My self esteem is extremely low... and it's because of my parents.

[Xowle]

When I was around 3 years olds, I didn't like food very much and I didn't like to drink liquids, but I still ate and drank a little bit. I wasn't much of a sleeper either because I had so much energy, always hopping around. As I grew up my parents started to make fun of my face and the way I looked, telling me it was, "All for the best". When I started going to school my mother would tell me all the other children would look fresh and I would look like a dead zombie. I believed all of it. My dad told me my skin got darker because I didn't sleep enough, but in truth I got more than nine hours a night. You see, in the culture I am raised in light skin is considered beautiful, but my mother is dark-skinned and her genetics are much stronger than my father's light skin recessive traits. All of my mother's children are dark, but my father and relatives can't understand this. When I told my parents I didn't like how they were always putting me down they replied, "We aren't putting you down, it's out job as parents to let you know that aren't looking healthy." My mom would say my eyes shrunk because I didn't sleep, my dad would say my nose got bigger because I didn't eat, they would say my lips were too big yet my father gave me these lips, they would make fun of my teeth, they would make fun of how skinny I was. Whenever I'm in public I get scared and freeze up because I think I'm so ugly. When I do my parents tell me to stop and get some confidence, but how am I supposed to do that when they're the ones degrading me? One day I was standing in front of the mirror trying to see if I was really as bad as they said, my mom came in and said, "I don't know if you think you look good or something, but if I were you I would go try and take better care myself." They tell me I'm deformed and that I've changed myself dramatically. Yet, when other people see my baby pictures they tell me I look exactly the same. Other people call me cute and pretty, my parents call me unhealthy and deformed. They say I'm unhealthy and yet the doctors say I'm perfectly fine, and I never get sick either. They've torn me down to the point where I used to hide in the bathrooms to eat lunch. I just don't know what to do anymore. Every time I try telling them about it, they get really mad at me and start cursing me out. Even now at 15 years old, they still degrade me everyday. My mother tells me it's a shame to go out in public with me, when my relatives make fun of me, my father agrees. They mock my 10 year old sister as well, she's tried committing suicide many times. It's not just about looks, my parents downsize all of my efforts. I always get A's, but one day I got a 89, my dad started screaming at me and throwing things. Even though I always get good grades they think I cheated, they think I don't deserve them. They always compare me to other kids, saying they dress better, look better, probably do better. My mom says no one would want to be friends with me, and they won't let me have friends either. I used to get beaten with a wire when I did wrong things, not even that bad really. This has really taken a toll on my mental health. They call me useless and worthless, they treat me like crap. What am I to do? I just don't know anymore, I'm already planning on moving out when I'm 18.

Edited July 9, 2015 by Xowle
Grammar

[Radu]

Do they treat one of the kids as better than the rest ?

 

What culture are they from ?

What country are they from ?

Where do you live ?

[Xowle]

They are Caribbean/Bahamian, and I was born and raised in America.

[Radu]

Well, this kind of behavior is not right ... it's pretty much abuse.

There is a section on this forum that deals with that, you should read some of the threads there.

 

If they treat all of you the same, it could be that they were raised the same, or they are deep down afraid of you.

If they treat one of you as a golden child and the rest as rotten children, then it is to split you all up ... because they are deep down afraid of you.

 

Off-course, you should not mention this to them.

[Xowle]

But why would they be afraid? I never did anything to make them scared of me.

[Radu]

When kids start developing, up to about 7-8yrs of age they are sponges of information, avatars of the mother and the father.

They just plain learn.

 

At some point they have a sort of 'aha' moment when they realize they are an entity different from the others walking on the street, that they exist, that they are an individuality.

That's the best i can explain it.

 

From that point on, they slowly start to develop their own personalities ... and the teen yrs are all about that, about transitioning in this new being that distinct from the parents.

 

The final stage is at 25 or so when you see your parents as faulty, but good ppl who have prepared you for your life.

You give up the hatred, despising, or absolute love you had for them [all of which are black and white] for shades of grey.

 

Some ppl fear this, so they sabotage [instinctively] their children ... to not become full ppl, to not question the version of reality that the parents present.

 

I seriously doubt that what they are doing is planned, most definitely it is instinctively done ... but it has this aim, to control what you think.

The fact that you made this thread is in effect ... an attack on their control, because you are questioning.

 

PS: In short, they are afraid of what you might become [an independent person with your own thoughts] so they are sabotaging you and your siblings.

 

PPS: You also need to read the Abuse section.

Right now you are questioning if what is happening to you is right or not, and reading many of those cases and the responses given ... will give you some good examples.

Edited July 10, 2015 by Radu