Finally its over.

[Giraffe2014]

Finally its over.

A combination of factors have marked this for me and AP. From initial engagement last October until the end of June this year, I have finally put to bed the rollercoaster of my life.

I am a married woman of 35 with a young son, he of similar age in a long term relationship.

I have come out as unscathed as can be. My heart, emotions, self and soul are going to take some time to rebuild. But for so many months my heart ached for him, it was a constant battle between my heart and my head and my heart kept going back. Again and again, I was living in the shadow of the real me.

The process was slow, gradual and in June a sequence of events have blown me, us into reality. His relationship is in trouble due to the affair and his woman’s suspicions, she’s not backing down this time and he has a long road there, if he can ever come back from it. My husband experienced the same many months ago but we are good now. We had a good end to it. First step at the end had us hating each other. We took a second stab at it, talked it out, said what we both needed to say and can now pass each other and smile

We still work together. I guess we needed each other for a while to get out of this but now we co-exist as colleagues and unlike all the times before when this tore at my heart, I am almost at contentment. I am not fully there. But I am not tormented anymore and I can feel the recovery with each passing day.

I rue the day I started this for meaningless fun thinking I could control it. It controlled us, and we risked everything we love and worked to build. We do not love each other (Well I can speak for me at least) We were drawn together sexually only. We got attached emotionally too, but we have zero in common. ZERO! I told him my reasons for the affair (I had a breakdown) and he told me his, to be fair hes done this a few times.

I hope he can turn his life around, but hes afraid now and if he gets her back that will be short-lived. This isn’t my problem, his life is his to lead. I have me now to worry about and am focusing on fixing me.

For everyone out there struggling to end it, trying NC, unable to do it, I understand. I understand better than anyone and it will rarely to never end unless something game changing happens as in my case. Luckily for me, it wasn’t my husband finding out. When you start to wake up you see how stupid you so easily risked it all, but when in that fantasy, that haze, all you can see is the next meeting with AP. The excitement, the thrill.

I am now on the slow yet progressive road to recovery. It hasn’t been easy.

[autumnnight]

So does this mean you engaged him again after the last time you started a thread?

[GoldieLox]

I honestly believe that confessing is on a person by person basis; I really don't jump on the bandwagon and drill either side into people. As for you, however, I have read your other threads and I truly believe that the only way you will not fall back into this (as you have ended it and fallen back several times before) is by confessing and finding another job.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

[Giraffe2014]

Its been so long since I last posted, I can most honestly say it didnt end till June. I was wasting my time, I couldnt let myself out. I am free now, finally. Came with a price to pay, but not the ultimate one, not the loss of my faily, I've been given a second chance. In my past posts I was a mess

[LoveMachine67]

Giraffe-

 

Good for you, and good luck!

[lovinDKT3]

When you last posted you said you would walk away from your husband and marriage if you started back up with this guy. No one or very few believed you then. I dont believe you now.

 

You dont really sound like someone who is done, remorseful or even sorry for what you have done.

You say your done, whats it been a week? Whats changed?

[whichwayisup]

You should consider looking for another job, put your resume out there and just see how it goes. Not sure if you truly can get over him since you see him everyday and work with him. Eventually (if he wants to) he's gonna try to talk to, flirt with you and woo you back.

 

Are you saying your feelings for him are totally gone and you're totally comfortable and in different seeing him daily? He has no affect you?

 

And what about your husband, I assume he isn't aware of the affair. What if your OM decides to confess to his partner and then they tell your H. Never say never.

[Akheron]

Its been so long since I last posted, I can most honestly say it didnt end till June.

Your last post was May 17th, so yes, you continued after you said you wouldn't.

 

I was wasting my time, I couldnt let myself out.

Baloney, you didn't want to let yourself out.

 

I am free now, finally.

What does this mean? Based on your history, I'm not buying it.

 

Came with a price to pay, but not the ultimate one, not the loss of my faily, What price have you paid? What consequence have you suffered?

 

I've been given a second chance.

Baloney, you haven't been given anything. You've granted yourself a second chance without your husbands blessing.

 

In my past posts I was a mess.

 

Based on your posts in this thread, you are still focusing solely on the coke head. I'd say your still a mess. You need IC, a new job, and no contact. None of which you have done or are willing to do.

[Artie Lang]

is your husband aware that it never really ended in when you said it did? i don't think you can ever really move on if you still work with this man, and are still interacting with him in some way. you guys can't be friends.