pondhawk Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 At a certain point in your marriage, did you start to feel that your spouse was a little boring or that the marriage was starting to get stale? If so, how long did this take (years/months) into the marriage and what was the scenario. I want to prevent this in my marriage or be able to recognize it before it happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Nothing is fabulous & exciting all the time. Just remember the little things: please & thank you. Remember to date your spouse. Also be appreciative. If you want ti add in spice, go ahead but don't think you need to swing from the rafters all the time to have a solid union. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 At a certain point in your marriage, did you start to feel that your spouse was a little boring or that the marriage was starting to get stale? If so, how long did this take (years/months) into the marriage and what was the scenario. I want to prevent this in my marriage or be able to recognize it before it happens. How long have you been married? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pondhawk Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 How long have you been married? I've been married 16 months. This is my 2nd marriage. The first one ended because of my ex's infidelity. It was one of those things where everyday we hugged, kisses, said "I love you" then BAMMM I discover years of serial cheating. He never seemed uninterested or dissatisfied with the marriage. In my current marriage everything is fine so far. However, I'm an introvert, calm, quiet, and he is an extrovert, boisterous, loves being the center of attention. I fear that as he was attracted to my stability and consistency (his life was in disarray due to a psycho ex-wife) , that he may over the course of time become restless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I've been married 16 months. This is my 2nd marriage. The first one ended because of my ex's infidelity. It was one of those things where everyday we hugged, kisses, said "I love you" then BAMMM I discover years of serial cheating. He never seemed uninterested or dissatisfied with the marriage. In my current marriage everything is fine so far. However, I'm an introvert, calm, quiet, and he is an extrovert, boisterous, loves being the center of attention. I fear that as he was attracted to my stability and consistency (his life was in disarray due to a psycho ex-wife) , that he may over the course of time become restless. Right now your marriage is doing well and you're just looking for "affair prevention" help? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 No marriage is more than a day old. You have refresh and reaffirm your commitment to it every day. You have to pour love into it every day. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 9 times out of 10 actual physical cheating is more of a character issue rather than a issue of not being thrilled at all times in the bedroom. The exceptions to that are with a clearly dysfunctional and broken marriage such as partners not speaking to each other for months or not having sex for over a year etc etc. Most normal, healthy men who are not playa' s or womanizer in general and who do not have mental illnesses or actual personality disorders do not actually cheat on wives who treat them well and who have a regular active sex life with them. If you said your husband has some kind of personality disorder and or has cheated on every woman he has ever been with or is just a plain womanizer, I would say you have just cause for concern. If you were to say that you weren't at all attracted to him and haven't been able to bring yourself to lay a finger on him for the past year and a half, I would say you would have cause for concern. But if he is a normal, average Joe, with no personality issues and has no history of chronic infidelity and is not a mean, selfish, entitled person in general, then you really have no reason to lay awake nights worrying about it. No one and no marriage is completely immune from infidelity of course, but many couples have and introvert and an extrovert and that in and of itself probably isn't any higher risk factor for infidelity than any other random couple. When you read these forums it's easy to think infidelity is rampant. but the reality is very few normal, decent, healthy men cheat on wives who treat them decently and have an active sex life with them. Everyone, man and woman alike, May have some yearnings for some variety every now and then, but very few normal, decent, healthy guys actually step out physically simply due to things getting a little less exciting over time. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 No marriage is more than a day old. You have refresh and reaffirm your commitment to it every day. You have to pour love into it every day. What an absolutely great way to view it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 IDK.... I'd prefer a comfy, secure marriage without all the work. Despite my writing voice, I'm super easy going in real life. I absolutely never start arguments is a relationship. I think a lot of girls find that boring. I hope to find one that values love, trust, security and mutual understanding, so there is no need to prove anything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 IDK.... I'd prefer a comfy, secure marriage without all the work. Despite my writing voice, I'm super easy going in real life. I absolutely never start arguments is a relationship. I think a lot of girls find that boring. I hope to find one that values love, trust, security and mutual understanding, so there is no need to prove anything. Lots of women will value your character. Lots. As people evolve they shed complexity. They become easier to get along with. The thing I value most I'm myself, and others, is a sweetness of nature. Alongside that comes innocence and curiosity. Keep on being who you are, for everyone's sake 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 At a certain point in your marriage, did you start to feel that your spouse was a little boring or that the marriage was starting to get stale? If so, how long did this take (years/months) into the marriage and what was the scenario. I want to prevent this in my marriage or be able to recognize it before it happens. Just remember that the past doesn't shape the future. The fact that something happened in the past, doesn't mean that it will happen again. There is no curse laid on you. Relax and enjoy the present. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 At a certain point in your marriage, did you start to feel that your spouse was a little boring or that the marriage was starting to get stale? If so, how long did this take (years/months) into the marriage and what was the scenario. I want to prevent this in my marriage or be able to recognize it before it happens. Your ex cheated on you because he had a character flaw and was a bad person that treated you badly - not because your marriag wasn't fireworks and circus acrobats every day. No-one can prevent a long term relationship of any type from losing some of its initial intensity and luster over time. But the decision to step out and cheat (especially multiple times) is due to the cheaters character, not the loss of luster. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 No-one can prevent a long term relationship of any type from losing some of its initial intensity and luster over time. But that intensity can evolve over time into something just as valuable. "I can't wait to get home and get my hands on her" morphs into "I can't wait to get home and talk to her". There are different levels and types of luster... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 We both still feel "can't wait to crawl in bed and hold each other" even if way too tired for sex. Those small comforts are deeply pleasurable, quite a huge blessing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 I would kill to have a nice comfy marriage to someone whos attractive and I get along with. That's hard enough of find. I don't care if it gets old. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JADIE Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 We both still feel "can't wait to crawl in bed and hold each other" even if way too tired for sex. Those small comforts are deeply pleasurable, quite a huge blessing. Yep...I know the term "creature comforts" actually refers to simple material things that make life worth living...but when I'm curled up with someone I love, falling asleep together...that's the term that enters my head. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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