noonynicky Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Hi everyone, You may have seen me in the threads talking about the lovely lady I am with and intend to marry. I didn't have much relationship experience before being with her, and so, the last year with a lady has really thought me a lot of being together with someone. They say, you only truly understand something when you experience it. My thoughts on relationships follow. Any comments are welcomed. What was once my perception that a relationship is one life that neatly fits two people has turned into a reality that you are still very much your own person when you are together with someone. It is believed that a need for humans is to be understood. To have someone understand us and support us in times of loneliness. Oddly for me, I never recognized this need when I was single. What is even more odd is that this need wasn't met when I was in a relationship. Before meeting my girlfriend, my life was motivated two things - 1. what can I contribute to society and 2. what makes me happy. I was fine plotting a life where I would one day open a orphanage and have a big house to invite my friends over to get drunk. (I'm a slacking with the brothers over NBA guy and not the sleep around kind). I was making good money and I felt happy. Alone but happy. How wrong I was to think that I could share this life with someone. Granted that she loves and always wanted to be with her boyfriend, my girlfriend swiftly took 1 and 2 out of my life and replaced it with her. With her, I also felt happy. But it was a different kind of happiness. It was a happiness in knowing that there's someone for you to love and care which by design unlocked a part of you which you never thought you had - the ability to give feelings to make the most important person to you special. That is something to be treasured. However, no matter how I spin it, there's a truth that can't be denied. My girlfriend still took away 1 and 2 and they won't come back. Look at it logically. My money saved for the orphanage and time with the boys now go to her. Any attempt to reconcile the two, no matter how hard I try and convince myself I'm the best and could make it happen, was futile. Any girl, no matter how special, caring, nice she is, is still a human. And as I mentioned earlier, humans have needs and wants. 1 and 2 are my wants, not her wants. And I knowing this, would never expect her to go through my 1 and 2. Preparations were made to phase them out. A new outlook has to be adopted to make this relationship work. Under the assumption that you are someone who doesn't want to break people's hearts, who someday see yourself committing to one person and who wants that person to be happy, my relationship has to work along these truths. 1. It is believed that people and people's priorities changed. Being happy or unhappy with the person you are currently with is no guarantee you'll feel the same going forward. The girl may understand you now but will she five years from now? The girl may not understand you now but she could five years from now. You make the choice of being attached or single and then live accordingly, which is ... 2. You shouldn't hinge 50% of your happiness on your partner because there is a significant chance you'll be disappointed if you do. No one is perfect. How would your partner fit the criteria of both her and your happiness. It's very difficult to do day in and day out every day of one's life. Her idea of happiness isn't your idea of happiness. Sharing of happiness, like a graduation, a promotion, a new house, happens but only occasionally. 3. Hence, the logical choice is to A. live for your partner or B. live for something else, like driving a Ferrari, making a million a dollars, building a charity, and with your partner. I choose B but expect that your partner WON'T be with me all the way because, again, she would not understand what I are living for. She might now, in the future, she might not now, or in the future. You never know. Profound stuff? What you think? - Nicky Link to post Share on other sites
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