compulsivedancer Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I'm reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. She took a year and made resolutions that she could add in monthly to improve her life. Mind you, her life wasn't bad and she wasn't unhappy. She just wanted to be a better person so that she could get more out of her life and have more to give to others. She worked on goals like improving her energy, relationships, physical health, making time for work and play, etc. While I haven't done a formal happiness project, this has been a year of change for me, and has forced me to evaluate a lot of things that make life worth living and that make me happy. I've definitely found a reemergence of things I enjoy doing. My question is: what would you do if you were starting a happiness project? What kinds of real changes would you strive for in order to make yourself happier and better able to get the most out of life? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 My question is: what would you do if you were starting a happiness project? What kinds of real changes would you strive for in order to make yourself happier and better able to get the most out of life? I did, and you know. I lost 70 pounds, eat right, exercise, don't be attached to the outcome, live in the moment, be bold, no fear, be honest about what I want, get lots of sex from beautiful women. Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. One of the biggest mistakes I made was living for the future and missing the now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ScotchBeef Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 My change would probably be career based. Feels like i hae everything else sorted out but at 27 I still have no idea what I want to do. I'm starting college in September but that was a spur of the moment thing as the application deadline was closing in and I didn't want to be stuck doing temp work for another year. So yeah, i'd probably aim to be happy in my aspirations, so I could start off on the right path. Better to be at the bottom of a ladder i want to climb than half way up one i don't. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Better to be at the bottom of a ladder i want to climb than half way up one i don't. I like that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Great thread. I'm pretty happy already and have a pretty great life, but there are two things I'm working on.....always trying to improve me..... 1. Stop trying to protect my children to the point of not letting them be the great adults they are now. 2. Learn how to let go of being rigid. I'm doing so much better at this but I'm still in military mode a lot and I've been out for a while. My wife sometimes shouts...relax...slouch...no perfection allowed.... It is apparent I'm not letting go as I should.... I also want to really enjoy my beautiful wife, children and granddaughter...I missed so much due to the military and my wife is a saint for putting up with me. G 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I'm reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. She took a year and made resolutions that she could add in monthly to improve her life. Mind you, her life wasn't bad and she wasn't unhappy. She just wanted to be a better person so that she could get more out of her life and have more to give to others. She worked on goals like improving her energy, relationships, physical health, making time for work and play, etc. While I haven't done a formal happiness project, this has been a year of change for me, and has forced me to evaluate a lot of things that make life worth living and that make me happy. I've definitely found a reemergence of things I enjoy doing. My question is: what would you do if you were starting a happiness project? What kinds of real changes would you strive for in order to make yourself happier and better able to get the most out of life? I have a gratitude journal which really helps me appreciate what I do have and that makes me feel better. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 (edited) Two of the most valuable bits of insight that I gained through my life crisis: The first I already mentioned - don't be attached to the outcome. We tend to attach expectations to our goals such that we fixate on a specific outcome. Life doesn't usually go as planned and we need to be flexible in our expectations. Fixating on one outcome can blind us to opportunities that lie right before us. We can get tunnel vision. I found this to be tremendously useful in resetting my thought processes. As a bit or a corollary to that, I also learned that life seems to have a natural flow. I always thought I should set a goal and fight the tide to the bitter end. But things never seem to work out that way. When the path is right, things seem to fall into place more than not. The other that applies to me in a huge way is, don't expend energy on unproductive thoughts or efforts. Worry, worry, worry, stress, stress, stress, and analyze things to death, we can mentally paralyze ourselves by focusing on issues beyond our control; that won't help to improve our life but saps our physical and emotional energy. I had to train myself to consider what I am thinking about and whether it is productive or just an unproductive stress reaction. I had to limit my time, energy, and thoughts, to working on solutions to my problems, and nothing else. Edited July 13, 2015 by Robert Z 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Worry, worry, worry, stress, stress, stress, and analyze things to death, we can mentally paralyze ourselves by focusing on issues beyond our control; that won't help to improve our life but saps our physical and emotional energy. That pretty much describes my brain. I LOVE to be in control. I figure if I can control everything then nothing can go wrong. As you might guess people don't like being controlled. I'm really trying to brainwash myself into being a less controlling more peaceful person. At one point I was an impulsive, wild, adventure seeking person looking for the next thing that will shake the anxiety and depression away. But that only worked for brief moments anyway. If I had to describe myself now, I'm not sure that I could. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tuzmusic Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Great thread. I'm pretty happy already and have a pretty great life, but there are two things I'm working on.....always trying to improve me..... 1. Stop trying to protect my children to the point of not letting them be the great adults they are now. 2. Learn how to let go of being rigid. I'm doing so much better at this but I'm still in military mode a lot and I've been out for a while. My wife sometimes shouts...relax...slouch...no perfection allowed.... It is apparent I'm not letting go as I should.... I also want to really enjoy my beautiful wife, children and granddaughter...I missed so much due to the military and my wife is a saint for putting up with me. G I love this! These are such awesome things to be working on! I don't have kids, and I have crappy posture and certainly was never in the military, but even so I'm inspired by your post! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author compulsivedancer Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 That pretty much describes my brain. I LOVE to be in control. I figure if I can control everything then nothing can go wrong. As you might guess people don't like being controlled. I'm really trying to brainwash myself into being a less controlling more peaceful person. At one point I was an impulsive, wild, adventure seeking person looking for the next thing that will shake the anxiety and depression away. But that only worked for brief moments anyway. If I had to describe myself now, I'm not sure that I could. The author's #1 rule was to Be Gretchen (her name). For example, she often tried to be interested in things that she thought she SHOULD be interested in, like classical music, when she really preferred the light listening pop station. At the end of the year, she realized that she would always be trying to figure out what "Be Gretchen" meant, who she was and what made her happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author compulsivedancer Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 This year I put a lot of emphasis into my environment. I had to figure out where I wanted to live, what kind of apartment, how I wanted to furnish and decorate it, etc. I've also focused a lot on organization and keeping my place clean and clutter-free. I also had to evaluate what I want out of a relationship, as well as out of my friendships. (Since I'm on my own now, I don't have to hold on to friendships just because they were friends with H). I've had to think about my interests. What things make me happy? What kinds of things do I want to do with my free time? What types of skills would I like to improve? And finally, lately I've been working on cooking. Both trying to up the quality of my ingredients and just do it more often, which requires creativity and saves me a lot of money. In the future, I think I'd like to focus more on putting my money where my mouth is. For instance, I'm interested in living more sustainably, so I'd like to adjust my lifestyle to create less waste. I also want to bring plants into my environment, both to grow herbs like basil and Rosemary, and to clean the air and beautify my house. Also, I am going to become a Big Sister. I think I'd also like to become healthier and more physically active as well. Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 The author's #1 rule was to Be Gretchen (her name). For example, she often tried to be interested in things that she thought she SHOULD be interested in, like classical music, when she really preferred the light listening pop station. At the end of the year, she realized that she would always be trying to figure out what "Be Gretchen" meant, who she was and what made her happy. I love the spirit behind this! Have you read The Happiness Trap? I remember talking about this with my therapist. The amount of ppl that he sees that fall for the literal interpretation of 'happiness' and seek it via superficial means is phenomenal. He says it's 30-something men/women with the right career, right house, right car and right kids in the right school who find themselves unexpectedly 'unhappy' that keep his practice lucrative Recently read a book by a UN lawyer who worked on building evidence for genocide cases. With his quals and skills he could have done any number of lucrative cruisy jobs. He sure as **** wasn't 'happy', but he had so much purpose and passion and wouldn't have been anywhere else. Gretchen's approach sounds very much aligned with this philosophically. Find what you value, pursue it, and find meaning in the experience. I'm working on my art, my fitness, and constructively feeding my brain at the moment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Inflikted Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 A "happiness project" wouldn't be possible for me. I can't have the things in life that would bring me joy, because I'm "not good enough" for this world. The world is just too much of a crappy place for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I know the book well and like you, although I haven't recorded my own happiness project on paper, I have spent the last 5+ years working on it without really realizing it. And I can honestly say that I am happier than I've ever been! I love books and reading and have a library of every bloody self-help, inspirational, motivational book you could ever want! I'll catch myself perusing the shelves from time to time out of curiosity only to realize just how far I've come in my life where those books are, for the most part, irrelevant anymore. As much as I'm certain they've helped me a great deal at the time, I also think it's a combination that included good therapy, great family support and especially wisdom that comes from both age and experience. I'm still the same me from 10-20 years ago but I'm certain I'm a much more authentic (and therefore better) version of me these days. There is a tremendous amount of freedom that comes with that and that often equals happiness in my book 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I know the book well and like you, although I haven't recorded my own happiness project on paper, I have spent the last 5+ years working on it without really realizing it. And I can honestly say that I am happier than I've ever been! I love books and reading and have a library of every bloody self-help, inspirational, motivational book you could ever want! I'll catch myself perusing the shelves from time to time out of curiosity only to realize just how far I've come in my life where those books are, for the most part, irrelevant anymore. As much as I'm certain they've helped me a great deal at the time, I also think it's a combination that included good therapy, great family support and especially wisdom that comes from both age and experience. I'm still the same me from 10-20 years ago but I'm certain I'm a much more authentic (and therefore better) version of me these days. There is a tremendous amount of freedom that comes with that and that often equals happiness in my book I'm a massive Eckhart Tolle fan! I'll probably never be one of those easy going happy people but I'm a lot less unhappy since I've found him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) Post Deleted. Edited July 23, 2015 by Satu Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Probably acknowledging the passions that for years were kept at bay. Happiness comes in waves...its the content and serenity that seem most balanced.... Stopping the drama has been key. Seems that ducks have a good way of letting things slide off their backs... Learning that it is okay to walk slower and listen more... its not a dash to success... its a stroll along the way... Wish there was a way to freeze time though... my grand daughters giggles... her wonderment of the sights and sounds...the way she marvels at so much....she truly is in love with the world and all its intrinsic gifts. She reminds me to stop being jaded... Her passion and zest for life are sooo dern contagious! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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