My experience

[sookie321]

Here is an update of my story:

 

I terminated the pregnancy. This was the most horrific experience in my life. There is rarely a day that it doesn't cross my mind. Sometimes I regret it, but more often I think it probably was the right decision for all. It is what it is and I have to live with it.

 

Broke up with my bf and moved. Did not tell him about the affair. Thinking about possibility of doing it one day but not sure if I should. We still are friends.

 

As for MM I guess he took the termination even worse than I did. He told his wife about it since couldn't overcome and hide the emotions.

 

This experience brought us emotionally closer together. We kept contact but never had meet-ups, sex or anything. We did spend a few days (getaway) together once in those 6 months. I am sure that he loves me. I've seen it and felt it and I knew him prior for a few years.

 

MM became anxious to get out the situation and decided to quit job and get along with a plan he has thought of for divorce and his own business. His plan is to get her financially and otherwise independant since she has no job and no income (while they have 2 kids) and up and going so he could leave. Said he needs around 6 months. We have very limited contact since then - a short phonecall once in 1-2 weeks.

 

I am not sitting around and waiting for it. Not expecting for him to go through with it either. Maybe just having a tiny glimpse of hope that just maybe if he is man enough it could be worked out somehow. I do love him and it did and does still hurt.

 

After reading LS threads for a few years now I've seen real horror stories and am wondering how does one get in peace with himself after the horrible experience and consequences of an affair? How are you feeling?

[minimariah]

Not expecting for him to go through with it either.

 

well... he might just do that! he did come clean to his W & quit his job to follow his own business plan so those are all good signs.

 

so sorry for your pregnancy, sweetheart. ask for a professional help (if you didn't already) to help you cope, maybe just a conversation. in the meantime, go on with your life, surround yourself with love and positivity.

[sookie321]

well... he might just do that! he did come clean to his W & quit his job to follow his own business plan so those are all good signs.

 

so sorry for your pregnancy, sweetheart. ask for a professional help (if you didn't already) to help you cope, maybe just a conversation. in the meantime, go on with your life, surround yourself with love and positivity.

 

Thank you minimariah!

Was thinking about professional help but keep postponing it for some reason. Guess it's not wanting for anyone to know or be judged. Two of my closest friends know the whole story. Another few know the most exept for the pregnancy so I do have some support.

 

It's just like somedays I'm feeling OK or even relatively good and then sometimes this wave of uncontrollable sadness and negativity strikes. Ups and downs.

[sookie321]

So MM invited for meet-up. We talked about our situations and life right now. He said that it is clear for him that he needs to be with me but is very afraid of how kids will take that and doesn't want them suffering. Although he knows that his M does not have a future but is very afraid of ending it and keeps postponing.

 

Right before the end of this meet-up he starts telling me that initially he wanted to meet just to ask me not to have contact with him again, but he didn't because that is not what he really wants. (Now I'm thinking: what are you? 12?) He doesn't want to drag me through and wants me to be happy blabla.

 

So much for his plan!

 

Couldn't say I was shocked but it did hurt. At that very moment I thought through the stories I've read and lurked through here in LS and realised he is not going to leave. And even if he does it will be one of those back and forth horror stories.

 

Told him that if he wants to live like that, be a coward and see his life pass him by that is his choice. That he doesn't need to think about it anymore and have a relief. Huged him, said that I want him to be happy and walked away.

 

I was not angry/bitter/sarcastic or anything. Am kind of proud of myself and I give a lot of credit to LS for making me stronger and clearer in my head.

 

The sad point is: I felt empowered after telling him all that but now feel so hurt and low. I realise that I don't need a coward and a boy in my life. It's just so disappointing because I believed there was so much potential in us.

 

Thank you for reading my thread. I would appreciate your insights!

Edited July 18, 2015 by sookie321

[casey.lives]

you did do the right thing. married men are not good father material. he used those emotions to reconnect with his wife.. what will he use next time???! hacking ppls private lives? He seems to thrive on the lows. But it's not your problem. close that chapter.

Edited July 18, 2015 by casey.lives

[Dela]

Here is an update of my story:

 

I terminated the pregnancy. This was the most horrific experience in my life. There is rarely a day that it doesn't cross my mind. Sometimes I regret it, but more often I think it probably was the right decision for all. It is what it is and I have to live with it.

 

Broke up with my bf and moved. Did not tell him about the affair. Thinking about possibility of doing it one day but not sure if I should. We still are friends.

 

As for MM I guess he took the termination even worse than I did. He told his wife about it since couldn't overcome and hide the emotions.

 

This experience brought us emotionally closer together. We kept contact but never had meet-ups, sex or anything. We did spend a few days (getaway) together once in those 6 months. I am sure that he loves me. I've seen it and felt it and I knew him prior for a few years.

 

MM became anxious to get out the situation and decided to quit job and get along with a plan he has thought of for divorce and his own business. His plan is to get her financially and otherwise independant since she has no job and no income (while they have 2 kids) and up and going so he could leave. Said he needs around 6 months. We have very limited contact since then - a short phonecall once in 1-2 weeks.

 

I am not sitting around and waiting for it. Not expecting for him to go through with it either. Maybe just having a tiny glimpse of hope that just maybe if he is man enough it could be worked out somehow. I do love him and it did and does still hurt.

 

After reading LS threads for a few years now I've seen real horror stories and am wondering how does one get in peace with himself after the horrible experience and consequences of an affair? How are you feeling?

 

 

oh, i just now read your story.

 

i know what u re going thru. i had an abortion in february i m sorry for your loss. i think u should see a therapist, i will go for it also.

but please try to find a male one, as i went to see a female therapist and she looked at me weird and judging me. be careful who u chose, cuz they can make u feel even worse.

 

i m here if u ever want to talk.

God bless your baby

hugs

[WasOtherWoman]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

Do you know for a fact that he actually told his wife?

[sookie321]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

Do you know for a fact that he actually told his wife?

 

Yes. I wasn't there though, not sure how it happened exactly, but for sure she knows.

[nikki76]

oh, i just now read your story.

 

i know what u re going thru. i had an abortion in february i m sorry for your loss. i think u should see a therapist, i will go for it also.

but please try to find a male one, as i went to see a female therapist and she looked at me weird and judging me. be careful who u chose, cuz they can make u feel even worse.

 

i m here if u ever want to talk.

God bless your baby

hugs

 

Glad I'm not the only one that had a therapist like that! I had 2 like that!

One would always change the subject when I would bring up the affair and the other completly judged me!. That's the whole reason I started going to therapy and I can't talk about it?

So yes, be careful who you chose and if you feel one bit uncomfortable with them, find someone new!

[sookie321]

Glad I'm not the only one that had a therapist like that! I had 2 like that!

One would always change the subject when I would bring up the affair and the other completly judged me!. That's the whole reason I started going to therapy and I can't talk about it?

So yes, be careful who you chose and if you feel one bit uncomfortable with them, find someone new!

 

I also had similar experience with different subject when I was younger.

 

My therapist was Mr. Righteous so it didn't help and I think it is the reason why I kept postponing seeing one now. Disappointed in the concept in general.

 

I think in your case it was very unprofessional! Have you found the one you can trust and like?

Edited July 21, 2015 by sookie321

[nikki76]

I also had similar experience with different subject when I was younger.

 

My therapist was Mr. Righteous so it didn't help and I think it is the reason why I kept postponing seeing one now. Disappointed in the concept in general.

 

I think in your case it was very unprofessional! Have you found the one you can trust and like?

 

No, I haven't even looked for another therapist. I havent been to IC in a few months now. I need to get back. I just feel a little discouraged, that I won't find a good match. I hate to start all over again, but when the kids go back to school, I will.