Broke up with my girlfriend because of her past. Really need some thoughts!

[HowMightI-live]

No, she stated she was 'promiscuous' but it also sounds very much as if she was "in a bad place".

The OP admits being in the frame of mind he is, is detrimental and ill-advised.

 

If the OP is admitting he is not happy with the way he is viewing things, what's the point of endorsing his attitude....?

 

 

I wasnt.

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[TaraMaiden2]

It was kind of an open question.... I was seeing if you'd agree with me.....

[HowMightI-live]

Yeah, but how do you know?

 

If the "reformed and repentant" child molester offers to babysit your kids for the weekend, do you let him?

 

Sometimes, as a practical matter, you decide to give the past more weight than the present, given what's at stake. It is a personal judgment; there is no right or wrong until sometime after you've given someone a chance to demonstrate the new version of them. There is only assumed risk.

 

But I don't think the OP is worried only about the future. He is worried about the character of someone who engages in behavior (drunkenness) that leads to other behavior (banging a stranger) he finds distasteful multiple times. I suspect it's not the act itself, it is the mentality behind the act in addition to a not completely unreasonable belief that she might do it again. You have to consider what a girl might tell you about her past vs. the God-awful truth.

 

can sound a whole lot worse than

 

if you like the girl. If she likes you, she might opt for the regretful version of the story. We have no idea.

 

If you don't care either way, then it's not an issue. But if you do care, then it is a matter of trust, and that can be a difficult thing to do for someone you don't know that well. Anyway, he did the right thing for him, but she haunts him, and now he's maybe second-guessing his decision, with the awful knowledge that it bothers his heart, if not his mind.

 

Is she a slut? A victim? A girl with youthful indiscretions in her past? We don't know. I'm not sure what we can tell him that's helpful in any way.

 

 

Theres no way of knowing whether or not im going to murdered when i step outside my apartment but i still have to step outside my apartment. But if being with her no longer felt right to him then he did what he had to do.

[HowMightI-live]

It was kind of an open question.... I was seeing if you'd agree with me.....

 

I agree 100%. Though i couldnt see myself responding the way OP did, i can understand why he feels the way he does.

[SoThatHappened]

I think mighty nailed it.

 

I will add that I've STAYED with a girl who admitted to being promiscuous, as in 25 partners by the time she was 22. She cheated on me after 7 months.

 

I'm not going to be one of those people who says you're judgmental and have your own issues for breaking up with her. You likely got out BEFORE you truly got hurt.

 

I say likely because, although she may never get black-out drunk and bang the closest guy again, her past shows she has the propensity to do it. At least for a few more years.

 

I will never give someone a hard time for running from a red flag. And yes, for ME, promiscuity is a red flag. Sue me.

[mightycpa]

Theres no way of knowing whether or not im going to murdered when i step outside my apartment but i still have to step outside my apartment. But if being with her no longer felt right to him then he did what he had to do.

No, you never know... but, if you lived next door to released killer Son of Sam after he found religion, you might still think it's a good idea to check the hallway through the peephole first every time you do, even though he had a change of heart. Maybe not. I would.

 

Same thing.