Revenge [pertaining to infidelity]

[minimariah]

I ( the next day) filed a multi million dollar lawsuit against Her , Him and the corp. they worked for...My attorney told their 12 lawyers .." We have won already...If this gets out you guys have alot of explaining to do... "

 

based on what...?

 

sorry for the question, it's just that in my country that lawsuit based on an A would've never even make it through... let alone to be multimillion dollars worth.

[World's.Edge]

Why not simply divorce her and move on? She will never have family in her life again and will die a lonely death over sex. They may not even show up for her funeral, will she get a gov't box and burial? You are not alone though in how you think. I think many believe someone having sex with someone other than themselves deserves a life of never ending hell. I do not know anyone who works this way, thankfully.

 

AnotherSadSong I don't know you. This is the first post of yours I've read. No idea what your age is, your gender or where you're from but based on your post above, I'm going to wager that you either have been or are currently in an affair (cheating on someone), or involved in an affair (someone is cheating on their partner/spouse with you).

 

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, if I'm not and you're like, "What does that have to do with anything?'.. well only someone who is capable of being unfaithful would think what you wrote.

 

Off course you don't want to be on the receiving end of someone's "revenge", to be held accountable for your behaviour or have to face any consequences, even though you know adultery and lying is wrong and harmful. You also refer to infidelity as just 'having sex with someone' when in actuality it involves way more than that and tends to devastate and hurt the people it affects.

Edited July 11, 2015 by World's.Edge

[minimariah]

Of course an AP is against "revenge."

 

i was a BS, never an AP - and i STILL don't get the point of revenge or massive exposure of the OW to those who have no business knowing your dirty laundry.

 

i understand telling your family, friends in order to get support and create that supportive and safe circle.

 

but what will you possibly achieve by "exposing" the A to the boss (especially when the company couldn't care less about their employees f&cking; not everyone has the no fraternization policy and i personally wouldn't EVER fire a good/excellent worker over an A), to the co-workers (those people don't give a f€ck and they will forget about it as soon as the new gossip appears so no damage done there either), to the AP's family members (works only if the AP is married, her family... if they are REAL family will stick by her side; i personally would have never abandon my child because she is or was an OW).

 

at the end of the day, during those massive exposures (especially over social networks) - the only person you're damaging on the long run is YOU.

 

we don't all react the same to situations like these, i get that... but when i was a BS, the AP was irrelevant. i asked like one question, i wanted to know if it was someone close to me... as in my friend or a family member & it wasn't... luckily for me. other than that... i don't know that woman and i don't give a f&ck about that woman. for me to actually take the time to investigate who her boss or co-workers, friends or family are and call them to "expose" her...?!

 

i got better things to do.

Edited July 11, 2015 by minimariah

[sweet_pea]

i was a BS, never an AP - and i STILL don't get the point of revenge or massive exposure of the OW to those who have no business knowing your dirty laundry.

 

i understand telling your family, friends in order to get support and create that supportive and safe circle.

 

but what will you possibly achieve by "exposing" the A to the boss (especially when the company couldn't care less about their employees f&cking; not everyone has the no fraternization policy and i personally wouldn't EVER fire a good/excellent worker over an A), to the co-workers (those people don't give a f€ck and they will forget about it as soon as the new gossip appears so no damage done there either), to the AP's family members (works only if the AP is married, her family... if they are REAL family will stick by her side; i personally would have never abandon my child because she is or was an OW).

 

at the end of the day, during those massive exposures (especially over social networks) - the only person you're damaging on the long run is YOU.

 

we don't all react the same to situations like these, i get that... but when i was a BS, the AP was irrelevant. i asked like one question, i wanted to know if it was someone close to me... as in my friend or a family member & it wasn't... luckily for me. other than that... i don't know that woman and i don't give a f&ck about that woman. for me to actually take the time to investigate who her boss or co-workers, friends or family are and call them to "expose" her...?!

 

i got better things to do.

 

 

And that's your opinion. Not everyone feels the same way and that's ok. No one is wrong or right (unless they do something illegal). If people don't like the reaction to their choices, well, it shouldn't have happened.

 

And to the people who say the BS looks pathetic for exposure, nah. At least I don't see them as pathetic. I feel bad for th, sympathetic to what they're going through and I understand why they felt like they had to do what they did. The only people who'd look pathetic in my opinion is the AP and WS for having the affair.

 

[badkarma2013]

Why not simply divorce her and move on? She will never have family in her life again and will die a lonely death over sex. They may not even show up for her funeral, will she get a gov't box and burial? You are not alone though in how you think. I think many believe someone having sex with someone other than themselves deserves a life of never ending hell. I do not know anyone who works this way, thankfully.

 

I did and have...However if They thought they were going to have a 8-10 month FU%^FEST with no consequences..think again...

 

Choices have consequences...if cannot live with your choices ..dont do it..

 

Her lies ,deceit and her betrayal cost us all dearly..

 

I have a question for you...If we had a problem...why did she not tell me...tell me we have an issue...im attrached to another man...im unhappy..anything..but no she chose to have sex with another and lie about it....

 

That was her choice...the decision to burn everything to the ground..was my choice..mine and mine alone..

 

*******Quote from you.. You are not alone though in how you think. I think many believe someone having sex with someone other than themselves deserves a life of never ending hell. I do not know anyone who works this way, thankfully''

 

Its not about sex so much as its about Betrayal!!

 

With regard as to not knowing anyone who operates this way....let me introduce myself..Badkarma2013

[badkarma2013]

based on what...?

 

sorry for the question, it's just that in my country that lawsuit based on an A would've never even make it through... let alone to be multimillion dollars worth.

 

The threat of exposure to their company was to great since the OM used company funds to take her on trips...etc..

 

You are correct ..It wasnt the A..it was the threat of exposure..as well a possiable sexual harrasment investigation ,,,

[goodyblue]

I did and have...However if They thought they were going to have a 8-10 month FU%^FEST with no consequences..think again...

 

Choices have consequences...if cannot live with your choices ..dont do it..

 

Her lies ,deceit and her betrayal cost us all dearly..

 

I have a question for you...If we had a problem...why did she not tell me...tell me we have an issue...im attrached to another man...im unhappy..anything..but no she chose to have sex with another and lie about it....

 

That was her choice...the decision to burn everything to the ground..was my choice..mine and mine alone..

 

*******Quote from you.. You are not alone though in how you think. I think many believe someone having sex with someone other than themselves deserves a life of never ending hell. I do not know anyone who works this way, thankfully''

 

Its not about sex so much as its about Betrayal!!

 

With regard as to not knowing anyone who operates this way....let me introduce myself..Badkarma2013

 

I find this sad. All bitterness does is poison your own heart.

[AnotherSadSong]

I did and have...However if They thought they were going to have a 8-10 month FU%^FEST with no consequences..think again...

 

Choices have consequences...if cannot live with your choices ..dont do it..

 

Her lies ,deceit and her betrayal cost us all dearly..

 

I have a question for you...If we had a problem...why did she not tell me...tell me we have an issue...im attrached to another man...im unhappy..anything..but no she chose to have sex with another and lie about it....

 

That was her choice...the decision to burn everything to the ground..was my choice..mine and mine alone..

 

*******Quote from you.. You are not alone though in how you think. I think many believe someone having sex with someone other than themselves deserves a life of never ending hell. I do not know anyone who works this way, thankfully''

 

Its not about sex so much as its about Betrayal!!

 

With regard as to not knowing anyone who operates this way....let me introduce myself..Badkarma2013

 

I cannot answer that question. I do not operate that way. If I am unhappy, I leave the person. Of course it would have been better for her to leave you first. I would have.

 

 

Although dumping someone the correct way was does not promise that the dumpee will not seek revenge.

 

 

I dumped a guy once because he was not right for me, always complaining about everyone and everything. It drove me up the wall and back. He started a campaign of talking crap to everyone he knew about me and made up lies to embarrass me. He did this for several years. I am positive he still is but it has been years and we do not run in the same circles anymore. I did not have the luxuries I do now to have him legally gagged and I do not care most importantly.

 

 

He sure got his revenge. I hated him for that and felt helpless at the time.

[badkarma2013]

I cannot answer that question. I do not operate that way. If I am unhappy, I leave the person. Of course it would have been better for her to leave you first. I would have.

 

 

Although dumping someone the correct way was does not promise that the dumpee will not seek revenge.

 

 

I dumped a guy once because he was not right for me, always complaining about everyone and everything. It drove me up the wall and back. He started a campaign of talking crap to everyone he knew about me and made up lies to embarrass me. He did this for several years. I am positive he still is but it has been years and we do not run in the same circles anymore. I did not have the luxuries I do now to have him legally gagged and I do not care most importantly.

 

 

He sure got his revenge. I hated him for that and felt helpless at the time.

I understand but dumping someone and throwing away 22 years of marriage hardly equates...(im not making light of your pain) just not the same to me..

[badkarma2013]

I find this sad. All bitterness does is poison your own heart.

 

I am over my bitterness and have actually forgiven her....but you are correct it is unbelieveably sad ....and the sadness will i fear be forever with me...Badkarma2013

[AnotherSadSong]

I understand but dumping someone and throwing away 22 years of marriage hardly equates...(im not making light of your pain) just not the same to me..

 

 

He did not look at it that way and the grudges he kept against others was pretty unbelievable, it made him unattractive to me. He must of felt his revenge was warranted in his mind. We went to the same church. He told so many people and spread it around that I got abortions and other stories. I never did, but that was the lighter side of the embarrassment he spread.

 

 

I do not like vengeful people and that will never change. But I do understand people are different and I have a high level of tolerance accepting other opinions.

[goodyblue]

I am over my bitterness and have actually forgiven her....but you are correct it is unbelieveably sad ....and the sadness will i fear be forever with me...Badkarma2013

 

I am glad you are not bitter any more. I hope your sadness finds a happier day soon.

[katielee]

I doubt if any BS gives a rip if other ppl think they're nuts.

[cocorico]

Does anyone took any kind of revenge against the BS

 

If she does not cease her behaviour, she will face the full force of the law. That is not "revenge", it is simply the consequence of breaking the law.

[badkarma2013]

I doubt if any BS gives a rip if other ppl think they're nuts.

 

Your right....with regard to how I handled my EXWWS A....I could Give a SH%T less what anyone thought or thinks to this day.....

 

And unless you are a BH or BW ...I hold your opinion with little or NO regard..Badkarma2013

[m.snow]

i think i understand a bit of badkarmas revenge.

 

fact that his WW was spreading rumors of badkarma having an affair. causing friends,family & relatives on both sides to attack & hate badkarma.

 

he was also being harassed by OM in his Office/Work Place.

 

exposure was necessary to clear his name. this is legitimate self defense.

 

based on what...?

sorry for the question, it's just that in my country that lawsuit based on an A would've never even make it through... let alone to be multimillion dollars worth.

 

hmm OM going to his office and dropping a USB with pictures and video graphic of the affair. (pretty dumb).

 

what does WW mean by "nothing left but ashes"? she started the fire. and the OM poured gasoline.

 

He did not look at it that way and the grudges he kept against others was pretty unbelievable, it made him unattractive to me. He must of felt his revenge was warranted in his mind. We went to the same church. He told so many people and spread it around that I got abortions and other stories. I never did, but that was the lighter side of the embarrassment he spread.

I do not like vengeful people and that will never change. But I do understand people are different and I have a high level of tolerance accepting other opinions.

 

uhmm. but badkarmas exWW was the one spreading rumors & ruining his reputation

Edited July 11, 2015 by m.snow

[AnotherSadSong]

i think i understand a bit of badkarmas revenge.

 

fact that his WW was spreading rumors of badkarma having an affair. causing friends,family & relatives on both sides to attack & hate badkarma.

 

he was also being harassed by OM in his Office/Work Place.

 

exposure was necessary to clear his name. this is legitimate self defense.

 

 

 

hmm OM going to his office and dropping a USB with pictures and video graphic of the affair. (pretty dumb).

 

what does WW mean by "nothing left but ashes"? she started the fire. and the OM poured gasoline.

 

 

 

uhmm. but badkarmas exWW was the one spreading rumors & ruining his reputation

My post was not about BadKarma but about a man set on destroying me with revenge.

[autumnnight]

Your right....with regard to how I handled my EXWWS A....I could Give a SH%T less what anyone thought or thinks to this day.....

 

And unless you are a BH or BW ...I hold your opinion with little or NO regard..Badkarma2013

 

So if someone has cheated then they have no value to you.

[Susmay]

You did the same to your wh right? If not you are a hypocrite. And i will tell you something else, you were lucky. Even if i deserved it (in your eyes) if you put my career at risk you would regret it. And the rumor you are spreading about her killing her husband? Pure tripe. Blame the right person, your cheating spouse.

 

....

 

 

No the consequences to my WH were quite different. It included exposure of him to our families but not to his workplace. By the time D-day occurred they no longer worked together, but the OW still worked with the other MM she was having an affair with.

 

 

We were reconciling a marriage after all. I'd made promises to him that I had every intention of keeping. On the other hand I'd made no promises to the OW, and she clearly considered she had no obligations to me. So many OW say that "the MM is the one who made promises to the BW, and is responsible for breaking them, not the OW". In the same way I had not made her any promises and had no obligations to her and certainly was NOT a hypocrite for treating her differently. My H and I are now reconciled many years later. Why on earth would you expect a wife to treat an OW exactly the same way as she treats her WH. Maybe if she'd reached an agreement to be loyal to me from now on...

 

 

In fact she did agree to stay away from my family andI said I wouldn't contact her family, but after she started contacting my H again I felt justified in carrying out my intention to expose her.

 

 

It's strange how when you imagine the career of an OW or yourself being at risk you start issuing vague threats such as "you would regret it". Or else what I wonder? I did nothing illegal or that would constitute an offence. What are you threatening? My career was put at risk too. I was so devastated and sick, I was unable to work or care for my family properly after D-day.

 

 

I can express whatever opinion I like about my suspicions about her husband's death. This is an anonymous forum. My H was in no way responsible for the death, and it is quite disgusting and "tripe" as you say, for you to say he was. But of course you can express your opinion too.

[Susmay]

BS should only go as gar with OW as she is willing to go with her husband. I mean if we are talking consequences...

 

 

It is ridiculous to suggest that a reconciling BW should give identical consequences to her H and the OW. One is a person the BW is married to, is planning to stay with if possible, and has made promises to, that she'd like to keep. The other is a woman she often knows nothing about other than that she has inserted her into the BW's marriage.

 

 

In my case I did not once see a "good" side to the OW. She was pretty well pure evil from my perspective. Why on earth do you think I was obligated to treat her in exactly the same way as I treated my H?

 

 

Do you think I was supposed to try to reconcile with her and become her best friend, invite her into my family? Is that what OW actually want? To be treated by the BW the same way as she's treating her WH.

 

 

I don't think there are many OW who would suddenly start agreeing with the BW to put in place certain boundaries for future interactions. No, it was "horses for courses", and she got treated differently to the way I treated my WH. Basically NC and exposure.

[autumnnight]

In fact she did agree to stay away from my family andI said I wouldn't contact her family, but after she started contacting my H again I felt justified in carrying out my intention to expose her.

 

Ahhh...important key fact here.

 

You gave her a chance. You basically said, "Go away and leave us alone, and that is that."

 

She chose to contact your hubby again...all bets were off at that point.

 

SHE made that choice.

[Susmay]

Ahhh...important key fact here.

 

You gave her a chance. You basically said, "Go away and leave us alone, and that is that."

 

She chose to contact your hubby again...all bets were off at that point.

 

SHE made that choice.

 

 

While in my situation, the OW did not respect requests from me and my WH for NC, that does not have to be the sole determinative factor in deciding whether or not to expose. It's my belief that a BW can expose the OW if she chooses, and is not obligated to do the same exposure of her WH. Often if they work together the exposure will be of both though.

 

 

In my situation my WH and the OW no longer worked together at D-day, although they worked together in a private organisation several years earlier when the A started. Also the OW was having an A with another MM in her workplace (a public library) at D-day. She subsequently lost her job there and later worked at a religious organisation, where I believe she still might be.

 

 

When the A started, cell/mobile phones did not have cameras and there was no texting. People did not connect to the internet via mobile devices, just dial-up on their home computers. The baby born during the A to the OW is now a teenager, and his paternity has never been properly determined. He was initially raised by the OW's husband as his own but is now being raised by the OW and the other MM who she was having an A with. The other MM did leave his BW and 4 children for the OW and the little boy, who may be my fWH's child. I was informed she was having a A with yet another MM at her current workplace, but who knows if that's true...

 

 

This was many years ago and in the meantime my H and I have retired. We have a good life, are relatively well off and get to do as we please. Fortunately we are individually well off enough to live apart if it works out that way. He will not get any more chances with me though. Time will tell if I made the right decision to stay with him. I hope so but if not, I'll be much stronger than before. Our children are now adults.

Edited July 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Attribution and was warned.

[trippi1432]

I find this sad. All bitterness does is poison your own heart.

 

I would say this is correct, but that would be like the "pun" living well and lying to yourself. It's sort of like a moral compass spinning backwards...just saying.

[goodyblue]

It is ridiculous to suggest that a reconciling BW should give identical consequences to her H and the OW. One is a person the BW is married to, is planning to stay with if possible, and has made promises to, that she'd like to keep. The other is a woman she often knows nothing about other than that she has inserted her into the BW's marriage.

 

 

In my case I did not once see a "good" side to the OW. She was pretty well pure evil from my perspective. Why on earth do you think I was obligated to treat her in exactly the same way as I treated my H?

 

 

Do you think I was supposed to try to reconcile with her and become her best friend, invite her into my family? Is that what OW actually want? To be treated by the BW the same way as she's treating her WH.

 

 

I don't think there are many OW who would suddenly start agreeing with the BW to put in place certain boundaries for future interactions. No, it was "horses for courses", and she got treated differently to the way I treated my WH. Basically NC and exposure.

 

You do realize you have made an excellent case as to why OW has no feelings for BS. You saw n o thing but evil in her? Guess what? Mos MM tell OW how awful their wife is. So we feel bad for him. We believe him. We believe your rotten cheating husband. And you punish the OW and easily forgive MM. To some OW, BS is a terrible person. And should be pitied.your husband did that.

 

And no, there should not be identical circumstances. The person who betrayed you should get much worse. But hey... whatever helps you sleep at night.

 

You come off as so angry. I am sorry you have those feelings even years later. Obviously it still eats at you or you would not be here.

 

Have a good evening.

[AnotherSadSong]

The original post mentioned revenge against the WS by the BS. I have not read anyone mention any revenge against the WS except a man. It reminded me of the female doctor who ran her husband over about 8 times, he was flying about like a rag doll. She may be getting out of prison or is soon to be released, but her husband was a jerk.

 

 

They have video of it, not sure if it is on You tube. It probably is. His young daughter was in the car too. I do not remember if the daughter was his or hers or both.