I am getting mixed signals

[WhatIsLove777]

I am currently driving myself crazy over my ex and I would be so thankful if somebody could read through this and give me advice on how to proceed from here! Me and my ex were together for 2 years and I broke up with him three months ago due to him flirting with other females but we had a lot of problems coming from both ends so we both were treating eachother unfairly.

 

We are currently living in the same apartment because our lease doesn't run out for another two months and I have been sleeping in the bedroom and he's been sleeping upstairs in the loft. Right after the breakup he begged for me back and I was too hurt to speak to him so ignored him and was sleeping at a friends house for 2 or 3 weeks.

 

After that I started coming home more and I would talk to him sometimes because I missed him and was aware that a lot of the issues were my fault as well. We would have good times talking and it seemed like when I'd bring up sorting through our problems he liked the power it gave him and would say he wants to stay single for now. I decided to initiate no contact and started ignoring his text and he freaked out on me one day when I got home and he said how he wanted to be with me and work it out and then I let that power get to my head as well and couldn't make him any promises. I was just gone this past weekend and went up to talk to him one day about rent and we ended up talking about all of our problems in the relationship and were arguing about it pretty bad but still were venting so I think it was good for us in a way. After the arguing I cried pretty hard and told him about the love I had for him and he softened up quite a bit because for the first time since the breakup I really laid my heart on the table. He started telling me about his feelings for me and that he's met cool people since the breakup but nobody quite like me.. basically saying things to show me he still cares about me. I gave him a hug before I went downstairs to go to sleep and he held me for a long time and rubbed my back. He told me we would talk tomorrow and then I left.

 

The next day I asked him if he wanted to come downstairs and talk and he did and we ended up talking on my bed and he laid down with a blanket. I caressed his arm a couple of times. I told him how I really care about him and he said he feels the same and then we just talked about random things. He told me after we were quiet for a bit that he loves me and will always love me. We layed next to eachother and he was looking at me and I was gazing off then he started to caress my face a couple of times. I picked up the blanket and when I did he pulled me in to cuddle with him very closely. eventually I started to move away and he told me he doesn't want to lead me on and for this to mean we're together because he doesn't know if we will work out. I was surprisingly not hurt by this and smiled and said I understand. He was laying with his eyes close and eventually I started cuddling him again and straddled him and eventually sat up and he was looking at me and I gazed off then I broke down and told him I am sorry for everything even this, meaning for the cuddling even though we are broken up and he said he understands.

I was still emotional and got up and he seemed alarmed and said it's truly okay and he understands almost like he didn't want to push me away. I said I know and smiled and got myself together and got ready for work. I left and smiled and quickly waved goodbye.

 

When I came from work (night shift) he was sleeping with a blanket in the living room and he said hello very kindly. I found it odd that after the events of the last day or two that tonight for the first time he decided to sleep on the floor in the living room.

I am still not sure as to why.. could it be because he wanted to make sure we would cross paths when I got home, or maybe so I would invite him to sleep on the bed (remember he sleeps on the couch) or maybe he just realized that couch is uncomfortable after cuddling in bed but my gut is telling me there's more psychology to it than that. I spoke to him briefly and then said goodnight and I could hear him moving around a lot like there was something on his mind keeping him from sleeping.

 

This morning he had to go to work and my mom called me at noon and woke me up. I talked to her for a bit about random things and I got off the phone quickly to use the restroom. When I went in the bathroom (my bathroom has two doors to it, one connected to the bedroom and the other from the hallway) I could see him in the hallways standing by the bedroom door and I smiled and closed the door and realized about a second later that he was eavesdropping because there would be no other reason for him to be outside the door. He left for work without saying anything.

 

I just got a text from him while he's at work and he told me he still wants to travel with me and has been thinking about it. I am going to take my time in responding so now I ask you.. what should I do next? He said he doesn't want to lead me on after cuddling so it made me worried that he is using me for emotional fulfillment while being able to pursue other girls so that could be why he won't commit but at the same time I think he would be very hurt to lose me completely if I were to move out and not speak to him again. Should I start no contact? Should I be completely open with him and try to work to get back together? This option worries me because every time I show interest in getting back together he seem hesitant and only when I pull away does he seem interested in a relationship. What should I say to his text about travelling? Any advice or opinions are greatly appreciated! Thank you for taking the time to read this, I know it's a lot:eek:

[loveiswar101]

Ok, what i read in this you are both emotionally blackmailing each other. The big problem here is you haven't spent enough time apart, if you were apart for a fair while it would be very interesting where your true feelings lie.

 

You believe if you move out it would be hard for him, hello ! so what ! If he really want's to be with you he will give you that space and then the respect you deserve if he wants to be with you.

 

On the flip coin you need to decide what you want and stop teasing/flirting with him.

 

I recommend saying I would love to maybe one day travel with you, but lets stay in the now and either be honest with each other and fix this.

 

Or

 

Have some time apart NC and revisit whats happening after a few months. If both of you want it to work it will find a way to work and time will not matter.

 

But stop playing games with each other....

[KiwiGal76]

You definitely need space, lots of space. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Don't let him manipulate you and lure you into the false sense of security.

 

He realises that once you go travelling, your world is going to open up to all sorts of wonderful experiences - without him in it. I say go and travel - without him. The space will do you both wonders.

 

In the meantime, I suggest staying at a friend's house and try not to initiate any physical contact with him. You are also sending mixed signals to him.

 

Be straight up with him about what you're doing and that you need space.

 

Some guys pull away if you become too needy and come running back when they think you're disappearing from their lives. It's the thrill of the chase I am afraid to say.

 

You have a life to live - go live it

[casey.lives]

why keep breaking up .. just stay together. clearly you're comfortable.