xxoo Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I guess it would be acceptable if he did not specifically target your children but of course they and all their friends and enemies would catch drift of his page and embellish it. At school relentlessly from the kids who do not like them or are bullies: Hey Casper read your Dad is a reaaaalll Freak..laughter. But according to most posters this is acceptable and of course the wayward would deserve the same revenge as the OW, especially by the other male betrayed spouse. Gotcha. This is reality. Why do affair partners count on privacy when the stakes are so high? It's horrible, and I hate to see a child suffer, but the blame lies with the cheating parent. Counting on the community to keep your indiscretions quiet so that your children aren't embarrassed is a bad bet. Utter foolishness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 This is reality. Why do affair partners count on privacy when the stakes are so high? It's horrible, and I hate to see a child suffer, but the blame lies with the cheating parent. Counting on the community to keep your indiscretions quiet so that your children aren't embarrassed is a bad bet. Utter foolishness. Mature adults would handle the situation with class if not then they are unstable. Most well adapted, mature, and stable individuals would not let emotions get in the way and be kicked out of the country club and all networks. Mature and stable parents would do anything to protect their image and children and be respectful toward others children. Now, I have no doubt that there are 'Jerry Springer,' individuals out there. They are out there willing and ready to make noise and throw down. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Mature adults would handle the situation with class if not then they are unstable. Most well adapted, mature, and stable individuals would not let emotions get in the way and be kicked out of the country club and all networks. Mature and stable parents would do anything to protect their image and children and be respectful toward others children. Now, I have no doubt that there are 'Jerry Springer,' individuals out there. They are out there willing and ready to make noise and throw down. People talk. Mature, stable people gossip like no tomorrow. More than that, teens talk. Like, the teen aged kids of the cheaters will confide in a friend, and it can spread that way. That happened when I was a teen, and now that I have a teen I've seen similar. It's unreasonable to expect juicy secrets to stay secret. If the truth is going to hurt your child, count on it coming out. Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 No, I would never blend there world with his unless it became a family unit. I would never leave my children when they needed me to me with the MM. There were more occasions than not I said No, plain and simple, and his disappointment did not faze me one bit. I have seen him for what he really is, and I see myself for what I was truly doing and it will never happen again. I think spending time and doing at times tortuous hours of algebra etc. is more rewarding. I have really strong willed children who have been taught tolerance and acceptance to great length, it also extends to being open and well traveled by the time that scoot off into the real world. Of course I know my children best. They would calculate the situation, work out the problem, and carry on to their own personal and unique successes. They are caring and loving almost to a fault for everyone. They see bullying or a situation that is inhumane, they would put a stop to it, set of a campaign, and make a solution so all parties involved would come out in a winning situation. I have actually been pulled into the office for a discussion of them doing this and how truly wonderful it is. This may not be the norm, but that is who they are. All of that is great, but my point in asking was not to make you feel like you had to defend the results of your parenting. What you seem to be unable to grasp is that you got lucky that your wise decision not to involve your kids in your affair worked for you. Any one simple event could have sent their world spiraling out of control due to your A. Wouldn't even have to be a revenge seeking BS. Could have been something totally innocent and innocuous that led to them finding out. The bottom line is if they had found out and suffered negative consequences you would have no one to blame but yourself and your decision to be in an A. So its very curious that you expect other people to have more concern for your children than you do. No matter how small the risk, you are the one who put your children at risk first. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Mature and stable parents would do anything to protect their image and children and be respectful toward others children. To me, that would include staying out of affairs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Adding, would you tell your husband to sit down and shut up and accept the consequences and tell him, "You deserve this revenge, that her betrayed husband sent your d*ck pic to our children, the school, friends, and all our family members, you deserve it!" Pretty sure that would qualify as sending pornographic pics to a child which is a crime. I would proceed accordingly. Certainly I would point out to my H that he was responsible and he better get busy taking action to stop illegal activity directed at our child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Pretty sure that would qualify as sending pornographic pics to a child which is a crime. I would proceed accordingly. Certainly I would point out to my H that he was responsible and he better get busy taking action to stop illegal activity directed at our child. It does not have to be illegal or intention, 'his dick pics' could be sent anonymously around town...and happen to fall in anyone's hands. But obviously other more insulting stuff could be placed about your hubbie on the betrayed husband's media outlets, perfectly legal if it is all true. But of course your kids would have to understand daddy is a whore and deserves all the legal revenge he can get. He was trying to break up the betrayed husband's family with intent. He wanted his family. Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Okay for those who believe the OW deserves whatever revenge and punishment the BS hashes out, it can be of humiliation, job loss, spreading the word about an entire city, targeting school children, whatever, as long as it is not violent or murder. I have this question. A husband makes the big decision of having an affair to a MOW. The D-day arrive and you as a BS are hell bent on revenge of the OW. Would you equally ACCEPT the MOW's BS going on a campaign of destroying your family husband, and school age children? Your husband of course would deserve the same punishment as the OW. No one has said anyone has to accept anything. All anyone has said is don't be surprised if it happens. Anyone who is the target of negative actions can respond however they want. They will of course have to deal with the results of that. I'm curious where this concept comes from that a cheating husband deserves the same punishment as the OW. If you are an adult, you should know by now that life is not fair. We don't always get what we deserve or deserve what we get. There is no law that says I have to agree that my BS deserves the same "punishment" as the other BS cheating spouse. Heck even when criminals are prosecuted together for the same crime they frequently get convicted and sentenced differently. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Pretty sure that would qualify as sending pornographic pics to a child which is a crime. I would proceed accordingly. Certainly I would point out to my H that he was responsible and he better get busy taking action to stop illegal activity directed at our child. Aw Velvetta lighten up. I did not mean underage...anyways didn't you speak to an adult son once. All the dirty info would go to adult kids, your family, your husbands, every single last one of your friends, and a huge social media page of his dedicated to the offending husband with all out there to see. It is not his fault if your 'younger' children and their friends catch on to it. For it is the consequence he faced for being a man whore. Sounds fair. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 perfectly legal if it is all true. Actually this is not the case. There's a whole posse of people who think differently, but no, just because something is true doesn't mean it is legal to disseminate it. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 No one has said anyone has to accept anything. All anyone has said is don't be surprised if it happens. Anyone who is the target of negative actions can respond however they want. They will of course have to deal with the results of that. I'm curious where this concept comes from that a cheating husband deserves the same punishment as the OW. If you are an adult, you should know by now that life is not fair. We don't always get what we deserve or deserve what we get. There is no law that says I have to agree that my BS deserves the same "punishment" as the other BS cheating spouse. Heck even when criminals are prosecuted together for the same crime they frequently get convicted and sentenced differently. Of course you don't think so. But in reality he does and every last dish of it. Her betrayed husband is no different than the betrayed spouse of the MM. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Actually this is not the case. There's a whole posse of people who think differently, but no, just because something is true doesn't mean it is legal to disseminate it. I am sure a betrayed husband hell bent on displaying personal info as public knowledge to allow people to know what kind of man MM was (same stuff mentioned here about BS going for OW) wouldn't care one bit. If he is to be prosecuted or fined for it than we can all agree the woman betrayed spouse deserves the same if she goes overboard with outing. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Actually this is not the case. There's a whole posse of people who think differently, but no, just because something is true doesn't mean it is legal to disseminate it. It is very hard to prosecute and sue someone if something is true. Now, there is a big difference if it is made up. It is not fair but it is how it is. That is why the site in which pictures of the offending person and all info about them sexually and morally is legal. I forgot the sites name. The betrayed husband could make a site of his own on FB to get revenge on MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I'm pretty sure my ex husband cheated on me. I have no proof but none was needed. So that's where I stand. We weren't right for each other, long story short. In my opinion, and no offense to BS's, if it don't work, if this is what it has come to, let it go. Letting go of people is the hardest thing a person can learn how to do. People leave, people die. People get tired of and grow away and separate from each other. The best thing that I have learned over the years is that nothing changes love. In my life, adults always look out for and care for children. Above any and every situation. There is never an excuse or reason to involve a child in adult situations. Ever. Either a person has become so overwhelmed with despair or is mentally ill that they would involve minor children. I don't give a sh*t what the situation is, that they would be included by adults in adult situations. Never acceptable. Period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 It is very hard to prosecute and sue someone if something is true. Now, there is a big difference if it is made up. It is not fair but it is how it is. That is why the site in which pictures of the offending person and all info about them sexually and morally is legal. I forgot the sites name. The betrayed husband could make a site of his own on FB to get revenge on MM. He could, and he's be hard to prosecute. However, if he has been stupid enough to send emails threatening to do it, if he has stalked the OM around the internet, if someone else has done these things on his behalf, etc....then there is a case for harassment/cyberbullying depending on the state. And some people don't actually care about winning those kinds of suits; they just want the person who messed up their lives to feel some pain too. Bottom line, revenge is understandable when once has been personally very hurt. It can also be a risky business, and one would do well to stick to one's own pain when doling out revenge. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 To me, that would include staying out of affairs. You can be mature and enter an affair. You could also be immature and enter an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 It does not have to be illegal or intention, 'his dick pics' could be sent anonymously around town...and happen to fall in anyone's hands. But obviously other more insulting stuff could be placed about your hubbie on the betrayed husband's media outlets, perfectly legal if it is all true. But of course your kids would have to understand daddy is a whore and deserves all the legal revenge he can get. He was trying to break up the betrayed husband's family with intent. He wanted his family. Whatever the scenario, I would take whatever action I felt was appropriate to protect my children and deal with any issues they had from the fallout of an A. If I felt it were appropriate based on their ages, then yes I would be having a discussion with them about why A are wrong, the mistakes their father made, etc. I wouldn't be using language like whore to talk to children. Nor would I be talking about legal revenge because there is no such thing. My H would be on his own to deal with whatever "insulting stuff" he was facing. I might suggest he consider apologizing to the other BS as a start to putting an end to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 You can be mature and enter an affair. You could also be immature and enter an affair. I suppose in theory that's possible, but when I reflect on everyone I personally know that has been in an A either as the cheater or the other, including myself, they were all immature at the time the A happened. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 He could, and he's be hard to prosecute. However, if he has been stupid enough to send emails threatening to do it, if he has stalked the OM around the internet, if someone else has done these things on his behalf, etc....then there is a case for harassment/cyberbullying depending on the state. And some people don't actually care about winning those kinds of suits; they just want the person who messed up their lives to feel some pain too. Bottom line, revenge is understandable when once has been personally very hurt. It can also be a risky business, and one would do well to stick to one's own pain when doling out revenge. He does not have to stalk, and it is his own pain, if he decides to express it publicly like many of the stories I have read here, than I am sure the other BS would understand his same pain. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Whatever the scenario, I would take whatever action I felt was appropriate to protect my children and deal with any issues they had from the fallout of an A. If I felt it were appropriate based on their ages, then yes I would be having a discussion with them about why A are wrong, the mistakes their father made, etc. I wouldn't be using language like whore to talk to children. Nor would I be talking about legal revenge because there is no such thing. My H would be on his own to deal with whatever "insulting stuff" he was facing. I might suggest he consider apologizing to the other BS as a start to putting an end to it. I did not mean it literally, but in the sense Daddy is no different then OW in moral and stature. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I suppose in theory that's possible, but when I reflect on everyone I personally know that has been in an A either as the cheater or the other, including myself, they were all immature at the time the A happened. I was mature entering the affair, but I felt I became immature once inside, because of course we are the company we keep, and we all know that the majority of MM are liars, immature, deceitful, immoral, and losers. There are the minority of MM who choose to end the affair as an exit affair and do it the correct way or fall down after one night of deception, begging to be forgiven and feel awful for having only once cheated, a ONS. I learned my lesson well and will stay clear from those types of men. Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Of course you don't think so. But in reality he does and every last dish of it. Her betrayed husband is no different than the betrayed spouse of the MM. Well the thing is, the betrayed spouse is not married to the other man or women. Their feelings towards the adulterous spouse is different than their feelings towards the other man or woman, I mean that's just common sense. There exists a shared life, history, family and love (at least from the betrayed's end) between the betrayed and adulterous spouse. That doesn't just vanish instantaneously the moment the affair is discovered. If someone attacks people late at night in a park, violently beats them and robs them your reaction would (likely) be that that person should be arrested and sent to prison. If it turns out that the perpetrator is someone you know, someone that you are very close to and love, a brother, son, father, uncle or friend.. would you be so quick to condem and persecute them? Would you not talk to them, try to reason or understand their behaviour or even come to their defence? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Adding, would you tell your husband to sit down and shut up and accept the consequences and tell him, "You deserve this revenge, that her betrayed husband sent your d*ck pic to our children, the school, friends, and all our family members, you deserve it!" Actually I would tell my husband it was ALL his fault and his actions that caused it. If he didn't go for another man's wife NONE of it would have happened. In fact, if I hadn't already decided to divorce him, I certainly would at this point. I would make no bones about saying he'd caused our families to be hurt, but from my observations with this among people I know , they never seem that suprised with men having affairs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Well the thing is, the betrayed spouse is not married to the other man or women. Their feelings towards the adulterous spouse is different than their feelings towards the other man or woman, I mean that's just common sense. There exists a shared life, history, family and love (at least from the betrayed's end) between the betrayed and adulterous spouse. That doesn't just vanish instantaneously the moment the affair is discovered. If someone attacks people late at night in a park, violently beats them and robs them your reaction would (likely) be that that person should be arrested and sent to prison. If it turns out that the perpetrator is someone you know, someone that you are very close to and love, a brother, son, father, uncle or friend.. would you be so quick to condem and persecute them? Would you not talk to them, try to reason or understand their behaviour or even come to their defence? Exactly, my point is you have A MOW and A MOM as affair partners, BOTH of their betrayed spouses (going by the argument not my personal beliefs on revenge), should understandably accept the same fate, meaning the MM cannot be all safe tucked away reconciling. He should accept he too may get a revenge lashing from the betrayed husband of his OW. His BS should (I would think) accept her husband's punishment as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 You can be mature and enter an affair. You could also be immature and enter an affair. But can you enter an affair and "do anything to protect their image and children and be respectful toward others children"? Entering an affair is reckless and risky, not to mention disrespectful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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