Ex seems to be torn...

[Nubianangel]

Hey everyone!

 

It's been awhile since I've visited LS but here is my story and I'd appreicate a little feedback. For those who aren't familiar with my story, here's a brief summary: Ex and I broke up after almost 6 months but continued seeing each other. It was still rocky between us and after a bad fight, I ending up sleeping with a former ex. He found out and wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. We had NC for almost 3 months then he called me on my b-day.

 

Fast forward to today, we still talk atleast once or twice a week. The conversations usually center on how good it was between us and how much we miss the other, he even admitted he thinks of me everyday and he misses holding me at night. I confessed the same and suggested we hang out. He couldn't give me any guarantees but said he'd consider it but then I didn't hear from him for days. I later found out through a mutual friend, that his talking to me stirred up a lot of emotions and again he felt angry about what I'd done with the other ex. He finally called and again we shared a pleasant conversation and lots of laughs but when I texted him later on in the week to see if he'd had any weekend plans--he never responded, again he pulled back. He finally called to say he'd be at a mutual friends house and why don't I stop by, I readily agreed but you guessed it, he never showed.

 

What's going on? Is he playing games? Am I pushing him too fast too soon? It seems that he wants this but then he feels torn and pulls away. Should I back off? I haven't called or texted him in days.

 

Any comments would be appreciated, thanks!

[Nubianangel]

Anyone?

[lindya]

I'd keep away from him for the moment. Especially if he's angry, as the last thing you want is another argument. Sounds as if he needs some space to think about things. The suggestion that you go round to your friend's and see him there, followed by his failure to show up, suggests that he maybe is playing games a bit. Again, another reason to back off for now.

[Nubianangel]

Thanks Lindya.

 

It's now a few days later and who should text me but him. Conversation went like this:

 

(Him)

"Been dreaming of me lately?"

 

(Me)

"Yes of course and you?"

 

(Him)

"No but I'll find out soon, I'm headed to bed. hahaha"

 

(Me)

"Will you dream of me or some other b*tch?"

 

(Him)

"Don't know! Why the hostility?"

 

(Me)

"Not being hostile, being facetious but to be honest I don't want you thinking about or being with another woman."

 

(Him)

"Why not? Are you trying to be selfish?"

 

(Me)

"Not selfish, I'm just still in love with you."

 

Afterwards, I get no response whatsoever. I do realize I'm being selfish and I do want for him to be happy but I want for it to be with me. I see that I'm pushing it but sometimes I feel like he encourages it.

 

Any of the guys have an opinion on what's going on in his head? Is this a game to him?

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Nubianangel (Me)

"Not being hostile, being facetious but to be honest I don't want you thinking about or being with another woman."

 

This "screams" of insecurity..... that's why he stopped texting you. Men like confident women every bit as much as women like confident men. What you told him is you don't value yourself so why should he?

[Nubianangel]

Thanks ConfusedInOC. Guess I never looked at it that way. To be honest, I've never felt more confident than I do at this point in my life. It's true if he's with anyone, I want for it to be me but if he found love with someone else I'd wish him well.

 

It's a game I know but at times I say what I think he wants to hear just so he knows I'm still interested. I fear that if I let him know I'm "too" content, he'll NEVER look at me in that romantic way again and things will settle into a we're-just-buddies vibe. (not something I want in the long run)

 

Sometimes, I think my name should be 'ConfusedIn...'!

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by Nubianangel

Thanks ConfusedInOC. Guess I never looked at it that way. To be honest, I've never felt more confident than I do at this point in my life. It's true if he's with anyone, I want for it to be me but if he found love with someone else I'd wish him well.

 

It's a game I know but at times I say what I think he wants to hear just so he knows I'm still interested. I fear that if I let him know I'm "too" content, he'll NEVER look at me in that romantic way again and things will settle into a we're-just-buddies vibe. (not something I want in the long run)

 

Sometimes, I think my name should be 'ConfusedIn...'!

 

 

 

You may THINK those things, but your thoughts become your actions. So if you want to exude self confidence you need to THINK it as well.

 

Let him go if he doesn't want you and remember to be self confident the next time.

[Nubianangel]

From my post, do you get the feeling he doesn't want me? He tells me all the time how much he thinks of me, according to him it's everyday. He likes to reminisce (sp) about the warm summers we shared. That's why I said he seems to encourage this but when I reciprocate, he's pulls back. WTF??

 

I've partially let him go but my heart still holds on. In fact, I've been dating someone for a few weeks now but I can't give him my all because the ex always surfaces. Just when I'm on track and ready to turn away, he calls, my emotions are stirred and I veer onto the 'what could be' lane.

[krunchers]

I'm going through the same thing you are. one minute they say they are still in love with you then no im not. I'm in love with someone else(there my soulmate) Now this is just in 8 weeks. my ex and I have been separated for 6 months, but still seeing each other.Till they met someone online in a different state. She used to call me and have me come over after work and we'd hang out and have some drinks and say how much I love you, but i'm still going to see the other person. I wish they'd know what they want. All I know is my heart is messed up. I cry every day. I always wonder if they are thinking about me. You'd think at night or driving. I dont know. I just take it day by day. It hurts though.