norudder Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 How many out there married 20+ yrs would marry your spouse again as they are today and as you are? Do your feelings for your spouse and your closeness still matter in marriage or at a certain point is it just that they make for good company to meet the sunset years with and already have time spent knowing the quirks of each other so why bother trying for anyone else? (ie comfort, fear, laziness) Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 How many out there married 20+ yrs would marry your spouse again as they are today and as you are? Do your feelings for your spouse and your closeness still matter in marriage or at a certain point is it just that they make for good company to meet the sunset years with and already have time spent knowing the quirks of each other so why bother trying for anyone else? (ie comfort, fear, laziness) I would marry my wife again, no regrets from when i did. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 We met in high school and I knew very quickly that she was unlike anyone I had ever met and that I would never meet anyone as interesting as her. When we finally got married I knew I was in for a wild ride and just hoped I could hang on. Decades later both statements are still true and I expect them to be true for the rest of my life. If I had married someone else life would probably have been easier but I would always have been looking over my alternate-universe-wife's shoulder hoping to catch a glimpse of someone like the woman I should have married. As it is my only regret is that I didn't marry her sooner. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 We met in high school and I knew very quickly that she was unlike anyone I had ever met and that I would never meet anyone as interesting as her. When we finally got married I knew I was in for a wild ride and just hoped I could hang on. Decades later both statements are still true and I expect them to be true for the rest of my life. If I had married someone else life would probably have been easier but I would always have been looking over my alternate-universe-wife's shoulder hoping to catch a glimpse of someone like the woman I should have married. As it is my only regret is that I didn't marry her sooner. This made me cry...in a good way. I cannot say I wouldn't because of my wonderful kids. BUT...my marriage was profoundly painful, and the outside forces that resulted from various things in my marriage just compounded the pain. I wouldn't ever want to go through those things again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Yes, I'd marry him again today. He still excites me, were still in love, and the bonus is that he's a proven partner. I'm so glad he's mine, and the father of our children. Best decision of my life. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Babs22 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Married 20 years, together nearly 30. No, I wouldn't marry him today. We have too many differences, personality and culturally. I didn't think they would matter so much, but they did. We have two kids, I am glad I have them, but somehow they both have had to deal with health issues that have made their lives difficult. I'm sorry that they have to deal with that. Also, sorry that they have a father who isn't there for them often and who cannot show them the love and approval they both want. Marrying him was a big mistake. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 We didn't make it 20+ years married but at 42 we've been together 25 years minus 2 somewhere in there. I would absolutely marry her again, if for no other reason then to correct the mistakes I've made along the way. We have had sky high highs as well as being as low as you can go. I couldn't imagine my life without her having been in it. Its been rough going lately, we still have a common goal of spending the rest of our lives together. Will we make it? I honestly don't know....however it ends I don't regret it and would do it all over again. She is an amazing but flawed woman that for years I (unfairly) to her put on a pedestal and place very high expectations on, ones that she could in no way live up to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Yes. To the number 10. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Coming up on 30 years (2nd marriage for me) and I'd be incomplete without her. So yes, yes, yes... I'm even glad for my lousy first marriage. Even more appreciation for a good partner when you've had a really bad one... Mr. Lucky 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 As it is my only regret is that I didn't marry her sooner. I should probably add that when I said I knew I was in for a wild ride I don't think either of us had much idea how wild it would get. There are long stretches of our marriage which resemble some of the stories in the infidelity forum, minus (I think, anyway) the infidelity. Why we stayed together and others, going through the same sorts of stresses, have not, I have no idea. Reading some of the stories on LS helps me to understand exactly how close to the edge we've skated but does not tell me why we didn't go into the abyss. (And leaves me inclined to be fairly sympathetic toward those who have.) One thing that may have helped - despite my earlier comment about how I'd marry her sooner if I had it to do all over again - is that we knew each other for several years before getting married, and, perhaps more importantly, each went through some difficult personal and family situations during that period. We were close enough friends throughout most of it that we had at least some idea how we would handle difficult situations together, and, maybe more to the point, each of us knew that the other was not going to collapse or run off at the first sign of trouble. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Most likely, I wouldn't marry her again. But it's less about her and more about some misconceptions I had. What I was really doing was bailing out of the sinking ship that was my singlehood. I thought getting married would erase the loser self-image I had when it came to attracting women - that the slate would be wiped clean. Not the case. I'm the kind of guy who was wired to marry his high school or college sweetheart - my parents married at 19. But when that didn't happen, I panicked when I actually should have waited a lot longer so I could have worked on getting my life more in order and worked through a lot of my "nice guy" issues. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 First wife: no way! I divorced her for good reasons after 24 years, and wish I'd never met her. This time, I would (but we've only been together 15). Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I would have run as fast I could the other way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Our 32nd Anniversary is a few months away. I would absolutely marry her again, despite the ups and downs which brought me here a long time ago. My only regret is not being smarter and more savvy in dealing with those issues early on in a more constructive way. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Lokin4AReason Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 ummm, no I don't a lying, cheating, back stabbing person like my ex is/ was wish that I never married her nor met her ... IMO one thing I learned, don't put up w/ bs not even for a second Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Yes. I say that in spite of the problems we have had. Because fundamentally I married a good man and I like him. The love I feel is deeper than ever it was - not as sparkly but stronger. I take a minor issue with this :" is it just that they make for good company to meet the sunset years with and already have time spent knowing the quirks of each other so why bother trying for anyone else?" Most of the above is a good thing not a negative. For many of us familiarity breeds affection and security not contempt. I can honestly say that, were we to split for any reason, I wouldn't WANT to 'try' for anyone else. Being with another person per se isn't the focus of my life - the only person I would want to be with is the one I am with. The most important lesson I have learnt in the last 3 years is that the most central person in my life is me and that is the relationship I have to focus on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegameoflife Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I don't think I'd marry anyone. I feel that I'm simply not suited well for marriage. The emotional needs of my wife are overwhelming for me. Also, I miss exploring sexually with new partners, and see no benefits of monogamy. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 My wife I would marry in a heartbeat because we have the kind of marriage that many others dream of having. My first wife I say no but if I didn't experience that would I be able to appreciate what I have now? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Two words come to mind: "Hell" and "no". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Nope. In fact, if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't marry anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
MM1234 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 As bad as it may sound, if I could do it all over again I would not marry my husband again. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 As bad as it may sound, if I could do it all over again I would not marry my husband again. I don't think it sounds bad at all. In fact, if you asked the followup question " do you regret marrying your souse" I think a lot of people would say no. I fall into this category. I don't regret marrying my wife at all. I just wouldn't do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 been married more than 18 years now, and yes, I would marry him again. I just wouldn't waste so damned much money on a big wedding that I didn't like anyway. I would have done a very small wedding somewhere quiet and used the money saved to give us a better financial start. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 How many out there married 20+ yrs would marry your spouse again as they are today and as you are? Do your feelings for your spouse and your closeness still matter in marriage or at a certain point is it just that they make for good company to meet the sunset years with and already have time spent knowing the quirks of each other so why bother trying for anyone else? (ie comfort, fear, laziness) I haven't been married for 20+ years yet, but my parents have, for 41 years now. I asked both my Dad and my Mom separately if they would have married the other again, and they both said yes. I don't think my parents want to try for anyone else. My parents are very family-centric and I've never heard either one of them talk about finding anyone else. Rather, they always talk by saying "Your Mom (or Dad) and I" or "We." I think that's one of the secrets to a good marriage: being a team. Link to post Share on other sites
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