tips & tricks to push yourself?

[d0nnivain]

justanaverageguy If I had a clue as to where to start with the organization I might try that myself. But since I have spent 4 years in this mess, I think hiring a pro is a better use of my time.

 

loveweary11 -- real SSRIs make me sicker then the depression & the anxiety. I'm depressed. Then I get anxious because I know all the things that I'm supposed to be doing but that I can't seem to bring myself to do. It's a vicious cycle. I used to be organized, proactive, competitive & fun. I want the old me back.

 

I am in therapy & have been for a while, at least on & off when things get really bad. I stopped late last year because I was feeling better but then things took a turn for the worse this spring.

 

We are allegedly trying CBT but I haven't seen real evidence of change in what the therapist is recommending. He just tells me to stop thinking negatively & to motivate myself to move forward without giving me techniques on how to do those things. I'm growing increasingly frustrated.

[writergal]

Find a real CBT therapist. You will be given worksheets or a workbook to fill out. In fact, you can find those at any bookstore. Why not purchase one and bring it to your next session, and ask your therapist to monitor your progress with the CBT workbook.

 

Here's some examples you can order online if you don't want to leave your house.

 

Amazon.com: cbt workbooks: Books

 

justanaverageguy If I had a clue as to where to start with the organization I might try that myself. But since I have spent 4 years in this mess, I think hiring a pro is a better use of my time.

 

loveweary11 -- real SSRIs make me sicker then the depression & the anxiety. I'm depressed. Then I get anxious because I know all the things that I'm supposed to be doing but that I can't seem to bring myself to do. It's a vicious cycle. I used to be organized, proactive, competitive & fun. I want the old me back.

 

I am in therapy & have been for a while, at least on & off when things get really bad. I stopped late last year because I was feeling better but then things took a turn for the worse this spring.

 

We are allegedly trying CBT but I haven't seen real evidence of change in what the therapist is recommending. He just tells me to stop thinking negatively & to motivate myself to move forward without giving me techniques on how to do those things. I'm growing increasingly frustrated.

[d0nnivain]

Thanks for that, writergal.

[54JA]

Today, I am experimenting with 12 minute limit cleaning/organizing (divided into three 4-min sessions) where I will resist the urge to trying to finish everything in one day. I will record how many days it will take for me to get the house in the state I am satisfied with. Below are my reasons for this approach.

 

Because of my depressed mind, my "all or nothing" and perfectionist thinking and obsessiveness often get in the way of maintaining what I started. I tend to get critical of not only how much work I get done, but also how I get them done. For example, when I am sorting through the huge piles of paperwork, I criticize myself for my slowness and (perceived) inefficiency, "I shouldn't be taking this long to tackle this." These thoughts really make the experience negative and further contributes to the negative cycle of avoidance and increasing piles of sh##.

 

Right now, I am trying to figure out a way to incorporate a doable everyday routine for keeping my house neat and organized. I am starting to recognize that I am rushing myself to be "done" with this cleaning/organizing business, but it may be a matter of developing a life time habit of doing little at a time. Because of my all or nothing thinking, doing "little at a time" is hard for me. With regard to the "mess," I tend to set goals like "this week, I am finally going to get rid of this," without realizing how unrealistic they are for my organizing skills/habits and motivational tools are still in their infancy. My perfectionism and obsessiveness make each step difficult. I find myself engaged in long and stressful dilemma over what to do with a piece of paper because it doesn't quite fit into the drawer categories. My obsessiveness drives me to want to shred all the papers "just in case." All of these things, again, wear me out and cause me to expend more energy than appropriate.

 

So, I am working on NOT insisting on "finishing" something right away. I am working on being OK with things getting done slowly. This is my attempt at learning to switch from "all or nothing"/"today or never" thinking pattern. This is for me to learn to adopt the marathon runner approach as well as the "anything is better than nothing" outlook. For me, if I let it, I "think" myself into doing nothing. I can easily come up with multiple excuses for why now is not a good time to start/I should wait. If I can accept, without any judgement, that by default, I don't do anything, I can feel like anything additional I do is a bonus. This feeling is much easier to tolerate than the feeling I get when I berate myself for doing nothing or too little.

 

I know this isn't quite what you were looking for in this thread as I am not offering any solutions. I just wanted to share. I will let you know if I find anything practical or if what I am experimenting with results in positive outcome.

[loveweary11]

justanaverageguy If I had a clue as to where to start with the organization I might try that myself. But since I have spent 4 years in this mess, I think hiring a pro is a better use of my time.

 

loveweary11 -- real SSRIs make me sicker then the depression & the anxiety. I'm depressed. Then I get anxious because I know all the things that I'm supposed to be doing but that I can't seem to bring myself to do. It's a vicious cycle. I used to be organized, proactive, competitive & fun. I want the old me back.

 

I am in therapy & have been for a while, at least on & off when things get really bad. I stopped late last year because I was feeling better but then things took a turn for the worse this spring.

 

We are allegedly trying CBT but I haven't seen real evidence of change in what the therapist is recommending. He just tells me to stop thinking negatively & to motivate myself to move forward without giving me techniques on how to do those things. I'm growing increasingly frustrated.

 

Aw, man. That sucks. That really is a vicious cycle. Can't hurt to experiment with the tea, which may help you get more things done because you'll be in a better mood, which will then head off the anxiety.

 

I feel for you. I had a front row seat to these types of problems with my BPD ex who also had bouts of depression, anxiety and OCD. I've seen just about everything very up close and personal in one person.

 

I wish you the best finding your way through it.

 

The one saving grace i hear here is you weren't alway like this. That means there is hope. My ex and the entire female lineage in her family are severely mentally ill. By genetics. Her great aunt, still alive, had a lobotomy back in those days. That's how hopeless they are.

 

For you... there is lots of hope. Hang in there. I think you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[angel.eyes]

I am in therapy & have been for a while, at least on & off when things get really bad. I stopped late last year because I was feeling better but then things took a turn for the worse this spring.

 

We are allegedly trying CBT but I haven't seen real evidence of change in what the therapist is recommending.

I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. If this one isn't proving helpful after several months, try another. Not all therapists are created equal. Also, psychotherapy is not one-size-fits-all. Different approaches will be more or less effective for certain people and certain types of problems. It may take time to find a good fit for you. Be persistent but open to trying new options.

 

To be honest, I'm a little skeptical about using the organizer until the underlying problem is addressed. I suspect once the root issue gets resolved, the clutter will disappear. It's a symptom, not the cause.

 

Slap a bandaid or spray perfume on an abscess because the smell bothers you, and the smell will seep through and worsen. Get rid of the abscess and the stench immediately disappears. The clutter is the stench. Focus on the abscess instead. The therapist will help on that front.

 

That's my two cents anyway. I hope things improve and you're to get back to the old you.

 

I met with a professional organizer yesterday to deal with the clutter in my house. Right now the messy environment is an outward manifestation of my inner turmoil.

[Justanaverageguy]

justanaverageguy If I had a clue as to where to start with the organization I might try that myself. But since I have spent 4 years in this mess, I think hiring a pro is a better use of my time.

 

Just personal opinion but hiring the organizer is an excuse to not take action.The passage I posted - part of it is supposed to show that where you start doesn't really matter. Just start anywhere - pick a room and start cleaning and organizing. When we start taking action the next steps become clear. You are cleaning the house not building the empire state. Not everything needs an elaborate plan. Through breaking a large job down into smaller chunks and taking action in one specific small area (any area) the next steps are revealed to us. Non action makes us think the job is too big to even start.

[SpiralOut]

I ask myself how much better does it make me feel to lay in bed doing nothing? How will I feel about myself at the end of the day if I don't do anything? Then because I'm a perfectionist, I have to reassure myself that it doesn't matter if everything goes the way I want it to. For example if I need to grab something from the store, I might tell myself that it is pointless to do so because they may not even have any in stock. I need to talk back to the voice and tell it that I will still feel better for having at least checked.

 

 

It also helps to do something for "just 5 minutes." There have been so many days when I couldn't seem to leave the house, but as soon as I push myself outside to go for a 5 minute walk, I end up staying out all day. Or if I need to wash dishes I'll tell myself that I'll wash a couple of plates and that's it. Once I've started, I end up doing all of them.

 

 

After a while I realized that most of my anxiety comes from NOT doing things. It helps to be conscious of the fact that there is a zone of discomfort to go through, and once I'm through, I will feel better in the long run. I would rather be temporarily uncomfortable than feel stressed out and anxious all day long.

[Brigit_1]

Like many people when I'm depressed I don't have the mental or physical energy to do much of anything.

 

How do you push past the fear?

 

How do you overcome the slothfulness?

 

I've read the thread and you've received some excellent advice. I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for my whole life. I'm sorry that SSRI's don't work for you. The right combination can be a lifesaver. If you have biological depression or anxiety first point of action is getting your brain chemistry balanced. If meds are out of the question then you'll have to it naturally. It can be done.

 

When I get depressed and feel lethargic I try to get myself outside. The sun will automatically elevate your mood. If you have a pet it's a good time to hold them or take them for a walk. Call a friend and talk outside where nobody can hear you. The contact with the friend in combination to the outside stimuli will help. This won't cure the depression but it will get you out of the dark hole and into a better place where you'll be able to function.

[Gloria25]

I've read the thread and you've received some excellent advice. I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for my whole life. I'm sorry that SSRI's don't work for you. The right combination can be a lifesaver. If you have biological depression or anxiety first point of action is getting your brain chemistry balanced. If meds are out of the question then you'll have to it naturally. It can be done.

 

When I get depressed and feel lethargic I try to get myself outside. The sun will automatically elevate your mood. If you have a pet it's a good time to hold them or take them for a walk. Call a friend and talk outside where nobody can hear you. The contact with the friend in combination to the outside stimuli will help. This won't cure the depression but it will get you out of the dark hole and into a better place where you'll be able to function.

 

Agreed...

 

Today I was indoors most of the day cleaning and stuff and just plopped in the recliner in front of the TV when done. But later I had to go out to run some errands and OMG, it was just lovely outside. I was smelling the air, the light sun, it was sooo nice. Sometimes you just gotta get outside.

 

One of my doggies literally sunbathes - no matter how hot it gets out there. She just lies in the sun. She hates staying inside night or day. She's also moody. Sometimes I wonder if she is self-medicating by ensuring she gets her Vitamin D by hanging out in the sun.

[d0nnivain]

To be honest, I'm a little skeptical about using the organizer until the underlying problem is addressed. I suspect once the root issue gets resolved, the clutter will disappear. It's a symptom, not the cause. .

 

 

It's not just a symptom. I am a messy person. While psychologically it may have root causes, even when I am happy, I won't clean / organize. I will always find something more fun to do.

 

 

Plus it's soooooooo out of control now that I can't tackle it alone.

 

 

Since you have to start somewhere if I fix the outside meaning get my environment cleaned I can at least hire a housekeeper to maintain it going forward so my poor husband can stop having to live in my clutter.

 

 

Plus before my life went off the rails, DH & I talked about remodeling our kitchen He has waited patiently for that to happen & it is required to happen so other things can move forward. We put down deposits yesterday & have been meeting with designers. The organizer is require to get the clutter out of here & catalogued so the contractors have a place to stage the remodel.

[d0nnivain]

I don't have biological depression & I am very anti-med.

 

 

Also, just because I didn't do it myself does not negate the fact that me hiring somebody else to do it IS action. I've got bigger fish to fry. There are things in my life I have to do because I am the only one who can do them. My job for example.

 

 

To give you some perspective on why the organizer is needed, his estimate includes 3-5 people working on this mess for 3 days, 8 hours per day. That is about 75 - 100 man hours. I don't have two weeks to deal with this. I have 4 full household of furniture, dishes & accessories to go through plus 9 years of business files about 100 files per year and it's currently all cluttering up my basement & garage. Remember this started because of all the people in my life who died; a great deal of their crap migrated into my house. It's time for it to go.