norudder Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Thoughts on when kids should knock? I coparent w my exh. My girls are 6 &4. They know inside my apartment a closed door means to knock (bathroom, bedroom). But I am ok with them coming into apt w/o knocking- its one of their homes. My ex wants them to knock. They don't have to knock at his place because they go through a side porch entrance that his mom leaves unlocked and a knock wouldnt be heard from,then go to his upstairs 'apartment' where he has no real door. I get wanting to teach them boundaries but it feels like its making my place more formal and less welcoming as a second home. And I know we are coparents but shouldn't it be my door, my rule? I've been greeting them at the door to avoid the issue so far. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Thoughts on when kids should knock? I coparent w my exh. My girls are 6 &4. They know inside my apartment a closed door means to knock (bathroom, bedroom). But I am ok with them coming into apt w/o knocking- its one of their homes. My ex wants them to knock. They don't have to knock at his place because they go through a side porch entrance that his mom leaves unlocked and a knock wouldnt be heard from,then go to his upstairs 'apartment' where he has no real door. I get wanting to teach them boundaries but it feels like its making my place more formal and less welcoming as a second home. And I know we are coparents but shouldn't it be my door, my rule? I've been greeting them at the door to avoid the issue so far. NO. They should come right in (with a key!!) since they live there half the time. End of story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Your house (domicile), your rules. IMO. No question. If you have to assert yourself, do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 He doesn't make the kids knock on the front door of his home, but he wants you to make them knock on the front door of your home? And instead of telling him to go scratch, you meet the kids at the door to avoid the issue? Why? It's not making sense to me. Some questions: 1. What is his reasoning for asking you to make the kids knock at your own home? 2. Why did you decide his request was reasonable or important enough that you'd rather meet the kids at the door every time instead of letting them freely come in as they always have? Link to post Share on other sites
Trishern Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 NO. They should come right in (with a key!!) since they live there half the time. End of story. They are 6 and 4 years old. Too young to have a front door key. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Their age is one that tells I would want my kids greeted at the door so I can validate that you are there and safely able to settle them in . I realize that you carry a more informal system yet as adults we need to know when we drop them off that the assigned adult is there. I am naturally assuming he is requesting this out of concern and manners. If though they are already in your care and playing out back, or in a monitored area, then having the door unlocked lets them come in for a quick drink or such. What parameters is he making this request? Perhaps that is what needs clarified specifically? Link to post Share on other sites
Author norudder Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 He doesn't make the kids knock on the front door of his home, but he wants you to make them knock on the front door of your home? And instead of telling him to go scratch, you meet the kids at the door to avoid the issue? Why? It's not making sense to me. Some questions: 1. What is his reasoning for asking you to make the kids knock at your own home? 2. Why did you decide his request was reasonable or important enough that you'd rather meet the kids at the door every time instead of letting them freely come in as they always have? 1. Teaching them boundaries 2. Because I agree boundaries are important and a good majority of our relationship was him being right about things and me going along with it. I had to give it some more thought and ironically get comfortable asserting my own boundary by saying I will teach them about privacy and knocking but when and where it is appropriate and called for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author norudder Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 Their age is one that tells I would want my kids greeted at the door so I can validate that you are there and safely able to settle them in . I realize that you carry a more informal system yet as adults we need to know when we drop them off that the assigned adult is there. I am naturally assuming he is requesting this out of concern and manners. If though they are already in your care and playing out back, or in a monitored area, then having the door unlocked lets them come in for a quick drink or such. What parameters is he making this request? Perhaps that is what needs clarified specifically? He escorts them to my apartment door. He doesn't just stay in the car while they run in. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Their age is one that tells I would want my kids greeted at the door so I can validate that you are there and safely able to settle them in . I realize that you carry a more informal system yet as adults we need to know when we drop them off that the assigned adult is there. I am naturally assuming he is requesting this out of concern and manners. If though they are already in your care and playing out back, or in a monitored area, then having the door unlocked lets them come in for a quick drink or such. What parameters is he making this request? Perhaps that is what needs clarified specifically?This is my thought, too. If he is at the door every time, maybe he doesn't want you thinking HE is just walking in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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