Oneforme33 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 How, when you love so much, and you care so much, do you go no contact. He is a liar. He says he loves me and goes right back to his girlfriend who he doesn't even think I know about. He is never going to fess up. How do I do what's best for my self worth and health and leave the situation. It feels stronger than I am. I cannot do it... It's been 3 years... So very desperately sad.. Link to post Share on other sites
stupidkittten Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Are you guys together? Like does he consider you his girlfriend or have you had an unoffical fling for a while? Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 You need to find out why you don't think you are worth more. You are in love with the idea of love. You need to talk to a therapist to figure out why you love this man who hurts you. Please cut ties with him for yourself! Don't you deserve someone all to yourself?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 How, when you love so much, and you care so much, do you go no contact. He is a liar. He says he loves me and goes right back to his girlfriend who he doesn't even think I know about. He is never going to fess up. How do I do what's best for my self worth and health and leave the situation. It feels stronger than I am. I cannot do it... It's been 3 years... So very desperately sad.. Are you still married? Your MM is divorced and has no obligations to you which is why he's doing as he pleases, dating a woman. Seems you're not leaving your marriage to be with him so why should he commit to you and only date you? I say this with respect, but the same can be said about you. You were/are having an A with him, yet you went home every night to be with your husband. I'm sure you continued to 'live life' with your H, do family outings, slept in the same bed, celebrated holidays together.. 3 years is a long time to waste on this affair. It's over and has been for a while, it's you who needs to find the strength to walk away, get counseling and fix yourself. Decide if you want to be single or stay married. Right now you're not really in any position to dictate or be devastated that he's seeing someone else for obvious reasons. NC is the only way to for you to grieve the loss and heal. Not knowing what he's doing, who he's with. His life has gone on and it's time for to do the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dutchman1 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 You could let you H , give your lover a ring to tell your lover it is unfair to string you along.you deserve a honnest A Dutchman 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oneforme33 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Are you still married? Your MM is divorced and has no obligations to you which is why he's doing as he pleases, dating a woman. Seems you're not leaving your marriage to be with him so why should he commit to you and only date you? I say this with respect, but the same can be said about you. You were/are having an A with him, yet you went home every night to be with your husband. I'm sure you continued to 'live life' with your H, do family outings, slept in the same bed, celebrated holidays together.. 3 years is a long time to waste on this affair. It's over and has been for a while, it's you who needs to find the strength to walk away, get counseling and fix yourself. Decide if you want to be single or stay married. Right now you're not really in any position to dictate or be devastated that he's seeing someone else for obvious reasons. NC is the only way to for you to grieve the loss and heal. Not knowing what he's doing, who he's with. His life has gone on and it's time for to do the same. But that's just it. It isn't over. I don't pretend with my husband. It's a formality only that we live in the same house and it's just for now, for other reasons. There is nothing else there. The AP tells me there is no one else and that he loves me regularly, that he wants to be with me forever and can't imagine his life without me. It's definitely me getting duped...not him. And yes I know for sure he is seeing another woman regularly. I just don't understand the continual denial. And not only denial, the reassurance, over the top toying with my heart he does by telling me the exact opposite of this being something casual or over. Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 But that's just it. It isn't over. I don't pretend with my husband. It's a formality only that we live in the same house and it's just for now, for other reasons. There is nothing else there. The AP tells me there is no one else and that he loves me regularly, that he wants to be with me forever and can't imagine his life without me. It's definitely me getting duped...not him. And yes I know for sure he is seeing another woman regularly. I just don't understand the continual denial. And not only denial, the reassurance, over the top toying with my heart he does by telling me the exact opposite of this being something casual or over. There's no need to "understand" it. It doesn't matter. His words don't matter. Anyone can string words together to create any kind of sentence or paragraph they want. It doesn't mean a thing. Actions are what matter. His words tell you he is seeing no one else; his actions show you his words are lies and he is indeed seeing someone else. Understanding "why" doesn't matter even a little bit. All the information you need is right in front of you. I think your need to "understand" is your way of avoiding the truth staring you right in the face. Move on. He's not the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with and that's all you need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Are you still married? Your MM is divorced and has no obligations to you which is why he's doing as he pleases, dating a woman. Seems you're not leaving your marriage to be with him so why should he commit to you and only date you? I say this with respect, but the same can be said about you. You were/are having an A with him, yet you went home every night to be with your husband. I'm sure you continued to 'live life' with your H, do family outings, slept in the same bed, celebrated holidays together.. 3 years is a long time to waste on this affair. It's over and has been for a while, it's you who needs to find the strength to walk away, get counseling and fix yourself. Decide if you want to be single or stay married. Right now you're not really in any position to dictate or be devastated that he's seeing someone else for obvious reasons. NC is the only way to for you to grieve the loss and heal. Not knowing what he's doing, who he's with. His life has gone on and it's time for to do the same. I find that some MP's don't see their own behavior. They feel they are the victims. I have a friend who is married (unhappily) and has had an A with a single OM, who ended up leaving her, and a MM. In both A, she felt like a victim and could not understand why they did this or that to her. Never once did she think her being married was an issue. I heard about it every day and I assure you, her head was in the clouds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 But that's just it. It isn't over. I don't pretend with my husband. It's a formality only that we live in the same house and it's just for now, for other reasons. There is nothing else there. The AP tells me there is no one else and that he loves me regularly, that he wants to be with me forever and can't imagine his life without me. It's definitely me getting duped...not him. And yes I know for sure he is seeing another woman regularly. I just don't understand the continual denial. And not only denial, the reassurance, over the top toying with my heart he does by telling me the exact opposite of this being something casual or over. Does your husband know you're having an affair? Again, your MM isn't obligated to you. He lies to you and hides the fact he is seeing other women because you are still married. He has no wife anymore so he can do as he pleases. Remember, he lied to his wife while with you at the beginning (you said in one your previous posts that you both were married, so somewhere along the way he divorced his wife) so you know he IS capable of deceiving. GO back and re read your other threads. This affair doesn't sound very healthy and there seems to be a lot of pain and heartache too. Is he worth it? Because from what I've read, he isn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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