ShettyShet Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 (edited) So quick back story: had a bit of a thing with a guy that didn't turn into much and ended up with me feeling like I'd over stepped during a flirtyish conversation which killed the conversation completely. By overstepping I mean I did the whole "so you didn't message me about hanging out when you said you would I'm confused why" and he did the whole "oh no she has feelings for me better back off" and that was the end of that. Side note, I liked the guy a bit but knew what was on the cards was only casual, but can see how I overreacted and made him think otherwise. Anyway, we haven't talked since and nothings been 'cleared up' so to speak, aka I'm still worried that he thinks I was expecting more than I was and I'm pretty embarrassed about it. but here's the tricky part: he's my housemates best friend so he's around quite a bit, I haven't seen him face to face cause they don't really come into the house, but basically when he is here I feel really embarrassed, really uncomfortable and it gets stressful like crazy. This is 100% due to my own separate issues of social anxiety/low self esteem which I'm working on sepaaretely, but I think this would be greatly alleviated for myself if this "oath of silence" thing that is going on was broken. Only I don't know how to do this without making my situation worse aka more embarrassment or again indicating accidentally that I'm more into him than I am. As an experienced social anxieter (and girl) I'm sure that he probably doesn't think about this as much as I do and if I were to send a messaage saying "oh things are uncomfortable I want to break the ice" he might be more uncomfortable about it all. But just saying hi without an explanation makes me worried that he'll read it the wrong way. So yeah... what the eff do I do? He's gonna be here no matter what and I need need need to do or say something so I feel like I'm in more control, rather than waiting for it to come from him because I know it isn't going to. What do I say? Edited July 6, 2015 by ShettyShet Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 You have the perfect answer already: just saying hi without an explanation don't worry that he will read it the wrong way. He's probably stubborn and will be grateful that you did so it can be more comfortable. As far as how he "reads" it, who cares? You know your truth and that the bigger reason is the break the uncomfortableness going forward. The best way to deal with anything that you are anxious about is to confront it. Make it not such a big deal and expose yourself to it. The longer you wait, it will maybe get harder. Just do it. And you were right to speak up previously, just because you didn't get the answer you wanted, don't worry. Sometimes people resist because they can't give you what you want (or seemingly want) or are reading too much into it, not because he's not interested. He just realizes that you are not on same page and it would potentially be very awkward since he's around there all the time. If you want a casual relationship, you have nothing to fear about what he thinks. If you really didn't, you've done the right thing and you both are handling it best as you can. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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