EC Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 So as you guys know my bf is down here right now... Well every time he comes down he's always so excited..and he is now but something is different this time. I think he's getting cold feet about moving and transferring schools! He keeps making little comments and I'm scared. For ex; he always gets here and he would stay in his house and I would stay in mine and he would say it feels good to be home. But now they sold his house and I live on my own now and yesterday driving by his old house he said "Its so weird I feel like I am visiting now and that my home is back in Tallahassee." He has been going out a lot and has finally made a tight group of friends and they have all been celebrating finals and everything and I feel that he is going to miss them terribly. Up there he lives on his own..answers to no one...has good friends..goes out all the time. When he comes here he will be living with his parents for a while and will have to answer to them again. He has to live with them until they can move him into an apartment with his brother. And then he has to start a new University where he knows no one but his brother. I know hes leaving a lot behind but I just want to let him know that I love him and that its going to be ok. I feel him getting scared and now Im freaking out. If he doesn't move down the relationship would have to be over. (he doesn't know this) but I would not be able to handle the LDR for 2 more years. I just could not do it. I know he loves me and he wants to do it...but I don't want him to move down because he feels he has to. How do I comfort him? How do I let him know it's going to be ok? How can I tell him to not be scared? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 When he comes here he will be living with his parents for a while and will have to answer to them again I bet he is scared! Just be as supportive as you can. He'll appreciate it in the long run, no doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Are you the only reason he's considering the move? Not that it isn't a good reason.. but I know the 2 of you have had some issues in the relationship and if I remember right you had initiated a break about a month ago or so? So with that said... isn't it possible that with the issues that have been there and the most recent "Break" that maybe your BF could be wondering when the next time will be? And if there is a next time for a "Break" how long will it last or will it be permanant... These are things I would wonder about if I were in his place... Could just be me... If you want to reassure him EC.. then I guess it's a matter of being sure of you and what you want... then talking to him about this... Good Luck Girl Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted May 2, 2005 Author Share Posted May 2, 2005 Merin... Yeah we have had our issues but 90% of them have all been because of the distance. Things that we would not have to deal with if he and I were closer in distance. I wanted a break after his last visit because I realized how much I loved him and I freaked out and well we talked about everything and we are ok now. He knows Im not going anywhere now. I never wanted to go anywhere I was just scared. I really love him with all my heart and I wish I had the words to tell him how much and make him see its going to be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 Which university is better? If it's better for his career to stay where he is, EC, I don't blame him for having second thoughts. I think you shouldn't push him. He does this for himself not for you. You cannot guarantee that 3 months from now you'll still be together, can you? It's his choice. Stand by him, love him, but let him make the best choice FOR him! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 I would say, remind him of all the reasons why he wants to move back down. I do hope there are other reasons besides just the relationship. Because for me, I need to have other outlets than just my paramour. It is a hard thing to move to a different university in the middle of your education, especially because different schools have different philosophical approaches to pedagogy in general. Maybe he is just thinking out loud. Don't jump to conclusions, have a talk about it and be open and discuss it calmly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted May 2, 2005 Author Share Posted May 2, 2005 The University he is transferring to down here is a lot better. He says its not only for me..he says its to be closer to me, to his family, and to go to a better school. But everyone says its for me. Thats the thing I need advice on...I don't want to pressure him at all. I want this decision to come from him and only him. I don't want to pressure him at all. But I do want to let him know that i am there for him and that I love him, and that i'm scared as well, but that it will be ok. But how do I say this without pressuring him or making him feel pressure from me? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 2, 2005 Share Posted May 2, 2005 EC, Just tell him that you understand this must be kind of scary for him.. but that you're there for him.. Link to post Share on other sites
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