Caught my tease

[Jacob_Duluoz]

Good tidings!

 

Me: Outgoing introvert - channeled my introversion into being smart, friendly, and funny, but suffer from depression and substance abuse issues. I gained weight in school but am now rapidly shedding pounds. I am handsome but am just a big person even when fit. I have been a failure in initiating a romantic relationship my high school relationship having failed horrifically and I went to a small college and had no luck. I haven't had a problem making friends with women or getting them to want to hangout with me, just not romantically. One year to go until my twenties end and still a virgin.

 

Her: Shy extrovert - beautiful social butterfly but doesn't seem to have many intimate friends and hasn't had a relationship in school. Her heavy social schedule has impacted her school performance. Seems to have had at least one bad longterm relationship that involved substance abuse issues as well, but it seems more than a few years past, she still drinks when she goes out. Smaller and shorter than me, year younger.

 

I and my tease both recently completed the same two year graduate program. I met this person almost immediately in school and over time naturally entered the same social circle. We have had class together but kept it professional beyond smiles and glances.

 

She had a very bad Valentine's day including her apparent ex posting about her substance use on her Facebook and a night of mishap. A week later she called me to have a drink with her before a planned social circle night. At the end of the night, the conversation turned to sex issues and she expressed that she had found herself dating virgins before and that it was a deal breaker. I backed out of the circle and nervously lit a cigarette (I've quit again). My friend commented that I looked done with the conversation and looked intoxicated (I was). I'm positive I must have looked awkward at that point. The unwelcome cretin in the group then openly asked her for sex after graduation, which she clearly deflected by stating she was generally bored with sex.

 

We had another drink separate of the social circle several weeks later at my invite that turned to serious life conversation in which some of my troubled youth (thanks family) and subsequent depression came out. In the following weeks she escalated the teasing in person and in text and I have responded in turn by teasing her back. Our coupling behavior has been pretty obvious and some of our friends are obviously aware of the back and forth. I have met one of her non-school friends and her mother and seem to have met approval. We have chemistry and the emotional intimacy is there, but it's not gone beyond friend hug (which means her trying to hug my large frame).

 

A couple weeks ago I gave her an appropriate graduation gift and a nicely written card, both gift and card have met approval. She knew the gift was coming because I told her, but it was done impromptu. I triggered her to state although she was teasing me about a relationship, that did not mean she wanted one (I agreed). However, I was told that my physical improvement was helping my cause and that she wanted to hang out first. I successfully flattered her and the body language was positive.

 

We are both in career transition which does not help the cause, so it's reasonable (I think that will sort itself out). We're still texting although we haven't hung out, I haven't made a point of asking since we're both somewhat busy. She likes me, but I don't see this going full relationship anytime soon even though we clearly both genuinely like each other.

 

Questions:

 

1. She has to have figured out I'm a virgin, right? I don't feel right taking this further physically without being fully transparent at some point out of respect. I'm sure that I'm not a creep has helped my cause, but I'm obviously not physical with her and haven't broken touch barrier or moved for a kiss.

 

2. I'm not needy or clingy as I have my own life. But given the differences in our social patterns outside of school how likely is this to last? I'm way more the dive bar and outdoors type than the club and festival type. Have I been re-friendzoned, did I never get out?

 

I would of course like this to turn into the real deal, but worry it's the White Knight and Damsel in Distress story and that school was the driver.

 

Hope this wasn't too much to read!

[Jacob_Duluoz]

Nobody...