OW pregnant by MM

[autumnnight]

It takes a lot of courage to raise a child of an affair or rape. I always thought if myself as a timid person, a comfort seeking sort. When I discovered i was pregnant as a result of my affair, I changed. It was not anything i ever saw in myself. Though the baby passed prematurely, I'd go through it all again. My soul is at peace now. I'm glad he was here, and I'm glad he changed me. I had an abortion at 28, and i could not do that again. I'm not at peace with that choice these years later. But this last one, I am.

 

The key is deciding that MM'S views mean NOTHING. The decision has to come with them and their bs completely outside the loop. Only then can you see inside your heart to what you need and want. Their bs muddies the water. They mean nothing. It's you, and your heart. Nothing more.

 

Good luck OP. My child would be crawling now. I think of him every day. But I'm at peace. I wish you peace as well.

 

This is beautiful. I've pretty much felt like I must be turning to crap the past couple of days. Thank you for this and reminding me that there are people with hearts in the world.

[stillafool]

I agree that MM will try to be near you as much as possible to make sure you don't change your mind about the abortion. Don't mistake his attention during this time for love. It is the fear of losing his family that motivates him. It's good your mother will be around for support because you will need it.

[Lula Belle]

OP, I raised my two children for most of their lives as a single mom. It was tough in certain ways but the joy has far outweighed the tough times. They are amazing adults and mean everything to me. I would do it a thousand times over again in a heartbeat just to have them in my life. I can't imagine life without them.

 

That said, I know of only two people whom I know for sure have had an abortion. One of them is a family member who got pregnant by a MM and doesn't know I know about her abortion. So, I have no idea of her mindset about it.

 

Obviously, there are probably many people I know who've had an abortion and I don't know about it.

 

However, the one person I know who did have an abortion twenty-five years ago who has told me about it has said that it's been very difficult to deal with the fact that she terminated her pregnancy. She talked at length with me about it pouring out her heart about her regret. She's a beautiful lady who is now married to a Dr. and has three beautiful children of her own. But, still, she's told me her heart has longed for the child she terminated.

 

She ended up entering counseling many years after the abortion to come to terms with what she'd done. Part of her therapy involved giving the child a name and having a ceremony for it, I guess kind of a funeral type thing, Idk exactly because I didn't ask questions when she told me about it.

 

She then gave her time to volunteer for many years at a pregnancy center that counseled women who are pregnant with an unplanned child and are in difficult circumstances to raise it.

 

She told me that it has been a horrendous road to travel the way she did it and if she had it to do over again she would have the child as a single mom. (She didn't love her bf and didn't want to marry him).

 

The reason she told me this information is that someone I knew had just gotten pregnant out of wedlock, was choosing to keep the child and we were discussing it. This lady who'd had the abortion told me the lady choosing the keep the child was doing what she wishes she had done.

 

This is only one case. Obviously some on this board have had abortions and testify that it was the right decision for them.

 

I have heard that many people who have abortions live to regret it and suffer because of it. Yet, I've never heard anyone who's had a child in difficult circumstances express regret for having the child. This includes people who've had a Down's syndrome child and also a friend whose daughter had two children out of wedlock. Both children have been a treasured part of their family and are now grown.

 

I do know two women who've had children by MM and haven't talked with either about what the experience is like. One of the ladies has four other children and one has just the one child who is her world and I know that the MM dropped her when she had his child and hasn't been a factor in their lives since. The child seems to have had a happy life and is married now with at least one child of her own.

 

I suggest that if possible you talk with others who've been in a similar situation and kept the child and personally (face-to-face if possible) talk with those who've aborted a child. I believe if you go to a crisis pregnancy center they can connect you with women who've been in your situation and will talk with you about it.

 

I would also suggest you pray about the child and about your circumstances.

 

God bless you, your child and the baby you're carrying.

 

This. I know several women who have had abortions...and every single one of them regrets doing it. Definitely not an easy situation to be in, and, as one can tell just reading some comments here, a very sensitive and personal decision.

 

OP, as you have referenced getting an abortion as killing your child, you clearly have strong negative thoughts about abortion. This is important for you to really consider, because if that is your feeling about abortion then it will haunt you.

 

As far as the "stigma" of having a mm baby....who the hell needs to know the details? Really, only those closest to you and/or the situation. I had a child when I was 17 instead of aborting even though I knew the donor was a worthless asshat...there is also a stigma attached to that...and I stand behind my choice. You have no obligation to tell anyone the child's father was married to someone else...single parenting is quite common and simply saying the relationship just didn't work out is all that is needed.