norudder Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) After getting over the a and realizing what it was to him, do any of you have the urge to 'play the game' back to him a little? I was so heartbroken but I see I had nothing to be heartbroken over but he refuses to acknowledge reality. I let him know about my D, what i learned from A, how itll help me in the future, etc and for a little while he made it seem he would follow suit but then couldn't "yet". His message is he says he can't ask me to wait (but he hopes ill be available in xx years). And his life is woe is me. I kind of want to casually stay in touch just to show him how I meant what I said and this is what living with authenticity looks like even though i dont want to be w him anymore and any time he hints at being unhappy I can just say/think sure, whatever, that's your choice. To let him know I see through him and am not falling for the pity party just to see if hell ever finally face reality. I WANT him to admit he used me and didn't mean anything he said. Maybe if I don't go quietly into that good night hell at some point not be a coward. Its my control issue i guess. Still working on that. Part of me likes the mind games. I know its not healthy and I won't but I WANT to. Why I'm posting instead of doing I guess. Edited July 9, 2015 by norudder Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I have no desire to play games with him. I ripped him to shreds and cut off all contact. He knows not to even speak to me on work related matters unless he is dying, bleeding, or on fire. Hopefully while he's on vacation I will get the job I applied for and disappear for good. Just be careful playing games. You'll somehow get hurt in the end. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I wouldn't but it would be fun. Only if it is devious and makes him feel like dirt because any other attention would have him singing I'm too sexy. Their thinking is yeah she wants me. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 It's not healthy and it's not moving on. The best thing you can do for yourself is not dwell and make healthier choices next time. Messing with him is not one of them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Playing games with somebody is not living authentically. Poppy 3 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 No way. The affair is over. By giving him any of my time would let him think he still has me on a string. If your affair is over, you he needs to be completely out of your life. If you are still in contact, then it's not over. I know, revenge is sweet. I was the queen of getting even in my past life. But this, you just need to leave it in the past. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author norudder Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 Playing games with somebody is not living authentically. Poppy I know. Its hypocritical. I'm trying to be better at not acting on emotions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Gently, staying in touch with him playing games or not you are still keeping yourself connected to him and this will prolong your healing. Try to focus on YOU and making your life more enjoyable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Don't do it. All that does is keep him your head. Best revenge is to move on and don't look back, pure silence on your end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jemay Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I agree with ladydesigner, it will prolong your healing and moving on. In order to draw a healthy relationship into your life you want to treat yourself and others how you wish to be treated. If you play mind games, the universe is gonna say 'ah she likes that, let me send her a man who will give her that'. I mean I don't really know if that's true but you know, that whole concept of law of attraction. Be the bigger person PS - I do get the urge though, just don't act on it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Absolutely NO upside in revenge..... Put it behind.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I know. Its hypocritical. I'm trying to be better at not acting on emotions. The emotions whirling around are tough. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 After getting over the a and realizing what it was to him, do any of you have the urge to 'play the game' back to him a little? No. Being over the A is not having those thoughts. Having those thoughts, which are SO normal, is just an offshoot of hurt. Its a phase. Don't act on it and it too will pass. Just keep posting those revenge fantasies here - the board can group-write amazing revenge stories. (but dont actually DO them) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Playing games with him might backfire and cause YOU more damage. Its best to show him how fast you've moved on with your life and that you are happy while he stews with his choice of staying M and being miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
m4p Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Don't do it! You might feel angry and indignant now. You want to give him a taste of his own medicine. But the reality? He will probably sees it as simply more attention showered on him. You either choose 1 single angry rant (long letter effing him up and then go strict NC) or just let it go and leave him alone. But what I actually recommend is to type it out somewhere whenever you feel sad/angry/humiliated/pissed/crazy but DON'T send it. Being emotional is normal but it won't last long. The best revenge is to live happily without him. That's the real authentic life that you want. When you get there, you won't even be bothered to waste anymore time in this unnecessary mental drama.. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 'Staying in touch just to mess with him', actually means "Staying in touch just to mess with myself". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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