Do women accidently flirt?

[empresario]

This has to do with work, kind of, but not really. It will make sense at the end.

 

I own a company that is approaching 30 employees. I see my employees as my family. I take care of them and make sure they have a culture they respect. As of today I've had 0 turnover in any of my companies in 4 years. I'm proud of that.

 

Since I value my employees so much, I also spend a lot of time with them whenever I can. In groups, one on one, etc.

 

I've noticed recently that a few of the younger interns and employees have started showing signs of flirting (not that I'm the expert). For example, I usually stay until 8-9pm working in silence since I can get more done. One girl has started staying late to sit in the conference room with me while I work late into the night (we have a TV in there with cable so she watches that and chats).

 

Also a situation just happened a moment ago when I was showing one of my interns something on my tablet (I was standing) and she stood right next to me kind of looped around me with her boobs resting on my arm. Kind of like a girlfriend would do if you were showing them something on a computer.

 

Things like this keep happening more and more and I really hope it's innocent and they're just comfortable with me. As odd as it sounds my employees are like family. I don't see them as sexual beings. Since I grew up a nerd and am only in my recent years attractive...I'm not sure if this could be a friendly gesture as well.

 

In summary my questions are:

 

Am I looking too much into this? Do some of the ladies here flirt like this in an office setting? How do I turn down flirting in a way that doesn't make the boss-employee relationship kind of awkward?

[kendahke]

This has to do with work, kind of, but not really. It will make sense at the end.

 

I own a company that is approaching 30 employees. I see my employees as my family. I take care of them and make sure they have a culture they respect. As of today I've had 0 turnover in any of my companies in 4 years. I'm proud of that.

 

Since I value my employees so much, I also spend a lot of time with them whenever I can. In groups, one on one, etc.

 

I've noticed recently that a few of the younger interns and employees have started showing signs of flirting (not that I'm the expert). For example, I usually stay until 8-9pm working in silence since I can get more done. One girl has started staying late to sit in the conference room with me while I work late into the night (we have a TV in there with cable so she watches that and chats).

 

Also a situation just happened a moment ago when I was showing one of my interns something on my tablet (I was standing) and she stood right next to me kind of looped around me with her boobs resting on my arm. Kind of like a girlfriend would do if you were showing them something on a computer.

 

Things like this keep happening more and more and I really hope it's innocent and they're just comfortable with me. As odd as it sounds my employees are like family. I don't see them as sexual beings. Since I grew up a nerd and am only in my recent years attractive...I'm not sure if this could be a friendly gesture as well.

 

In summary my questions are:

 

Am I looking too much into this? Do some of the ladies here flirt like this in an office setting? How do I turn down flirting in a way that doesn't make the boss-employee relationship kind of awkward?

 

I think that they have an agenda and you need to nip their advances in the bud.

 

The one who stays and keeps you company should be made to feel uncomfortable hanging out, using the company's resources for her own entertainment.

 

The next time someone loops their arm around yours, you need to pull your arm away and tell her "no thank you".

 

I think that if you just let this behavior slide, you may find yourself in a situation that you had absolutely no intention on being in. They may be trying to figure a way to get you into a relationship and if you go so far then rebuff them, they could flip out into crazy and bring all kinds of hell down on your head. Just leave them alone and give them no wide berth in your harbor.

 

Might be a good time to have a sexual harassment expert come in and and make sure all employees understand that your business isn't a dating site or a hang out club.

[Vintage79]

It could be accidental, it could be flirting - if it's a consistent trend with a particular individual, I'd say flirting, in particular the boobs on the arm - I don't know if I'd read too much into the TV girl, unless she's doing more than just watching TV. That said, if it keeps happening, it's probably worth a short talk with them before anything more happens...

[PogoStick]

Of course they could be flirting. Some could be making themselves available because they are attracted to you. Others might just be very comfortable because you're familiar and feel safe, thus allowing you into their personal space.

 

If you don't want anything more to come of it then...don't! Maintain a professional attitude and environment. Keep on your game face and don't reciprocate to the flirting.

 

I think most good business owners learn they need to have clear professional boundaries and expectations of their employees if they want the business to function well. Blur the lines and your business suffers.

[norajane]

No, I don't rest my boobs on my boss's arm when he's showing me something. No, I don't hang around a conference room watching tv and chatting while my boss works.

 

Both of those are inappropriate and weird.

 

You, as an employer, need to establish firm boundaries for what is and isn't acceptable, and make sure sexual harassment laws are being followed.

 

You tell the intern she should go home since she's finished working. You get up and move away when the other intern touches you, and explain to her that workplace laws about sexual harassment are there to protect everyone.

[norajane]

Of course they could be flirting. Some could be making themselves available because they are attracted to you. Others might just be very comfortable because you're familiar and feel safe, thus allowing you into their personal space.

 

And others might think that playing nice with the boss will get them further ahead.

[Mrin]

In my experience women do very little by accident when it comes to flirting. If it is in fact flirting. We dudes miss lots of flirts. And then we interpret non-flirty behavior as flirtation all the time. Our flirt detectors are broken.

 

Since these women are so young they're just coming into their sexuality. It could be flirtation as they flex their sexuality to see what it does to you. It could be innocent familiar behavior with a father figure.

[empresario]

In my experience women do very little by accident when it comes to flirting. If it is in fact flirting. We dudes miss lots of flirts. And then we interpret non-flirty behavior as flirtation all the time. Our flirt detectors are broken.

 

Since these women are so young they're just coming into their sexuality. It could be flirtation as they flex their sexuality to see what it does to you. It could be innocent familiar behavior with a father figure.

 

To put it in perspective, I'm still young as well. I have employees from 19 to 35 but I, myself am only 28. I also have a notorious baby face. With my hair longer (which it is now) I look 24. If I cut it I look 19.

 

 

So, a father figure role may be possible...but if that's it it's not based on age or looks.

 

 

I agree our flirt radars are broken, though. That made me laugh.

[gaius]

There really is no bigger aphrodisiac for women than being the boss. You'll get used to it.

[Ninjainpajamas]

They accidentally flirt like they accidentally end up in bed with a man.

[smackie9]

Since your staff has grown to 30+ people, it might be time to hire an HR person to handle issues like this. HR personnel can also do training for dealing with sexual harassment or inappropriate behavior/hostile work environment, etc. Have you got a company policy in place? I work for a corporation, we all had to read our policy and sign it...this including conduct in the workplace, zero tolerance for drug/ alcohol impairment and use. For us it was like 20 pages.

[empresario]

Since your staff has grown to 30+ people, it might be time to hire an HR person to handle issues like this. HR personnel can also do training for dealing with sexual harassment or inappropriate behavior/hostile work environment, etc. Have you got a company policy in place? I work for a corporation, we all had to read our policy and sign it...this including conduct in the workplace, zero tolerance for drug/ alcohol impairment and use. For us it was like 20 pages.

 

Well, here's where (as another mentioned) the line gets a little blurry.

 

 

Since we are a startup (not yet profitable), our rules are a bit more relaxed than a corporation. For example, we take our employees skiing and on a lake trip as a paid incentive since our salaries are lower than industry standard.

 

 

As such, a lot of times the employees see us drinking and goofing off which probably doesn't help the buttoned-up, professional situation.

 

 

A trained HR person is probably a good idea. Even though we are growing fast we still pinch pennies and sometimes overlook a few things that would clearly help us grow more efficiently.

[Timshel]

There really is no bigger aphrodisiac for women than being the boss. You'll get used to it.

 

What a strange thing to say, since I'm positive you know the opposite is often true.

 

OP, what I would think is that young employees might enjoy believing they are the bosses pet/favorite. Especially since you are also young and available.

I agree with other posters in establishing firm boundaries. No physical contact and no after hours hang outs alone with a female employee.

[d0nnivain]

You are too invested in being their friend not their boss. There is absolutely no reason for a young female intern to be watching TV in the office while you work. Send her home.

 

 

The other woman may have accidently stood too close to you but you needed to take a step back at that point and draw clear lines between boss and employee. These things are happening because you haven't created clear boundaries.

 

 

While you may not be able to afford a FT HR person at the very least pay to have an employee handbook drawn up & engage the services of an HR consultant on an independent ad hoc basis before you get sued.

[elaine567]

The last thing your company needs is for you to be sued for sexual harassment by a young intern who says you used your position to take advantage of her.

NO smoke without fire will be leveled against you, even if you manage to successfully fight it, and that could damage your business.

 

The intern, spending time watching TV and chatting with you at night in the conference room could quite easily claim you assaulted her one night.

 

You are placing yourself in a vulnerable position here.

[norajane]

Well, here's where (as another mentioned) the line gets a little blurry.

 

 

Since we are a startup (not yet profitable), our rules are a bit more relaxed than a corporation. For example, we take our employees skiing and on a lake trip as a paid incentive since our salaries are lower than industry standard.

 

Under the law, it doesn't matter that you are an start-up or not yet profitable. You are a corporation, so you are responsible for making sure that you have certain legal policies in place.

 

Your start-up is at risk. Just imagine if one of the OTHER interns, one who is not flirting or sucking up, feeling that s/he is working in a workplace where the interns are allowed to flirt and be inappropriate in order to suck up to the boss. You can be sued and lose your whole business, especially when they realize you have no policies in place.

[jen1447]

Women always know what their boobs are doing, so there's no such thing as an accidental boob mash. (Ok, maybe in extreme cases but it's very rare.) Boobs resting cozily on your arm are meant to be there.

 

Do with that what you will, but know that she knew what her boobs were doing.

[Phoe]

Accidental flirting can happen, especially for a woman who isn't totally aware of herself.

 

I've been accused of flirting before, and was totally confused. I was being friendly, and nothing was sexual or inappropriate, totally PG, just friendly and fun conversation. I later got accused by someone else, of flirting with that person.

 

And considering I don't necessarily know HOW to flirt in a subtle way, my flirting only comes out when I'm in a relationship and being very strongle suggestive or sexual with my man.

 

So yes, lack of social awareness can come across as some form of failed flirting, lol.

 

That being said, I do have to side with what Jen said - Most women will be aware of their own boobs. I keep distance from people so that they don't accidentally touch someone. Not appropriate!!!

[candie13]

there is - very rarely - accidental flirting. A lot more often innocent flirting - similar to what Phoe described. When it gets physical - from getting in your personal space to touching - there is nothing innocent or accidental about it. It's planned.

[carhill]

I saw this about a half hour ago when I was checking out at the store. Guy in front of me got the usual detached and professional treatment. Checker noticed items in my cart and was talking with me before I threw them on the belt and got all chatty and smiles with forward body language and made it a point to engage me and linger and wish me a safe trip (heading out to look at real estate). Yeah, I've seen her before since I've been shopping at this store for years and the same thing happened. It's like a quantum change from the guy in front of me. I'm not rich and no looker so who knows. She's always been that way.

 

 

Married!

 

Women do very little of this stuff off the cuff IME. They know exactly what they're doing.

[PogoStick]

The reason I could give a pass to boob girl is because for some women they just get in the way, and women are so used to their own body that they don't pay attention to something like that.

 

Also, at places like the dentist or getting my haircut, inevitably there are boobs all over me: my shoulder, neck, head...boobs everywhere! I assume the woman is aware, I certainly am, but I never consider it to mean anything.

 

TV girl is easy enough to get rid of. A simple "I'd appreciate it if you don't stay after 6pm anymore. I need to be alone so I can concentrate on getting my work done."

[smackie9]

Well, here's where (as another mentioned) the line gets a little blurry.

 

 

Since we are a startup (not yet profitable), our rules are a bit more relaxed than a corporation. For example, we take our employees skiing and on a lake trip as a paid incentive since our salaries are lower than industry standard.

 

 

As such, a lot of times the employees see us drinking and goofing off which probably doesn't help the buttoned-up, professional situation.

 

 

A trained HR person is probably a good idea. Even though we are growing fast we still pinch pennies and sometimes overlook a few things that would clearly help us grow more efficiently.

 

 

I have worked for my company for 25 years, and yes when we were small self owned company we had river rafting trips, paint ball, picnics, Christmas parties, etc. We also had margarita Fridays, could smoke in the office, etc. But as we grew, we couldn't have that relaxed atmosphere anymore. It's called liability. That will cost you if you don't have proper policies in place. I totally understand the cost of doing business, but it only takes one lawsuit to bring all what you have build, down. Like D0nnivain said, maybe it's just getting to that time to make boundaries more cleared between boss and employee.

 

I speak from experience when I say, the more staff the more problems will arise.....those problems can interrupt productivity which hurts your business.

[kendahke]

A trained HR person is probably a good idea. Even though we are growing fast we still pinch pennies and sometimes overlook a few things that would clearly help us grow more efficiently.

 

better to hire the HR person and implement a code of conduct at your office than to be dealing with a sexual harassment lawsuit (you can't afford) by some young idiot whose flirtations and advances you didn't return.