Shepp Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 (edited) anika99 is spot on! I'd never tell someone to give up on their kids or their family unit but maybe sometimes people really just didn't realise what they were signing up for.. it should be unconditional love and if its not maybe its time to hold your hands up and say your in something that your just not able to deal with.. no one would tell you being a parent is easy. Only you know if sticking the situation out will make things better or not? But you have to make things better one way or another, you cant carry on like you are because everyday your kids spend in a situation like this is taking just a little bit more of there future away, changing the people they are and the adults they could be. Its not easy, no ones telling you its easy but you chose to have kids, you chose it, not them - so step up! Your kids aren't copying their brothers behaviour they're copying yours and your husbands!!! Not in running around and screaming or whatever but in the way of your coping skills, in the way you give out attention, in the way you communicate with them! Why do people tell kids off by shouting at them.. that's never a skill you'd use in the adult world, you create the assumption being right is shouting the loudest. You don't need to shout, you need to speak and mean every word you say and they'll soon start to listen! Why treat your kids with less respect than you would an employee or subordinate at work? DO your kids even get attention when they are behaving if your hiding in your room and don't even see it... or do you only take notice of them when they're embarrassing you? If its a choice between no attention or negative attention, everyone form humans to monkeys to dogs will take the negative attention! You need to be with them so you can witness that singular 2minuet moment where they do something good and you can forget everything that went before and lead up to it and can think i'm proud he's my son - and tell him so! Even if he ruins it 60 seconds later. You have to just keep on trying till you get through to them. Me and my wife went to school together, at 16 i'm sure most people would of described her as frankly a nightmare.. gobby, never doing what she should be, always in the centre of trouble, all that stuff. At home her mother had passed away and she was left with a dad who basically didn't want her. That lack of love at home had a huge monumental impact on the girl she was, on the things she did! And we're talking about a 16 year old girl! I don't know how old your kids are but how is a 5 year old, 8 year old, 10 year old, meant to cope in an environment that near adults can't? There's a quote I have up in my sons' bedroom that says "A good father raises his son to be the man he meant to be"... think about the adults your bringing them up to be. Your struggling to cope with the situation are you bringing them up to be adults that could? Edited July 21, 2015 by Shepp 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gagirl Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 You all are right!! I'm going to run right down to social services right now and just hand them over because you people think you know everything!! Lol!!!!! In my state, they house the foster kids with juvenile delinquents because they don't have the space to separate them out. My kids have never even set foot in a public school. There is no way being separated and placed with criminals is better. Hell, they all break down in tears when they watch Scared Straight. I drove by one those prisons a few weeks ago and asked them if they wanted to stop by. They were petrified that I would even say that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I get that you are frustrated because you're isolated, BUT. You seem to shift the blame on your kids or professionals. Don't you have any part in this? How come a stranger could discipline them and you couldn't? Instead of snapping at people who point out your and your husband's dysfunctional parenting try to listen, discuss, find solutions... Do you care more about your embarrassment or about your children's well-being and future? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Assuming that you are not a troll, this is a stretch, you are doing your children a great amount of harm. Listen to other posters that you should allow better suited humans to raise your children. There are a few things that young people need: food, safety, shelter, education and most importantly LOVE. If you are for real with this thread, you are not able to parent children. Your kids will suffer and are already suffering. I have a hard time believing any mother who has given birth could be as cold/callous as you seem to be. You are failing them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 You all are right!! I'm going to run right down to social services right now and just hand them over because you people think you know everything!! Lol!!!!! In my state, they house the foster kids with juvenile delinquents because they don't have the space to separate them out. My kids have never even set foot in a public school. There is no way being separated and placed with criminals is better. Hell, they all break down in tears when they watch Scared Straight. I drove by one those prisons a few weeks ago and asked them if they wanted to stop by. They were petrified that I would even say that. I actually don't agree with the posters saying you should just give your kids away. That would be devastating to them and as you say there's a good chance they would end up in even worse conditions. I'm just begging you to please open your mind and heart to change. As some else already said I believe you have reached a point of closing yourself off to help and growth. Your whole family needs counselling and you and your husband have to change how you are running that household. Not just for your kids sake but also for your happiness. Your house sounds like constant chaos and stress. It's toxic to everyone Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I actually don't agree with the posters saying you should just give your kids away. That would be devastating to them and as you say there's a good chance they would end up in even worse conditions. I'm just begging you to please open your mind and heart to change. As some else already said I believe you have reached a point of closing yourself off to help and growth. Your whole family needs counselling and you and your husband have to change how you are running that household. Not just for your kids sake but also for your happiness. Your house sounds like constant chaos and stress. It's toxic to everyone Anika, I can respect your devotion in keeping children with their parents. Perhaps a compromise is a temporary removal til the parents can be more capable to demonstrate a healthy lifestyle and environment. The kids might even like knowing their are good homes where people care kindly about their well being. The Op herself is showing weariness in attending to her offspring. For reasons I have yet to fathom, her maternal instincts simply are not shining. I do not think this is a simple case of parents being in a slump, They need to re-organize and that cannot be done without separation and much counseling. Those kids deserve some hope and to experience genuine love and support... Not all people that birth children make wholesome parents... Link to post Share on other sites
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