HansonGirl Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 just wondering if this is at all a common thing, or if i am the only one who does this I have had too many experiences in the past where i felt hurt because I liked a guy and we were just friends. so now that I have met a guy who I find attractive and am interested in (but I don't "love" him or anything), I am kind of keeping him at a distance and avoiding truly becoming friends. I know we'd EASILY get along and be friends if I just relaxed a little and let it happen. but I am deliberately preventing it from happening. I just have these fears that I will be hurt, or that it'll be unrequited love, and I'll never recover. I am afraid I will read into things and get to wishful thinking. In short, I just feel like i would not really be looking at it as a true friendship, but more as me liking him. I know in the moments when we talk and the conversation just flows, and feels so natural, i forget all that, but then when it ends i tell myself i mustn't let that happen again and i should avoid him. Part of it is that I assume he is not interested in me (like the others) and the thought is just too painful to bear I just don't know what to do. i feel like i'm letting life pass me by and missing out on making a genuine connection with someone. but then i'm thinking, it's ok because i really should make connections with FEMALE friends, not men. because if we do just remain friends then there's no way our true connection can survive if he gets a girlfriend and she doesn't like it (i've had that happen too, lost platonic male friends who i wasn't remotely interested in romantically because we clicked so well that it was inappropriate) I am just so bummed out. I wish i didn't want love. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 you sound like you've thought it out and it wouldn't work so... feeling love isn't the only thing you need for a healthy long term relationship. i say.. don't worry about it. let life pass you by... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Unless he asks you on a real date, then I think you're doing the right thing. He needs to show some romantic interest for you to get involved. Otherwise, you would be setting yourself up for being rejected or a one-night stand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) Unless he asks you on a real date, then I think you're doing the right thing. He needs to show some romantic interest for you to get involved. Otherwise, you would be setting yourself up for being rejected or a one-night stand. So even about being apprehensive about being even friends? I feel so strange purposefully putting a wall up between somebody I feel such a natural connection with. I am just not sure if it's right. I feel like I'm going against the flow. Like i am an introvert and unlike a lot of people I don't have tons of people who I am friends with. I am afraid it's just going to make him think I am standoffish or that I don't like him at all. Not sure how to do it any other way. I spoke with him today because we ran into each other and he was telling me about his weekend and I was really conflicted about how long this conversation should last and whether it was impolite to cut it short and on the other hand enjoying the conversation and wanting to stand there and chat longer . Ugh. See I hate this crap. I don't know what to do. I definitely agree I wouldn't want to be a one night stand but I am not planning to sleep with him at the moment. Haha. Additionally I am asking everybody whether they have had such an experience. Or am I a total weirdo. Lol. Edited July 9, 2015 by HansonGirl Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Well, yes, that's why, actually. Because you will only be tormented being "only friends" with him. Guys usually aren't all that into being friends with girls anyway. If he hasn't asked you out on a proper date, he is either not interested or he is just wanting to hook up. You want more than that, so don't settle for something in between and get yourself all focused on someone who doesn't reciprocate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) Well, yes, that's why, actually. Because you will only be tormented being "only friends" with him. Guys usually aren't all that into being friends with girls anyway. If he hasn't asked you out on a proper date, he is either not interested or he is just wanting to hook up. You want more than that, so don't settle for something in between and get yourself all focused on someone who doesn't reciprocate. You are so right. I like your thinking. I should note though this guy has at least two close platonic female friends. I am pretty positive nothing is going on there sexually but for instance I know one of them is sort of a neighbor he has know four years and she kinda reminds me of Chelsea handler. Loud and outspoken and funny. I sort of found it curious myself. But I assumed this is normal for non-shy people. Not sure about the other one . But he's a nice guy who is easy to get along with i guess. I do think it's in my best interest to keep it not-too-friendly even though I KNOW it will come off b1tchy. I am told I already naturally come off standoffish as it is. Now I'm going to be doing it purposefully to someone who is super nice. So this is like something that happens with other people ? I just feel so mean. What if he offers to drive me home from the party? I should say no right?? Edited July 9, 2015 by HansonGirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) You are so right. I like your thinking. I should note though this guy has at least two close platonic female friends. I am pretty positive nothing is going on there sexually but for instance I know one of them is sort of a neighbor he has know four years and she kinda reminds me of Chelsea handler. Loud and outspoken and funny. I sort of found it curious myself. But I assumed this is normal for non-shy people. Not sure about the other one . But he's a nice guy who is easy to get along with i guess. I do think it's in my best interest to keep it not-too-friendly even though I KNOW it will come off b1tchy. I am told I already naturally come off standoffish as it is. Now I'm going to be doing it purposefully to someone who is super nice. So this is like something that happens with other people ? I just feel so mean. What if he offers to drive me home from the party? I should say no right?? There is actually another funny thing about this. When I'm not into a guy and I am friends with him, people ask if I like the guy. One time a girl took it upon herself, a girl I barely knew, to tell my guy friend that she thinks I'm into him. So then he started acting more overtly flirtatious with me and asking if I wanted him to walk me to my apartment. And I sensed his behavior change before I even found out what this girl had said. Later our mutual friend told me the girl asked her if I was into him and told her what she told him and then that just confirmed to me his change in behavior. So that might be an extreme example involving meddlers but apparently when I'm not into a guy it comes across as interested. But any way that is just an aside. I really think I should focus on making FEMALE friends. And my best guy friend should be my significant other. Edited July 9, 2015 by HansonGirl Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Some guys do "friendzone" girls, and you are absolutely right to be concerned about this. Do your part though and do it quick. Let him know that you are interested, under no uncertain terms, then disappear if he doesn't immediately reciprocate. Link to post Share on other sites
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