AnotherSadSong Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 I don't buy into the seductress story or the innocent love story, unless the OW was truly deceived and never knew the man was married. The story I believe is: I know this is wrong, and probably stupid, but it feels really good right now and I need this. And that's the same story for both the OW indulging in the temptation of affair, and the BS indulging in the temptation of revenge. You can believe your own fantasies and beliefs. Everyone has that god given right. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 You can believe your own fantasies and beliefs. Everyone has that god given right. That's just it. I believe that affairs are fueled by fantasy--the fantasy that the marriage is already dead, that no one will really be hurt, that there will be no consequences to either my children or her children. Adults should have more sense than that. But people do all sorts of things in the fog of fantasy. It feels good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 That's just it. I believe that affairs are fueled by fantasy--the fantasy that the marriage is already dead, that no one will really be hurt, that there will be no consequences to either my children or her children. Adults should have more sense than that. But people do all sorts of things in the fog of fantasy. It feels good. Yes, so you say. There were unicorns in mine too. Jolly the Green Giant however was much fatter than I imagined compared to his fabled stature. I was hoping he would eat my wayward scumbag, in one gobble, but he was getting it on with Mary Poppins himself. Who would ever have thought that about Dear Mary, such a prude woman. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 That's just it. I believe that affairs are fueled by fantasy--the fantasy that the marriage is already dead, that no one will really be hurt, that there will be no consequences to either my children or her children. Adults should have more sense than that. But people do all sorts of things in the fog of fantasy. It feels good. Fantasy or not, the FACT is that it is wrong, even if it is surrounded by clouds and rainbows. You are participating in hurting someone and messing up their marriage. So being flip and smarmy about it is probably not a real good idea if you are an OW/OM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Murdering your child because your husband cheated is inexcusable. It is sad but no man would ever be above my child period. That is a terribly sad and a tragic story. I hope the child felt little pain and it was fast. You did not mention the age. Suicide at times is an act of hostility and ultimate selfishness... This woman had no right to take an innocent child's life and hurt her living family/friends/etc to "revenge" some OW/OM and/or her spouse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 You did not mention the age. the child was 5, the mother was 29. she drove them into the river & they had both drowned. her husband was away at some kind of business trip at the time... she published this large post on Facebook where she blamed it all on the husband. the only point of her act was revenge. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Suicide at times is an act of hostility and ultimate selfishness... This woman had no right to take an innocent child's life and hurt her living family/friends/etc to "revenge" some OW/OM and/or her spouse. And not taking away from adoption etc., but her husband is not her flesh and blood, but that child was and she was it's protector. Even in the animal kingdom, the mothers protect the young at any cost, and many times maul and kill the father. No man is worth that. I think there would have to be internal struggles initially in the mental aspect. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors, but I would bet there were other issues. Extreme codependency is unhealthy. The I would die without you, can result in severe marital problems and coping in life in general. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 the child was 5, the mother was 29. she drove them into the river & they had both drowned. her husband was away at some kind of business trip at the time... she published this large post on Facebook where she blamed it all on the husband. the only point of her act was revenge. Don't tell me this Mariah, 5, she is aware of her death and they say drowning, unable to breath, is awful. Tears now. It took me awhile to get over a news story in the US, (there was another recently but I read the caption and could read no further) of a father who jumped a bridge with his 6-7 year old daughter. I could not get that off my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I could not get that off my mind. yeah, i cannot get this story out of my head either. so sorry for making you upset! very hard to understand what goes on in these people's minds. i just read about this Broderick story... amazing how much support she actually got & how many people think what she did was justified. sadly, you can rarely predict tragedies like these. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I know this isn't a religious thread, but a verse just jumped to my head with this story of suicide and murder. It says that whoever keeps the whole law but stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. Because the same God who said "thou shalt not commit adultery" also said "thou shalt not commit murder." Just something for people who claim to be religious to ponder.... Link to post Share on other sites
Susmay Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 ... The OW went away as asked. But that wasn't good enough for that BW. The irony of the situation was the WH stopped R when she did what she did. And ended up with the OW. And now the OW is stepmom to the kids and they have them for holidays! ... But in many people's minds it was all the mom's fault and that BW did what was right) Wow talk about wilful blindness! You blame the BW for making it public such that everyone else knew! For goodness sake, the OW ended up with the MM. How is the BW to blame for making this public knowledge among a bunch of teenagers who are quite capable of working out that Amy's mum is now with Carli's dad. Teenagers can be very cruel and are not oblivious to what's going on around them even if the BW had kept silent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 yeah, i cannot get this story out of my head either. so sorry for making you upset! very hard to understand what goes on in these people's minds. i just read about this Broderick story... amazing how much support she actually got & how many people think what she did was justified. sadly, you can rarely predict tragedies like these. I spent considerable time googling the bridge to see if it was high or low, some pics looked low and another really high. I was wondering if she died on impact and for days pictured her scared, pitch black, dark water, and no one to help her and she died knowing her protector did this to her. What were her last thoughts. It really sickened me. Did she want her mommy? I wanted to grab her out. It is awful. I cannot stomach that with children. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 yeah, i cannot get this story out of my head either. so sorry for making you upset! very hard to understand what goes on in these people's minds. i just read about this Broderick story... amazing how much support she actually got & how many people think what she did was justified. sadly, you can rarely predict tragedies like these. I remember reading about a story, a couple months back where an exOW hid away at the WS' house, then tied him up and killed the BS and their 4-year old grand son. It was really awful to read. Your story reminded me of that. Those poor babies, they didn't deserve to go through that. How awful. Violent revenge is never the answer to these kind of things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I remember reading about a story, a couple months back where an exOW hid away at the WS' house, then tied him up and killed the BS and their 4-year old grand son. It was really awful to read. Your story reminded me of that. Those poor babies, they didn't deserve to go through that. How awful. Violent revenge is never the answer to these kind of things. Mental illness is divided among all people, the rich, the poor, the young, the old, BS, OW, MM, Waywards, and the faithful. She deserves the death penalty. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Susmay Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I remember reading about a story, a couple months back where an exOW hid away at the WS' house, then tied him up and killed the BS and their 4-year old grand son. It was really awful to read. Your story reminded me of that. Those poor babies, they didn't deserve to go through that. How awful. Violent revenge is never the answer to these kind of things. This was where I am (Australia), less than 4 months ago. She killed them with garden shears. It was horrific! We don't have the death penalty here. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Mental illness is divided among all people, the rich, the poor, the young, the old, BS, OW, MM, Waywards, and the faithful. you know... most of these killers are completely sane. i had an interview with a man who had killed his three children and his W (no infidelity, he just wanted to be "free") - you know what was the most terrifying thing? he was super nice and charming during the interview. and you watch him and you just... can't understand. like, this nice dude is a mass murderer?! the level of deceit is horrible. it's wild. super wild. humans are capable of great, great evil. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 (edited) you know... most of these killers are completely sane. i had an interview with a man who had killed his three children and his W (no infidelity, he just wanted to be "free") - you know what was the most terrifying thing? he was super nice and charming during the interview. and you watch him and you just... can't understand. like, this nice dude is a mass murderer?! the level of deceit is horrible. it's wild. super wild. humans are capable of great, great evil. I would have to argue sane. They would never win an insanity defense. You basically have to be an invalid to win it. Completely unable to understand reality and usually those people are so chaotic in the mind they can barely walk or groom, never the less commit a murder. They do have severe personality disorders no doubt. You mix in bouts of bipolar or a mood disorder you gotcha a hot firecracker. Edited July 13, 2015 by AnotherSadSong Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 All of us have neurosis of some caliber, usually minor and traits here or there of the personality disorder spectrums but I have to believe (might make me feel a little at ease) they have the malignant personality disorders, full on. The guy is a psychopath, a malignant narcissist maybe. I wish they all had co morbid hallucinations so we could register them. Schizophrenics are usually harmless just plain scary to be around when symptomatic, but I have never figured why, if they decide to murder it is usually there children or family. It might be the paranoia glues itself to the closest network. I could be wrong though and I often am. Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 It was past behaviour and your point didn't even have anything to do with what happened. Some people really could care less about the feelings of children of "tainted" parents. No, I wouldn't let my kids go to a home where there is binge drinking and drugs. Or sexual behaviour done in front of children. But I would stop my children from being friends with an OWs child. Nor would I be okay with them bullying that child or in any way justify it. After reading that the OW and MM ended up together after all this drama, I don't believe the affair was over or that no contact was in place. To me it sounds more likely that some behavior on their part influenced the BS continuing to expose. I would feel sorry for any child whose parent put them in this situation by having an affair. I am not ok with children being bullied, but neither I nor you have any control over that except with regard to the children we directly parent or influence. Neither did I justify it. The parents of the bullies should have stepped in and stopped it. The OW should have gone to those parents and demanded they stop it if the school wouldn't get involved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 This is the crux of the matter. Some, not all, but some OW simply cannot fathom that other people might (gasp) disapprove of their behavior. It's like they're living in another world where the normal rules don't apply to them. They'll go into another woman's home, into her bed and sleep with her husband and then act like she's a dirty snitch for telling on them. Agreed, its pretty mind boggling what their thought process is, especially since most of them go to great lengths to keep the affair secret even from their own family and friends. Clearly they know people will disapprove and they could face negative fallout. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 It has not mine, but maybe I am an exception to the rule. All first honor roll, well adjusted, and popular and importantly happy. It is difficult but that is one thing I have no problem patting myself on the back for and if anyone wants to argue I am a terrible parent, so be it. I'm glad your children are doing well. I'm curious, do your children know about your affair? If so, what was their reaction? If not, how do you think they would react if they became aware of it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 BS. I mentioned it in passing without details and then one post later gave the details of what actually happened. But thats okay, put BS on the level of being saints capable of no ethical or moral wrong (just don't do murder). And telling the OBS and them murdering is not even close to the same as posting a public degrading or telling uninvolved people and you know it. No one is that ignorant. And as far as the last part goes, if the BS who informed knew the OBS was mentally unstable or abusive... Then yes, they would probably have feelings of guilt. Same principle. BS is not responsible for what other people do with information. You see me as ignorant; I see your inability to comprehend its the same principle different only in degree as a failure of logic on your part. We will just have to agree to disagree. As for the OBS being abusive, meh. Many WW claim their BS is abusive. My H OW claimed that. From what I saw they were both abusive to each other and other people, she possibly more than him. In any case, she gave as good as she got. She wasn't afraid with an allegedly abusive husband that he would harm her for having an A, so why should I be? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 ...but I have to believe (might make me feel a little at ease) they have the malignant personality disorders, full on. this -- we often refuse to believe that some folks are HEALTHY but evil. they know very well what they're doing and they CHOOSE to do wrong. we made up a lot of names, labeles and diagnosis for pure EVIL because we all like to believe that being "good" is the only natural state of just... existing. many examples of evil in the animal world, too -- mothers killing their young ones, their partners... evil has been existing for a long time, we just came up with a lot of fancy names for it. The guy is a psychopath, a malignant narcissist maybe. the guy i interviewed was a paranoid schizophrenic, yes. but how nice he was... that was the REALLY scary part. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 (edited) Gloria #269. or you weren't taking care of his/her needs in the marriage (you starved him/her by not caring for him sexually, emotionally, etc...you didn't take care of your appearance, etc). I call BS on this lot ^^^ I was in the same marriage as my exH and my needs weren't getting met but I didn't cheat. Instead I tried every way I could to explain to him what I needed, because I believed the mature and sensible way to tackle problems was to talk about it. My bad. Please tell me how any woman, who has just given birth, is struggling to breastfeed, is exhausted, has stitches and can't even pass a bowel movement without being in agony can "care for her husband sexually"? Are you really saying that because a husband can't have sex for 2/3 weeks because of her stitches healing he is entitled to cheat and it's her fault ?? A colleague of mine has a labial tear during delivery that extended up to her cliteris, and she needed surgical reconstruction. She was weeks healing. Please remove your head from wherever you have it stuck and come and live in the real world. Edited July 13, 2015 by Arieswoman 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Gloria #269. I call BS on this lot ^^^ I was in the same marriage as my exH and my needs weren't getting met but I didn't cheat. Instead I tried every way I could to explain to him what I needed, because I believed the mature and sensible way to tackle problems was to talk about it. My bad. Please tell me how any woman, who has just given birth, is struggling to breastfeed, is exhausted, has stitches and can't even pass a bowel movement without being in agony can "care for her husband sexually"? Are you really saying that because a husband can't have sex for 2/3 weeks because of her stitches healing he is entitled to cheat and it's her fault ?? A colleague of mine has a labial tear during delivery that extended up to her cliteris, and she needed surgical reconstruction. She was weeks healing. Please remove your head from wherever you have it stuck and come and live in the real world. Then you didn't choose wisely - and I guess you didn't see that part of my post. You're gonna tell me that his selfish and irrational demands for sex while you're nursing a newborn and in recovery aren't character flaws you noticed while dating him? People just don't turn into pumpkins after marriage and/or kids. Either you didn't pay attention to the fact that you were dating a jerk, didn't know what to look for in a decent man, didn't have frank discussions about practical things in marriage (ie intercourse once kids arrived - probably cuz like most women, you expected him to forego sex whenever during the marriage cuz men are just stupid horndogs), and/or didn't date him well/long enough to know who he really is. Link to post Share on other sites
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