Lostcase Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Hi everybody, Im after a bit of your thoughts here, long story but will shorten it down, ooook...so we are both married, had an affair nearly a year long, got caught both our spouses found out. I seperated with my H, his wife put him out,we were still together but his son (28) told him to pick him or i..so we split obviously. how ever 3 months later wife takes him back. He was on social network site till that point but over Nite deactivated his account, sooooo 10 weeks NC then one morning I awake go on to the social network site to find he has returned and not deleted me! He don't post on there so I don't get updates, he plays the odd game on there, I am so confused as to why he returned and why he hasn't deleted me? I post every day, funnies, selfies random updates ect. He is still at home with wife. I was doing ok after 10 weeks NC I had said to myself after completely falling apart he won't be back. So you can imagine my shock. Any thoughts on this would be greatly received thank you. Xx Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 not very complicated. Two married folks get caught in an affair. You leave your spouse and he decides his family is more important than you. Nothing here says if you had any choice or if your husband wanted you to leave. This ended the way most affairs do end. If the only reason you spliut with your husband is because of your AP, you ought to reconsider that decision, stay off the common social site you are stalking him on, and try to put your life together again. I wouldn't count on your affair partner coming back any time soon. Probably not what you wanted to hear but that is the reality. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Don't overthink it. He didn't delete you because it's a simple way for him to keep tabs on you. After being caught by his wife, you'd think he'd 100% commit himself to the marriage, but instead the social media site is still a way to keep tabs on you and drive you insane. Save yourself the sanity and delete him first. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostcase Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 I'm definitely not stalking him at all. He went back to wife, I respect that. It just confuses me why 10 wks off then boom back on and kept me there. Thanks for your reply. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I'm definitely not stalking him at all. He went back to wife, I respect that. It just confuses me why 10 wks off then boom back on and kept me there. Thanks for your reply. More important is why you haven't blocked him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Block him!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Also..... 10 weeks nothing than boom... Because he started getting antsy again, that's why! He started wondering if you are dating or what you are doing....do not let this man play games with you because if you allow it, he will...trust me, the games at the end of an affair are what hurts people the most.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostcase Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 More important is why you haven't blocked him. I didn't block him as I thought it would come across as childish but yes I'm thinking delete is the only way to go from here. He don't chat or post he is just there on n off like a yoyo. It hurts really. But I thought I was trying to be the better person xx 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 *I didn't block him as I thought it would come across as childish but yes I'm thinking delete is the only way to go from here. He don't chat or post he is just there on n off like a yoyo. It hurts really. But I thought I was trying to be the better person xx *It's not childish at all. It's the right thing to do. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I didn't block him as I thought it would come across as childish but yes I'm thinking delete is the only way to go from here. He don't chat or post he is just there on n off like a yoyo. It hurts really. But I thought I was trying to be the better person xx Maybe his wife activated his account, who knows if it's him. Maybe she is testing to see if you contact him through facebook. DO delete him off your account and block him. This has nothing to do with being the bigger or better person, don't think of it like that, think of it as you are doing all that you can to protect yourself and stay in no contact mode. Fact that you're aware he activated his account again means he's on your mind more than before and that's not good for your recovery. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostcase Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Maybe his wife activated his account, who knows if it's him. Maybe she is testing to see if you contact him through facebook. DO delete him off your account and block him. This has nothing to do with being the bigger or better person, don't think of it like that, think of it as you are doing all that you can to protect yourself and stay in no contact mode. Fact that you're aware he activated his account again means he's on your mind more than before and that's not good for your recovery. I was very hurt when we both walked away, Its a long story really. I am still very hurt and his return does make me wonder why he is back and why he hasn't removed me. I'm going to remove him this evening when I get home. I just wish he had removed me before I even noticed he was back on. I guess he on so he can see what I'm upto? Such a mess tbh. Never play with fire again I know that much. I knew he activated his account as his name lights up on my friend list,so can't really miss it. I do miss him and do still love him but I know it will never be..thanks for your reply xx Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I didn't block him as I thought it would come across as childish but yes I'm thinking delete is the only way to go from here. He don't chat or post he is just there on n off like a yoyo. It hurts really. But I thought I was trying to be the better person xx I can understand this logic. I did the same thing, I didn't block because I thought I was taking the high road. But all you do is hurt yourself more.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I was very hurt when we both walked away, Its a long story really. I am still very hurt and his return does make me wonder why he is back and why he hasn't removed me. I'm going to remove him this evening when I get home. I just wish he had removed me before I even noticed he was back on. I guess he on so he can see what I'm upto? Such a mess tbh. Never play with fire again I know that much. I knew he activated his account as his name lights up on my friend list,so can't really miss it. I do miss him and do still love him but I know it will never be..thanks for your reply xx Red herring. His being online or not is not the issue. Its you. Proof: Will you magically forget and feel insta-better after hitting the delete button? Of course not. This is just an easy visible reminder. Work through your issues regarding this and learn to let it go. Hard? Yes. And its ok to need help...maybe some IC to help you through. LS can also help. But the journey is yours alone. Delete and block him. So...to help you on your journey...does it REALLY matter what he thinks? Of course not! You only think it does. Find value in yourself - not the validation of another (and this is true inside the confines of an A or, some day in the future, your next R (and it better not be an A)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I dont believe not blocking has anything to do with high roads or not wanting to appear childish, being honest, who would know? So how would one appear childish? It has everything to do with not truly wanting it over, with having happen what happened. Its about wanting to know if he would reach out, holding out hope that one day it will happen. This just sets you up for more pain, he made his decision its now time for you to protect yourself. Block him ASAP no more excuses or delays. He is back with her, and if she is in control of his account as some have suggested she may start sending you subtle messages and hints that they are recommitted, is that something you can handle? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Patrice Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Very simple ... his marriage is not fulfilling him, so he is looking to get his ego stroked. AND, will do the same thing again to you ... stay away, block and move onto something healthy for you. These guys play so many games, and mess with your head so much. The bigger question, he chose what he wanted, let him go and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostcase Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Very simple ... his marriage is not fulfilling him, so he is looking to get his ego stroked. AND, will do the same thing again to you ... stay away, block and move onto something healthy for you. These guys play so many games, and mess with your head so much. The bigger question, he chose what he wanted, let him go and move on. He has been back on a few weeks now and not made any contact with me at all. You think he will try chat again? I need to protect my heart as I can't go through this all again, I just thought he back on and didn't care the fact that I was there, it hurts like crazy, but I have to do what's right for me. I'm Defo going to delete I think, It will be hard but I can't nurse a broken heart again thank you for your reply xx Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Block him. It will prevent you from having to worry about this. You can do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 He has been back on a few weeks now and not made any contact with me at all. You think he will try chat again? I need to protect my heart as I can't go through this all again, I just thought he back on and didn't care the fact that I was there, it hurts like crazy, but I have to do what's right for me. I'm Defo going to delete I think, It will be hard but I can't nurse a broken heart again thank you for your reply xx The more he contacts and then disappears for a few weeks and than repeats this process....the more this happens the more your eyes will open...I think sometimes this is what it takes....my xmm would contact me and truly ask to see me and I'd say yes...and guess what? He never showed! And never reached out after to let me know why...and this happened 4 times , apparently I'm a slow learner!! Lol...but anyway now my heart is black for him and he himself has replaced all the good memories by overshadowing them with all the negative the past year.... I know your heart is hurting,it's an awful pain to feel betrayed but this man is also betraying someone he said vows to...remember that the next time he tries to contact you.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostcase Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 The more he contacts and then disappears for a few weeks and than repeats this process....the more this happens the more your eyes will open...I think sometimes this is what it takes....my xmm would contact me and truly ask to see me and I'd say yes...and guess what? He never showed! And never reached out after to let me know why...and this happened 4 times , apparently I'm a slow learner!! Lol...but anyway now my heart is black for him and he himself has replaced all the good memories by overshadowing them with all the negative the past year.... I know your heart is hurting,it's an awful pain to feel betrayed but this man is also betraying someone he said vows to...remember that the next time he tries to contact you.... Thanks for your reply, he was 10 weeks off and totally no contact, then boom he back on and hasn't removed me, makes me wonder why? Having read the posts people have sent me I think it's fair to say he maybe watching from afar? He hasn't made any attempt to pm me or anything, it's basically lovers to strangers, it's a killer. I respect he went back to his wife, and I Defo would never go there again, but doesn't stop me loving him any less, even if he did hurt me (mad I know) I guess I kept him on my list as I didn't want to look childish by removing him, and the fact that he hasn't made any contact with me..tried to delet him last nite I just couldn't, but I know I'm going to have to for my own sanity xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostcase Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 I dont believe not blocking has anything to do with high roads or not wanting to appear childish, being honest, who would know? So how would one appear childish? It has everything to do with not truly wanting it over, with having happen what happened. Its about wanting to know if he would reach out, holding out hope that one day it will happen. This just sets you up for more pain, he made his decision its now time for you to protect yourself. Block him ASAP no more excuses or delays. He is back with her, and if she is in control of his account as some have suggested she may start sending you subtle messages and hints that they are recommitted, is that something you can handle? Hi there thanks for your reply, you are right im hurt and have held out as long on the hope he would chat, not to tell me he loves me still ect but to say, gosh this sounds bad but I want him to be hurting the way I have, im not a nasty person honestly. I really came here to ask you all why you think after 10 weeks he would return and not remove me? Having read all the replays im feeling a bit stronger this morning. His wife don't use the site she hates all that technology stuff..Defo not her on the account.. He plays a game on there and he still plays it just can't see her playing his game for him. He creeping on durning the night for seconds then off..I know because im a rubbish sleeper lol. Xx Link to post Share on other sites
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