outdated Posted May 6, 2005 Share Posted May 6, 2005 I say give it a few more days. She'll contact you if she wants to get back with you. You have made the gesture, now let her sit on it for a while. Obviously, she has this boyfriend, and whether or not it's serious isn't important. What's important is that if you get together again, it's on terms that benefit both of you. Right now you're excited- and rightly so, but you also need to have time to process what this really means. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted May 7, 2005 Author Share Posted May 7, 2005 GRRRRR its been 6 dys since she got the flowers and 4 days since she made contact with me. Im kinda starting to worry again. Maybe shes just happy where she is and doesnt wnt to hurt me. Should I email her yet? Should I do something else or nothing at all? Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted May 7, 2005 Share Posted May 7, 2005 I don't know about this one. She seems to not be able to make a decision. I think you need to contact her soon- maybe a few more days, but try to be light about it. If you don't do it you're going to drive yourself crazy, but as always prepare for the worst. She might just be dangling a carrot while she's completely happy with this other guy. Or she may be confused and need some time to clear her head. Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted May 7, 2005 Share Posted May 7, 2005 Not to be negative but do you really think that buying this girl flowers is going to magically make her want you back ?? Sorry to say this but I moved out of state and my ex dumped me.. Well I sent roses sent to her work and although she liked them a lot she still didnt want to get back together.. well not i am back out here and she is going out with some douche bag.. So I if you thought flowers were the trick your wrong. I think we both know also that sending flowers is not cheap !! haha. . DO NOT send her flowers anymore, just ignore her.. Move on ! if she wants to be with you she will contact you... its the logical truth even though it sucks... Take care.. Peace Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted May 9, 2005 Author Share Posted May 9, 2005 Well it was one week ago. All she did was send me an email saying that her heart stopped and that she will call. Unfortuanately its easy to tell were on different pages now cause I want to call her all the time and its taken over a week to thank someone for flowers. I must admit though it does feel a little better. Ive really done what I could without looking obsessed and Im not going there. Hopefully this is the last everybody heres about this topic cause Im done. I guess its just time to move on. If she wont love me I guess there must be someone out there for me Thanks to everyone for helping me out with this brief sidetrack on the road to recovery. At least, now I know! Link to post Share on other sites
j10 Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Look, I think you need to contact her. Don't make it look desperate but make it look like you're still interested. Remember, there is another guy-- so he's probably filling her head with nonsense. You have to prove yourself to her. Like mixwell said flowers aren't just enough. Women love attention, invite her to diner or on a trip. Maybe a trip is too much for her, but take her out of her world and into yours. Convince her that you are different and more serious about her that now you realize how much you need her in your life. It's gonna be tricky- remember you don't want to sound desperate or obsessive. Try not to bring up old times too much but make it a new experience for her. Also, don't pressure her about making a choice. Remember that with this there is still a choice and you should be prepared but try hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted May 15, 2005 Author Share Posted May 15, 2005 Originally posted by j10 Look, I think you need to contact her. Don't make it look desperate but make it look like you're still interested. Remember, there is another guy-- so he's probably filling her head with nonsense. You have to prove yourself to her. Like mixwell said flowers aren't just enough. Women love attention, invite her to diner or on a trip. Maybe a trip is too much for her, but take her out of her world and into yours. Convince her that you are different and more serious about her that now you realize how much you need her in your life. It's gonna be tricky- remember you don't want to sound desperate or obsessive. Try not to bring up old times too much but make it a new experience for her. Also, don't pressure her about making a choice. Remember that with this there is still a choice and you should be prepared but try hard. I feel incrdibly wierd with this situation now and dont know whether to keep trying like you say. It has been almost two weeks since the flowers were recieved. I did get a fairly substantial response in the form of email but nothing since. The letter said that she would call but hasnt. Maybe In should just let it go? Is she a bitch, just confused or doesnt have the time? Link to post Share on other sites
j10 Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 I really think you need to ask yourself if you really and truly love this girl. There are three stories , one she you put up fight and you get the girl, two you put up a fight and lose the girl, or three you don't even try and move on. It took me almost 3 years to go back to my ex...and he didn't give up. I would never have made it through 3 years fighting for someone. How about trying to be her friend first and reconnect from the bottom up. It's your choice but you gotta move slowly. It's gonna be hard work if you choose to fight for her and its gonna be hard work getting over her. You gotta ask yourself if she is really worth it. Let us know. Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by j10 I really think you need to ask yourself if you really and truly love this girl. There are three stories , one she you put up fight and you get the girl, two you put up a fight and lose the girl, or three you don't even try and move on. It took me almost 3 years to go back to my ex...and he didn't give up. I would never have made it through 3 years fighting for someone. How about trying to be her friend first and reconnect from the bottom up. It's your choice but you gotta move slowly. It's gonna be hard work if you choose to fight for her and its gonna be hard work getting over her. You gotta ask yourself if she is really worth it. Let us know. Interesting J10. Many questions for you about your relationship. Why did you break up with him? How did he go about fighting for you for three years? Was he alone this whole time? What made you decide to go back to him? Are you still together? Just wondering. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted May 19, 2005 Author Share Posted May 19, 2005 No doubt...details details... lol Link to post Share on other sites
iwishiknewthen Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 maybe do yourself a favor, because life is short. and if you REALLY love her you wont want her to get away without trying. i know you sent her flowers and thats very sweet. however it doesnt really say anything point blank. maybe send her an email back and say...."listen...thank you for your email, responding to the flowers. i was only too happy to make you happy in any, way shape or form... even for a moment. i guess my flowers to you were trying to say, thank you for everything you have been to me. i am sorry if i hurt you in the past and i was grateful to talk to you, the 4hours we had on the phone that day. maybe the flowers i sent were a way of saying, you're one of the most special people i ever met and time gave me a chance to reflect on that, with deep appreciation. if you ever just need someone to talk to, i am here. i hope you are happy. love, ................ sometime we need to spell it out. take even a bigger risk. if we REALLY love the person. that doesnt mean bombarding...but it does mean,opening a door that says....welcome. you matter, and not just on my terms... Link to post Share on other sites
j10 Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 Why did you break up with him? How did he go about fighting for you for three years? Was he alone this whole time? What made you decide to go back to him? Are you still together? Well, that's a respond I didn't expect but here are your answers. There was a few things that came into play when we grew apart. We, had no real communication between us, I heard some rumors that weren't true. Needless to say I jumped the gun and assumed the worse. Being in the military and I got sent overseas. Met someone else, and "fell in love", we dated and really we took it too fast and got married. Knowing all this, he went to my parents house and asked for my address and phone number. He approached me in a non threatening way and became friends all over again. As I moved, with my ex-husbands "permission" we connected through letters, email's, and phone. I lived in Chicago and he in Texas, he would visit as a friend. He was alone for the most part, had a couple of girlfriends. I've heard it from one of the girls side and she said even though they were together he was just passing time. Plus, every time I cried to him about my ex he never forgot to let me know 2 things. One that he loved me. Two that divorce is there and he'll help me through it. My ex-husband was extremely possessive and even violence came into play. Let's just say it ended up with charges and protection orders in place. I got divorced which my Husband helped me through it. Well, now we are together. I'm not saying it's perfect...we argue endlessly. We've been married almost 1 1/2 years and he has taken my daughter in as his own practically and I'm pregnant. Hope this helps. If you're serious about this girl let her know in a non threatening way and be persistent. I myself would not have done it or not lasted if I tried. I think being a friend first would not only enhance your closeness between you two but it will also help her trust you again. Ultimately, it's her choice and you have to respect that. Hope this helps. We are here if you need more answers...good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted May 20, 2005 Author Share Posted May 20, 2005 I tell you this girl is mysterious. After roughly three weeks she sent me this poem through email. J10 I hope your good at poetry.... Her green plastic watering can For a fake chinese rubber plant In the fake plastic earth She bought from a rubber man In a town full of rubber plans To get rid of itself It wears her out, it wears her out It wears her out, it wears her out. She looks like the real thing She tastes like the real thing my fake plastic love. but i can't help but feeling i could blow through the cieling and if i just turn and run and it wears me out, it wears me out it wears me out, it wears me out. and if i could be who you wanted. if i could be who you wanted. all the time....... alll the time. Just a little background so you can get the jist...She never felt that she was what I wanted but I didnt necessarily feel she was until she was gone.... what does this poem mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Broken3112 Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 That's the song 'Flake Plastic Trees' by Radiohead on the album 'The Bends' Link to post Share on other sites
j10 Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 Well, I hate poetry. I really can't figure it out and besides it's lyrics from a song. But if I had to guess...I think she's confused herself. Have you tried anything yet??? You've got options but no one can really tell you which is the best for you. Let us know what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted May 27, 2005 Author Share Posted May 27, 2005 ^^ LOL believe me, Im not sure I understood poetry till all of this happened but yes I think your right shes confused or even more so worried that what Im feeling is confused. The thing about it is I could right her everyday and call her everyday and send her stuff everyday and try new things everyday but I dont want to cross the line of her personal space and me being crazy. The reality of it is she still hasnt called me since the flowers. I sit here and think about it and as much as she may be interested, if I was really excited about someone or something I would call or even email. The fact of the matter is I get one email a week if that. I know I shouldn expect the world from her but ...... I dont want to be there to boost her confidence all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
j10 Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 I think you should back up relationship wise but you should try to be a friend first. Girls seem to like having a shoulder to cry on and that way you get the scoop and your there to say leave his dumb a--. Don't let her know that he's a dumb a-- until the moment is right and she's blaming herself for something he did. So, are you really gonna give up on her or are you gonna keep trying--- i don't want to give you advice and seem pushy if you just want to let her go. Let me know, ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted May 28, 2005 Author Share Posted May 28, 2005 No I dont want to give up, but its seems like so much hurt. Its kinda like I lose either way. I really love this girl! However to get an email once every month is hardly friends, dont you think? Do you think shes scared? It summertime and it is like the first hot weekend here and its so hard to picture her with the "dumb ass". I still cant figure out what a rich girl from a family whos dad is a CEO is doing with a kid with no education, not even hgihschool. I wanna start lighting the guy up. So J10 my new best friend...lol what should be my next step. I sent her a poem just this past week that I wrote on my own, I found it to be quite touching...lol. Still no reply... Link to post Share on other sites
j10 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Seriously, I think you should try and be her friend first. Forget all the flowers and the poems. Just write her an e-mail letting her know you don't want to lose her in you life and that you want to be friends at least. That you want to be there for her if she needs someone to just talk. Then, slowly and painfully she'll confide in you. You have to be pretty strong to show her that you're not the loser and he is. She'll figure it out on her own, and as soon as they get in a fight bring up the loser part. Be warned...it may or may-not work. She might want the loser life for herself. Just be careful. I think you should try and date a little also. That way you can enjoy life and make her a little jealous if she still feels for you. Don't take this too serious...let life lead her back to you. Ultimately it's her choice. Remember not to be too pushy and lovey dovey, you're gonna scare her off. Good luck, let us know if that got you a response. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted June 2, 2005 Author Share Posted June 2, 2005 J10, She finally emailed me. It was nothing much and yea it was after just a friendly email. Shes said shes just been crazy bussy at work. She said we can go out for coffee sometime but just as friends and to call her if I wanted to do so. I don't know if I can do this. It still hurts so much and I dont know that Im strong enough to see her face again. For that matter though is she. Should I just suck it up, are my chances good. Even write now as I wrtie this I have tears in my eyes. Everything just feels so wrong like this and its been over 8 months! What if she were to marry this guys... or am I just tripping out - whats wrong with me!!!??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted June 2, 2005 Author Share Posted June 2, 2005 ^^^ ok so if you look at the times of these messages Im not talking to myself.... Not yet anyways Im pretty iraational in the morning thus that hastey post...lol I figure I should just suck this up! What else can I expect? This is the only chance I'll get, I figure. Need to play it cool Link to post Share on other sites
j10 Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Just calm down. take it slow and be yourself. Just remember how you two got together and the things that attracted her to you in the first place. RELAX! That's the big thing. Remember, be yourself and listen to her she probably need to air out and feels more comfortable with a familiar face. Good Luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted June 6, 2005 Author Share Posted June 6, 2005 So before Ive even met her I saw her online today... I was away and then when I came online she changed her pic to one of her kissing her bf! I said nice and then she changed it. What a cheap shot. Then she goes on to ask if I wanted her to call me later, he never calls me. Is this girl a bitch - Im I getting ****ed with. She called me cold because I said "if you like." Will this eat at me forever- should I really be meeting this girl for coffee? Link to post Share on other sites
j10 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I think she's playing with you. Like I said before don't stop dating. She knows she has you so she can play with you. Just act normal like it didn't affect you and be a friend more than a jealous ex-boyfriend. What else has been going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 Yea I would say shes playing with me to... We have these huge in depth conversations like were really connecting and then the other day she was pretty much begging to meet with me. I played it off and said I couldnt really afford to see her cause I had so much on my plate but we decided that we could meet on Monday after her work. Well she never called Has she claimed bitch status now?! Should I give up or just kep playing it cool?! Otherwise things are crazy busy. So much work... How are you J10? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts