Confusion_Reigns Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Lots happening over the last few months. My wonderful OM is simply wonderful. He really is the most kind caring compassionate man I've ever met & I am lucky to have met him. I love him. I'm leaving my marriage & have had tough discussions with my h...it's not easy & not pretty. It's hard & it hurts. But it's right. & I have to get thru this on my own...it's just the way it has to be. I'm very low contact with my OM now & that hurts too. I told him that this is the way it has to happen & he's very understanding...did I tell u how wonderful he is? He doesn't like it but is giving me the space I need to walk this path in the best way I can. It's going to be ok. I know it sounds crazy but I still worry for the well being of my h...even after all the ugly things we've been thru...all the hurt he's caused me...ahhhh, but I've accepted that I'll always be who I am & how I am...& it's not a bad way to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 (edited) So wonderful that he cheats with a married woman. Wait for it, he will cheat on you. Good luck. See the thread about what he will do to you after the shine is off. So sorry. Edited July 8, 2015 by harrybrown edit 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Thank you for your sympathy. My h is getting a bit crazy...posting all sorts of stuff on Facebook & getting lots & lots of sympathy...he's telling half truths & twisting it all to make himself look like a pitifully man...but of courses not ONCE has he asked me how I am or how I feel...oh no it's all about him how this is making him feel...but I suppose that's to be expected... Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I'm a little confused. If you've told your husband you're leaving the marriage, why the LC with OM? Are you just keeping up appearances for the kids or something? And if you're divorcing your H, why would you expect to get sympathy from him? You're getting what you want. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 (edited) I'm leaving the marriage now & working out the ending with my h. I choose LC with my OM so I'm not driving myself crazy...or him...& honestly to focus on ending things with my h. I never once said I expected sympathy from my h. Maybe a little understanding. But he's not that kinda guy...maybe things could have been different for us if he was that kinda guy...He choose to air his ditty laundry on Facebook in a way as to...oh who am I kidding he's on there slammed my me & I CHOOSE to not get dragged into it... Edited July 8, 2015 by Confusion_Reigns Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I am honestly not all that surprised he is posting and getting people on his side. Any time there is cheating involve you have people with really shady behavior. Your both cheaters so if it wasn't him it probably would have been you. See this is where your going to fail yourself and your kids once again. You think this new OM is so wonderful but your just putting aside the fact he has no respect for relationships or marriage. If he has no respect for that then he clearly has no respect for himself as well let alone respect for you. Good men don't engage in relationships with married women. If you ever want to break this cycle of finding losers in your life you have to change your behavior and the decision making process. Ditch the OM and just focus on you and the kids. Get your head on straight and when the time is right you can move on and have a healthy relationship not this one that was based on cheating. If you don't then you will just repeat your cycle and at some point in time you look back and say where did I go wrong. It will probably be about the time your kids are old enough to move out and stay away because they can't handle the chaos either. Clay 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 He choose to air his ditty laundry on Facebook in a way as to...oh who am I kidding he's on there slammed my me & I CHOOSE to not get dragged into it... He can do anything he wants with the info in any way that can help him. I aired my WH's and MOW's dirty laundry to everyone. Shouldn't behave badly then is my response. To each his own. Your H is doing what he needs to to heal and so are you (I guess). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Yea maybe that would make sense if he knew about the affair but he doesn't. So hm being hateful is just the typical him. If I decide to have a relationship with my OM after I'm truly single it will be my 2nd real relationship in my life. So no I'm not man hopping. My kids r over 18 yo now & haven't left & stayed away due to the casos. My h has physically & mentally abused me in the past & I'm leaving him now. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 My h has physically & mentally abused me in the past & I'm leaving him now. Oh I see. I am very sorry to hear you were abused, while having an A is not an ideal way to end a M like this, at least you are leaving something toxic. Sorry I may have misinterpreted your story. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I hesitate even stepping into this thread without a ten foot pole, but my curiosity has gotten the better of me. Is this new OM married? Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Nah she's with a single OM...but she recently found out her husband was having an affair and got furious. Quite amusing to read actually. So she's divorcing H because he's a bad husband and the trigger for divorce was his affair. Never mind she's been in one for years and ain't coming clean either.guess what's good for he goose isn't so good for the gander? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 Lol wow you have me all figured out huh? You know my world because you've read a sliver...A very tiny sliver...of my life? In fact the trigger for my finally waking up to move toward divorce wa the last time my h held me up against the bathroom wall by my neck so I couldn't breath & told me to open my eyes....he wanted me to see him as he yelled in my face...idk why that was the final straw because it happened many times before...maybe it wa because he told me to open my eyes? & no he's never apologized for any of the blood or brushes or scratches....& he's upset with me for brining up the past & useing his mistakes to punish him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 He really is the most kind caring compassionate man I've ever met & I am lucky to have met him. I love him. This was a guy who was sleeping with you while you were still sleeping with your husband as well, yes? Let me give you some insight into the male mind. If we don't care that you are sleeping with another man, we don't care if you get hit by a bus either. Take that to the bank. Fo reals. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 (edited) I don't share that with anyone. It took a long time for me to tell him my h has abused me & he is very upset about it. & I never said that he doesn't care that I'm married. He cares very much & has said as much. Edited July 8, 2015 by Confusion_Reigns Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 i find it odd, that BS constantly state leave them, then here the OP does and they bash her for doing what they want... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 In fact the trigger for my finally waking up to move toward divorce wa the last time my h held me up against the bathroom wall by my neck so I couldn't breath & told me to open my eyes....he wanted me to see him as he yelled in my face...idk why that was the final straw because it happened many times before...maybe it wa because he told me to open my eyes? & no he's never apologized for any of the blood or brushes or scratches....& he's upset with me for brining up the past & useing his mistakes to punish him. If I live to be 1,000 I'll never understand why women stay with a*ssholes. The ONE time my ex started to get physical was when he slammed down a pizza box so hard that the pizza toppings splattered upward onto the wall during a heated argument. After he did that, I immediately picked up a very heavy candy dish on the table next to me because I would have literally beat him senseless with it had he come at me the way I thought he was going to. There's no freakin WAY I would have allowed him to abuse me that day - then turn around and stay with him for 10 or 15 MORE years abusing me over and over. I still have the candy dish intact as he wasn't foolish enough to try me. That's why I just don't understand the dynamics of women who continually allow these losers to beat them. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 i find it odd, that BS constantly state leave them, then here the OP does and they bash her for doing what they want... I think most BS recommend leaving instead of entering into an A in the first place. She should be commended for finally taking the steps she's taking. Whether or not it should have happened sooner is besides the point at this stage. However...there is the separate issue of her own indiscretions still being a secret. If she wants to keep them a secret, that's fine. I just think it's a little disingenuous to be so critical of her H's reaction to this. He's apparently a disaster of a man. Not denying that. But to look at him and think,"Can you believe this jacka**?"....really, what does it matter if he gets sympathy or if he's airing dirty laundry? She's leaving. It's over. And nobody knows about the really dirty stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 don't underestimate your husband's violent nature. PROTECT yourself and your family from his future outburts, document every bruise, text message and any other form of threat & report it to the authorities. be VERY careful, please. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 OP Your H has had many affairs and is abusive. I'm not pro affairs , but I empathise with your situation. I read some of your threads and as you aren't legally married to him, you won't have as much hassle with the courts. I'd just like to say you should NEVER tolerate a man being violent or verbally abusive towards you. What a nasty man holding you up and yelling at you like that. He's a bully. I despise violent men. I hope your kids haven't witnessed this violence. I hope you will be happy with the OM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 I'm walking the line. It's hard & it hurts. I'm so afraid. I'm also so damn angry to be honest. I'm distancing myself from my h....& he lied to me the other morning telling me that his dad had a heart attack & he was in the hospital & didn't know if he was going to be ok...of course I hugged him to comfort him...he wanted sex & even tho I didn't want to I did anyway...omg...he lied to me. His dad didn't have a heart attack & he's not in the hospital... My sister in law happened to text me about an unrelated issue & I offered my prayers & she had no idea what I was talking about...she said no he's ok he's sitting on the couch knitting... Who freaking lies about something like that??? Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 You know it goes back to your not able to stand on your own. You still allow these guys to manipulate you and you are upset after that fact. Once your on your own it will just continue with the OM as well. Just like your husband that honeymoon phase will go away and you will see him for who he really is. The start of any healthy relationship is when your healthy to begin with. Until you stop all this and take the time to work on you your just going to go on repeating the same things and wondering why life has treated you so unfairly. I truly wish you the best but I just dont think your going to learn. C 3 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 You know it goes back to your not able to stand on your own. You still allow these guys to manipulate you and you are upset after that fact. Once your on your own it will just continue with the OM as well. Just like your husband that honeymoon phase will go away and you will see him for who he really is. The start of any healthy relationship is when your healthy to begin with. Until you stop all this and take the time to work on you your just going to go on repeating the same things and wondering why life has treated you so unfairly. I truly wish you the best but I just dont think your going to learn. C To re-emphasize: THIS ^^^^^^ !!!! The start is YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 You know I wanted to be upset with your words Clay but I just can't because at the heart of it you might be right. In a certain way. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 You know I wanted to be upset with your words Clay but I just can't because at the heart of it you might be right. In a certain way. I am not saying this to hurt your feelings. I am honestly telling you this in the hopes you will wake up and see the damage your doing to yourself. You do deserve better but you have to work hard on you before you can really ask that of someone else. Look life sucks really bad at times and its never been easy for any of us. No one can do this for you. You have to do it on your own. We can only try to encourage and push you to a better life for you. Just take some time to think about what you really want in life. Don't talk to the OM for a while. Get into counceling. Give it a chance. What have you really got to loose. You might learn things about yourself you never knew. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I'm walking the line. It's hard & it hurts. I'm so afraid. I'm also so damn angry to be honest. I'm distancing myself from my h....& he lied to me the other morning telling me that his dad had a heart attack & he was in the hospital & didn't know if he was going to be ok...of course I hugged him to comfort him...he wanted sex & even tho I didn't want to I did anyway...omg...he lied to me. His dad didn't have a heart attack & he's not in the hospital... My sister in law happened to text me about an unrelated issue & I offered my prayers & she had no idea what I was talking about...she said no he's ok he's sitting on the couch knitting... Who freaking lies about something like that??? If you never knew before, now you know what your H is truky capable of. It's time for you to expediate the end of your marriage. A person capable of such a barefaced lie, without so much as a twitch is quite simply capable of almost anything. Would you not have made contact with any of the family anyway upon hearing such news? Everyone's different, but I know I would have done so. The longer you stay there , the more your chances of happiness with the OM dwindle away. Link to post Share on other sites
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