TheBathWater Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I'm trying to wrap my head around what to do with this one. I met up with a woman today for our first date. We bounced around and visited a few spots. I tried to kiss her after an hour, but she pulled away and accused me of moving too fast. By the end of the date, I was stroking her hair and she had asked to hold my hand while we walked outside. I took it as a sign and tried to kiss her one last time, but again, she said I was moving too fast. I can completely respect when someone wants to take things slow, but what confuses me is how insanely sexual her questions are in her online dating profile. She herself seems to move very fast and be more sexually driven than anything. Part of me thinks maybe she was like that and is now trying to go in the opposite direction since she wants something long-term, but I don't know for sure. Anyway, I'm just trying to figure out how to progress from here. I'm almost worried if I try to kiss her on the second date now she's going to get pissed or something. She seemed to really take offense today, yet she kept wanting to spend time with me and go different places. So strange. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBug Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 (edited) A woman liking sex does not mean "free sex." That said, some women do like to use sex to attract a man. Don't necessarily take this as a green light, or if she does give in, that it will stick. If it seems too good to be true... Edited July 5, 2015 by DaisyBug 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Better watch out that it's not a manipulation... If she starts asking for money, makes you spend on her, and/or it starts moving too fast (i.e. she pushes for shacking up and/or marriage and you barely have a few months dating her) then beware!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I'm trying to wrap my head around what to do with this one. I met up with a woman today for our first date. We bounced around and visited a few spots. I tried to kiss her after an hour, but she pulled away and accused me of moving too fast. By the end of the date, I was stroking her hair and she had asked to hold my hand while we walked outside. I took it as a sign and tried to kiss her one last time, but again, she said I was moving too fast. I can completely respect when someone wants to take things slow, but what confuses me is how insanely sexual her questions are in her online dating profile. She herself seems to move very fast and be more sexually driven than anything. Part of me thinks maybe she was like that and is now trying to go in the opposite direction since she wants something long-term, but I don't know for sure. Anyway, I'm just trying to figure out how to progress from here. I'm almost worried if I try to kiss her on the second date now she's going to get pissed or something. She seemed to really take offense today, yet she kept wanting to spend time with me and go different places. So strange. I agree. I find this mixed messages. That said, I think some girls really feel like they need to "keep up" by seeming highly sexual, which could or could not be true. At this point it's just a hook. Just focus on what you want. If you'd like to date her regardless, go on next date but let her make the moves physically. She'll probably be bewildered. Of course, one can only go so long without the physical and at a certain point, her game playing and immaturity about this would be a turn off. I don't think it's bad at all that she wants to go slow. Only that she has misrepresented herself and now seems offended when you two are having an enjoyable date. A kiss is normal and not that fast. You should go again if you're interested just pay attention to make sure she's worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Dude, you need to remember that just because a woman is very sexual and open about it, doesn't mean she gets physical with every guy that she meets. For whatever reason, she just wasn't feeling it with you in person. That's why I think you should just take her kiss rejection at face value. I mean if she was attracted to you, she wouldn't stop you from kissing her once, let alone twice. After all, actions speak louder than words. So walk away and don't contact her again. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Yep, it does sound like a bait and switch; all filler, no killer; false advertising. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBug Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I think some girls really feel like they need to "keep up" by seeming highly sexual, which could or could not be true. At this point it's just a hook. I don't think it's bad at all that she wants to go slow. Only that she has misrepresented herself and now seems offended when you two are having an enjoyable date. This! Kinda like the woman who wears a low-cut blouse to the office and cries "sexual harassment!" if you take a peek. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 That said, some women do like to use sex to attract a man. This. It's like how some men like to brag about or flash their money and material things to attract women, but they have no intention on spending any money on her. That said, I still say try to kiss her again IF you have a second date, but leave it at a kiss. Don't try to have sex with her. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I met up with a woman today for our first date. We bounced around and visited a few spots. I tried to kiss her after an hour, but she pulled away and accused me of moving too fast... I can completely respect when someone wants to take things slow, but what confuses me is how insanely sexual her questions are in her online dating profile. She herself seems to move very fast and be more sexually driven than anything. I don't necessarily see the contradiction at this point. She puts a lot of sexuality on her profile, so she doesn't seem shy about sex. But I'm not sure that I would interpret that as "moving very fast" unless there's something else I missed. She may not be a fast mover so much as being really into it as soon as she becomes involved with the person. Yet I would consider trying to kiss after one hour of meeting to be moving very fast. If you're interested in her, I would go out again and see if you're compatible and there's sexual interest. But I would slow it down. And just from what you presented I don't necessarily think she's a tease but probably just want to get to know you better before having any sexual/romantic contact. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I also would like to know how she seemed highly sexual in her profile? What questions do they ask on dating sites that make one seem highly sexual? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Good question. OP, was there something else that caused you to think that seems to move very fast - like, did she say something about her history - or just the questions? Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBug Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Good question. OP, was there something else that caused you to think that seems to move very fast - like, did she say something about her history - or just the questions? Of it's OKCupid, there are questions that ask, "Have you ever had sex within an hour of meeting someone?" and "Within how many dates are you likely to have sex?" There is also a little graph that sums up one's personality traits, based on answers given, including "More/Less Sex-Driven" and "More/Less Sexperienced." Kinda sad, because one could assume that just because you score low on the "Sex-Driven" questions, it means you're a cold fish. Um, no - sometimes it just means you don't have sex with strangers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBathWater Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 I also would like to know how she seemed highly sexual in her profile? What questions do they ask on dating sites that make one seem highly sexual? Here's just a sample: - typically has sex within 1-2 meetings with someone new - has had sex within the first hour of meeting someone - is currently more interested in sex than love - has had dozens of sexual partners - fantasizes about being raped - wants to be humiliated as part of a sexual experience - is interested in engaging in group sex/orgies Those are the ones off the top of my head, but there were many more. She's a former nude model, and maybe a former porn star. Her chest is practically falling out in every photo online (including in person today, with nipples poking through her top and all). It's not like I'm trying to bed this girl. I tried to kiss her. She must be interested or is at least trying to give the impression that she is if she kept asking to extend the date and was bringing me to different places. She got real close to me a couple of times, was holding my hand, etc... I think it makes sense why someone would be flummoxed by her behavior. It's not about trying to get the lay. But I have to say, I do experience her as a very controlling and bossy type. She's super hot, but I don't think I'm willing to put with her **** again unless she comes to me. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBug Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 This. It's like how some men like to brag about or flash their money and material things to attract women, but they have no intention on spending any money on her. What I don't understand is, why brag about something to get a woman's attention, then complain about only finding gold-diggers? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBug Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Here's just a sample: - typically has sex within 1-2 meetings with someone new - has had sex within the first hour of meeting someone - is currently more interested in sex than love - has had dozens of sexual partners - fantasizes about being raped - wants to be humiliated as part of a sexual experience - is interested in engaging in group sex/orgies Those are the ones off the top of my head, but there were many more. She's a former nude model, and maybe a former porn star. Her chest is practically falling out in every photo online (including in person today, with nipples poking through her top and all). It's not like I'm trying to bed this girl. So, you chose a woman with this sort of profile and background, but not to bed her? Sorry, but.... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Here's just a sample: - typically has sex within 1-2 meetings with someone new - has had sex within the first hour of meeting someone - is currently more interested in sex than love - has had dozens of sexual partners - fantasizes about being raped - wants to be humiliated as part of a sexual experience - is interested in engaging in group sex/orgies Those are the ones off the top of my head, but there were many more. She's a former nude model, and maybe a former porn star. Her chest is practically falling out in every photo online (including in person today, with nipples poking through her top and all). It's not like I'm trying to bed this girl. I tried to kiss her. She must be interested or is at least trying to give the impression that she is if she kept asking to extend the date and was bringing me to different places. She got real close to me a couple of times, was holding my hand, etc... I think it makes sense why someone would be flummoxed by her behavior. It's not about trying to get the lay. But I have to say, I do experience her as a very controlling and bossy type. She's super hot, but I don't think I'm willing to put with her **** again unless she comes to me. Oh wow. What kind of dating site is this? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 um, ok I am going to have to revisit my last response. That is so over the top, are you sure you were even on a real date? Why would you even want to? Ok, with those responses from her, I will assume that your primary motive was sex. Since she is playing games, move on. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Here's just a sample: - typically has sex within 1-2 meetings with someone new - has had sex within the first hour of meeting someone - is currently more interested in sex than love - has had dozens of sexual partners - fantasizes about being raped - wants to be humiliated as part of a sexual experience - is interested in engaging in group sex/orgies Those are the ones off the top of my head, but there were many more. She's a former nude model, and maybe a former porn star. Her chest is practically falling out in every photo online (including in person today, with nipples poking through her top and all). And what can I ask attracted you to this girl? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 And what can I ask attracted you to this girl? She seemed intelligent and had a beautiful smile.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 um, ok I am going to have to revisit my last response. That is so over the top, are you sure you were even on a real date? Why would you even want to? Ok, with those responses from her, I will assume that your primary motive was sex. Since she is playing games, move on. He was supposed to pay first, she couldn't 'ask' but kept hoping he would wise up by dragging the date out. JK 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 As a sexual woman who does prefer to take her time (and has only ONCE even kissed a man on a first date), at first I was ready to totally jump in and suggest that this woman isn't doing anything awful. BUT... that list. That very public advertisement of sexual experiences... it feels so very odd. Not to say you should jump to any conclusions, perhaps her refusal to kiss had no awful meaning behind it. But, do observe her closely from here, and if you feel her behavior is just too odd for you, it's okay to move on from her. No obligation for you to feel any one particular way about her and what her profile and actions mean. Go with what feels right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBathWater Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 And what can I ask attracted you to this girl? I seem to do better with bad girl types. I used to be a player but have been more focused on finding a relationship the last couple of years. Because she is only looking for long-term dating (so she claims), I guess I imagined her to be someone like me: a very sexual person with a bit of a history, but is now looking for the real thing. She is really hot too, and is from a different culture (and I also tend to date multicultural women a lot). Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBug Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I seem to do better with bad girl types. Because she is only looking for long-term dating (so she claims), I guess I imagined her to be someone like me: a very sexual person with a bit of a history. She does not sound to me like someone who "loves sex." She sounds like a person who's had a very sad childhood and has likely been molested and abused. You may wish to read up on former hookers and the like - women whom men assume must just loooove sex - and see what you could be dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 (edited) Dude, you need to remember that just because a woman is very sexual and open about it, doesn't mean she gets physical with every guy that she meets. For whatever reason, she just wasn't feeling it with you in person. That's why I think you should just take her kiss rejection at face value. I mean if she was attracted to you, she wouldn't stop you from kissing her once, let alone twice. After all, actions speak louder than words. So walk away and don't contact her again. Oh come on, he doesn't have to "walk away and never contact her again" What is it with this forum, so she wasn't ready for a kiss on the first date, that's NOT unusual. Does she like this guy? I don't know. But to simply jump to the conclusion to just give up is a bit extreme. OP, try and have a second date, don't be physical, see how things pan out. I guess this was OK Cupid with its extensive list of VERY sexually explicit questions? Yeah, don't forget, girls may well be hyper sexual in a relationship, but still have to be comfortable with someone to open up. Just because a person openly answers questions regarding sex, doesn't mean she's going to jump into bed with anyone on the first date...EVEN IF she answers "Yes" to the "would you sleep with someone on the first date" question. I have an OK Cupid profile, and i answer those questions too. I dated girls who openly answered some of those question. But to jump to the conclusion that she is a victim of abuse, or a hooker in disguise...come on people. As you answer these questions (and there are hundreds), you can just get lost in the moment, it stops being "questions people will read about my preferences" and becomes a game, like an anonymous online quiz "How would you rank you sexuality?" Stop reading too much into a few questions. Edited July 5, 2015 by yxalitis 5 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBug Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 (edited) But to jump to the conclusion that she is a victim of abuse, or a hooker in disguise...come on people. She's possibly an ex-porn star who wants to be humiliated during sex, has rape fantasies, and has sex within an hour of meeting someone? That is not a red flag to you in any way that she's possibly been misused? Wow. Edited July 5, 2015 by DaisyBug 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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