Yeah I'm sorry...definitely fed up with it

[SerCay]

So the other day I had a post about the snacks that I ate which my bf/ex brought for himself.

 

I have a food addiction and many of you thought that it was my own responsibility for not being able to control my eating habits. Which I had to agree with. Even though I still think he should've been more supportive instead of bringing all these treats over all the time.

 

Then today something else happened which made me snap and just send him away.

 

We both drink bottled water. He spends a lot of time at my house, and drinks of this water too. I would say that I drink 75% of it though. Anyway, before I met him, or before he started hanging out at my place, I used to pay carriers a lot to bring it to my house.

 

Since him and I were together, he would buy it and carry it to my apartment. Since our relationship started crumbling, and we both started seperating out finances, I started to reimburse him for the water he brought. Even though he also drank of it. I don't care about such things to be honest. He also kept sleeping over and showering at my place and stuff, but I'm not gonna make a big deal out of that either. We were having a good time, looking if we could rekindle our romance maybe.

 

A couple of days earlier, he told me he got 2 trays of water, but only brought up 1 to the apartment. So today he came over, and we were out of water. He jumped in the shower, and while he was showering, I asked him, hey when are you gonna bring that 2nd tray up? I asked in a normal way, I had nothing in mind, and no meaning behind it, whatsoever. He replied with: Why? just go out and buy it yourself. So I got pissed, 1 he drinks that water too, and 2. He's taking a shower IN MY SHOWER. Seriously....So I told him, ok I will get my own water, if you take showers in your own house from now on. Which i have to admit was a childish remark, but still perfectly clear about the message I meant to deliver.

 

Then he started a whole ramble about how "he was not my mule" and "I should carry it myself", while he perfectly KNOWS that I can't carry those things. They are way too heavy. He also knows that I used to pay others to bring me water...so his remark was totally meant to hurt me, and let me know "hey, it's not my problem".

 

Like seriously, how are you going to be such a hypocrite???? I totally understand it if you don't want to be involved in my business anymore. And if you don't want to help me by carrying something up anymore. BUT then you should take your showers at your own house, and we should meet and hang out OUTSIDE. I feel like taken advantage of in a weird way, him wanting to use my house but not wanting to help me out with small things.

 

I'm sorry it's a bit long but I'm really pissed, really really pissed.

Edited July 8, 2015 by SerCay

[eye of the storm]

SerVay, I am not saying you are right or wrong. I am saying when a relationship devolves into arguing about drinking water, it is time to say good bye.

 

I really don't think the food or water is really the issue. One, or both of you, feels your needs/feelings are not validated by the other and it is just coming out as arguments over food/water.

 

I am sorry.

[preraph]

I'd have gone and turned every hot water faucet in the place on and froze him out of the shower!

 

Look, from the very beginning of this post, the tone I was getting was that you're both taking score of every single thing, every single penny. And that tells me you don't have a good relationship. If you had a good relationship, you'd be wanting to share and help each other.

 

Don't get me wrong, I totally agree that if things get one-sided, with one person oversharing and the other taking advantage, honestly, it's probably just an imbalance in interest and time to put an end to the whole relationship rather than keep score and pinching pennies. It all sounds very tight and resentful on both sides.

 

I don't think what you said was unreasonable at all. I just think you have a bad relationship that is all out of balance and that neither of you cares enough to step up very much. Based on that, I wonder why you're still sleeping together and going through the motions instead of just going your separate ways.

 

P.S. I've never met a man who wouldn't gladly carry something for me, whether we were lovers or not. I do feel some women over-rely on men for that type of thing, though. To me, it sounds like the resentment has just made him balk at everything now. Time to move on.

[SerCay]

True... it has come down to pure pettiness and I hate every bit of it. He has always been a whiner during our relationship, complaining about how he had to drive, because I didn't have a car, how he had to pay for things, how he this how he that.

 

On the other hand totally ignoring the fact that I keep this house together.

 

I asked him a couple times lately, "since you won't acknowledge the fact that we're staying in my house, yet still complain about things as carrying up water, please tell me, where would we have spent time together for the last 5 years, if it weren't for my house?", he replied: outside, or at my parent's place.

 

It's also the remarks, all the time, about how him staying over at my place "costs me nothing" according to him.

 

 

Look thing is, I never bring up these things, I don't care whether he stays over 7 days a week or showers 7 days a week, I can pay for it, I liked having him around so I don't mind all these things...a relationship is about opening your life to another right? So it just drives me completely crazy when he pushes aside my house, and starts b*tching (excuse the lingo) as if I have no contribution...just because he carries up the water!!!

 

 

SERIOUSLY, we haven't been on vacation for 3 years now, because he doesn't want to drive. IT'S HIS CAR. There was a time when I was the one with a car, I didn't complain about driving once :S:S it didn't even occur to me!!! I used to pick him up from home, and bring him back the next day!!

 

he 's a whining nitpicker is what he is

[Gloria25]

I think that when people in a RL (one or both) start "keeping score" of this/that they did for the other...rather than waking up every morning and wondering "what can I do to make him/her happy" ....it's time to call quits to the RL.

 

I feel a sense of defensiveness here...rather than trying to see what you can do about your "food addiction"...while I do not believe in addictions (I believe there are things that motivate us to do "addictive" things - ie drinking to numb pain, eating out of depression/boredum/self-loathing) it appears now you want to draw up a list of all the wrongs he did/does.

 

In a RL (with family, friends, at work, SOs) we gotta look at what "we" bring to the table and what "we" need to change (well unless you're with an abusive jerk)...and if your food addiction isn't good for your health and is causing strife in your urrent RL, maybe it's time to see a cognitive therapist or a specialist to have this addiction looked into.

 

Good luck in what you decide to do...

[SerCay]

It actually has nothing to do with my food addiction...this goes way back. I actually went out and bought a bag of his favourite snacks after my post about the food addiction, as I thought you all were right and it's my own problem.

 

He has always been a complainer and a whiner, in this same hypocrite way...and I'm just fed up with it.

 

I hate keeping score, and I hate thinking about who did what. Like all of you say, I don't think it should be like that in a relationship. Every one has their own contribution and together you become a whole.

 

But, if for years, my contribution to the whole is dismissed (and I mean not only the house, but all of them), and his is enlarged by his own whining...then I get fed up. And right now I'm fed up.

 

I think the actual problem is the fact that he's trying to punish me for something he's jealous of. My family does a lot for me. As do I for them. So when I'm too busy at work, my mom ocassionally comes to do my dishes for example. My aunt will buy me something I need from the store. Also they will buy me little treats...such as something small that I've always wanted to have, or a particular sandwich that I like. My dad was helping me out financially a lot until a while ago. Bf, always had something to say about all this. How I was "spoiled" in his eyes and how "this was not the normal way of things". When he first said it, I got scared...because it was never my intention to act "spoiled" to him. I hate spoiledness. So I started tracking my actions towards him and noticed that I never expect anything from him that's not normal. As do I do a lot for him too. Why would he keep bringing this up continuously, why does he care? What's it to him? It pisses me off. He lives with his parents, they pay his rent. He has no worries about such things, and yet he keeps thinking about my family and what they do for me??? I NEVER mention his situation, because I figure that's between his parents and himself. Why does he keeps feeling the need to talk about mine?

 

Seriously, a person can only take so mch accusations. I've told him many times, if you dislike me so much, please just leave then I'm not the person for you. Then he keeps coming up with this "I love you that's why I can't leave". I don't buy it anymore. I'm fed up.

 

He also can't talk to me. He says he wants to talk. I say ok, let's talk. Whenever I say something during the conversation that doesn't agree with what he says, he starts yelling. When he starts yelling the talk turns into a monologue from his side. Then the talk is over. So there's no talking, unless I agree with all that he says and make no remarks of my own.

 

Rant.

Edited July 9, 2015 by SerCay

[Els]

SerCay, I'm really confused - I thought your last thread was about the past and you'd broken up with this guy some time ago?

 

Anyway... man, that argument makes my head hurt reading it, to be honest. It's like that really embarrassing situation you occasionally see at the cashier when two really nitpicky and petty people are splitting the bill. "Well you took 25% of my appetizer, you should pay 1/4th of the price for it." "No, I drove us here and you didn't pay for gas..."

 

It sounds like there is a much, much bigger problem with this R when both of you are squabbling over bottled water and pantry food. You need to either tackle the bigger problem, or save yourself the headache and leave. The choice is yours. Continuing this way sounds incredibly exhausting and a godawful way to live.

[SerCay]

It's exactly like you say it is Elswyth.

 

Embarrassing.