Revenge [pertaining to infidelity]

[2.50 a gallon]

My Ex was total foldout material. We married shortly after she got her degree in electronics. She was recruited and hired by a Fortune 100 company, who paid for us to move a thousand miles away from out home town. She was the first woman to work in her department, with her looks, I was faced with an army of OM's, most of them married. There was nothing I could say or do that one of them could not find away to turn my words, actions against me.

On the date of our six month anniversary, I thought I would surprise her at work and take her to lunch. The only one to be surprise was me, when I caught her kissing a guard in the parking lot. From my actions and angry words from the other side of the chain link fence, I let her know it was unsafe for her to come home that night. She went home with the OM.

That weekend, our apartment manager, a wannabe OM, held a victory BBQ, while his wife was out of town taking care of her sick mother. There must have been close to a dozen of her co-workers there, she was the only female. We shared a bedroom wall so I could hear everything. Out the back door I went, and spent the night in a local bar. They were still partying and very drunk when I got home at closing time. Somebody put on a tape of the them song from the movie, "The Stripper" and I drunkenly fell asleep I heard them hooting and hollering as she put on a demonstration for them.

A couple of weeks later the neighbors wife, asked me if I knew anything about a pair on panties she had found in her apartment. When I explained to her what had happened it was her idea that we give him a taste of his own medicine.

That weekend it was her turn to once again spend the weekend with her sick mother. This time instead of leaving on Saturday morning, she faked leaving on Friday night. We met and I brought her back to my place. Where we spent the night screwing our brains out. It was one of the most erotic nights of my life. He was banging on the wall telling us to keep quiet, not knowing that it was his wife doing all the screaming.

Two weeks later he was served divorce papers and taken by the police out to their car while we and some friends moved her things out.

To watch him blubber, price less!

[goodyblue]

Here's my response from a day or so ago, posted on a similar thread in the OW/OM section:

 

 

I did try some revenge on the OW, who had an A with my WH. Most of my "revenge" was in the form of "exposure". I figured she was keen enough on my H to visit my home for sex (in my bed no less ), and to send him emails (with photos) wanting "the world to know how they felt about each other", so I helped her along a bit...

 

 

I visited her at her work which obviously caused her to squirm, because the time I went, the other MM with whom she was also having an A was there, and she obviously didn't want him to know. So of course I told him...

 

 

The other BW and I became friendly and were able to publicly expose the OW for whom she was. The OW then lost her job, but not the other MM.

 

 

I sent some of her photos on to her employer and family. They were not pornographic or obscene in the sense of being illegal, but no doubt very embarrassing to her. I never did understand why she sent them to my H, knowing that at the time he and I shared a computer and email address! This was many years ago now when there was no such thing as a smartphone and families just had the one computer, and I was not all that computer savvy.

 

 

I told her adult son, her parents in-law and brother-in-law. They were furious with her, especially as her own BH (who was their father, son and brother respectively) had recently died and she'd been playing the part of "grieving widow" at the same time as she was trying to get both my H and the other MM to leave their families.

 

 

It was amazing to me that the grand love which she'd wanted the world to know about, suddenly was a source of shame and that I was somehow at fault for telling people. She had little sense of responsibility about what she'd done to 3 families. At least my WH accepted responsibility and we are now good.

 

 

Just as infidelity is no longer a criminal offence and rarely a civil misdemeanour, so it is that the sort of exposure I did was not any sort of offence. Maybe if I'd hacked a computer, but I didn't as the computer was mine anyway, or maybe if the photos were "banned" pornography, but they weren't. Fortunately I'm a lawyer and was able to stay on the "legal" side of things.

 

 

I am comfortable with what I did both legally and morally. My (and my children's) world was blown up by my WH's affair and she had significant responsibility for that and made no effort to make amends. She was doing it to another family as well at the same time. I still believe that she played a part in her own H's death. Sometimes I toy with the idea of providing copies of her emails (sent to my H) to the coroner who investigated his death, but as it was a few years ago now, I doubt I will.

 

You did the same to your wh right? If not you are a hypocrite. And i will tell you something else, you were lucky. Even if i deserved it (in your eyes) if you put my career at risk you would regret it. And the rumor you are spreading about her killing her husband? Pure tripe. Blame the right person, your cheating spouse.

 

I regret that my relationship eith my h started the way it did, and we have made amends the best we could, that is all we could do. What you did was just as wrong.

Edited July 11, 2015 by goodyblue

[sandylee1]

That weekend, our apartment manager, a wannabe OM, held a victory BBQ, while his wife was out of town taking care of her sick mother. There must have been close to a dozen of her co-workers there, she was the only female. We shared a bedroom wall so I could hear everything. Out the back door I went, and spent the night in a local bar. They were still partying and very drunk when I got home at closing time. Somebody put on a tape of the them song from the movie, "The Stripper" and I drunkenly fell asleep I heard them hooting and hollering as she put on a demonstration for them.

A couple of weeks later the neighbors wife, asked me if I knew anything about a pair on panties she had found in her apartment. When I explained to her what had happened it was her idea that we give him a taste of his own medicine.

That weekend it was her turn to once again spend the weekend with her sick mother. This time instead of leaving on Saturday morning, she faked leaving on Friday night. We met and I brought her back to my place. Where we spent the night screwing our brains out. It was one of the most erotic nights of my life. He was banging on the wall telling us to keep quiet, not knowing that it was his wife doing all the screaming.

Two weeks later he was served divorce papers and taken by the police out to their car while we and some friends moved her things out.

To watch him blubber, price less!

 

This guy didn't have an affair with your wife did he? I'm not sure if I got it wrong or misunderstood.

[sandylee1]

You did the same to your wh right? If not you are a hypocrite. And i will tell you something else, you were lucky. Even if i deserved it (in your eyes) if you put my career at risk you would regret it. And the rumor you are spreading about her killing her husband? Pure tripe. Blame the right person, your cheating spouse.

 

I regret that my relationship eith my h started the way it did, and we have made amends the best we could, that is all we could do. What you did was just as wrong.

 

I think she had every right to tell the people she did. She told them the truth about the OW.

 

As for the issue with the death of the OWs husband, considering we don't know any of them it's really not a rumour. We would need names.

 

I wonder if the OW/OM just expects to carry on with business usual , after contributing to turning another person's world upside down. If an individual knowingly has an affair with a married person , you really ought to be prepared for revenge if it gets discovered.

 

I wouldn't say this case by Susmay demonstrates hypocrisy if she didn't do the same exposure for her WH. Hypocrisy is about claiming to have certain moral standards and behaviours than is actually the case. If Sus had an affair, then she'd be a hypocrite.

 

One might say it's unfair to expose the OW to her family and not expose her own WH to his family, but it wasn't "fair' for the OW to sleep with her H. Many OWs / OMs have lost their jobs following an affair. I suspect most realise if they didn't do wrong by having the affair, they wouldn't have lost their jobs and they take responsibility for that.

 

In reality , unless an affair involved using company resources, expense claims to facilitate the affair or severely had a negative impact on the business I wouldn't expect one to loose their job over it. So where a teacher had an affair with a parent , you can expect she or he would loose their job if that got out. You can't have a role model sleeping with the parent of a child in the school and how are other parents to have trust in him/her.

 

Most who do loose their jobs were staying in hotels at the company's expense or using phone /emails inappropriately

[autumnnight]

Noirek,

 

 

 

Agree 100%

 

However, they feel entitled and think that the normal "rules" of morality don't apply to them.

 

As my exH said " I knew it was wrong but I never thought I'd get caught"

 

Actually, if a cheater repents/changes, then they no longer have those attributes....unless of course you believe the "separate and inherently evil" theory.

[autumnnight]

I think she had every right to tell the people she did. She told them the truth about the OW.

 

As for the issue with the death of the OWs husband, considering we don't know any of them it's really not a rumour. We would need names.

 

I wonder if the OW/OM just expects to carry on with business usual , after contributing to turning another person's world upside down. If an individual knowingly has an affair with a married person , you really ought to be prepared for revenge if it gets discovered.

 

I wouldn't say this case by Susmay demonstrates hypocrisy if she didn't do the same exposure for her WH. Hypocrisy is about claiming to have certain moral standards and behaviours than is actually the case. If Sus had an affair, then she'd be a hypocrite.

 

One might say it's unfair to expose the OW to her family and not expose her own WH to his family, but it wasn't "fair' for the OW to sleep with her H. Many OWs / OMs have lost their jobs following an affair. I suspect most realise if they didn't do wrong by having the affair, they wouldn't have lost their jobs and they take responsibility for that.

 

In reality , unless an affair involved using company resources, expense claims to facilitate the affair or severely had a negative impact on the business I wouldn't expect one to loose their job over it. So where a teacher had an affair with a parent , you can expect she or he would loose their job if that got out. You can't have a role model sleeping with the parent of a child in the school and how are other parents to have trust in him/her.

 

Most who do loose their jobs were staying in hotels at the company's expense or using phone /emails inappropriately

 

Somewhere between letting the OW/OM off completely and what this exposure.rumor was is where actual sane people dwell.

[goodyblue]

I think she had every right to tell the people she did. She told them the truth about the OW.

 

As for the issue with the death of the OWs husband, considering we don't know any of them it's really not a rumour. We would need names.

 

I wonder if the OW/OM just expects to carry on with business usual , after contributing to turning another person's world upside down. If an individual knowingly has an affair with a married person , you really ought to be prepared for revenge if it gets discovered.

 

I wouldn't say this case by Susmay demonstrates hypocrisy if she didn't do the same exposure for her WH. Hypocrisy is about claiming to have certain moral standards and behaviours than is actually the case. If Sus had an affair, then she'd be a hypocrite.

 

One might say it's unfair to expose the OW to her family and not expose her own WH to his family, but it wasn't "fair' for the OW to sleep with her H. Many OWs / OMs have lost their jobs following an affair. I suspect most realise if they didn't do wrong by having the affair, they wouldn't have lost their jobs and they take responsibility for that.

 

In reality , unless an affair involved using company resources, expense claims to facilitate the affair or severely had a negative impact on the business I wouldn't expect one to loose their job over it. So where a teacher had an affair with a parent , you can expect she or he would loose their job if that got out. You can't have a role model sleeping with the parent of a child in the school and how are other parents to have trust in him/her.

 

Most who do loose their jobs were staying in hotels at the company's expense or using phone /emails inappropriately

 

There was already Betty Broderick. We dont need two.

 

And two peoplw who hurt you with tje same action and only punishing one to this severity is hypocrisy at it's finest. HE hurt her more than OW. But she stayed with him. I hope she outed him and tried to ruin his career as well considering he caused way more damage than OW.

 

Makes BS look loony.

[katielee]

If someone outed me to my boss that would be MY fault. and I would be deserving of losing my job

[sandylee1]

There was already Betty Broderick. We dont need two.

 

And two peoplw who hurt you with tje same action and only punishing one to this severity is hypocrisy at it's finest. HE hurt her more than OW. But she stayed with him. I hope she outed him and tried to ruin his career as well considering he caused way more damage than OW.

 

Makes BS look loony.

 

No one's talking murder as revenge here. Betty Broderick's criminal actions and telling the OMs/OWs family/employers they had an affair are NOT at all comparable.

 

I'm fine with disagreeing with your own definition of hypocrisy, as opposed to the dictionary definition.

[sandylee1]

Somewhere between letting the OW/OM off completely and what this exposure.rumor was is where actual sane people dwell.

 

So exposure is insane now? I really don't see how that constitutes insanity.

 

Somewhere in between being what exactly? Just telling one person about the affair ? Having a quiet chat with the OW to tell her she did wrong?

 

An OW/OM doesn't get to be part of causing such devastation and think that they are immune from any consequences or repercussions. It might happen that way , but the OM/OW can't be blindsided if it doesn't go smoothly for them. I would have thought that was just logic.

 

One also has to bear in mind the trauma a betrayal causes and the potential irrational actions of a BS on discovery. Not that I believe exposure is irrational.

[Noirek]

No one's talking murder as revenge here. Betty Broderick's criminal actions and telling the OMs/OWs family/employers they had an affair are NOT at all comparable.

 

I'm fine with disagreeing with your own definition of hypocrisy, as opposed to the dictionary definition.

 

It is for sure a double standard to say one person is worthy of punishment and another is not for the same action. But I think that is a mute point because I really doubt many people expose the AP and not their WS. Scorched earth policy and all. Personally I think it looks juvinile to tell the APs family when you don't know them. But "wrong" is relative.

[merrmeade]

ALL of this is beyond my comprehension, experience (myself or anyone I know or know of) and maybe that was my problem. I was accused of seeking revenge, yes—first, by the AP, also my sister-in-law, who accused me of WANTING to be vitriolic and vengeful (though it never happened - unfortunately) and, second, by WH who would say that my overtures to talk were for revenge. Each of these exchanges confused and immobilized me further, I think now, precisely because they knew they could do that to me and avoid consequences.

 

So now that my head is clearer about how all that can happen, I look at the possibility of acting on such impulses as strength. Maybe it's misplaced. Maybe it's ineffective or even backfires. But to someone like me, who was too weak and naive to realize I was being gaslighted, it sounds awesome.

 

"Sounds" awesome. Great as stories. Sadly, perhaps, I still could never exact revenge per se. I just couldn't live with it. Scruples may suck, but there's no getting away from them. The same ones that dictated my responses to men hitting on me over the years are what keep me from taking revenge. Not bragging, complaining actually. Damn f-king scruples. I would love to eat a dish of Revenge, served cold or hot, but realize it won't happen.

 

I'll have to be satisfied with turning my back on my sister-in-law in a large family gathering as she moved to embrace and tell me good-bye following my brother's funeral. The last time I'd ever have to see her. It's the closest I can get to Revenge.

Edited July 11, 2015 by merrmeade

[minimariah]

I think she had every right to tell the people she did. She told them the truth about the OW.

 

i never really understood the point of this.

like, what do i care if Jane Doe accross the street does or doesn't know the "truth" about the OW? i understand folks telling their loved ones... family + friends, people they trust. but posting on Facebook? going to the OW's work? calling the OW's employer and co-workers, the OW's family and friends...? what is the point of that? most of those people already KNOW who and what the OW is, the others don't care.

 

with "exposure" as revenge... the one who is looked at with the "ohhh, this poor fool" eyes is the BS... NOT the OW. i've heard so many times after witnessing this type of exposure... "no wonder he cheated on her, she is crazy" comments.

 

one to one confrontation is one thing, calling the OW's boyfriend or spouse is one thing. but this exposure where you go and tell your personal business to everyone in an effort to shame the other woman...? i don't see the point.

 

i always tell folks... you gotta deal with your partner. and you'll be happy once your partner starts acting like a grown person. it baffles me when folks control and monitor their partner through the exposure... it's like you're trying to get your child to stop using paci or something. like, you're literally "training" your husband that it's BAAAAD to be with someone else.

 

the OW most definitely has the moral responsibility but these types of revenge ain't never helped a damn soul, let alone a marriage -- in a true way.

Edited July 11, 2015 by minimariah

[katielee]

The main reason I did a nuclear exposure is to have help in stopping the affair.

Also, I think the AP will be much less likely to do this to someone else if the consequences are this. I hope both OW think I'm a little crazy. If they know I go for the jugular they'll leave my husband alone and we can get on with our healing...

Many books suggest exposing this way.

[AnotherSadSong]

Revenge is a gamble and can become a gift that keeps on giving. If the revenge goes beyond rationale then it is a given that the person now has there own right to exact revenge back.

 

 

Where is the line drawn?

 

 

If I want to have revenge against my husband for having an affair would I be justified in hawking a huge spitball in his food nightly and pleasantly smiling at him while he eats?

[badkarma2013]

from sandylee1.."One also has to bear in mind the trauma a betrayal causes and the potential irrational actions of a BS on discovery. Not that I believe exposure is irrational."

 

 

Many of you here know my story....When i discovered my WWs affair with her Boss/OM...I outed him to his now EXW ..he in turn showed me pics(flash drive)of he and my EXWW engaged in sex acts she Never did or would never do with me...He did this a revenge...

 

I ( the next day) filed a multi million dollar lawsuit against Her , Him and the corp. they worked for...My attorney told their 12 lawyers .." We have won already...If this gets out you guys have alot of explaining to do... " They Fired both of them the next day..

 

I showed the pics to his now EXW...she annihilated him in their divorce..

 

She had convinced her family it was me having the A....They demanded proof..After they saw the pics...not much else to say...

 

Anyone or anything remotely touching her A that I felt a threat from...I destroyed them.

 

Both her and the OM had to leave town to find a job...he dropped her asap after his D..

 

Her family will Not speak to her....not so much for the A but for her lies..

 

As i have said, at the final hearing my EXWW looked at me and said..."You have left nothing but ashes.."...

 

Could not have said it better myself...

 

Revenge...maybe ...irrational ..maybe..

 

Never lost any sleep over my actions..In reflecting on those events these days ...would i play it different ..maybe...But anger is a powerful motivator...However there is no peace to be found within it....Badkarma2013

[AnotherSadSong]

from sandylee1.."One also has to bear in mind the trauma a betrayal causes and the potential irrational actions of a BS on discovery. Not that I believe exposure is irrational."

 

 

Many of you here know my story....When i discovered my WWs affair with her Boss/OM...I outed him to his now EXW ..he in turn showed me pics(flash drive)of he and my EXWW engaged in sex acts she Never did or would never do with me...He did this a revenge...

 

I ( the next day) filed a multi million dollar lawsuit against Her , Him and the corp. they worked for...My attorney told their 12 lawyers .." We have won already...If this gets out you guys have alot of explaining to do... " They Fired both of them the next day..

 

I showed the pics to his now EXW...she annihilated him in their divorce..

 

She had convinced her family it was me having the A....They demanded proof..After they saw the pics...not much else to say...

 

Anyone or anything remotely touching her A that I felt a threat from...I destroyed them.

 

Both her and the OM had to leave town to find a job...he dropped her asap after his D..

 

Her family will Not speak to her....not so much for the A but for her lies..

 

As i have said, at the final hearing my EXWW looked at me and said..."You have left nothing but ashes.."...

 

Could not have said it better myself...

 

Revenge...maybe ...irrational ..maybe..

 

Never lost any sleep over my actions..In reflecting on those events these days ...would i play it different ..maybe...But anger is a powerful motivator...However there is no peace to be found within it....Badkarma2013

 

Why not simply divorce her and move on? She will never have family in her life again and will die a lonely death over sex. They may not even show up for her funeral, will she get a gov't box and burial? You are not alone though in how you think. I think many believe someone having sex with someone other than themselves deserves a life of never ending hell. I do not know anyone who works this way, thankfully.

[AnotherSadSong]

My question for those who have actively acted out with revenge toward the OW? Would you have exacted the same routine and revenge, if the OP your husband messed around with was a man? Would you place the same Scarlett letter over his head and out him at work, community, and friends? Would you have the same hatred over him as you would a women? Or is it gender specific.

[minimariah]

If they know I go for the jugular they'll leave my husband alone and we can get on with our healing...

 

but isn't the point of healing to make your HUSBAND leave THEM (the OWs) alone? if he doesn't want them and is devoted to you and your marriage, than it doesn't matter how many OWs "harrass" him -- because he won't be interested.

[katielee]

Yes. And what hatred? I just wanted her out of our lives

[sweet_pea]

Of course an AP is against "revenge." Some of y'all want to help hurt people and then be on your merry way. And normally, that's what happens. If the BS doesn't expose, the AP does get to move along with their life clean. I kind of have to laugh when an AP says that revenge doesn't help and that the BS should be the bigger person. Why should they after their spouse and someone has just destroyed their life? Sometimes "revenge" which usually actually means consequences does feel good, considering the devastation that's been brought to them. Let's also remember that consequences for an AP may be different from the WS, but that doesn't mean that the WS walks away clean.

[goodyblue]

Yes. And what hatred? I just wanted her out of our lives

 

Whatever. Extreme acts of revenge make the one.doling it out look nuts to most.

[goodyblue]

Of course an AP is against "revenge." Some of y'all want to help hurt people and then be on your merry way. And normally, that's what happens. If the BS doesn't expose, the AP does get to move along with their life clean. I kind of have to laugh when an AP says that revenge doesn't help and that the BS should be the bigger person. Why should they after their spouse and someone has just destroyed their life? Sometimes "revenge" which usually actually means consequences does feel good, considering the devastation that's been brought to them. Let's also remember that consequences for an AP may be different from the WS, but that doesn't mean that the WS walks away clean.

 

BS should only go as gar with OW as she is willing to go with her husband. I mean if we are talking consequences...

[elaine567]

i never really understood the point of this.

like, what do i care if Jane Doe accross the street does or doesn't know the "truth" about the OW? i understand folks telling their loved ones... family + friends, people they trust. but posting on Facebook? going to the OW's work? calling the OW's employer and co-workers, the OW's family and friends...? what is the point of that? most of those people already KNOW who and what the OW is, the others don't care.

 

with "exposure" as revenge... the one who is looked at with the "ohhh, this poor fool" eyes is the BS... NOT the OW. i've heard so many times after witnessing this type of exposure... "no wonder he cheated on her, she is crazy" comments.

one to one confrontation is one thing, calling the OW's boyfriend or spouse is one thing. but this exposure where you go and tell your personal business to everyone in an effort to shame the other woman...? i don't see the point.

 

the OW most definitely has the moral responsibility but these types of revenge ain't never helped a damn soul, let alone a marriage -- in a true way.

 

I think you have a valid point.

Thinking about it, if I worked with an OW and liked her and some BS came to our work and started some ruckus, I would be on the side of my colleague and friend, and whilst I may see the BSs point somewhat, I would not tolerate and sympathise with anyone shouting and disrupting my place of work over what is essentially a personal and private matter.

Yes, poor soul and crazy would come to mind there too.

[goodyblue]

FTR my h ex outed him to everyone she could. Nobody cared.