Daughters: Make you a better man?

[SammySammy]

I've noticed that I treat my daughter much different from how I've treated SOs in the past.

 

I listen intently to understand, not to reply. I'm not judgmental or critical. I'm loving, supportive and concerned while still letting her know she's responsible for the decisions she makes and the consequences of those decisions.

 

Years ago, I thought about the woman I was arguing with, being selfish with or disrespectful to was somebody's daughter. I knew that intellectually. But, having a young adult daughter makes it much more real.

 

I've grown and matured. Worked on my communication skills and conflict resolution skills for years. Still working to perfect those areas of my life and many others. However, with my daughter, it seems that I'm naturally - almost magically - on another level.

 

I can't help but wonder what would happen if I treated a woman in my life the way I treat my daughter. With that next level of love, caring and respect that I really didn't know was possible. Until now.

 

Can anybody relate? Men? Women with sons? Can our kids make us better partners?

[autumnnight]

A man who knows how to be a good daddy to a daughter usually knows how to treat women as well. It takes a special man to really be a good "girl daddy."

[GorillaTheater]

Oh, absolutely. The fact that I call myself a feminist is due almost entirely to my daughters. PUA stuff that I might have found mildly entertaining as a young man now pisses me off as I think about some doofus trying to play one of my daughters that way.

[Satu]

 

I can't help but wonder what would happen if I treated a woman in my life the way I treat my daughter. With that next level of love, caring and respect that I really didn't know was possible. Until now.

 

Can anybody relate? Men? Women with sons? Can our kids make us better partners?

 

If you can extend that loving kindness to everyone you meet, you've reached to summit of the mountain.

 

 

Children can teach us what love is, and how to love.

 

Then we can practice it every day of our lives.

[serial muse]

I have a son, but he's only 20 months so we're not quite at that level of communication yet. But, I think about this question all the time - how will my understanding of men be different as a result of my relationship with my son? Will my desire to simply understand him, without the often-distorting lens of man-woman relationship angst, make a difference to how I see men in general? I'm very curious about it.

 

I was raised in a household of only women - mom, sister, grandmother - and the effect of that was that I assumed boys and girls were basically the same in all ways that mattered. (This may still be true but society certainly impacts us differently, in ways that I just wasn't aware of until much later.)

 

As I got older, I got a lot wiser about this. And a lot more cynical and, of course, self-protective. So I wonder whether -- in the absence of those now-reflexive self-protective shields -- my son will help me lose some of that cynicism. It's hard to imagine he won't.

 

I will say that just having a child in general has helped me find in myself previously unknown levels of patience.

[SammySammy]

If you can extend that loving kindness to everyone you meet, you've reached to summit of the mountain.

 

 

Children can teach us what love is, and how to love.

 

Then we can practice it every day of our lives.

 

Great point. I love your posts. You always seem to have something wise to say.

 

Thank you.

[preraph]

Unfortunately, it certainly doesn't make all fathers a better man. For instance, an old friend was telling me last night how her boss pushed his daughter into working at Hooters so he didn't have to pay for her college.

 

Being protective of daughters does turn a lot of guys around on respecting women more. Seems like it comes too late, but better late than never. Your daughters look to you to form in their minds what is normal. So if you treat your wife well, that is what they look for. If you treat her bad, they think that's normal. So set a good example. It will keep your girls out of a lot of trouble.

[casey.lives]

yes, a man can become a better overall man through his relationship with his daughter(s). however how he treats other women is taken in by her from day one, it's advisable to treat all women with respect and courtesy, always.

[autumnnight]

yes, a man can become a better overall man through his relationship with his daughter(s). however how he treats other women is taken in by her from day one, it's advisable to treat all women with respect and courtesy, always.

 

This is true. I had/have a wonderful father. And he adores my mother.

 

When I was dating the man I eventually married, he used to joke about never being able to live up to my dad. It turd out he was right, but then again he never tried that hard. AND HIS dad didn't seem to care all that much about his mom except in some sort of practical sense....so we tend to live what we learn.

[Keenly]

I love my daughter very much, and while she might only be two, she teaches me new things every day, and it's to her I owe the knowledge that I can in fact still love again.

[autumnnight]

I love my daughter very much, and while she might only be two, she teaches me new things every day, and it's to her I owe the knowledge that I can in fact still love again.

 

Man I wished you lived closer and I could introduce you to my daughter.

[Keenly]

Man I wished you lived closer and I could introduce you to my daughter.

 

Is it manly to admit to blushing?

 

Probably not.

 

I take it back!

[SammySammy]

yes, a man can become a better overall man through his relationship with his daughter(s). however how he treats other women is taken in by her from day one, it's advisable to treat all women with respect and courtesy, always.

 

Another great point that you and preraph made.

[jay1983]

Man am I glad I never had a daughter.

 

You know those psycho dads ready to shoot any boy who goes near his daughter?

 

That'd be me.

[SammySammy]

I love my daughter very much, and while she might only be two, she teaches me new things every day, and it's to her I owe the knowledge that I can in fact still love again.

 

Keenly, you remind me of myself so much. You're where I was twenty years ago. My daughter will soon be twenty-two.

 

The messed up relationship with the mother, how you feel about women and relationships in general, your love for your daughter are all so familiar to me. So real.

 

As I did, I think you're going to continue to learn and grow. One day you're going to wake up and realize going through all of the hardship, all of the pain, all of the unnecessary difficulty was so worth it when you look into the eyes of your daughter who loves and respects your for simply being a great father.

 

You're going to be fine, brother. I know it.

[SammySammy]

Man am I glad I never had a daughter.

 

You know those psycho dads ready to shoot any boy who goes near his daughter?

 

That'd be me.

 

WARNING!

 

[Keenly]

Keenly, you remind me of myself so much. You're where I was twenty years ago. My daughter will soon be twenty-two.

 

The messed up relationship with the mother, how you feel about women and relationships in general, your love for your daughter are all so familiar to me. So real.

 

As I did, I think you're going to continue to learn and grow. One day you're going to wake up and realize going through all of the hardship, all of the pain, all of the unnecessary difficulty was so worth it when you look into the eyes of your daughter who loves and respects your for simply being a great father.

 

You're going to be fine, brother. I know it.

 

Thanks. It really puts a light at the end of the tunnel. At first I was so afraid to be a father that I was in denial.

 

Now movies with kids and sad scenes make me cry. That scene from game of thrones where the guy presents Danny with his charred daughter? Holy **** insta - cry.

[GorillaTheater]

WARNING!

 

 

I've always liked this: 10 more rules for dating my daughter

[Gloria25]

I have no children, but often get involved with my relatives' kids.

 

I think that while children can teach us things and stuff, if someone had low/no character, values, etc they won't be any better as a parent. My dad treated women horribly and he didn't treat us daughters any better. He saw us as dumb, stupid, and a burden - yet he didn't see his part/role in having kids all over the freakin' place included his sperm.

 

Anywho, as terrible as he was, as an adult I saw/see the lessons he was trying to teach us, but he just went about it all wrong. I think that came from his mom. She lacked any filter and tact...but I thank God for her every day cuz she cared for us where he failed.

 

With my nieces/nephews, I'm sorta like my dad...the strong, stoic, demanding figure...

 

With one niece, I said something to her like 'Are you proud of how you keep your room?' And I didn't raise my voice or nothing...just the delivery in my stoic and tough manner was enough to evoke change. Mind you, she is an Amazon, taller than me and mean as they come. I'm proud to say that through some tough-love talks with her and her mum and living by example, she's come a long way where one time I was scared for the road she was going down.

 

My step-niece? Again, she looks up to me. I've helped her with school-work, put her into sports and again, I'm just stoic, strong...And yes, when we found out some boy was trying to get her to smoke pot and God knows what else. I wanted to grab him and pick him up in the air like a Terminator would - by the neck. But, I, through my influence on my brother and her mom, got it resolved.

 

I'm very protective of the females in our family cuz I know what it is like to try to grow up as a girl and the things that each of them have had to endure - since we all had absent and/or abusive parents and lack of a secure male figure in our lives.

 

Fathers are important to daughters...I hate Jon Meyer, but he made a song about father/daughter RLs that was so sweet and informative. Lack of a father figure and/or an abusive one, can lead women into making serious mistakes with men.

[Quiet Storm]

Yes, I think having daughters makes many men better. I definitely see it in my husband.

 

I also think the same dynamic can apply to older brothers. Our 19 year old son is protective and empathetic towards our 12 year old daughter. There's already been some boys knocking on the door for her, and I heard her telling my oldest "Why do you have to be all up in my business?!" He replied, "Cuz I want these little cats to know you got men around who love you and are watchin what's going on!" I thought it was cute seeing him all protective.

[lollipopspot]

I think great karma would be for people who are hostile and discriminatory towards the opposite gender to get to see their own kids treated as they treated people (that is, if they care; it's a myth that everyone has insight or is very protective of their children).

 

PUA guys should definitely get to see their vulnerable daughters treated as objects, enemies, and second class citizens (whose only purpose is to help men achieve their goals). I hope it would make a difference, but who knows.

 

Rape apologists should get to see what they helped promote, and have it mean something to them.

[Keenly]

I think great karma would be for people who are hostile and discriminatory towards the opposite gender to get to see their own kids treated as they treated people (that is, if they care; it's a myth that everyone has insight or is very protective of their children).

 

PUA guys should definitely get to see their vulnerable daughters treated as objects, enemies, and second class citizens (whose only purpose is to help men achieve their goals). I hope it would make a difference, but who knows.

 

Rape apologists should get to see what they helped promote, and have it mean something to them.

 

Going kind of dark on us there.

[xxoo]

It's not just daddies/daughters and mothers/sons. My daughter helped me be a better wife because she is exactly like her dad. My husband and I had a lot of power struggles in our early years, and then I noticed I was having the same power struggles with my young child. When I learned to interact with her without power struggles....voila! The same approaches worked with my husband, her clone.

 

It's funny now, because I get along really well with both of them, but they butt head like crazy. Because they are both so darned stubbor...er...passionate and strong willed

[hotpotato]

A man who knows how to be a good daddy to a daughter usually knows how to treat women as well. It takes a special man to really be a good "girl daddy."

 

lolz I certainly haven't seen this. I've met plenty of men who treat potential sex partners or gfs waaay differently from how they'd want their daughters to be treated. Often theres a different standard as far as how they treat women in general vs how they want their daughters treated.

[hotpotato]

I think great karma would be for people who are hostile and discriminatory towards the opposite gender to get to see their own kids treated as they treated people (that is, if they care; it's a myth that everyone has insight or is very protective of their children).

 

PUA guys should definitely get to see their vulnerable daughters treated as objects, enemies, and second class citizens (whose only purpose is to help men achieve their goals). I hope it would make a difference, but who knows.

 

Rape apologists should get to see what they helped promote, and have it mean something to them.

Well, that's why so many guys get mad when their little girl is about to date. The prospect of a guy treating her/thinking about her/whatever like he did to women becomes very real.