Please share experience or opinions on length of LDR ~ thanks!

[SeaShells]

I'm curious ~ how long can LDR's be sustained, within the normal developmental stages of a relationship (and LDR's aren't even NORMAL)?

 

I'm in a 4-year LDR (1.5 years 100% committed) living 800+ miles from my man. Both of us are in our late-40's, are busy professionals and lead very full lives. The 'hot and heavy' period (those luscious beginning stages of the relationship) has dissipated and I've grown deeper into long-distance companionship and friendship (although he would like it to be different!). We try to see each other every 4-6 weeks, but it is difficult with our careers and family.

 

My question is, do these things last? How do you hold on and meet the needs of the other when the 'glue' of the beginning stages of the relationship is no longer there to keep up the motivation? We love each other, of course, but patience is running thin at times.

 

Has anyone had experience in maintaining a longlonglong-term LDR? I plan on moving closer to him within the next few years, and I see it as getting more difficult between now and then.

 

Any experience? Any opinions?

 

Thanks for your time,

seashells

[chubachoop]

i think planning to move closer to him and setting those plans in motion will help. Ive recently started a long distance relationship and I know the exact date we will move in together (june 2007) knowing its not always gonna be long distance makes it easier.

[aelish]

Seashells...

 

I have been in a LDR for four years and I appreciate how you're feeling. It can be so difficult at times...and I know what your talking about in terms of the "passion" at the beginning - we were on the phone for hours everyday in the beginning and at this point, we don't spend as much time, but still love each other - it's just a different stage of the relationship now. We are nearing the point of making decisions about what to do next (I am finishing grad school, which has kept me from being able to move out of the area). I wish you the best of luck in your LDR and hope that you continue to find happiness.

[randomness]

the longest ldr i've heard was 8 years, between someone in germany and someone in taiwan. they finally got married the end of last year and moved to germany.

[SeaShells]

Thanks, Aelish ~

 

I'm afraid that with the 'passion' now being at a lower level, my bf is wondering what the heck is going on ~ 'where'd it go?!' It may mean to him that I don't really love him anymore, nor find him attractive. I feel pressured and 'pushed' at times, which only makes me further move away from him. This pressure I'm feeling (or perceiving?) is wearing me down. I'm wondering if we have a solid of enough foundation to withstand the time and distance.

 

I think our levels of maturity have everything to do with how long it can be sustained, as well. I have a psych/health background, while he's a sports luvin' blue-collar worker (NOTHING wrong with that, just different levels of maturity and education, I think). When times are tough, he just can't see reality and still wants love, attention, and the way it once was . . . and wonders what is wrong with me. We butt heads, for sure.

 

He's also a type-A kinda guy (gogogo!! Let's play!) while I'm a less-is-more relaxing kinda gal who likes to r-e-l-a-x. It pushes his buttons if I don't get up and do something with him when we're on vacations. Now that I'm typing this out. . . I don't really think he has accepted me as I am (and maybe I haven't done the same with him). We're both different creatures, for sure. . . Hmm .. . . coming together may end up being a disaster. Maybe I AM subcousiously pulling away out of self-preservation. Hmm ..m.m. m. ...

 

I'll have to think about that a bit more. He's so head-strong. I'd hate to pop his bubble, but I've got to forge ahead, doing what's best for me, I think. Maybe I'm the one who doesn't want it to last forever. . ..

 

Thanks again. . .

seashells

[Scott S]

Originally posted by SeaShells

Has anyone had experience in maintaining a longlonglong-term LDR? I plan on moving closer to him within the next few years, and I see it as getting more difficult between now and then.

 

Any experience? Any opinions?

 

Gina & I were in a LDR for about a year.

 

Experience shows that LDR's cannot be sustained indefinitely. In order for a LDR to work, there needs to be a clear understanding that it's for a limited time only, & that whatever is necessary to close the distance is being done.

[Tweety Bird]

Hi there Seashells, I have an idea of the frustration that you are experiencing as I have been having a LDR with my bf who is over 4,000 miles away for a year now. We both lead a busy life and do miss seeing each other when we like. However, I have known him since I was a kid and we dated in the past when I was just a teen. We understand and love each other very much. We have been through alot of ups and downs but we are still going strong. I guess the challenges are what make us more aware of how special we are to each other. I am going to see him this wk. end for 3 wks. after 4 1/2 months apart, we are both really looking forward to this. We are planning to get engaged while I am there and hopefully later on in the year he will be able to move over.

 

I suppose after 4 year things will start to die down a bit. But you are lucky that you get to see him that frequently. All I can say is just try to wotk out your differences and I can assure you that if you are both able to compromise LOVE, Trust and Understanding will conquer all.

 

O.k. take care and I hope things will work out.