Revenge [pertaining to infidelity]

[velvette]

or they genuinly do feel sorry to see such vitriol. People go to such extremes to justify and defend their own behaviour whether it is cheating, sleeping with a married person, lying, being lazy, exacting vengenance, being spiteful, and so on. And when they run against the raised eyebrows of society or some who differ they either take digs at the other person or say "they don't care what anyone things". Usually they so care. You can tell by how hard they try to convince you they don't care.

 

We can agree to disagree. Ive seen it here often enough. Why are you here or why are you still so angry are the final points of OW who have run out of logic.

 

 

I don't agree that everyone who says "they don't care what anyone thinks" does care. If I am ok with what I am doing, I don't care what other people think. I never have and I never will. The only exception to that is people who are close to me expressing concern with something I have done. I will listen to them and take their concerns seriously, but even then if I am ok with what I am doing I will tell them so and why.

 

 

I could give a fig about society's raised eyebrows. Lots of things I have done in my life would cause some in "society" to raise their eyebrows. Who cares? Why would I?

[Noirek]

I think the thing that bothers me is that some of the same people who tout personal responsibility, owning your choices, and how their is no excuse for an A no matter how sad/miserable/hurt/rejected/lonely you may be....

 

Are then the same people who basically say: "that hurt me, so I can do whatever I want and none of my choices are my responsibility - I have an excuse"

 

It is because people who are cheated on are human. They are not any better than their WS or the AP. their flaws and faults or just different. And they are held to the same standard as the WS. And some, like the WS, fall short of that when faced with a situation. Just like many people walk away from potential affairs, many BS walk away too. But for those who do avoid personal responsibility, they really are just showing their human nature.

[Susmay]

Or to the AP's parents or adult children. That one is a good one. You slept with my SO... i'm going to tell your mommy about it!

 

 

I did expose to the OW's adult son. At the time it seemed like a good idea, and the OW had been warned it would happen if she contacted my H again.

 

 

I also told her parent in law, because of the baby she'd had during the A who may not be their grandchild at all. I didn't bother with her own mother because the boy is her grandchild anyway.

[Noirek]

We can agree to disagree. Ive seen it here often enough. Why are you here or why are you still so angry are the final points of OW who have run out of logic.

 

 

I don't agree that everyone who says "they don't care what anyone thinks" does care. If I am ok with what I am doing, I don't care what other people think. I never have and I never will. The only exception to that is people who are close to me expressing concern with something I have done. I will listen to them and take their concerns seriously, but even then if I am ok with what I am doing I will tell them so and why.

 

 

I could give a fig about society's raised eyebrows. Lots of things I have done in my life would cause some in "society" to raise their eyebrows. Who cares? Why would I?

 

Your last part could pretty much be repeated by most AP or WS

[AnotherSadSong]

I think the thing that bothers me is that some of the same people who tout personal responsibility, owning your choices, and how their is no excuse for an A no matter how sad/miserable/hurt/rejected/lonely you may be....

 

Are then the same people who basically say: "that hurt me, so I can do whatever I want and none of my choices are my responsibility - I have an excuse"

 

I am leaving the conversation like this. There are many different types of people in this world, outgoing, introverted, mentally ill, mentally insane, healthy minded and at the end of the day no one can control them or their belief system.

 

 

I do not encourage or admire revenge in ANY situation unless of course it is premeditated murder of a young child, the revenge will then come from Old sparky.

 

 

I have already been told I am a OW and that is why I do not believe in revenge, stated as fact, which is completely false.

 

 

Anyways, I am going to go stay out of harm's way as best as I can...because revenge can get ugly...

[SolG]

This is an interesting and relevant read:

 

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[trippi1432]

I have never said exposure was insane, but that is the kind of extreme I was referring to - something I never said taking to some extreme proportion.

 

I am in favor of exposing to end the affair, which is what the expert proponent of exposure STATES it is actually supposed to be for.

 

It is also recommended that exposure according to the rules of said expert be strategic and surgical.

 

I am in favor of a BS exposing to family, influential friends, the workplace WHEN the A was at work, church when it involved two members or a staff member.

 

Exposure to random straingers or by random strangers, entire social media lists, etc. etc.....no, there is very little about that that is 100% sane.

 

Extreme circumstances, I get that. Suing for Alienation of Affection, which is legal in my state...not productive if one of the two of them have no money to sue for....that is just revenge. But in my state, political figures and CEO's get sued by their spouses...and that is the consequence.

 

My mother is probably more vengeful than I am...she wanted to pull my 2nd Ex's AP out in the hall by the hair of her head (Platinum b*tch is what I think she called her) when our son was having brain surgery after a bad skateboarding accident. I didn't think that was necessary....exposure was already done, and I didn't really have to do anything, they did it to themselves.

 

As to random strangers, riding the elevator up to the ER with ex, AP, me and our son with two Indian neurosurgeons, they inquisitively asked...who is the first Ms. Trippi....even in dire circumstances, I have "0" conscience...."I am the first and got my freedom, she got the "b*tch"."

Personally to me, I would rather have a good romantic story to tell my grand-children about how grandma and grandpa love each other.

 

Just to add to that...."How did you and grandma meet"......Well, I left your father's mom and my dick fell into this other woman who was jogging one day. Then me and her moved her current husband off the couch and the rest is history"......Good example.

Edited July 12, 2015 by trippi1432

[velvette]

I have never said exposure was insane, but that is the kind of extreme I was referring to - something I never said taking to some extreme proportion.

 

I am in favor of exposing to end the affair, which is what the expert proponent of exposure STATES it is actually supposed to be for.

 

It is also recommended that exposure according to the rules of said expert be strategic and surgical.

 

I am in favor of a BS exposing to family, influential friends, the workplace WHEN the A was at work, church when it involved two members or a staff member.

 

Exposure to random straingers or by random strangers, entire social media lists, etc. etc.....no, there is very little about that that is 100% sane.

 

 

You might change your tune if the A was over and the OW would not go away. My H OW harassed me and continued to attempt contact with him off and on for almost 5 years.

 

 

I was a hairs breath away from exposing to her whole facebook list (why should I waste my time sorting out who matters to her or not) and asking them to talk sense into her. Before I did, I found threats that mattered more to her and made her believe I would enact them.

 

 

You cant really say what you would do unless you have been in the situation of someone harassing you like that. An affair with someones H does not give you entrée into their spouse's life. Any OW who believes it does, should expect consequences directed their way.

[Susmay]

I think the thing that bothers me is that some of the same people who tout personal responsibility, owning your choices, and how their is no excuse for an A no matter how sad/miserable/hurt/rejected/lonely you may be....

 

Are then the same people who basically say: "that hurt me, so I can do whatever I want and none of my choices are my responsibility - I have an excuse"

 

 

Absolutely! The APs and anybody taking revenge or giving consequences are responsible for their own actions. Even a BS, cannot do whatever they want. I would never do something illegal, or make up lies to tell others about the OW! My suspicions about her H's death have never been expressed outside this forum would you believe!

 

 

Certainly we can all say whatever we want about it here on an anonymous forum, provided we comply with Ts & Cs. If not there are consequences...

[autumnnight]

You might change your tune if the A was over and the OW would not go away. My H OW harassed me and continued to attempt contact with him off and on for almost 5 years.

 

 

I was a hairs breath away from exposing to her whole facebook list (why should I waste my time sorting out who matters to her or not) and asking them to talk sense into her. Before I did, I found threats that mattered more to her and made her believe I would enact them.

 

 

You cant really say what you would do unless you have been in the situation of someone harassing you like that. An affair with someones H does not give you entrée into their spouse's life. Any OW who believes it does, should expect consequences directed their way.

 

In my mind, an affair is over when there is zero contact forever between the two affairees/affariers? So if an AP won't go away, by all means up the ante, and keep upping it till they get the message.

 

That is not what I meant, and I am fairly certain that was pretty easy to interpret.

 

If an A is dead and over and there is no contact, then it really isn't "fighting the affair" to expose it after the fact, except maybe to family members who are affected (like children).

 

However, if an AP is stupid and stubborn enough to keep inserting herself after D-Day....she pretty much has no room to complain.

[velvette]

I think the thing that bothers me is that some of the same people who tout personal responsibility, owning your choices, and how their is no excuse for an A no matter how sad/miserable/hurt/rejected/lonely you may be....

 

Are then the same people who basically say: "that hurt me, so I can do whatever I want and none of my choices are my responsibility - I have an excuse"

 

Who is avoiding personal responsibility. Everyone I have seen who said they enacted revenge or consequences has said they did it.

 

 

Just because they don't agree with you that it is wrong doesn't mean they aren't owning what they did.

[Noirek]

You might change your tune if the A was over and the OW would not go away. My H OW harassed me and continued to attempt contact with him off and on for almost 5 years.

 

 

I was a hairs breath away from exposing to her whole facebook list (why should I waste my time sorting out who matters to her or not) and asking them to talk sense into her. Before I did, I found threats that mattered more to her and made her believe I would enact them.

 

 

You cant really say what you would do unless you have been in the situation of someone harassing you like that. An affair with someones H does not give you entrée into their spouse's life. Any OW who believes it does, should expect consequences directed their way.

 

But is that really an example of vengenance or an action to end the madness? Motivation is what defines it. Vengenance is to even the score or make the other person suffer in payment. But is that really the same as an action to make the other person go away? Is that revenge? Say the AP is out of the picture and they are sought out to exact revenge. Not really the same as trying to get rid of that person that won't leave you alone.

[autumnnight]

Who is avoiding personal responsibility. Everyone I have seen who said they enacted revenge or consequences has said they did it.

 

 

Just because they don't agree with you that it is wrong doesn't mean they aren't owning what they did.

 

When a WS says "well, she shouldn't have starved me sexually", we call that blameshifting.

 

What do we call it when a BS says, "well ,they shouldn't have cheated if they didn't want their tires slashed/name in the paper/job lost/ etc"

 

But there's really no sense in beating that dead horse. The bottom line is, nothing anyone else does will ever be as bad as the cheating. And the cheater/AP will always be relegated to a different part of societal value once they have tarnished themselves. That is how it works.

[Noirek]

When a WS says "well, she shouldn't have starved me sexually", we call that blameshifting.

 

What do we call it when a BS says, "well ,they shouldn't have cheated if they didn't want their tires slashed/name in the paper/job lost/ etc"

 

But there's really no sense in beating that dead horse. The bottom line is, nothing anyone else does will ever be as bad as the cheating. And the cheater/AP will always be relegated to a different part of societal value once they have tarnished themselves. That is how it works.

 

I have even seen people say it is as bad as child molestation. Seriously. And heard people say they would have rather their spouse had died than cheated on them (the irony of how selfish that is is almost mind boggeling). I am thankful everday my H is not like that. Yes, for some people he may be too patient. But he is kind. And he is why I am not dead.

[autumnnight]

I have even seen people say it is as bad as child molestation. Seriously. And heard people say they would have rather their spouse had died than cheated on them (the irony of how selfish that is is almost mind boggeling). I am thankful everday my H is not like that. Yes, for some people he may be too patient. But he is kind. And he is why I am not dead.

 

Actually, I know people who have said they would rather their CHILD died than be cheated on. Chew on that. In light of that nugget, revenge doesn't seem so bad.

[SolG]

Many years ago I had a coworker's W call me. She was obviously very drunk and told me, after using some choice descriptors, to stay away from her H or she would slit my throat. She also went on to say she knew where I lived and worked and could make life difficult for me. Never heard from her again :/

 

Her H apologised to me the next day, explaining his W was having 'a moment'. He was a known philanderer who often had casual encounters on an opportunity basis while traveling. But I was never one of his conquests or even close! We were work colleagues only, not even friends.

 

Never having had any personal exposure to infidelity back them, I didn't actually think a great deal about it at the time. The limited attention I gave the incident was to think, 'Sucks to be him! Hope they work it out'.

 

Now... Reading this thread I wonder what happened. Did his BS have a Dday and in a fit of rage call every female contact in his phone? Did she ever find a legitimate 'target' and exact her revenge?

 

If she did, it didn't achieve anything. I know from work circles that they are still together, and he's still as big a philanderer as ever.

Edited July 12, 2015 by SolG

[autumnnight]

Many years ago I had a coworker's W call me. She was obviously very drunk and told me, after using some choice descriptors, to stay away from her H or she would slit my throat. She also went on to say she knew where I lived and worked and could make life difficult for me. Never heard from her again :/

 

Her H apologised to me next time I saw him, explaining his W was having 'a moment'. He was a known philanderer who often had casual encounters on an opportunity basis while traveling. But I was never one of his conquests or even close! We were work colleagues only, not even friends.

 

Never having had any personal exposure to infidelity back them, I didn't actually think a great deal about it at the time. The limited attention I gave the incident was to think, 'Sucks to be him! Hope they work it out'.

 

Now... Reading this thread I wonder what happened. Did his BS have a Dday and in a fit of rage call every female contact in his phone? Did she ever find a legitimate 'target' and exact her revenge?

 

If she did, it didn't achieve anything. I know from work circles that they are still together, and he's still as big a philanderer as ever.

 

I guess if she had slit your throat, then oops, my bad. I was hurt so please don't take me to jail.....

[velvette]

But is that really an example of vengenance or an action to end the madness? Motivation is what defines it. Vengenance is to even the score or make the other person suffer in payment. But is that really the same as an action to make the other person go away? Is that revenge? Say the AP is out of the picture and they are sought out to exact revenge. Not really the same as trying to get rid of that person that won't leave you alone.

 

 

Hard to say. I would have left her alone if she left me and my H alone and I did initially have some compassion for her because I knew she was hurt by my H.

 

 

All of that changed when she started harassing me.

 

 

I cant say I wasn't unhappy to have a good excuse to make her hurt in the same way the A hurt me.

[sandylee1]

Badkarma

 

I remember your story very well. I guess THE OM wanted to destroy you with pics of him and your wife , but it came right back at him.

 

It seems some people think you should have just smiled at the pictures. He sent them to hurt you, knowing that you couldn't reconcile with your wife after that.

 

He deserved everything you did to him.

 

I recall you were still very bitter and me saying that you needed to now get the best revenge by letting your ExW see you living well, otherwise you'll forever be consumed by it. I honestly can't imagine the devastation the whole A caused you. I'm sure the OM told your WW how special she was during the A, but he couldn't care less when he gave you the pics.

 

Anothersadsong

 

I recall the case you mentioned. The woman's name was Clare Harris and it was her stepdaughter in the car. It was very sad indeed. She claimed it was an accident , she was convicted. I remember that she asked her H what he liked about the OW, he said her boobs and she's slim. Clare got a boob job , lost the weight and the affair went underground . She just lost it when she found he was still cheating. They had 3 year old twins left as orphans.

 

The poor man faced the ultimate price and he didn't deserve it. She really should have just divorced him and let the OW have him. I have to say, if I was the OW in this case, I would personally feel guilty for the my involvement. The fact that the story cannot be told without mentioning me as the OW, would definetely affect me.

[SolG]

I guess if she had slit your throat, then oops, my bad. I was hurt so please don't take me to jail.....

 

In this instance it was quite obvious I was dealing with a drunk, highly emotional spouse who was not rational or even lucid. I was very much stunned and WTF?; but didn't feel even remotely threatened at all.

 

But I get your point. Actually though, the law can exact a lesser toll for impulsive crimes of passion that are not premeditated. On the basis that some highly emotionally traumatic events, for some people, can severely impair their cognitive functioning.

 

That's not to say they get off Scott free. But there is enough precedence and science that tells us that extreme hurt can precipitate extreme action. Some the posts here being cases in point.

[Noirek]

In this instance it was quite obvious I was dealing with a drunk, highly emotional spouse who was not rational or even lucid. I was very much stunned and WTF?; but didn't feel even remotely threatened at all.

 

But I get your point. Actually though, the law can exact a lesser toll for impulsive crimes of passion that are not premeditated. On the basis that some highly emotionally traumatic events, for some people, can severely impair their cognitive functioning.

 

That's not to say they get off Scott free. But there is enough precedence and science that tells us that extreme hurt can precipitate extreme action. Some the posts here being cases in point.

 

Yes, however if their is signs the murder was premediated that usually doesn't happen.

[sweet_pea]

I guess if she had slit your throat, then oops, my bad. I was hurt so please don't take me to jail.....

 

This comment is interesting. Is it taking on the tone of a BS? Because I haven't read anyone on either revenge thread, BS included, say that violence was ok.

[velvette]

When a WS says "well, she shouldn't have starved me sexually", we call that blameshifting.

 

What do we call it when a BS says, "well ,they shouldn't have cheated if they didn't want their tires slashed/name in the paper/job lost/ etc"

 

But there's really no sense in beating that dead horse. The bottom line is, nothing anyone else does will ever be as bad as the cheating. And the cheater/AP will always be relegated to a different part of societal value once they have tarnished themselves. That is how it works.

 

That is your agenda that you try to project onto everyone else. Must be exhausting carrying that agenda around everywhere you go.

[autumnnight]

Exactly. Being extremely hurt and desperate can make it easier for us to do things we would not normally do.

[Susmay]

Actually, I know people who have said they would rather their CHILD died than be cheated on. Chew on that. In light of that nugget, revenge doesn't seem so bad.

 

 

!!

 

 

 

 

Having a child die would be one of the worst things I imagine. I'm fortunate not to have experienced it.