harleygirl92156 Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 People who knowingly have affairs with someone who is married are second class citizens, scum of the earth, low life, good for nothing, selfish, worthless....etc. Get the drift??? Knowingly is the key word here!!! Link to post Share on other sites
MySugaree Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 People who knowingly have affairs with someone who is married are second class citizens, scum of the earth, low life, good for nothing, selfish, worthless....etc. Get the drift??? I love this place! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Yeah, me too! Isn't it a hoot! Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by harleygirl92156 Knowingly is the key word here!!! Yes Harley - I agree - Knowingly is the key here. If the either involved in the affair, know the other is married or even in a committed relationship, it is wrong. My H didn't cheat on me (that I know of) but my bf cheated on me while we were dating. Believe me, that devastated me because I loved him so much. We were working toward spending our lives together and eventually marrying. I was angry that he went ahead and married me not telling me what he had been doing. I told him that all it took from him was a sentence telling me that he was interested in dating others. The ball would have been in my court and I would have broken up with him because I did not want that kind of relationship. But he was selfish! He wanted to date around but didn't want me to date around because I might actually find a good guy who would be faithful. He wanted a woman who he could trust and was nice looking (I'm no Miss America but I'm ok) but he didn't think he needed to be trustworthy. In my book, that is the ultimate in an uncaring and selfish person who is only thinking of themselves. I also talked to one of his girlfriends who told me they used protection "part of the time". I came unglued on him and told him how much of an SOB he was for not even caring about my health! If he didn't love me, he could have at least respected me to protect me. My 3 childrens' father has passed away so if he were to get AIDS from one of his women then give it to me, and I passed away, my kids would have lost both parents! How rotten is that? I thought we were monogamous so I didn't worry about condoms. He really had me fooled into thinking he loved me, was faithful, etc. I just feel so used and stupid when I sit and think about it. So StillHurtin', you can see from my post above, that my first H died but the reason I am so angry about "cheating/infidelity" is because of my present H. I've even thought maybe it's the way we were raised. I just don't know why he would do what he did and I wouldn't even consider it. We weren't even having problems that I knew of. We had ups and downs like all relationships but nothing that would be a red flag to opening the door to cheating. Oh well, I could try and figure this out till the day I die and I will never understand the cheater's mind. SueBee Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 There are so many reasons why people have extra-marital affairs - my H did because "he could". Some people are a more honest than others and opportunities to give in to temptations are everywhere. When I married my husband I believed we both felt the same way about fidelity, trust, loyalty, and some ways that was true - he just forgot to mention that the rules would only apply to me when I thought we were both in agreement. It would be so nice though if people could post here about their feelings towards the other parties in their marriages, without others suggesting they stop blaming the OW and took a look at their spouse. Isn't it time to realise that the two issues are separate and it's bloody annoying that so many people don't seem to get that. We are allowed to express our emotions about our spouses, but apparently are not justified in having one or two comments to make about the characters who gategrash our lives. If someone has no respect for me and my family as to involve herself secretly in a friendship with my husband, she cannot expect or receive any respect from me in return. Like a mother lion protecting her cubs, a wife who discovers her H is cheating will turn on the enemy, the individual who came and dumped on her family - because that's how it feels when you have to deal with the impact of affairs. When you feel such pain and live through the nightmare, when you see the damage it does to children I'm not sure why we can't express an opinion on the men and the women who wreak this havoc. Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Here! here! I agree with you Veronese & SueBee. I remember a conversation my H and I had. At the time he was in the middle of his A unbeknowst to me and I was really feeling alone and we were in an argument about a divorce and I mentioned a gentleman at his work who would be interested in dating me if I was divorced. I had no idea if the man I was telling my H about would, but I was using it a "I'm not ugly;pay attention to me" ploy, wives know what I'm talking about. H stated quite firmly I was NOT the gentleman's in question "type", and I told him how did he know, I would be a total different person to the gentleman as him my H, because...and I went in to how he didn't talk or communicate, pay attention, take interest in our relationship and any problems. What my H had done by his statement of the guy not being my type was putting me down so I had no confidence in myself to just get out of the relationship and move on with my life. He didn't like the thought of me moving on but he was doing his own thing already. He needed me as a 'choice'. If I was around and the OW turned out to be crap, well, good ole wifey was on hand to fall back on. Men are pigs. The ones who cheat anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Veronese, I agree that we do can have opinions about those that come into our lives and wreak havoc. My God if they are part of the problem! I really can't blame the women my H knew that didn't know I existed. A few of those were really hurt because they thought they had met this "great guy" and were trying to start a relationship with him fully unaware that he had me in the background. So I also felt disgust at him for treating these other women like crap too!! They didn't deserve it anymore than I did. They were just looking for love too. The ones I have a problem with are the ones who knew he had a girlfriend and still agreed to chat with him and meet him and screw him. Those are the real low-lives and scum. Shelly, I know what you mean about mentioning that maybe other men find you attractive. I've done that too! I would constantly tell my H that men at work told me I have a nice smile, etc. just to see what response I get from him. He usually says he agrees - that I am attractive so then he turns in around into I must be cheating on him with someone at work because they told me I have a nice smile!! I just can't win! I've said "no, I'm not a low-life, I would NEVER do that to you!" I think why we do this is because an affair really hits our self-esteem hard. We look at ourselves and think "why am I not good enough?" I know that I would call all his girlfriends whores, said they were ugly, fat, etc. When some of them probably didn't deserve those names but I was so angry and felt like his cheating was a way of saying I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough. My counselor really beat into my head that it wasn't me at all. It was him. Really I had nothing to do with his choice to cheat. I know that if I was as "miserable" as he claims he was at the thought of moving, I wouldn't cheat. How would that help? It would make matters worse. He tried to use the excuse that he was scared to move so cheating was his way to deal with it. Problem was he was cheating before there was even any talk of who was moving where. I could have been the one moving from IL to KS! What an excuse! Again, I've talked long enough. SueBee Link to post Share on other sites
rebecki7 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie "Grow up and get your own husband.........and by the way I hope he cheats on you! Would serve you right. That would more than likely take the justification wind out of your cheating with married men sail!!!!!!!" Gee that's such a nice thing to say- I can sort of see what your problems at home might have been. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 I also agree with Veronese and Suebee. It takes two people to have an affair. While the OP does not owe the MM/MW anything, that does not mean that they are blame-free. In my case, the OW was in a very unhappy marriage and had been for years. The agreement between my husband and her was that it was kept apart from their marriages and 'NO-one gets hurt' (OH- PLEESE...). There was also an agreement that if it ever came out that 'he would look after things on his side and she would look after things on her side' Again, it just doesn't work like that in the real world. The upshot of this all is that I found out and my husband and I have been through hell, she never got found out so she has never had to face the consequences on her side. While I do have some sympathy for her for her position (being in a loveless marriage for years, ain't no picnic) she chose to 'better' her position at the expense of someone else. Where in all of this, is an appreciation for marriage or for other women? When someone wears a wedding ring, it doesn't matter if THEY tell you that they aren't happy. The fact is that you know there is another person involved, even if that other person knows nothing about you. You cannot say that it is nothing to do with you. When I spoke to the OW she said 'I am not your problem'. That's what they all want to believe. The fact that they can't face up to is that they are 50% of the problem. Sylvia Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by harleygirl92156 People who knowingly have affairs with someone who is married are second class citizens, scum of the earth, low life, good for nothing, selfish, worthless....etc. Get the drift??? Knowingly is the key word here!!! Nice.. very nice And you're a great person passing judgement like that? Where do you get off sayin things like that? Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by harleygirl92156 People who knowingly have affairs with someone who is married are second class citizens, scum of the earth, low life, good for nothing, selfish, worthless....etc. Get the drift??? Knowingly is the key word here!!! And I take it you're perfect? Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 That is an excuse the OW will use, Sylvia, you're right. Another is that if it wouldn't have been her it would have been some OW. Well, we know that too. The OW shoulda kept on walking! Then we wouldn't be putting 1/2 the blame on her. There are some women who doesn't know going into an A that he is a MM, but some, like my H's ex_OW knew, he showed her pictures of his kids and my picture was in his billfold. She saw it. She knew. She was just miserable in her own life and wanted to HELP someone else to be miserable with her. It made her feel like she was somebody to take or borrow my H from me, especially without my knowledge and definitely without my consent. That woman, as far as I still hear, is still miserable, still a low life loser, with several more men (MM & SM) and breakups behind her, after my H. Who really wins? She didn't. I didn't by finding out my H went out with some"thing" like her. It's embarrassing to know he went out with that. Well, I guess, she won a little. She made someone miserable, even for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Other Women who don't know the men they are seeing are married are not to blame in the slightest for the situation - they are as much a victim as the wives and children. It's the women who KNOW the circumstances of these men but don't feel the existence of a wife and kids an obstacle in their choice to develop illicit, personal, intimate and sometimes sexual relationships with men. It goes without saying that the same applies when men knowingly get involved with married women. If they have no conscience about the potential destruction their involvement has on the man's family because of their relationship, squawking on about the 'man' being to blame for it and that 'he made vows to his wife, not them' gets right up my nose - when are we going to take personal responsibility for our actions? These women are not victims but are also not villains. They are normal people who for various reasons disregard what I consider to be basic levels of human kindness, consideration and conscience. Us wives who are battling with the repercussions of affairs are not putting all the blame on them, but we ARE blaming them for their part. Link to post Share on other sites
harleygirl92156 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 People who knowingly have affairs with someone who is married are second class citizens, scum of the earth, low life, good for nothing, selfish, worthless....etc. Get the drift??? Knowingly is the key word here!!! Married people who KNOWINGLY have affairs outside their marriage and take the chance of endangering their spouses life and mental health are also second class citizens, scum of the earth, low life, good for nothing, selfish, worthless...etc. Does that make everyone feel better? Affair are immoral, wrong and if someone wants to have sex like a single person then they should stay single. That way they only endanger their life!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Very well put, Harleygirl ! Link to post Share on other sites
MySugaree Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 People who knowingly have affairs with someone who is married are second class citizens, scum of the earth, low life, good for nothing, selfish, worthless....etc. Yeah, but they're great with kids and kind to animals. Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by MySugaree Yeah, but they're great with kids and kind to animals. Ha, ha, ha! I bet they're really snappy dressers too! Link to post Share on other sites
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