regret143 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Does anyone took any kind of revenge against the BS or the OM/OW? This idea keep coming up on my mind... I'd like to hear any experiences on that. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Nah... evil people are too much. im just out 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Does anyone took any kind of revenge against the BS or the OM/OW? This idea keep coming up on my mind... I'd like to hear any experiences on that. Thanks Many BS on here claim "a life well lived" is the best revenge. There are a lot of other cliches too. Like bring two shovels. When exacting revenge you need to consider the innocents that would be hurt. Do you want to be responsible for that? And then what are we talking about here for revenge? And what is your end goal. If it is to possibly reconcile revenge against the WS isn't going to help that. I am always against illegal revenge. Winding up in prison or lowering your morals is not worth the small and short lived satisfaction you might feel from doing somethif illegal or against your core values. It really depenss on what sort of revenge you are planning. Usually though peolple are disappointed because it never evens the score or undoes what was done. It often just adds more crap to the pile. What was your revenge plans? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl14 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Yes I have and may do at some point. There are best revenge stories you can google. Id like to post something on facebook. I never post on there so it would surely be a shock. Plus, ive thought about going to his boss. If he got fired..well sucks to be him. Price paid for having sex with a howorker! I wouldnt do anything that would be illegal though. Especially if you have children. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 I guess the question to ask is this: Does the fact that someone else tossed THEIR character out the window mean YOU don't have to have any? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 There's a difference between revenge and consequences of actions. Keying the AP's car or assaulting them or slashing their tires or vandalizing their house etc is an act of vengeance for no other reason than to cause them pain. Those are acts that can land you in legal trouble or come back to haunt you in a divorce trial or custody arrangements etc. Other things like informing the AP's spouse or employer etc if they are in violation of policy or ethics clauses etc is a consequence of action. Informing the AP's spouse that the AP is cheating on them is simply the right thing to do in the AP's spouse has a basic need to know what the state of their marriage is. The fallout that comes from exposure is simply a consequence of their action. It's not being done to bring harm to them per se but rather for disclosure for other parties with a legitimate need to know. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 What got me past the revenge fantasies (and they do pass, I'm glad I didn't act on them, I'd regret it now) was telling myself that my kids needed one parent to demonstrate and model good behavior. They didn't need 2 idiots for parents, one was enough. I'm so glad I didn't act out if rage - and I fantasized a ton. Being removed from it now, I see how useless it would have been anyway. My wh is mortified and the ow is on a fast track downhill in her life. My kids needed to know that at least one parent thought of them before acting idiotically. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 There's a difference between revenge and consequences of actions. Keying the AP's car or assaulting them or slashing their tires or vandalizing their house etc is an act of vengeance for no other reason than to cause them pain. Those are acts that can land you in legal trouble or come back to haunt you in a divorce trial or custody arrangements etc. Other things like informing the AP's spouse or employer etc if they are in violation of policy or ethics clauses etc is a consequence of action. Informing the AP's spouse that the AP is cheating on them is simply the right thing to do in the AP's spouse has a basic need to know what the state of their marriage is. The fallout that comes from exposure is simply a consequence of their action. It's not being done to bring harm to them per se but rather for disclosure for other parties with a legitimate need to know. Very rational layout. I agree that the actual involved parties informing one another is just part of the deal. And if the A happened at work (especially if work resources might have been used), then exposure there is prudent. If it happened within a church or involving a minister, then that should be addressed to. But illegal acts, blackballing people's job interviews, carrying a gun around, beating to a pulp, stalking, sabotaging their lives a decade later? All those things say just as much about the BS' character as was ever said about the WS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Probably not the answer you want........but I'd let it go. In your case the OMs wife divorced him , his family knows about it. ....He's facing consequences for the affair. I'm sure the divorce has hit him financially too. I don't know what else you could do, that didn't also expose your WW and wouldn't hinder you both. Focus on reconciliation in your marriage and consider the OM as a non entity. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves! - confucius. words to live by & something i've seen PROVEN in life million times. revenge WILL hurt you, too + brings nothing good... all facts. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Many BS on here claim "a life well lived" is the best revenge. There are a lot of other cliches too. Like bring two shovels. i wouldn't call them cliches... i'd call them facts. life well lived IS, in fact, the best revenge. why? it's the only "revenge" that damages the one who is trying to get revenge. bring two shovels - fact again because revenge damages the person... if they are able to recognize it immediately or later? that's another story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 i wouldn't call them cliches... i'd call them facts. life well lived IS, in fact, the best revenge. why? it's the only "revenge" that damages the one who is trying to get revenge. bring two shovels - fact again because revenge damages the person... if they are able to recognize it immediately or later? that's another story. Oh i agree but i figured saying bs believe it bares more clout. Link to post Share on other sites
I4givehim Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Does anyone took any kind of revenge against the BS or the OM/OW? This idea keep coming up on my mind... I'd like to hear any experiences on that. Thanks Silence is a virtue.... living a good respectful life, & being happy is the best revenge a person can do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sammy7111 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 How can a cheater know about if revange is wrong or right 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sammy7111 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Drop them and never think of then again go find someone new to sleep with is the best revange Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 How can a cheater know about if revange is wrong or right Cheaters know a lot of things because believe it or not they are human being with feelings and emotions and morals. Sometimes they go against them. Sometimes they destroy themselves doing so. But it doesn't mean they don't know right from wrong. Like that cheating is wrong. Breaking the law is wrong, hurting innocent people because of acts of true revenge are wrong. Or that revenge is fool's folly. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Revenge is wrong. However i made few small tiny revenges in my life, and i must admit it made me feel much better and made me heal much quicker. So my scale is that tiny symbolic revenge could help, but a major big revenge won't make you feel better at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Noirek, But it doesn't mean they don't know right from wrong. Agree 100% However, they feel entitled and think that the normal "rules" of morality don't apply to them. As my exH said " I knew it was wrong but I never thought I'd get caught" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Red123 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Yes I have and may do at some point. There are best revenge stories you can google. Id like to post something on facebook. I never post on there so it would surely be a shock. Plus, ive thought about going to his boss. If he got fired..well sucks to be him. Price paid for having sex with a howorker! I wouldnt do anything that would be illegal though. Especially if you have children. Howorker, haha. I've never heard that one before, nice! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) Does anyone took any kind of revenge against the BS or the OM/OW? In my case, it was a HUGE (from my perspective) betrayal, but was not a marital affair. I just said to the people involved, "I hope that, some day, you get to feel EXACTLY this way that I'm feeling...not more and not less...just EXACTLY this same way." For me, I didn't/don't need to do any more than that. It's also that I do believe in the Law of Returns, or Cycles, or Karma, or Cause and Effect (so many belief systems, so many terms for the exact same beliefs.) In truth, I was 100% convinced that they -- the "other" people -- were 100% and exclusively responsible for the garbage and the pain; that *I* most certainly had no part of the initiating event or that*I* most certainly could not be the cause of my own feelings and experience. I blamed them entirely and exclusively. But. That view never encompasses the WHOLE and FULL truth, I later came to learn and understand. Edited July 11, 2015 by Ronni_W 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Susmay Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Here's my response from a day or so ago, posted on a similar thread in the OW/OM section: I did try some revenge on the OW, who had an A with my WH. Most of my "revenge" was in the form of "exposure". I figured she was keen enough on my H to visit my home for sex (in my bed no less ), and to send him emails (with photos) wanting "the world to know how they felt about each other", so I helped her along a bit... I visited her at her work which obviously caused her to squirm, because the time I went, the other MM with whom she was also having an A was there, and she obviously didn't want him to know. So of course I told him... The other BW and I became friendly and were able to publicly expose the OW for whom she was. The OW then lost her job, but not the other MM. I sent some of her photos on to her employer and family. They were not pornographic or obscene in the sense of being illegal, but no doubt very embarrassing to her. I never did understand why she sent them to my H, knowing that at the time he and I shared a computer and email address! This was many years ago now when there was no such thing as a smartphone and families just had the one computer, and I was not all that computer savvy. I told her adult son, her parents in-law and brother-in-law. They were furious with her, especially as her own BH (who was their father, son and brother respectively) had recently died and she'd been playing the part of "grieving widow" at the same time as she was trying to get both my H and the other MM to leave their families. It was amazing to me that the grand love which she'd wanted the world to know about, suddenly was a source of shame and that I was somehow at fault for telling people. She had little sense of responsibility about what she'd done to 3 families. At least my WH accepted responsibility and we are now good. Just as infidelity is no longer a criminal offence and rarely a civil misdemeanour, so it is that the sort of exposure I did was not any sort of offence. Maybe if I'd hacked a computer, but I didn't as the computer was mine anyway, or maybe if the photos were "banned" pornography, but they weren't. Fortunately I'm a lawyer and was able to stay on the "legal" side of things. I am comfortable with what I did both legally and morally. My (and my children's) world was blown up by my WH's affair and she had significant responsibility for that and made no effort to make amends. She was doing it to another family as well at the same time. I still believe that she played a part in her own H's death. Sometimes I toy with the idea of providing copies of her emails (sent to my H) to the coroner who investigated his death, but as it was a few years ago now, I doubt I will. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 If you divorce the WS, then there is no need to take revenge, but if you stay with them, then I can see how you might want to take revenge. This is just one reason why I say just divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) Fortunately I'm a lawyer and was able to stay on the "legal" side of things. joke not to be taken seriously; to your WH: you married a lawyer? you must be nuts; and you cheated on a lawyer? biggest balls I've ever seen. but this sheit is scary!~ "I still believe that she played a part in her own H's death. Sometimes I toy with the idea of providing copies of her emails (sent to my H) to the coroner who investigated his death" back to topic, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” ~Confucius -you will only hurt yourself more. Edited July 11, 2015 by m.snow Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Ha! I did pretty much what Susmay did - exposure to family and work. Her husband called me and said he thought he was talking to God and that he was angrier at ME than my husband. I said they work side by side, I needed help in stopping the affair. Oh believe me, talking to her Mom and crying, I think she got some terse phone calls from her family after I was done. Revenge - kinda... don't feel badly about it at all. However, she called the police on me and they called me and told me to knock it off. What the hell did I do? Hubby did the tire slashing, carried a knife, keyed OM's car, called his potential job employer and warned them (he still got the job), drove by his house a few times.. Doubt he regrets any of this either. No cops ever called. Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 I still believe that she played a part in her own H's death. Sometimes I toy with the idea of providing copies of her emails (sent to my H) to the coroner who investigated his death, but as it was a few years ago now, I doubt I will. i read this like 5x, it scares me now. your a lawyer you have that sixth sense thing. Watch your back! If she was willing to kill her husband to be with your WH. id think the possibility of her going after you is very high. I mean damn that is some sick psychotic killer girlfriend thing going on there. makings of a freaking horror movie. Link to post Share on other sites
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