help to keep you engaged in thinking about something other than xMM and help your healing.

 

If you are unsure about asking to not work with or in the vicinity of xMM is it possible to ask for different types of cases (under the guise of expanding your professional development)?

 

My gut feeling is the BS is used to bullying to get her way. You have plenty to shut her down and keep her that way. After all, you can release to the firm, friends, family, parishioners. As you have stated any legal action regarding this action would result in the information being made part of the public record. Bottom line, BS is xMM's problem to keep in check. He needs to be the one sweating this not you.

[NewLeaf512]

Thanks for your message.

I am a litigator : think black robe and powdered white horse hair wig.

 

 

He is: (for the Americans) remember the person who helped you do your house closing? like that. write wills etc

[NewLeaf512]

every reason: over qualified or too senior

 

 

Thank you for coming in to see X and the SLT. I have managed to speak to them and get a debrief, plus also had a bit of time to reflect.

Long story short is that while we were all very excited about the prospect of someone of your calibre joining our team, we – and especially I – have the concern that the timing is wrong. In effect, we are not ready for you. In addition we discussed that there will be a mismatch in short/mid-term expectations and the speed witch which you expect to push us forward. A few years from now, I have no doubt that you will be the right one to take us to the next level but at this point, it feels like a step to far to take someone of your level on-board.

I have to say that it feels odd to “qualify you out” on the basis of us not being ready for you, but I do think it is the right thing to do for both you and This Chamber. I hope that we are able to stay in touch, and that we can reach out to you in 1-2 years from now when we feel more ready.

I wish you the best of luck in your interviews / negotiations with the other organisations you are speaking to. I have no doubt what whoever you decide to go to, they will benefit greatly from having you join their team.

 

 

I know that on the face of this it sounds really nice, and maybe it is, but this id the 4th one this week so far. Maybe I am just past it. I feel a depressive episode coming on.

 

 

I feel like shouting out to karma "HEY! Its me NEWLEAF the ACTUALLY contrite one! Can I please have a TINY bit of CARROT now that I have had a LOT of STICK!"

[NewLeaf512]

Yup number 5!

 

Through an executive search firm

 

"The client feels that the role isn't big enough or interesting enough to keep someone of your calibre."

 

Do I get to say what interests me? No

 

I'm really quite blue.

[Hope Shimmers]

Can't you dumb down your CV a little?

 

I actually had to do that to get a job once, too.

 

They have a valid reason I suppose... they don't want to be a stepping stone.

[NewLeaf512]

Can't you dumb down your CV a little?

 

I actually had to do that to get a job once, too.

 

They have a valid reason I suppose... they don't want to be a stepping stone.

 

Hi Hope. (I'm not comparing my self to doctors here because they help people and most lawyers are scum)

I can't dumb down my CV, to do so would be like a doctor not putting his qualifications on his CV and try to get a role as a doctor. I think I may have to act kinds of dumb

[lemondrop21]

Hi NewLeaf, just wanted to send you hugs... I've been following your story and I think you're an amazing woman. You've inspired me with your strength throughout all of this. Honestly your story has also made me feel better about my own situation - I'm also a professional woman (though not in as important of a role as you were, from what it sounds like!) and I consider myself strong, smart and independent... and yet I stupidly got into an affair. It helps to know I'm not the only one.

[NewLeaf512]

Hi NewLeaf, just wanted to send you hugs... I've been following your story and I think you're an amazing woman. You've inspired me with your strength throughout all of this. Honestly your story has also made me feel better about my own situation - I'm also a professional woman (though not in as important of a role as you were, from what it sounds like!) and I consider myself strong, smart and independent... and yet I stupidly got into an affair. It helps to know I'm not the only one.

 

Thank you Lemondrop. I'm not important. We are all in the same boat here hopefully to figure out how to navigate out of, to the best of our abilities, a situation we helped create without hurting anyone else, including ourselves, and recognising that we are human and in that imperfectness we may blunder our way back to reality.

 

It may seem like I am just swanning into a happy sunset of freedom after the A bit the truth is, although I am NC, I still feel sad and confused, still wonder why, and if it ever meant anything at all to him. I use CBT techniques to help me and having to look for work is giving me something to focus on.

 

I will read your story. It's nice to be listened to and "heard" by someone, especially when you are alone in your office sending CV's all alone on a Saturday night and seeing your life in tatters and scraps all around you. Hugs

[lemondrop21]

NewLeaf, thank you, I'm glad that feeling "heard" is helping you and we all deserve to feel heard. My story is not so special as I found out from reading these boards and other affair resources. A much older male colleague went after me and I tumbled into the affair even though I knew it almost certainly would end in tears and heartache. Why? The emotions and lust at the time were stronger than I've ever felt in my life, to the point that it felt overpowering and out of my control (I know that's not true though, I am always in control of my own decisions). Like you, I often think "why me?" And that's something I'm trying to figure out; what made me vulnerable to this?

 

Thank you for mentioning CBT as well, I did some CBT many years ago and should revisit it.

 

Wishing you a peaceful evening.

[Dutchman1]

I am always in control of my own decisions).

 

 

 

 

I often think "why me?" And that's something I'm trying to figure out; what made me vulnerable to this?

 

.

 

Dear Lemondrop21,

 

 

I think you almost hit the jackpot, but I made excerpts from your quote, because they conflict.

 

 

The first one " I am always in control of my own decisions "

is not the answer to your statement/ question to yourself

" I often think "why me?" And that's something I'm trying to figure out "

If you get those quotes connected in a for you workable way, than you will know what happened, one of the two was off that time.

 

 

I indeed think that you are a remarkable strong woman who is finding her way into a happy life without anymore drama and heartbreak.

 

 

Hang in there, you almost got your own Jackpot.

 

 

Dutchman 1

[NewLeaf512]

Dutchman thanks for your post.ive been lying here in my bed for 2 hours tying to sleep. It's never going to happen. I don't want to take any more sleeping pills for a few days.

 

If I can land a job by the first week of September then there will be one constant in my life which will help.

[seren]

Hi New Leaf, I wonder if you are bundling everything together and instead of dealing with separate events, as in trying to make sense of the A and the loss and rejection (sorry sounds an awful way to describe it) and the job rejections, you are dealing with them both, at the same time and finding it hard to understand either. if that makes any sense at all.

 

I say this because after H's affair, I had a car accident which had followed treatment for cancer, which was followed by my medical retirement. I interviewed for no end of posts, all of which I was over qualified (I was a Team Manager Social Work and a Strategist). It just felt like rejection, rejection, no control over events that affected my life and TBH, at times I sunk into the deep dark pit of, will I ever be me again and will I ever get over all this.

 

It helped to imagine it all like sorting out a wardrobe, keeping stuff I might never wear again (analogy) but had good memories, throwing out what was no use, putting away stuff I needed to sort again, but separating everything so I didn't just stuff it all back again and open the door to an even bigger mess. I hope the analogy makes sense.

 

I asked for feedback from my interviews and like you was told I was too qualified, that they felt the job couldn't offer enough. Initially I was crushed, later, I thought, damned right, as it is I am now too sick to work, but I always knew my worth. Ask yourself if the A hadn't happened would you have applied for those jobs that wouldn't make use of your skills, are you settling for what is, rather than what is good enough and would make you happy. I would also say we all make bad choices and sometimes we make what we believe are the right one's but someone or something screws it up. Be kind to yourself, believe in yourself and your ability and always, but always believe that whoever employs you or loves you is worth it. Stop beating yourself up, onwards and upwards (like superwoman). hope you don't mind the input, it is meant kindly x seren

[NewLeaf512]

Hi New Leaf, I wonder if you are bundling everything together and instead of dealing with separate events, as in trying to make sense of the A and the loss and rejection (sorry sounds an awful way to describe it) and the job rejections, you are dealing with them both, at the same time and finding it hard to understand either. if that makes any sense at all.

 

I say this because after H's affair, I had a car accident which had followed treatment for cancer, which was followed by my medical retirement. I interviewed for no end of posts, all of which I was over qualified (I was a Team Manager Social Work and a Strategist). It just felt like rejection, rejection, no control over events that affected my life and TBH, at times I sunk into the deep dark pit of, will I ever be me again and will I ever get over all this.

 

It helped to imagine it all like sorting out a wardrobe, keeping stuff I might never wear again (analogy) but had good memories, throwing out what was no use, putting away stuff I needed to sort again, but separating everything so I didn't just stuff it all back again and open the door to an even bigger mess. I hope the analogy makes sense.

 

I asked for feedback from my interviews and like you was told I was too qualified, that they felt the job couldn't offer enough. Initially I was crushed, later, I thought, damned right, as it is I am now too sick to work, but I always knew my worth. Ask yourself if the A hadn't happened would you have applied for those jobs that wouldn't make use of your skills, are you settling for what is, rather than what is good enough and would make you happy. I would also say we all make bad choices and sometimes we make what we believe are the right one's but someone or something screws it up. Be kind to yourself, believe in yourself and your ability and always, but always believe that whoever employs you or loves you is worth it. Stop beating yourself up, onwards and upwards (like superwoman). hope you don't mind the input, it is meant kindly x seren

 

 

Thank you for your post. I took it kindly. Perhaps you are right, I'm jumbling a lot together. I will visualise the wardrobe approach and let you know how I get on.

 

Regarding the job, if the A never happened I would have been # 2 in the chamber and would be assuming Head of Chamber in 2017

 

(Preface: this was donor egg and donor sperm nothing to do with ExMM)

I've tried not to tell too many details here to not reveal who ExMM is but I can talk about me a bit. In the time I've known ExMM I've gone through some pretty significant medical events this was when we were friends, a bilateral mastectomy, with lymph node involvement and chemo for that. Durning the PA or EA (i don't want to pin point a time) then After we started the I started to try IVF. It appeared thar I had a bunch of fibroids so I went to a private hospital here for a uterine ablation. When I woke up in the recovery room the consultant said .. It's sub mucosal tumours and I can see cervical cancer with my naked eye, you need a radical hysterectomy within the next 2 weeks. It was durning those 2 weeks I found out he was actually was M, that I have cancer Again, need to sort my head. I'm never going to be a mother, ever. And I have hormone triggering cancer so no HRT for me. As you may understand it was a highly emotive time for me, then more chemo. And working 10-12 hours a day that was hard.

 

We can di the

Thig

[seren]

With all my heart I wish you peace and happiness. Try to stay strong, easy to say, but I imagined myself an Amazon battling the damned disease. I am clear, for now, it has been a long hard road, but each day is another to tick off and celebrate. I too cannot take HRT and so wish I could, sweats are awful and the weeps even more so. I am sorry you cannot bear a child, but some day, maybe you will be a Mum, it's no consolation right now and not meant to sound trite. Be kind to yourself, take care of yourself, one moment at a time. I found the one person I needed at my side was another me, urging me on.

 

it wasn't until I was forced to give up work due to other health stuff that I realised just how much of my life I had given to my job. Now, I make time to just be and watch the world twirl. I wish I had discovered this years ago. Take very good care of you and give yourself time and space. x seren

[NewLeaf512]

With all my heart I wish you peace and happiness. Try to stay strong, easy to say, but I imagined myself an Amazon battling the damned disease. I am clear, for now, it has been a long hard road, but each day is another to tick off and celebrate. I too cannot take HRT and so wish I could, sweats are awful and the weeps even more so. I am sorry you cannot bear a child, but some day, maybe you will be a Mum, it's no consolation right now and not meant to sound trite. Be kind to yourself, take care of yourself, one moment at a time. I found the one person I needed at my side was another me, urging me on.

 

it wasn't until I was forced to give up work due to other health stuff that I realised just how much of my life I had given to my job. Now, I make time to just be and watch the world twirl. I wish I had discovered this years ago. Take very good care of you and give yourself time and space. x seren

 

I think I will just have to be other children's surrogate mum. That can be enough. Thanks seren

[NewLeaf512]

Let's hope this is the last legal letter which shuts the stupid off

 

​Thank you for you the repayment of Ms. Newleaf's loan. My client does not accept this as full accord and satisfaction of any of the other monies owed to her for vacations etc.. although she will forgo pursuit of the same at this time. We accept you and your clients acknowledgement that no agreements, contracts, promises of any nature binding or otherwise exists between Ms. Newleaf and Mr. Idiot at this time, nor will my client enter into same at any point in the future. Ms. Newleaf by accepting the repayment of the $3500 loan has not waived any rights that she may have in the future as it relates to Mr. Idiot.