poppy89 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Hey guys, I'm new here but I could really use some advice! So here's the situation: For the past month or so a co-worker and I have been flirting back and forth. We have nicknames for each other, we play fight and on Friday he said he'd finally thought of a compliment for me. (we're constantly sarcastic with each other and I joked that he never says anything nice) anyway, he got all shy and was like 'I can't say it.' Then, when I dropped him off at home, he got all shy, kept grinning and was like 'you're cool. You always make me smile in work...there's something else, but I can't say it'. I drove home smiling from ear to ear - he was all shy and bashful. We were texting that night and I mentioned how surprised I was at the fact that it was actually a nice compliment. Again he said 'there's more to it, but I can't' Again, here's me thinking: gosh, he actually likes me! (He's naturally quite shy and quiet) Cut to today: we were texting again and I asked him what he got up to after work yesterday. BOOOM!!!! Dinner with my girlfriend. WHAT?! I've worked with him for months, even before the flirtation started, and not once did he mention her, not even in passing. Is this the 'something else' he was talking about? In other words, was there more to his compliment on Friday night or can he not tell me what he wanted to say because he has a girlfriend that I didn't know about?! I think he only told me today because he's realised its gone too far? I feel like such an idiot!!!! I had no idea and now I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Yup he realized it went too far. There is no doubt about it he really wants you. What he is doing is the start of an emotional affair...it's like the stage when you start seeing someone. He had to drop the bomb to put an end to it. You can either a) stop the flirting and ignore him from now on or b) confront him about it Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Yes this is the something else he was talking about. Be smart and stop talking to him now (except professionally for work related issues) Link to post Share on other sites
Author poppy89 Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Of course I'm going to stop, I'm not THAT girl. I genuinely had no idea he had a girlfriend. I feel like an absolute moron now because I genuinely thought he liked me. Even if he viewed us merely as friends, surely he should have brought her up in passing? I confronted him about it, I'm not one to hold my tongue but I wasn't rude about it, after all, he doesn't owe me anything. It took a while for me to fathom what had just happened and I didn't reply straight away because...well, what can you say? But I was curious (and slightly agitated, I must admit) so I basically said in a jokey way: aha! Is this the other thing you couldn't say on Friday? He's in work now, so I'll have to wait until late tonight for a reply. I just want him to be honest now, so I can draw a line. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I feel like an absolute moron now because I genuinely thought he liked me. Yes he does like you....come on, he's been mackin on ya for how long? Guys don't put effort into being friends with girls, they put effort into girls they want to get with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Guess he thought you were a golden opportunity but then he backed off. Or maybe he hopes you are 'that type of girl' that will agree on being the sidechick. And yes, definitely confront him, although you most likely won't get much out of him except excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author poppy89 Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 We have never kissed or anything else, I'm just going off his behaviour and attitude towards me. Feel like a moron because he had a girlfriend all along - shouldn't he have mentioned her earlier?! Nobody in work knows about her, they always comment on us when we're around each other. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 He should have but he didn't want to because he wanted to relish in the attention he was getting from you....he likes you darlin....and when you really like someone that much, even a relationship can mean nothing to you when in the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author poppy89 Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 A royal kick in the pants from the universe: here's a guy you really get along with and he seems to like you back! The catch? He's taken. Awky mo-mo! Never mind, that puts an end to it then. Wonder what he'll reply tonight, if he even will. I'm expecting some serious back-pedalling. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 You did nothing wrong, Poppy. I'm sorry that happened to you but please do yourself a favor and distance yourself from him at work, if possible. He figured he could get a piece of ass off of you and his Girlfriend would be none the wiser but she cramped his style by making plans for this weekend so now the jig is up. Just another reason to NOT get involved with anyone from work.... Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Hey guys, I'm new here but I could really use some advice! So here's the situation: For the past month or so a co-worker and I have been flirting back and forth. We have nicknames for each other, we play fight and on Friday he said he'd finally thought of a compliment for me. (we're constantly sarcastic with each other and I joked that he never says anything nice) anyway, he got all shy and was like 'I can't say it.' Then, when I dropped him off at home, he got all shy, kept grinning and was like 'you're cool. You always make me smile in work...there's something else, but I can't say it'. I drove home smiling from ear to ear - he was all shy and bashful. We were texting that night and I mentioned how surprised I was at the fact that it was actually a nice compliment. Again he said 'there's more to it, but I can't' Again, here's me thinking: gosh, he actually likes me! (He's naturally quite shy and quiet) Cut to today: we were texting again and I asked him what he got up to after work yesterday. BOOOM!!!! Dinner with my girlfriend. WHAT?! I've worked with him for months, even before the flirtation started, and not once did he mention her, not even in passing. Is this the 'something else' he was talking about? In other words, was there more to his compliment on Friday night or can he not tell me what he wanted to say because he has a girlfriend that I didn't know about?! I think he only told me today because he's realised its gone too far? I feel like such an idiot!!!! I had no idea and now I'm confused. Yes, that's exactly what happened. And, this is why you don't initiate with a guy until it becomes clear from him what his intentions are with you. In all those conversations you never asked him anything about himself? Like, do you have a girlfriend before you decided to reach out to him? Just because someone flirts with you, it doesn't mean they want to date you. And they can flirt with you all they want or all that you will allow them to, but until they ask you on a date, they are just flirting period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author poppy89 Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Of course I asked him about himself, we spoke all the time, about everything! She never came up and he was speaking as though he were single. What's more, his FB relationship status is 'single' - I know this doesn't mean a thing, but more fool me for assuming. You'd think I'd learn! Anyway, I'll let you guys know what his reply is...this should be interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Any chance he conjured up the GF? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Of course I asked him about himself, we spoke all the time, about everything! She never came up and he was speaking as though he were single. What's more, his FB relationship status is 'single' - I know this doesn't mean a thing, but more fool me for assuming. You'd think I'd learn! Anyway, I'll let you guys know what his reply is...this should be interesting. He might have more that one FB page. Link to post Share on other sites
Author poppy89 Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Nah, I think he genuinely has a girlfriend. Our conversation wasn't anything that would warrant a made up girlfriend haha! I'm not bothering with him anymore, aside from talking in work about work when absolutely necessary. Just want to see what he replies later! I'm just so confused about the whole thing, like I ran into a brick wall whilst blindfolded. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Nah, I think he genuinely has a girlfriend. Our conversation wasn't anything that would warrant a made up girlfriend haha! I'm not bothering with him anymore, aside from talking in work about work when absolutely necessary. Just want to see what he replies later! I'm just so confused about the whole thing, like I ran into a brick wall whilst blindfolded. Sounds like a good opportunity to take the high road. If he comes nosing around at work wondering where his special buddy's gone, you can outright tell him that it's inappropriate to carry on like that when he has a GF (and thus imply without saying it that he was an ass for doing that all along). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author poppy89 Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 You're absolutely right! It was a pretty shady thing for him to do and I'm best off out of it. Just wish I didn't like him as much as I do, still, there's comfort in the fact that he's not the guy I thought he was. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Of course I asked him about himself, we spoke all the time, about everything! She never came up and he was speaking as though he were single. What's more, his FB relationship status is 'single' - I know this doesn't mean a thing, but more fool me for assuming. You'd think I'd learn! Anyway, I'll let you guys know what his reply is...this should be interesting. maybe this girl & relationship is something very new, recent...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author poppy89 Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 But surely if that were the case, he wouldn't feel the need to flirt with someone else? Aren't new relationships exciting? I genuinely don't have a clue what is going on - all theories could be valid here. Unless it's an older relationship and it was just a bit exciting at first to flirt with someone new...then got in too deep and this was his bail out?! Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 But surely if that were the case, he wouldn't feel the need to flirt with someone else? Aren't new relationships exciting? I genuinely don't have a clue what is going on - all theories could be valid here. Unless it's an older relationship and it was just a bit exciting at first to flirt with someone new...then got in too deep and this was his bail out?! depends. not every new relationship starts with a spark. in fact, many don't & many wait to "develop a spark" over time and they fully commit only after the feelings are there. he's shady -- for sure. but maybe he got this GF recently... as in a week ago...? would explain his FB status. that's also shady -- it's just FB, but... single status? =\ be sure to let us know about his reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author poppy89 Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Yeah, that makes sense. However, I have a feeling that they've been together a while, I've done some FB snooping...she's no longer on FB. Even shadier now, to think he changed his status to single! Unless they're on and off? We could literally sit on this thread and theorise until the cows come home - truth and time tell all! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Being nice and being an honorable person are two different things. Not all guys get girls into bed by being jerks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Well, if the little weasel had admitted to you that he had a girlfriend right from the start, he wouldn't have been able to enjoy the flirtation and ego strokes he was getting from you all this time. He also knew he'd have to tell you about the girlfriend because the flirtation between you two was getting more intense, and the next natural step would have been a date. Because he couldn't go to that next step, he finally admitted to you that he had a girlfriend. Definitely a sleazy little maneuver on his part in order to enjoy your attentions toward him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Yea possibly he is not far enough into the relationship with the other girl to know if it is really what he wants,,,, but he realized he had to make a decision, and he did. Link to post Share on other sites
mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Umm, he still hasn't replied?? Link to post Share on other sites
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