When Children of Divorce Marry

[Brigit_1]

Couples today need to go into marriage realizing their chances of divorce are at minimum 50-50. If you knew that your chances of getting into a car wreck every time you got behind the wheel, what precautions would you take driving in to work every day?? why should marriage be any different?

 

I get what you're saying. Several months ago I was pretty certain me and my husband were headed for divorce. When I told him about my cyber affair I thought for sure that would be the end. And not to excuse my behavior but there were many things in the marriage that were bad which lead to this affair. Basically...the marriage wasn't doing too well and divorce seemed to be the next step. But recently we seem to be doing OK. If we ever did divorce we would just split everything 50/50 and be done with it. We've already discussed that. There aren't any children involved so it would mean liquidating our assets and going our separate ways. But I don't want that and neither does he.

[oldshirt]

I get what you're saying. Several months ago I was pretty certain me and my husband were headed for divorce. When I told him about my cyber affair I thought for sure that would be the end. And not to excuse my behavior but there were many things in the marriage that were bad which lead to this affair. Basically...the marriage wasn't doing too well and divorce seemed to be the next step. But recently we seem to be doing OK. If we ever did divorce we would just split everything 50/50 and be done with it. We've already discussed that. There aren't any children involved so it would mean liquidating our assets and going our separate ways. But I don't want that and neither does he.

 

 

 

If neither of you want a divorce, then there's no reason to be believe that one is imminent. One of you has to actually want to do it enough that they are willing to do the necessary paperwork and make it happen for it to occur.

[OldRover]

I realize that our overall beliefs and attitudes on divorce are probably to different to agree on much.

 

 

And I will also concede that divorce has a sting for everyone and is truly damaging to a number of others.

 

 

But I will stand fast that people today need to go into marriage with a divorce plan and the ways and means to carry out that plan. People just simply can't afford not to.

 

 

While many people may jump up and down and scream from the rooftops that this will make people more likely to walk away from their spouses and children if the toilet paper roll gets loaded the wrong way, I pretty strongly disagree with that notion.

 

 

I think the more people are prepared and willing and able to divorce, the less likely they are too be mistreated, the less likely they are to be abused, the less likely they are to be financially exploited and the less likely they are to be cheated on.

 

 

And if their spouse is taking the same precautions and have the same attitudes and abilities and resources, the less likely they are to do anything nefarious to their spouse.

 

 

In short, a divorce-ready couple is a polite couple. If you know you are ready, willing and able to divorce and walk away from a spouse that mistreats you, your chances of being in an abusive/exploitive/adulterous marriage is very nil.

 

 

And if you know that your partner is perfectly capable and filing a few papers and walking away from you scot-free with little damage, the less likely you are to mistreat them in any way.

 

 

The ability to initiate, follow through and survive a divorce intact is the new cornerstone of a healthy marriage. Without it, you are just asking for trouble.

 

 

The reason people chronically mistreat their spouse or are serial adulterers or are recalcitrant abusers is because they are confident their spouse won't leave. They know deep down their spouse is either too weak, too scared, too lazy or hold too deep of convictions to leave and there for they will be able to just keep on being $h!thead without any real consequences.

 

 

Couples today need to go into marriage realizing their chances of divorce are at minimum 50-50. If you knew that your chances of getting into a car wreck every time you got behind the wheel, what precautions would you take driving in to work every day?? why should marriage be any different?

 

In consideration of the above, why get married in the first place?

[oldshirt]

In consideration of the above, why get married in the first place?

 

Marriage is still the best option for people wanting to have a home and family in partnership with their special someone.

 

I am actually very pro marriage and have been married for a few months shy of 20 years with two children myself.

 

I am not knocking marriage in the slightest.

 

I am saying that no-one can afford to assume that any marriage will or even should last forever. Part of just being responsible and prudent is to be ready, willing and able to divorce if the need arises.

 

Never get into something without being aware of how to get out of it and have the ways and means to be able to do so..... marriage included.

 

Again, both people having the resources and ability to divorce, keeps marriages honest and people on good behavior.

 

The more prepared you are for divorce, the less likely you will need one.

[OldRover]

Marriage is still the best option for people wanting to have a home and family in partnership with their special someone.

 

I am actually very pro marriage and have been married for a few months shy of 20 years with two children myself.

 

I am not knocking marriage in the slightest.

 

I am saying that no-one can afford to assume that any marriage will or even should last forever. Part of just being responsible and prudent is to be ready, willing and able to divorce if the need arises.

 

Never get into something without being aware of how to get out of it and have the ways and means to be able to do so..... marriage included.

 

Again, both people having the resources and ability to divorce, keeps marriages honest and people on good behavior.

 

The more prepared you are for divorce, the less likely you will need one.

 

Oldshirt,

 

We may disagree a bit on that.... there's nothing wrong with being prepared, but having the mindset that "I'll just get the divorce when I'm ready and the need arises" sets an awful attitude going into a marriage, which makes the marriage no more special that just a relationship.... You can make the same commitments with a relationship, with a lot less hassle, and there could be more incentive to make it work because of less legalities.

 

Also, regardless of attitude going in, there's always the ability to divorce. And even with a rotten attitude, divorce can still be dramatic and expensive.

 

There's nothing wrong with a pre-nup, especially in older marriage where one wants their assets protected. That's just being prudent.