Sometimes I think he just wants a wife to hurry up and move in to take care of him

[Anabelle92]

I divorced my ex in June of 2004. We dated briefly and he rushed marriage. We each have a child from previous marriage. I felt we got married way too soon - couldn't uproot me and my child to move in with him and his child - too many problems would result.

 

I divorced him - went on with my life. Several months later he came back saying he still loved me and we were meant to be together. I went back to him - I felt we could date and maybe restore our relationship if we took it slowly.

 

Things were GREAT then we had a big argument over our kids. When things get tough I just run and want away from him. I ran and then we did the no contact for the past few weeks - then I called him.

 

Now we're speaking but I'm so confused. I have ALOT of resentments and can't seem to trust him. We talk until we're blue in the face but I can't trust him - he sides with his kid on everything but expects me and my child to go whatever he wants.

 

I love him but I really have my walls up - he wants it to work, I want it to work but I'm so unsure and untrusting. Should I be giving this another chance?

 

We've gone thru divorce and several break ups - our only problems revolve around our kids (them not getting along when we're together, my child doesn't like his house/neighborhood/kids). There's alot at stake on blending a family with kids from a previous marriage.

 

I'm asked to sacrifice my life, give up my home and uproot to live with him in his house. I can't do it. He punishes me for not giving up everything to move in and be his wife.

 

So we date and he waits for me to get to the point I can live with him and be his wife. I can't do this until I'm absolutely sure I can trust him and he'll suport me and a be a good father to my child.

 

I love him and when things are good between us - they are really good.

 

I hold down a job, live in a beautiful neighborhood, great school district - he lives in a rattier neighborhood and his kid is in a trashier school district (gangs, etc.). I can't give up my life to live with him - he won't consider moving because his dad bought him the house he lives in and it's all paid for.

 

His kid is sneaky - he causes problems for me and my child - yet my ex defends him and thinks he does no wrong.

 

Should I just have the guts to end it and find someone else I feel safer with? Or should I try to make it work and tell him we can't live together or get married until I feel safe with him and know his home will provide a loving environment for me and my child.

 

Sometimes I think he just wants a wife to hurry up and move in to take care of him, and cook his meals. One of his biggest complaints is that I don't cook enough for him. This bugs me because I work full-time and on the weekends we usually just grill burgers or eat out.

 

Is cooking meals a huge deal for a man? I'd be happy to cook - I just don't want it "expected" of me like I'm June Cleaver.

[nugirl]

There seem to be a few problems with this picture.

 

1. The Kids. Your b/f is being very selfish. No child is going to always be right. You need to sit down and talk wiht him. Get a babysitter for kids and cook him dinner (spoil his ass while making him listen). Make sure that he is relaxed and then ask him what he thinks a good method would be to be fair with the kids. Tell him that you know that you and your child are not always right and you want to make sure that you are being fair to his kid. Now listen to his ideas but if they still sound as though he is assuming your kid is always wrong, you need to tell him he is being wrong. If he still doesnt listen, you need to ask yourself-is this the type of person I want to be with? One who always has to be right.

 

2. Moving in. I don't see any reaosn why you should move out of your nice neighborhood into his shabby one. Would you perfer he move in with you once you two have solved your differences? If so, ask himw why it is so important that you move in with him? Listen to his reaosns and respond openly and nicely, and then tell him why you want him to move in with you. Have your pros and cons ready for both houses. You dont want to sound like you are bashing his house.

 

3. Cooking dinner. There is nothing wrong with him wanting you to cook him dinner. However, he has to be realistic. You guys need to set out a few days a week when you will cook for him and a few days when perhaps he can cook.

 

Hope this helps.

[Annabelle92]

Well he's got the be the one who is always right. Honestly I've looked at my situation and have to say he will never treat me and my child with respect - he's always right and his kid does no wrong. Not a safe situation at all and after reading my own post I have answered my own question. It's just not going to work.