nikki76 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 In my opinion, no, don't respond. You don't owe him anything. By replying, you are just leaving the door open a crack. Block him and delete him right now. Do not allow this man to come back into your life. Because he will and you will feel 100 times worse then you do right now, when he leaves you again. End the cycle now. Walk away with your head up and allow yourself to heal. It's a long hard process. You won't be able to heal if there is any chance he can come back. It sucks. It really does. I deleted and blocked my xmm almost 10 weeks ago. I love, every week, seeing my NC number increase, from weeks, to months. It's such a great feeling. You will see, I promise! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I'm not trying to get him back now. I'm just in a bit of disbelief of the turn of events. Within 1 day just when I thought I had him, I just lost him completely. I'm in pain, no one knows about my situation as I don't usually talk about any of my relationships to anyone. I'm sure your are in awful pain and I know right now you're not trying to get him back. But just to protect your heart from being broken again, I strongly advise you to block him. This forum has helped me tremendously. There are so many people on here that will be there for you. Post on here anytime you need to reach out to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 In my opinion, no, don't respond. You don't owe him anything. By replying, you are just leaving the door open a crack. Block him and delete him right now It sucks. It really does. I deleted and blocked my xmm almost 10 weeks ago. I love, every week, seeing my NC number increase, from weeks, to months. It's such a great feeling. You will see, I promise! What does "seeing my NC number increases" mean? He calls you? Or seeing how long you can go without contacting ? I'm new at these languages lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 I'm sure your are in awful pain and I know right now you're not trying to get him back. But just to protect your heart from being broken again, I strongly advise you to block him. This forum has helped me tremendously. There are so many people on here that will be there for you. Post on here anytime you need to reach out to someone. Thank you. A lot !!! I found out later out today he deleted me from Facebook. He confessed that during my little break up with him, he couldn't stop going to my FB to look at my pictures. He had to deactivated his FB then. He also checked on my blog a lot too, for my new posts and pictures. But today he Unfriended, bet that was hard for him! Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 What does "seeing my NC number increases" mean? He calls you? Or seeing how long you can go without contacting ? I'm new at these languages lol Lol, I re wrote that sentence like 5 times to try to make sense. .. my NC day started the day I blocked/deleted him. I love seeing that number increase. He hasn't reached out once, since I blocked him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 (edited) Thank you. A lot !!! I found out later out today he deleted me from Facebook. He confessed that during my little break up with him, he couldn't stop going to my FB to look at my pictures. He had to deactivated his FB then. He also checked on my blog a lot too, for my new posts and pictures. But today he Unfriended, bet that was hard for him! Facebook can be a huge trigger. I had to deactivate mine, because I didn't want him to contact me from a fake account. (Although I reactived while on vacation, but just deactivated again). And this weekend I unfriended him from my husband's facebook (they are "friends)....because I don't want him to know anything that's going on in my life. Your guy unfriended. ...now you need to block him. Edited July 8, 2015 by nikki76 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Facebook can be a huge trigger. I had to deactivate mine, because I didn't want him to contact me from a fake account. (Although I reactived while on vacation, but just deactivated again). And this weekend I unfriended him from my husband's facebook (they are "friends)....because I don't want him to know anything that's going on in my life. Your guy unfriended. ...now you need to block him. I don't think he'd contact me again!?.. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 (edited) I do not know this man personally but I believe the way he handled himself and went about this was disgraceful. Woman are so giving and have it in their nature to help and you did lend a hand and a shoulder during a major crisis in someone's life. 98% (very few bleeding hearts men out there) of men would never have taken on the burden and responsibility of helping a woman out in similar circumstances. They would have thought too much trouble and so much baggage, where is my fun in this? He used you not only physically, but he used you mentally and emotionally. He drained you and he is now right back to making happy family. He blocked all your concerns, love, patience, guidance and help. I would get mad! and move on, he was a user. Edited July 8, 2015 by AnotherSadSong 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Also reverse the situation. A wife just gave birth to a child and the husband has anxiety issues or other issues that he cannot help, and he runs off leaving her alone for months with child. A man she knows grows closer and moves on in to help her emotionally through out the devastation and crisis. He becomes invested and emotionally attached. Next many months down the road, husband calls, and the girl kicks the prince right out the door and says thanks for all the concern, kindness, and help, scat now....block! What an awful person. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Then today, he texted me that he can no longer talk to me, that he decided to focus all his love for her, the baby and to rebuild their relationship and family. And he asked to respect his decision. No, do not reply to his text. He asked you to respect his decision which means he wants no further contact. I am very sorry you are hurting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I know he unfriended you and you may think that is enough. But he still has the power to friend you and start this up again. Blocking him takes the power and puts it in your hands. It is a proactive ACTION you are taking to allow yourself to heal and move on. I am sorry for your pain. I hope you find peace. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tobrieornottobrie Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I'm really sorry you're hurting right now but the truth of the matter is that even if he and his wife were separated, he was never really yours to begin with. I know right now it's probably really difficult to see that, but his family deserves a chance and if he's willing to fight for that, it's probably best to respect that decision. All of that being said, take care of yourself. Focus on doing things you enjoy, what do you do for a career? Do you have any family nearby that you can be spending time with? I'm sorry you're hurting, please be kind to yourself as you're navigating this tricky situation. the brie's cheese knees 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Also reverse the situation. A wife just gave birth to a child and the husband has anxiety issues or other issues that he cannot help, and he runs off leaving her alone for months with child. A man she knows grows closer and moves on in to help her emotionally through out the devastation and crisis. He becomes invested and emotionally attached. Next many months down the road, husband calls, and the girl kicks the prince right out the door and says thanks for all the concern, kindness, and help, scat now....block! What an awful person. It's not that black and white. In your above scenario I only see the wife being an awful person for inviting the OM in and the OM being an awful person for moving in on her while she was vulnerable and in a crisis. People in crisis need caring friends not people looking to get romantic with them at their lowest time. I don't see the wife as wrong for or awful for getting rid of the OM once she made up her mind to save her marriage. Sometimes couples have to take turns being the strong one. A marriage in crisis isn't an open invitation to interlopers although I understand that sometimes the interloper will be invited in by one of the spouses. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 No no, her recover from mom deaths was way before, before their marriage. They got closer because he was her shoulder during her bad times. Then it leads to their marriage. He said they were separated when he started talking to me, they don't talk when she left But this is what he told you, right? Did you verify that he filed for legal separation? And all the future faking talk should be a red flag...that he's a liar. Respect his request and don't ever communicate with him again. Get busy dating available men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I don't think he'd contact me again!?.. Oh yes he will - only IF you ALLOW it. Block him so he can't keep messing with you emotionally! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 You guys are too wonderful! I'm so glad to find this forum. I haven't cry at all. I want to but I don't know why I can't!! I think I would feel a little better if I cry Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Trust me...they do come back. And then when the wife threatens to leave...they ditch you once again. I'm almost 2 weeks NC with my xMM. He's scrambling to keep his marriage now that his wife wants to get her own place, so where does that leave me...in the box again. I have blocked him, can only block certain email...but now he has popped up on FB and Twitter, which he has not been on in 2 yrs so BLOCKING that. I feel like my guts have been torn out again...and I would've like to at least had him tell me what was going on instead of a coded text saying "he was sorry he had too many things going on right now. I can't handle anymore and please don't be upset with me. My stress level is very high and I fear i'll be pushed over the edge if i don't back away right now". The truth I had to hear from a friend whom he poured his heart out to that he loved his wife and wanted to make it work and had to try. He didn't know what else to do Why would I have even expected honesty from him...seriously?? And to think I trusted him. Big failure!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 I'm sorry you're hurting, please be kind to yourself as you're navigating this tricky situation. Thank you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 Been so weird the last 2 nights in my dreams! first night I saw one of my toes split in half vertically, but it was so dry, no blood anywhere, I did not even cry, no pain. Just now, I woke up from a dream where a little girl was getting killed. Saw the whole thing on TV. She tried to run away, when she did, she hid under a stage area For 7 hrs, then she got killed by the bad guys. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Been so weird the last 2 nights in my dreams! first night I saw one of my toes split in half vertically, but it was so dry, no blood anywhere, I did not even cry, no pain. Just now, I woke up from a dream where a little girl was getting killed. Saw the whole thing on TV. She tried to run away, when she did, she hid under a stage area For 7 hrs, then she got killed by the bad guys. You had a traumatic event and you were played by someone you were caring for and add the addition you were helping in their own traumatic situation, I am sure you are having nightmares with all the thoughts running in your head before sleep. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Facebook can be a huge trigger. I had to deactivate mine, because I didn't want him to contact me from a fake account. (Although I reactived while on vacation, but just deactivated again). And this weekend I unfriended him from my husband's facebook (they are "friends)....because I don't want him to know anything that's going on in my life. Your guy unfriended. ...now you need to block him. Don't you think that your H will notice he's down a friend or exOM possibly could ask why your H deleted him off of facebook? It could make exOM think that your H knows of the affair and ask him about it.. Just saying. Devastated, since he deleted you now you need to block him so he can't reach out at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 You had a traumatic event and you were played by someone you were caring for and add the addition you were helping in their own traumatic situation, I am sure you are having nightmares with all the thoughts running in your head before sleep. I know! It's killing me waking up each morning now. 2nd morning now... Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Don't you think that your H will notice he's down a friend or exOM possibly could ask why your H deleted him off of facebook? It could make exOM think that your H knows of the affair and ask him about it.. Just saying. Devastated, since he deleted you now you need to block him so he can't reach out at all. I've done this a few times when I've gone NC before. MM has always contacted my H about it. My h always just thinks it's our kids messing around with his phone. I never thought that it might make xmm think I've confessed. This time around I think it's different. Xmm hasn't called my H once in the 10 weeks since I've went NC. I think he's finally gotten the clue that this is done. I don't think he'll be calling my H anytime soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DevastateHeartbroken Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 Oh my gosh I couldn't believe it. I noticed he checked my blog today. I blocked on FB but can't block any person on my blog. I don't think he's going to contact me...? Just checking to see my blog updates or my pictures like before?? Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Oh my gosh I couldn't believe it. I noticed he checked my blog today. I blocked on FB but can't block any person on my blog. I don't think he's going to contact me...? Just checking to see my blog updates or my pictures like before?? What does it matter? It doesn't change anything... It's not like he's sending you his final divorce papers - so, he's still married. Ignore anything he does. He's only going to hurt you more if he gets in touch with you - so make decisions that benefit you! Any married man is not to your emotional benefit. Start dating... And choose single men. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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