Break up over an STD

[esmith435]

I just want some insight.

 

Situation is this: I've been seeing a guy for 3 months. The other day I went tou Dr. for my annual exam and one of the tests came back positive for Chlamydia. Not thrilled, obviously. I had no unusual symptoms and no idea. I've had two partners since my last test in November.

 

I tell my boyfriend right away. His reaction is... not good. Almost apathetic and he's now not speaking to me. I explained the above, told him I had no idea, that I'd never lie about something like this, apologized for what happened. I understand why he's upset. I'm upset.

I feel embarrassed and gross. But.. idk. I'm getting the break up vibe.

 

My question is, in this situation, if you were him, would breaking up cross your mind?

[GoldieLox]

Were you guys having unprotected sex? I mean, he could be acting that way towards you because he knows he gave it to you! The typical incubation time is usually a few weeks, but has been known to be a few months. There's a chance that one of you had it before you even got together, but there's also the chance that one of you cheated. I'm going to assume it's not you and give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

Anywho, to answer the original question., I'd probably break up. I wouldn't be so upset over having the STD I guess, antibiotics clear it up fine if caught in time... I'd be super pissed about the lack of honesty.

[esmith435]

We were having unprotected sex, yes, but there was never any dishonesty. I trust him. I do believe it was the one partner before him.

 

I told him as soon as I found out. 10 minutes, maybe. I had absolutely no idea, wasn't going into this appointment expecting to find anything out of the ordinary. As far as I knew, I was clean.

 

I guess I'm wondering if an STD, treatable and very common, would be enough to consider breaking up. Because of the roles were switched, I would never consider it.

[GoldieLox]

Perhaps he thinks you cheated on him? Obviously if you didn't, it was incubating before you and him got together. You two need to sit down and have a conversation about this.

[MoreAmore]

Had he had sex since his last test other than you? If so, it could have been him that gave it to you. It is asymptomatic for many. My friend got it using condoms, so condoms aren't 100% protective for it.

 

If you break up over it, it certainly wasn't meant to be anyways. I would be supportive of him, but he should be supportive of you, too. It's curable with antibiotics. I think my friend took a single pill. It's something that can happen if you're sexually active. Still, it can be scary I'm sure.

 

It's wise to get a full STI screening before every new partner. Keep that in mind going forward.

[Gloria25]

For him to just be so dismissive w/o a mature convo should be the reason for the break-up, not the STD.

 

Fact is, when you sleep with "one" person, you are sleeping with "every" person they slept with....and in turn, "every" person they slept with.

 

Couple that with the fact that condoms don't protect against every form of transmission, certain STDs stay dormant and/or do not show signs of infection until you get "properly" tested and/or have another medical issue that brings it to light - sometimes it's hard to pinpoint "who" got it and "when" they did.

 

So, if he's insinuating you are a ho and/or is embarrassed to talk about his sexual numbers, etc - then he needs to mature up and realize this is a convo that needs to take place since the STD arose.

 

So, next time need to have a mature convo before sex happens...

 

I saw on ID this woman who got involved with one of those people who know they have HIV, but are spreading it like wildfire. He lied about his test being clear (and she didn't ask to see the results). He was put in jail and dishonorably discharged from the military for endangering her and several other women.

[No Limit]

We were having unprotected sex, yes, but there was never any dishonesty. I trust him. I do believe it was the one partner before him.

 

I told him as soon as I found out. 10 minutes, maybe. I had absolutely no idea, wasn't going into this appointment expecting to find anything out of the ordinary. As far as I knew, I was clean.

 

I guess I'm wondering if an STD, treatable and very common, would be enough to consider breaking up. Because of the roles were switched, I would never consider it.

 

Just because a STD is common (and chlamydia is the most common in the US) doesn't mean you should just ignore it. I hope he went to see a doctor too, and both of you should skip sex and get tested again in ~2 - 3 months to see if you were cured.

 

Besides, although rather rare, chlamydia can affect a man's fertility. Just because it can be cured doesn't mean there are no risks.

 

The initial damage that chlamydia causes often goes unnoticed. However, chlamydia can lead to serious health problems.

If you are a woman, untreated chlamydia can spread to your uterus and fallopian tubes (tubes that carry fertilized eggs from the ovaries to the uterus), causing pelvic inflammatory disease(Pelvic Inflammatory Disease - CDC Fact Sheet) (PID). PID often has no symptoms, however some women may have abdominal and pelvic pain. Even if it doesn’t cause symptoms initially, PID can cause permanent damage to your reproductive system and lead to long-term pelvic pain, inability to get pregnant(Infertility & STDs - STD Information from CDC), and potentially deadly ectopic pregnancy(STD Facts - STDs & Pregnancy) (pregnancy outside the uterus).

Men rarely have health problems linked to chlamydia. Infection sometimes spreads to the tube that carries sperm from the testicles, causing pain and fever. Rarely, chlamydia can prevent a man from being able to have children.

STD Facts - Chlamydia

 

But I must admit that I have little pity to spare for guys who don't want protected sex and then end up with STDs or babies and what not.

[salparadise]

If you think about it objectively, the bottom line is that neither of you know how it happened and it's just not rational to make assumptions and even less rational to make and act on them. If you two have been having unprotected sex for two or three months, the chances of him not having it are small. I seriously doubt that the test will tell you how long either of you have had it, so you'll probably never know. The smart thing would be for both to assume that one of you had it before you got together, and that's also the most likely, and it doesn't matter which. But of course there is stigma and emotion involved and him reacting irrationally is not something you can control. I'd say explain it to him this way and if he chooses to break up over some huge assumption then there's not much you can do but accept it... and focus on not letting it happen again, which I'm sure you can figure out on your own.

[Toodaloo]

I understand how you feel.

 

About 12 years (could be longer) I was given chlamydia by my ex. He said that I must have got it from one of my exes and refused to get tested. (I am tested between any and all relationships so I know I was "clean" before). Low and behold I got it again after testing negative and low and behold he was the only person I was sleeping with. I also know that he was not cheating... Sadly mine was discovered because it went "bad" so I now suffer the effects of it.

 

However. Chlamydia is something that can sit happily for years with no side effects. Particularly in men.

 

Suggest you both go and get retested to make sure you have nothing there before you carry on having sex with out protection and sit down and have a proper conversation about it.

 

If he gets silly about it then its probably time to rethink. Both of you should have been more careful in the past.