Is it more than friendship?

[E_13]

Hi,

I've decided to write about my story because I start to get really lost in my feelings. So I've met a boy in december. I knew him before, but not that well since he had a girlfriend and never got out a lot. In december they split up and he started to hang out a lot with me and other friends. During the two weeks of christmas holidays, we've learned to know each other and became very close. We flirt once in a while, but more like friends. We do everything together and meet almost every day. He spends a lot of time at my place, he stayed a week at my place when my parents were on holiday, we go on weekend trips together,... He texts me everyday, when he's bored, so we just hang out, doing nothing special. I've never felt like I had special feelings for him except a really strong friendship.

In february, he met a girl and they started dating. Nothing changed in our relationship. I see him a lot more than she does, he still sleeps at my place an we still go on weekend trips. In fact, everybody think I'm his girlsfriend. Common friends say we should be together instead of them. His girlfriend told him that she felt like the third wheel when we're together.

Problem is, since a few weeks, I start to have feelings for him. I'm not really sure about that, because it may be because I know that he is in a relationship, that I can't have him, and that's the reason I want him. (That's exactly my brain's logic.) It hurts me when I see them together, since I don't like his girlfriend. She seems to be very fake in her attitude. I feel sick when I see her. I can't stop asking myself what does he like in that girl.

But fact is, we are still very close. He still hangs at my place nearly every day, and sleeps at my place. I woke a few times with him holding me close to him, or holding my hand.We still flirt a lot and do lots of innapropriate sexual jokes. Last time I showed him a bruise I've got from fooling around with him, and joked about how I could tell that he hit me. He replied laughing with «*that's how relationships work.*» He calls me in the middle of the night to tell me not that important things. He means a lot to me and I'm sure that I mean a lot to him. But I'm not sure where I'm standing. I don't know what's going on between us. I know that he likes his girlfriend, but I ask myself if he's not more comfortable than in love. He's happy because he has space, which wasn't in his past relationship. He sees her when he wants to and that's enough. He spends every day with me, and sees her on friday or saturday evening. It's like we are a couple without benefits. I'm pretty sure this could get so wrong if we were both drunk. Could it be more than friendship? What is going on with him?

Actually, I don't want a relationship. I want exactly what I have, someone I can do everything and nothing with, talk about nonsense but also have really deep conversations, the only thing missing is kissing, cuddling and sex. More like friends with benefits.

Sorry for the long post, but I can't get it out of my mind. I would like to know what you think about my situation. Thank you

[Jacob_Duluoz]

Dudes don't generally sleep over at girls places unless they're drunk or there's a long drive back or something. Sounds to me he's keeping you around as an option, but he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you which is why he's teasing you while keeping her around. He probably doesn't know what he wants. You could probably start by seeing him less and see how he reacts if you like him. Your other option is to raise the topic directly but then you're risking the friendship. I would keep my distance from the other girl.

[E_13]

Yeah, everybody says that. And also that no girlfriend would accept to let her boyfriend sleep at another girl's place. That's where our friendship is different than others. I don't want to see him less because it makes me sad. I like having him around.

I'm not around the other girl. He knows I don't like her that much. Sometimes he asks me if she can come with us when we're meeting some friends...

[preraph]

Since he's managed to get another girlfriend, then I have to assume that if he wanted you to be his girlfriend, he'd have been proactive to make that happen. You didn't care until he got a girlfriend. Now you're jealous, but you admit you don't really want that. You're just being competitive. Is there any reason you can think of he'd be reluctant to kiss you or ask you on a date? Have you rejected his advances at any time in the past? If so, he may be afraid to make a move and you'll have to talk to him IF you want romance. But I'm afraid that you're not really attracted to him that way or it would already have happened.

[E_13]

That's where I'm not sure since we've learned knowing each other that way. We always flirted and for me, it was a game. But I also know that he wasn't really sure how to do with girls since he just got out of a two year relationship and all that dating and stuff was new again. Maybe I missunderstood everything from the beginning.

I've always been thankful that my heart wouldn't ruin that friendship by falling in love this time, but I'm not so sure anymore. It doesn't feel like other times I had a crush on someone. I've changed a lot since I've never been really lucky in love. That's the reason I'm not looking for a classic relationship anymore. He knows that. I'm not like most girls. I'm more like the good friend, the bro... That might be the reason I never make the first step. I may be a person with a lot of self-confidence, but absolutely not when it's about love and relationship. That's why I'm stuck until the friendship gets so important to me that I don't wanna ruin it. I could wait forever for the other one to make the first step instead of making it myself.

[E_13]

About his girlfriend: she's twenty, she never had a boyfriend before, she was a virgin before and it's pretty obvious that she's really proud to have him, since she can't stop telling everybody that he's her boyfriend, to look hiw beautiful he is and so on... So she accepts everything he wants and she does everything. That's why I think he might be more comfortble than in love. It all goes like he wants and he likes it that way. He sometimes says: if she doesn't like something, she has to go.

[Jacob_Duluoz]

"I don't want to see him less because it makes me sad. I like having him around."

 

But you're not really happy with the current set-up? You either make a move or you don't. I highly doubt he's going to dump the girlfriend and pick you.

 

I have a friend kinda like this too. I would hang out at her place all the time because it was convenient to school. I even put up with her using a dude with a drinking problem (I'm a total white knight). She's grateful and in a better situation today, but that doesn't mean she wants to be involved with me or that I want to be involved with her in a relationship. People sometimes think we're a couple, but we both agree that we're not. Affection is a mutual arrangement, decide if you want to be friends or lovers and take steps accordingly.

[E_13]

It's because I'm really happy when I'm with him. We always have fun and spend a lot of good times together. I don't have all this on my mind when I'm with him, I just enjoy the moment.

[Snakechammah]

I have a hard time wondering why two genders who are mutually attracted to each other can sleep together in the same bed without having sex. Many many times.

 

If that was a man I want, he can bet he won't have a good night sleep!