Miss Clavel Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 I got tempted. After my friend came out, he too was excited about seeing a half-naked dance show. I spent some money on the women who were dancing. Now I am feeling extremely bad and angry with myself for this... if you are not a whore, stay out of the whore house. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Thank you! No, I don't ever plan to tell my wife. But before you judge me a horrible person, let me explain my reasons. I struggled with the notion that I am an unlovable person for a long time. Otherwise why would my ex cheat on me? I know its not true but still. But since I have been with my wife, I see the respect and admiration I see in my wife's eye for me. And more so since I started working for a charitable organization. She is so proud of me. She constantly lavishes me with affection. And when she gets that lovey dovey with me, I can't help but become that innocent side of me which I had lost for nearly one and a half years. Slowly but surely I am returning to that person I was before March, 2014 What happens when I tell her about the horrible things I did? I am scared to even think about it. I cannot bear to loose that look in her eyes when she sees me come home. I don't want to shatter her image of me and probably her life. And most crucially, I think I won't be as much sorry if she found out due to the righteousness I feel that all of my horrible past happened before I met her. I think I would be defensive and disregarding. And by that I will kill whatever I have with my wife for something that doesn't have anything to do with her. I don't judge you a horrible person. I do think that you desire that external validation from your wife too much. In your mind, you must know that your former girlfriend's cheating is no reflection of you. It is a reflection of her. Truly, I understand the hurt of that rejection and the tendency to internalize it. But you are smarter than that. Similarly, you are smart enough to know that your wife's impression of you as a perfect man is not true. She doesn't know the real you. She only knows and loves what you have shown her. But of course, it is all a lie. As smart as you are, you should know that the validation from her really means nothing. Friend, you need to accept that you are a flawed individual. I say this not in judgment. I am a flawed individual, too. But your actions show you worthy of forgiveness, if only you can admit them and not hide behind the cowardice of lies that make you look like a better man than you are. I don't say any of this to be unkind. I simply wish for you to forgive yourself and be worthy of that forgiveness. And free yourself of an excessive emotional need for false validation from your wife, or anyone. Embrace who you are. You're ok. And if your wife can accept you, warts and all, then her validation would truly mean something. I just wish better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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