Confusion_Reigns Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I'm really struggling with this. I've been abused by my h physical emotional sexual...& I have all this hurt & ugliness lingering inside of me. I love him...like a idiot...& know that hurt people hurt people...I know him well enough to know he is recycling his childhood...even though he tries or tried not to be still did...& I'm full of anxiety I get panic attacks my stomach hurts all the time I shake all over sometimes & can't stop I have physical pain in my neck back shoulders...my feels are numb...& I don't want to feel like this any more... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 Well ok then...I'm looking for myself & found some info on line that helps by laying out what abuse is...really...for a person who is being abused...if I could cry I'd probably be crying...but I'm very emotionally numb right now & have been for years. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I thought from your other thread about how wonderful your affair partner is that you were leaving your husband. Is that not happening anymore? You seemed quite excited about the affair partner so you aren't totally emotionally numb. And the last thing on earth I would recommend if your husband is in fact abusive is continuing an affair that he could find out about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 So how in the hell is that relevant to this topic?jeez I'm trying here & getting this crap thrown back in my face? Again...here in a totally separate topic. I'm asking for some support on HEALING so I'm not so messed up anymore...& u got this for me? Nice... Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 So how in the hell is that relevant to this topic?jeez I'm trying here & getting this crap thrown back in my face? Again...here in a totally separate topic. I'm asking for some support on HEALING so I'm not so messed up anymore...& u got this for me? Nice... Yes my advice to heal from the abuse of your husband is to not jump into an affair with some guy. Clearly you need to work on yourself so maybe hopping into bed with some guy who is nice to you isn't the best idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 And would you happen to have any other relevant advise for me? Something that might actually be of a bit more use? Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I'm really struggling with this. I've been abused by my h physical emotional sexual...& I have all this hurt & ugliness lingering inside of me. I love him...like a idiot...& know that hurt people hurt people...I know him well enough to know he is recycling his childhood...even though he tries or tried not to be still did...& I'm full of anxiety I get panic attacks my stomach hurts all the time I shake all over sometimes & can't stop I have physical pain in my neck back shoulders...my feels are numb...& I don't want to feel like this any more... The first step is to forgive yourself imo, although getting really angry at the person who abused you may come before that. The reality is that no one can abuse you more than once unless you allow it. My H was abusive. It helped me to identify and list every way he had been abusive to me. I wrote a list for days. At some point in that process, I realized how I had failed myself by accepting his abuse. And, by that I mean not walking away from it. Not saying stop. Not saying, you cannot treat me this way. Not that I didn't say all those things, I did, but you have to get to a point where you both say them and mean them. A point where you deliver consequences after saying this is unacceptable to me. I would also recommend you continue reading about abuse so that you understand what is involved. Google Patricia Evans. Her books are very informative and easy to read/understand. Its fine to understand that your husband is recycling his own pain. Yes, that is what is happening. And, unfortunately, for couples in this situation there is not a lot of good help out there. But, if you love him, the most loving thing you can do, is enact consequences that may result in him getting help. No matter how much pain he is in from whomever abused him and caused him to perpetuate this cycle, he does not have the right to make you a secondary victim of his original abuser. Tell him you love him, but you will not be abused any longer and the only way you can be with him is if he gets help to change his behavior. He can change. But, only if he wants to, is tired of his own pain and finds a counselor that specializes in abuse and knows how to help him. In the meantime, detach or separate from him. Learn how to say that is unacceptable to me. Don't argue with him. Do not go to counseling with him unless he is actively working on his issues and has stopped his abusive behavior. Joint/marriage counseling will make him more abusive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 Thank you so much. Yes I'm really struggling with forgiven myself. Yes I've told him many times no more & yet I haven't enforced it. Maybe I'll write it all out...but I'm afraid to cuz it'll make me feel more worthless than I already do...that other web sit is very helpful because it's not written in The typical therapist speak...more in plain English. I'll google those books Patricia evens. Thank you again! Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Thank you so much. Yes I'm really struggling with forgiven myself. Yes I've told him many times no more & yet I haven't enforced it. Maybe I'll write it all out...but I'm afraid to cuz it'll make me feel more worthless than I already do...that other web sit is very helpful because it's not written in The typical therapist speak...more in plain English. I'll google those books Patricia evens. Thank you again! You're welcome. It might help you to see a counselor and/or to see your doctor for anti anxiety meds. You're not worthless. When you are ready you will take action to extricate yourself from this situation or to insist your husband change or leave. Link to post Share on other sites
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