Revenge [pertaining to infidelity]

[Susmay]

You do realize you have made an excellent case as to why OW has no feelings for BS. You saw n o thing but evil in her? Guess what? Mos MM tell OW how awful their wife is. So we feel bad for him. We believe him. We believe your rotten cheating husband. And you punish the OW and easily forgive MM. To some OW, BS is a terrible person. And should be pitied.your husband did that.

 

And no, there should not be identical circumstances. The person who betrayed you should get much worse. But hey... whatever helps you sleep at night.

 

You come off as so angry. I am sorry you have those feelings even years later. Obviously it still eats at you or you would not be here.

 

Have a good evening.

 

 

I am saying it goes both ways. I'm fully aware of why OW have no feelings for BW. I will say a similar thing back to you:

 

 

"You come off as so angry too. I do not care that you have those feelings. Obviously something eats at you or you would not be here."

[trippi1432]

You do realize you have made an excellent case as to why OW has no feelings for BS. You saw n o thing but evil in her? Guess what? Mos MM tell OW how awful their wife is. So we feel bad for him. We believe him. We believe your rotten cheating husband. And you punish the OW and easily forgive MM. To some OW, BS is a terrible person. And should be pitied.your husband did that.

 

And no, there should not be identical circumstances. The person who betrayed you should get much worse. But hey... whatever helps you sleep at night.

 

You come off as so angry. I am sorry you have those feelings even years later. Obviously it still eats at you or you would not be here.

 

Have a good evening.

 

And a lesson that if you have a moral compass, BS's aren't welcome on an Infidelity or OW/OM thread, their conscience is just theirs, you have no opinion and are fighting for/against.....nothing really.

 

Susmay, have read your posts today and I commend you on what you have been through, but that "fight" is over. I kept my cheating first husband for a few years....and I've sat in the living room of his AP who gave their baby up for adoption when I was 6 months preggers with my new man's baby (four years after the first ex and I split). We used to all be friends...well except the one who kept screwing my husband. Sometimes revenge is just Karma (Or Kamma before Tara steps in....lol!!). My revenge is that she has to live with herself and wonder if that can happen to HER.

 

Your relationship is reconciled, and you did the right thing at the right time. Coming back here is like arguing with a wall....although it makes good reading..that's about all.

[autumnnight]

I had forgotten that the OP actually WAS asking about BS who took revenge on their WS.

 

I'd be interesting in hearing about that.

[Susmay]

And a lesson that if you have a moral compass, BS's aren't welcome on an Infidelity or OW/OM thread, their conscience is just theirs, you have no opinion and are fighting for/against.....nothing really.

 

Susmay, have read your posts today and I commend you on what you have been through, but that "fight" is over. I kept my cheating first husband for a few years....and I've sat in the living room of his AP who gave their baby up for adoption when I was 6 months preggers with my new man's baby (four years after the first ex and I split). We used to all be friends...well except the one who kept screwing my husband. Sometimes revenge is just Karma (Or Kamma before Tara steps in....lol!!). My revenge is that she has to live with herself and wonder if that can happen to HER.

 

Your relationship is reconciled, and you did the right thing at the right time. Coming back here is like arguing with a wall....although it makes good reading..that's about all.

 

 

I have no regrets about what I did in exposing the OW. I don't particularly care whether people see it as revenge or just consequences. I think it was a bit of both at the time, and it can be both.

 

 

I like coming here for the discussion. My life now is so different to back then, that it's sometimes hard to become emotional about it, so it surprises me when people say they sense "anger". From my perspective it's that I'm trying to be "matter of fact" and not especially emotional.

 

 

It doesn't adversely affect me even when people disagree or are critical. While I might strongly disagree with some of what people write, I'm quite indifferent to the personal insults some posters dish out. I see it as a reflection on who they are, and I note the people most likely to be personally offensive to me are in fact OW or fOW. I do recognise the insults and might respond but it doesn't affect me.

[Susmay]

Does anyone took any kind of revenge against the BS or the OM/OW?

 

This idea keep coming up on my mind... I'd like to hear any experiences on that.

 

Thanks

 

 

Actually the original post was about taking revenge on the BS, or the OW/OM. Nothing to do with asking about revenge on the WS.

[Susmay]

I had forgotten that the OP actually WAS asking about BS who took revenge on their WS.

 

I'd be interesting in hearing about that.

 

 

No it wasn't asking about BS who took revenge on their WS. Read the OP again!

[sandylee1]

i never really understood the point of this.

like, what do i care if Jane Doe accross the street does or doesn't know the "truth" about the OW? i understand folks telling their loved ones... family + friends, people they trust. but posting on Facebook? going to the OW's work? calling the OW's employer and co-workers, the OW's family and friends...? what is the point of that? most of those people already KNOW who and what the OW is, the others don't care.

 

 

When I said 'the people ', I meant the OWs family and employers.

As for those who post on FB, I guess it's for the OWs friends to see

Perfect strangers wouldn't give a damn obviously.

 

Calling her employers..........that's to shame him/ her and if relevant get her fired as revenge.

 

In exposing the OW , the BW is also exposing their WH , as you can't have an affair on your own.

[autumnnight]

No it wasn't asking about BS who took revenge on their WS. Read the OP again!

 

It was clarified later that that BS was supposed to be WS.

 

But I think what we have established is that most people want to stay with their WS, so they don't burn all those bridges. Instead, they redirect the full vent of their anger to the AP.

 

And even when they break the law, they don;t care in many cases.

 

I have to wonder...what DO these people still consumed all this time later REALLY think of their WS and is it a marriage of loving equals, or penance masquerading as reconciliation....

 

Don't get me wrong, I can understand NEVER wanting to let go of hurt. In that case, though, divroce might be the better answer.

[velvette]

BS should only go as gar with OW as she is willing to go with her husband. I mean if we are talking consequences...

 

Says who? The association of OW?

[Susmay]

...

 

In exposing the OW , the BW is also exposing their WH , as you can't have an affair on your own.

 

 

It might be if they work together and move in the same circles, but not if they have no connection outside the A. When I exposed the A, I exposed the OW to her workplace, her family and the other MM (and his BW) that she was also having an A with.

 

 

My WH only got exposed to our families and friends, and he mostly exposed himself, because an explanation was needed as to why I suddenly fell in a heap. It was heartbreaking when he had to tell our kids why their mother (me) was a blubbering mess.

[AnotherSadSong]

Actually the original post was about taking revenge on the BS, or the OW/OM. Nothing to do with asking about revenge on the WS.

 

 

 

Not sure but I sure do have a massive headache. Thank you for the correction.

[velvette]

I have no regrets about what I did in exposing the OW. I don't particularly care whether people see it as revenge or just consequences. I think it was a bit of both at the time, and it can be both.

 

 

I like coming here for the discussion. My life now is so different to back then, that it's sometimes hard to become emotional about it, so it surprises me when people say they sense "anger". From my perspective it's that I'm trying to be "matter of fact" and not especially emotional.

 

 

It doesn't adversely affect me even when people disagree or are critical. While I might strongly disagree with some of what people write, I'm quite indifferent to the personal insults some posters dish out. I see it as a reflection on who they are, and I note the people most likely to be personally offensive to me are in fact OW or fOW. I do recognise the insults and might respond but it doesn't affect me.

 

 

I get it and for the record I am both a former OW and a BS.

 

 

I wasn't all that emotional when I exacted revenge/consequences either.

 

 

OW in general like to say things like have been said in this thread when they run out of logical arguments. "I feel bad youre so angry" etc is usually their parting shot to make them feel superior.

[velvette]

It was clarified later that that BS was supposed to be WS.

 

But I think what we have established is that most people want to stay with their WS, so they don't burn all those bridges. Instead, they redirect the full vent of their anger to the AP.

 

And even when they break the law, they don;t care in many cases.

 

I have to wonder...what DO these people still consumed all this time later REALLY think of their WS and is it a marriage of loving equals, or penance masquerading as reconciliation....

 

Don't get me wrong, I can understand NEVER wanting to let go of hurt. In that case, though, divroce might be the better answer.

 

 

I haven't seen anyone consumed all this time later. Some people recounting things that happened in the past in response to the thread.

[Susmay]

It was clarified later that that BS was supposed to be WS.

 

But I think what we have established is that most people want to stay with their WS, so they don't burn all those bridges. Instead, they redirect the full vent of their anger to the AP.

 

And even when they break the law, they don;t care in many cases.

 

I have to wonder...what DO these people still consumed all this time later REALLY think of their WS and is it a marriage of loving equals, or penance masquerading as reconciliation....

 

Don't get me wrong, I can understand NEVER wanting to let go of hurt. In that case, though, divroce might be the better answer.

 

 

I missed that clarification and it wasn't in the OP (original post). Even so it is still asking about revenge on the OW/OM, which is what I've mainly been responding to.

 

 

The only revenge/consequences I took were in the nature of exposure and it came in different forms for my WH and the OW. I didn't do anything that was breaking the law, and don't condone those who do.

 

 

I agree sometimes divorce might be the best solution if reconciliation doesn't work out, or the marriage ends up being something other than what the parties want.

[velvette]

So exposure is insane now? I really don't see how that constitutes insanity.

 

Somewhere in between being what exactly? Just telling one person about the affair ? Having a quiet chat with the OW to tell her she did wrong?

 

An OW/OM doesn't get to be part of causing such devastation and think that they are immune from any consequences or repercussions. It might happen that way , but the OM/OW can't be blindsided if it doesn't go smoothly for them. I would have thought that was just logic.

 

One also has to bear in mind the trauma a betrayal causes and the potential irrational actions of a BS on discovery. Not that I believe exposure is irrational.

 

 

I agree. Exposure can be quite effective in ending an affair.

[trippi1432]

It was clarified later that that BS was supposed to be WS.

 

But I think what we have established is that most people want to stay with their WS, so they don't burn all those bridges. Instead, they redirect the full vent of their anger to the AP.

 

And even when they break the law, they don;t care in many cases.

 

I have to wonder...what DO these people still consumed all this time later REALLY think of their WS and is it a marriage of loving equals, or penance masquerading as reconciliation....

 

Don't get me wrong, I can understand NEVER wanting to let go of hurt. In that case, though, divroce might be the better answer.

 

I'm having a hard time understanding why it is worse that someone who has a history (family, raising children, jobs, extended family where they still think of you as family) is more evil reconciling their marriage and putting the AP rightfully where she deserves to be..........stage left.

 

What the AP doesn't have.........is that "history".

[Susmay]

...

 

I wasn't all that emotional when I exacted revenge/consequences either.

 

 

...

 

 

Oh I was emotional at the time, believe me.

But it was many years ago now.

[Tayla]

The threat of exposure to their company was to great since the OM used company funds to take her on trips...etc..

 

You are correct ..It wasnt the A..it was the threat of exposure..as well a possiable sexual harrasment investigation ,,,

 

Ohhh dear! fabricate much?

Now ask me how i know the flaws of these supposed letigations and settlement ?

[sandylee1]

It is for sure a double standard to say one person is worthy of punishment and another is not for the same action. But I think that is a mute point because I really doubt many people expose the AP and not their WS. Scorched earth policy and all. Personally I think it looks juvinile to tell the APs family when you don't know them. But "wrong" is relative.

 

A BW with any self respect would not let a WH go without consequences, it's just that they won't be broadcasted to the OW or anyone else.

 

Many BWs exact revenge on their spouses as well. Some are trivial from changing music on playlists, putting itching powder in their underwear to getting their spouse fired from their job.

 

I've seen revenge where the BH get his wife fired more so than the other way round, thats specifically where it was a coworker affair. As well as the fact that the BH is usually the chief income earner, WW salary isn't critical.

 

BSs would much rather not have to dream up revenge fantasies and many feel that if the AP doesn't suffer any consequences they'll carry on and another marriage will be destroyed in the future.

[autumnnight]

I have never said exposure was insane, but that is the kind of extreme I was referring to - something I never said taking to some extreme proportion.

 

I am in favor of exposing to end the affair, which is what the expert proponent of exposure STATES it is actually supposed to be for.

 

It is also recommended that exposure according to the rules of said expert be strategic and surgical.

 

I am in favor of a BS exposing to family, influential friends, the workplace WHEN the A was at work, church when it involved two members or a staff member.

 

Exposure to random straingers or by random strangers, entire social media lists, etc. etc.....no, there is very little about that that is 100% sane.

[Noirek]

I get it and for the record I am both a former OW and a BS.

 

 

I wasn't all that emotional when I exacted revenge/consequences either.

 

 

OW in general like to say things like have been said in this thread when they run out of logical arguments. "I feel bad youre so angry" etc is usually their parting shot to make them feel superior.

 

or they genuinly do feel sorry to see such vitriol. People go to such extremes to justify and defend their own behaviour whether it is cheating, sleeping with a married person, lying, being lazy, exacting vengenance, being spiteful, and so on. And when they run against the raised eyebrows of society or some who differ they either take digs at the other person or say "they don't care what anyone things". Usually they so care. You can tell by how hard they try to convince you they don't care.

[Noirek]

I have never said exposure was insane, but that is the kind of extreme I was referring to - something I never said taking to some extreme proportion.

 

I am in favor of exposing to end the affair, which is what the expert proponent of exposure STATES it is actually supposed to be for.

 

It is also recommended that exposure according to the rules of said expert be strategic and surgical.

 

I am in favor of a BS exposing to family, influential friends, the workplace WHEN the A was at work, church when it involved two members or a staff member.

 

Exposure to random straingers or by random strangers, entire social media lists, etc. etc.....no, there is very little about that that is 100% sane.

 

Or to the AP's parents or adult children. That one is a good one. You slept with my SO... i'm going to tell your mommy about it!

[autumnnight]

I think the thing that bothers me is that some of the same people who tout personal responsibility, owning your choices, and how their is no excuse for an A no matter how sad/miserable/hurt/rejected/lonely you may be....

 

Are then the same people who basically say: "that hurt me, so I can do whatever I want and none of my choices are my responsibility - I have an excuse"

[Susmay]

 

joke not to be taken seriously; to your WH: you married a lawyer? you must be nuts; and you cheated on a lawyer? biggest balls I've ever seen.

 

but this sheit is scary!~

"I still believe that she played a part in her own H's death. Sometimes I toy with the idea of providing copies of her emails (sent to my H) to the coroner who investigated his death"

 

 

back to topic,

 

“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” ~Confucius

-you will only hurt yourself more.

 

 

I wasn't a lawyer when we got married, nor even when the A commenced!

 

 

I was a CPA (accountant) at the time we got married. I later qualified in law. My D-day was the day before I sat my final contract law exams, which was a few days after my brother in law's funeral. I have no recollection of what was in the exam but do remember that the tears literally rolled down onto my exam paper and I made a decision to leave. I packed up and then decided, no, I would sit the exam as I had excellent notes (it was open book exam). I did it and got an HD (high distinction). I have no idea how!

 

 

I had been a good student up until then, winning prizes in some subjects including Constitutional law, for being top student. I was also working as a CPA and a mother to 2 teenage kids at the time. I fell into a heap when the exams were over that year.

[Susmay]

Ohhh dear! fabricate much?

Now ask me how i know the flaws of these supposed letigations and settlement ?

 

 

I'll bite. What does this mean?